Distractions (6 page)

and placed it flat against his chest where

I could feel his heart pulsing heavily.

His hand held it in place while I

absorbed what he had just said.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but

have you ever considered going to

seminary and becoming a priest?” I felt

somewhat serious asking, despite our

current situation.

He pulled my foot a little closer

and gently bit down on my big toe.

“Priests don’t get to do that.” The

devious look came back into his eyes.

“Okay, point taken!” I squirmed

under the ticklish sensation.

“You know, Violet, when I would

watch you sometimes and you would

have your hands between your legs, I

wondered what it would be like to have

my hands there, making you feel that way

– causing your chest to rise, gasping for

air. I could tell you were close when

your nipples would slightly darken and

harden. Your body would tighten and

still, and then your hands would float to

the side. You would get this look of

complete peace for a few minutes; it was

quite spectacular.”

He picked up my foot and started to

massage it in the same way he had the

other. Not saying another word, he

appeared content in this moment of raw

intimacy. I leaned back and closed my

eyes, losing myself in the surrounding

warmth.

“Shepard…”

“Yes, Violet.”

“I am not empty...”

“Violet, you have never been an

option.”

“Am I now?” I was almost afraid to

ask, but I had nothing to lose. Our

friendship had taken a direction I never

anticipated. From his answer, he must

have felt the same.

“I don’t know,” he said, looking at

me as if he were torn inside.

If we crossed this bridge, there was

no going back; however, it was useless.

My reckless nature was seeping forth,

unable to be restrained by sensibility

and caution. Before me was a soul just

as hungry for the touch of another human

being, yet stubborn enough to never be

satisfied with anyone ever. His beautiful

eyes and innocent face defied the

stirrings I could see beneath the surface.

I knew those well because I had them,

too.

“Do you want to know?”

“Know what?”

“What it’s really like?”

He gently placed my foot back into

the water, and then slowly trailed his

fingers up my legs to the middle of my

thighs before pausing.

“Not tonight, Violet.”

The water made a loud whooshing

noise as he sat up and got out of the

bathtub. Wrapping a towel around his

waist, he came over and leaned above

my head from behind me. Gently holding

my chin, his lips lightly danced over

mine.

“I’ll stay,” he said after kissing me

again, then grabbed his shorts and shirt,

heading back into the bedroom. My mind

swirled as it tried to process everything,

but it was effectively mush.

I learned long ago that when I got to

this point, the only cure was sleep. I got

out of the tub shortly after to find

Shepard passed out on my bed. Tying my

hair into a towel, I crawled back onto

my side. He reached over, pulling me

close, burying his nose in my neck and

groaning softly.

I didn’t realize how empty my bed

felt until there was someone else in it. I

didn’t know what would happen

tomorrow or the day after that. I had

never allowed myself to indulge in

imagining a life with Shepard, but now I

wasn’t sure how I would go on without

him.

Chapter 5 - Bright-

eyed

I smelled coffee, which woke me

with a start. As I fought the blankets

away, Shepard started laughing.

“Good morning.”

Instead of the emptiness I felt

yesterday my heart felt surprisingly full.

“It is,” I said, smiling.

“You didn’t seem very hungry

yesterday, so I just made you some

coffee. I can cook you something if you

want,” he said while I sat up against the

headboard.

“Well

aren’t

you

domestic?”

Grasping the outstretched mug of

steaming liquid, I gingerly took a sip and

moaned in pleasure.

“Violet, I have to leave soon.”

“I know.” I said, placing the mug

off to the side on a nightstand.

I busied my hands by smoothing out

the blankets over my legs, and then

roped my hair into a loose side braid. I

was so comfortable that I didn’t want to

get out of bed. Getting out meant facing a

day I wasn’t ready for. I wanted to stay

suspended in this bubble with Shepard

where the world wasn’t spinning so fast.

He became the anchor in this storm,

holding me tightly so I did not blow

away.

Lifting back the other side of the

quilt, Shepard sidled up to me and rested

his head upon my lap. I lazily dragged

my fingers through his soft brown hair,

closing my eyes to savor the moment.

“I wish I could stay here with you,”

he said with a sigh.

“Shepard, you have a life you need

to get back to. I will find my way

through this; I always do.”

He had no clue what I had already

been through. For as hard as this was, it

was cake compared to the past. I wanted

to pry the lead weight off of my chest. I

didn’t want him to leave, either, but it

was inevitable. Time continued to pass

as the strands of chocolate colored locks

twirled through my fingers.

It was past noon before I managed

to get dressed. It was New Year’s Eve

and Jack was expecting me to help him

set up for his party. Shepard had

declined attending, saying that he had

some other things he needed to take care

of. I gave him Jack’s phone number in

case he changed his mind later. I hadn’t

kissed anyone besides Jack and Adam

on the cheek for the past four years;

another year would not matter. I

normally loved getting so drunk that I

would make a fool of myself and pass

out in some random part of the house,

covered in glitter or sticky Jell-O shots.

I knew I would be a little more modest

this year in the event Shepard did show

up. For the first time in a while, I was

conscious of how my behavior might

affect someone else. Even Jack took

notice when I arrived with the wine and

ice buckets.

“Have a good night I take it?” He

wagged his eyebrow at me.

“Um, let’s just say unexpected.” I

laughed, not knowing what else to call it.

“Spill it!” Jack shouted

“Spill what?” Adam rounded from

behind me.

My cheeks started to flush as the

two men demanded the details of last

night’s rendezvous.

“We took a bath, that’s all.” I

grinned.

“Mmmhmm,” they both replied in

unison.

“I swear, it was nothing more than

a few kisses…and he confessed to

watching me get off in my tub over the

past two years.” I looked away to keep

from dying with laughter.

“OMG, you found yourself a little

voyeur! I knew I liked that boy!” Jack

exclaimed.

I breathed out deeply, not used to

sharing such personal details, but I’d

rather it came out now than have poor

Shepard be grilled about it later.

Moving to the other side of the

kitchen, I ripped the large bags of ice out

and dumped them into coolers that were

loaded with various bottles of beer. The

cheese and fruit trays were finished and

waiting in the refrigerator for later. I

checked on the artichoke dip in the oven

and decided to see if Shepard had called

or texted about tonight, but there was

nothing. Adam noticed and had a look of

disappointment on his face.

“Lover boy’s not coming tonight is

he?”

“No, he said he had some other

things he needed to take care of. He

leaves the day after tomorrow and I have

taken up nearly his whole vacation.

Looks like your cheek is all mine again

this year, so you better shave.”

I placed my phone on vibrate and

shoved it down in my bag. No one

would be calling me anyways, so it

didn’t matter. Adam walked back into

the kitchen to pour a glass of wine as we

waited for guests to arrive. I had about a

half hour to finish getting ready, so I

headed to the guest room where I had my

new dress and shoes waiting. I didn’t get

to dress up very often. It was another

chance for me to feel normal. The

sapphire blue satin felt divine on my

skin as I pulled it down over my hips. It

was a gorgeous cocktail dress with a

ruffled neckline and capped sleeves,

which stood out with its deeply plunging

necklace. It had slight ruching along the

sides that made it look amazing from

every angle. My nude heels made me

feel like an Amazon, so I kept them by

the door in case I needed to slip them on

for show.

Just as I finished applying a second

layer of ruby lipstick and my pearl

earrings, the doorbell rang, announcing

that the evening was underway. I had to

be the hostess, leaving Jack and Adam

free to entertain elsewhere, which was

done in the grandest manner. They had

hired a well-known DJ to play a live

show, using his laptop in addition to real

turn tables. Deep ambient music floated

through the house as people dined at the

scrumptious buffet. A few hours later,

the house was packed like sardines with

the music taking on a more rapid beat.

The den transformed into a dance hall

complete with a temporary laminate

floor and colored lighting. It really was

a little ridiculous, but the boys lived for

tonight. Midnight was just an hour away

when I felt a hand graze down my back.

If I were not surrounded by gay men, I

might have been more startled. Shock

did not set in until I saw Shepard’s

handsome face staring back at me,

holding a small pot of violets with a

ribbon.

He leaned in so I could hear him

over the loud noise.

“They told me these are pretty hard

to kill. They just need a little love to

survive. I thought they could keep you

company.”

I took the pot and ran my fingers

across the delicate purple petals and

shiny green leaves. I could not remember

owning a plant before. Even in my small

yard, I never did anything with the lawn.

I never even watered it. Shepard always

took care of it for me in the summer. He

knew me well.

“It’s perfect, thank you.” I kissed

his cheek lightly and lingered with my

lips against his face for a few seconds.

Jack and Adam came up behind

Shepard and slapped him gently on his

back, which made him smile. Eyeing my

violets and idiot grin, they smiled

conspiratorially as if they knew he

would really be here.

“Shepard, these are really hard to

get in January.” I wasn’t a gardener, but

I had ordered enough flowers to know

this.

“I am not afraid of a challenge,

Violet.” His eyes just looked at me

lovingly and full of resolve. He was

telling me what he felt. He wanted us to

work. It wouldn’t be easy, but he would

make it happen. I just had to accept it as

the gift it really was.

I took the flowers to the guest room

where

my

things

were.

Shepard

followed behind me through the lined

hallways. I was thankful the guest room

had a private bathroom and key entry.

Setting the pot down on the dresser, I felt

his hands wrap around my waist, pulling

me up against his chest. As he nuzzled

his face into my neck, I sensed he was in

a playful mood.

“Does the offer still stand?” he

asked.

“What offer, Shepard?” I asked, not

sure what he was referring to.