Divided Hearts (15 page)

Faye replied with an unintended fervour. “Jenna, you don’t have to marry him. You can share custody of Hannah, and he’s giving you financial support now. You and I have been doing all right looking after Hannah together. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jenna shook her head, a soft smile curving her lips as her voice took on a more sober tone. “Faye, you don’t want to be stuck raising my daughter for the next sixteen years. I want you to meet a great guy and have your own life. You can’t meet anyone when you’re at home every night looking after my kid.”

“I don’t mind. I love Hannah.” Faye heard her voice quaver, as panic began to well inside her; she’d been nearly certain Jenna would turn down Simon’s proposal the moment he asked. But she was actually considering it.

“I know you don’t mind,” Jenna said. “But I can’t take advantage of you anymore.” She spread her arms, indicating the wheelchair to which she was confined. “Look at me, I can’t even walk. I can’t do much for myself, let alone look after an active toddler. I’m going to need a lot of help for a while. More than you should have to give. I can’t tie you down looking after me. You’ll wake up one morning and realize what you’ve sacrificed, and you’ll regret it.”

Sacrifice
. That damned word again. Sliding off the bed, Faye knelt beside Jenna’s chair, holding her gaze. “I won’t ever have regrets. You were there for me when I needed you all those years when we were kids. You gave up a lot for me. I owe you more than you can imagine.”

Jenna smiled again, squeezing Faye’s hand in appreciation. “You’ve already paid me back many times over. Besides, think of how good it would be for Hannah. Halfmoon Bay is so peaceful. It’s a perfect place to raise a child. And
not
get hit by a car,” she added wryly.

Faye didn’t reply. She remembered what Simon told her about Jenna being bored in his little town. She stopped short of reminding Jenna of this. Arguing obviously wasn’t going to change anything. Jenna had to make her own decision on what was best for herself and for her daughter.

“Anyway, I’m only thinking over my options. I haven’t decided,” Jenna added. “It’s not every day a girl gets a marriage proposal.” Her grin widened. “And you should see the ring. It had a rock on it the size of my fist.”

“I’m sure it’s beautiful,” Faye said, her heart thudding as she remembered it.

Jenna’s gaze shifted down to Faye’s neck, her brow creasing with curiosity. “What a pretty locket. Where did you get that?”

Faye’s hand went automatically to the necklace. Warmth crept into her face. She hadn’t worn the locket very often, but had decided on impulse to wear it today, not considering the possibility that Jenna would ask about it.

“From the Easter bunny,” Faye told her enigmatically.

Jenna looked puzzled, as though she suspected she should understand the reference but didn’t. “Anything inside?”

Nodding her head, Faye pulled the two sides of the locket apart, revealing a tiny picture of Jenna and Hannah, taken at Christmastime.

Jenna gazed at it, smiling. “That’s sweet. But I hope before too long you can chuck us out of there and put in a picture of your own husband and baby.”

Faye shrugged, pinching the silver locket closed. “Maybe someday.”

* * *

There was no preamble to Jenna’s phone call. When Faye picked up the receiver, her friend’s first words were bright and breathless.

“I said yes.”

At first Faye didn’t understand what she was talking about. “What?”

“To Simon,” Jenna explained impatiently. “We’re getting married.”

The words hit Faye like a fist to the stomach. She’d known it might happen, but even so she hadn’t been prepared. She crumpled onto the sofa, needing to draw a few deep breaths before she could reply. “Are you sure about this?”

“It’s time I grew up and did the right thing, Faye. He’ll be a good husband for me. We’re going to be a complete family, and I’m excited about that.”

A complete family
. Faye’s mind flashed back to the moment she had stood with Simon beside Hannah’s crib in Halfmoon Bay, picturing them as a family.

My world feels so complete with you here,
he had told her later, as he held her in his arms, asking her to stay with him.

But thought Faye loved them both, neither of them belonged to her; how naive it had been to entertain the notion.

Jenna did sound excited. She had been mulling it over for several days, and from the firm tone of her voice, Faye could tell she was having no second thoughts.

“Then I’m happy for you.” Faye tried to bring enthusiasm to her own voice. Her heart was beating at a reasonable pace again, but the agonizing knot in her stomach remained.

“I know you have your doubts about this,” Jenna said, “but please be my maid of honour. I couldn’t have anyone else but you.”

“Of course I will,” Faye replied automatically. Now that the decision had been made, she would not spoil her friend’s happiness by protesting. “Listen, I have to go. Simon took Hannah to the park after supper, and I want to get a few chores done before they get back.”

“Faye, you’re working so hard, I feel so guilty,” Jenna said. “But it’s temporary. Pretty soon you’ll just have yourself to worry about.”

Exactly what I’m dreading,
Faye thought, but kept her tone bright. “We’ll talk soon.”

Hanging up the phone, she sat for a moment in the silence, not quite believing the conversation that had just taken place. But it was true—Jenna and Simon were engaged. Faye had been clinging to the hope that her friend would turn down his proposal, though in her heart she’d known what the outcome would be. Perhaps it had been inevitable from the time Simon Blake showed up at the hospital and learned he had a child. And perhaps it
was
the right thing, after all, for this family to be together, and for Faye to simply step aside.

Logically, maybe she could make sense of it. But logic didn’t ease the ache in her heart, or stop the tears that spilled from her eyes to flow freely down her cheeks. Burying her face in her hands, she fell sideways onto the sofa cushions and sobbed quietly, her chest heaving with each ragged breath.

Chapter Twelve

Faye was grateful for her chores to keep her occupied for the next half hour; the dishes were drying in the rack and the laundry neatly folded by the time Simon arrived at the apartment with Hannah.

“You’re late,” Faye told him crisply, swooping the toddler into her arms as they came inside.

“Sorry. Traffic was bad.” Simon eyed her curiously, noting her stiff posture and the set of her jaw. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.” She had composed herself sufficiently that the redness in her eyes and the blotches on her face had thankfully faded, but pretending the news thrilled her would be a challenge. “I hear congratulations are in order.”

He observed her warily. “You spoke to Jenna?”

Faye nodded. “She accepted your proposal.”

“Yes. Finally.”

“Milk!” Hannah said, reaching toward the kitchen, her small fist grabbing at the air.

Welcoming the distraction, Faye took Hannah into the kitchen, depositing her in her high chair. Simon followed, leaning against the door frame as Faye took the milk jug out of the fridge and grabbed a sippy cup from the drying rack.

“So when’s the wedding?” she asked him.

“As soon as Jenna’s out of the hospital, we’ll start planning.” His voice lacked enthusiasm, but perhaps he was only reflecting Faye’s subdued tone. “Shouldn’t be too long. She’s doing so well; she should be able to walk with crutches pretty soon.”

“I’m the maid of honour,” Faye told him. “Have you chosen a best man?” Maybe if she focused on the planning, it would be easier to get through this.

“My brother-in-law, I suppose. He’ll be home in a few weeks.”

Faye nodded curtly. She passed the filled sippy cup to Hannah, who was pounding her palms impatiently on the tray of her high chair. “Do you know where you’ll hold the wedding?”

Simon’s broad shoulders lifted and fell. “We thought it might be nice to do it at my place, on the beach.”

It did sound perfect. “I suppose I’ll need to plan a shower. And we need a gown for Jenna, and one for me, and something pretty for Hannah, of course. Flowers. What about the reception?” If she kept talking about it, maybe she could keep the tears from returning. They were still close to the surface, threatening to spill from her eyes at the slightest provocation. Faye had no idea how she was going to cope—how could she simply lock her feelings away and watch her best friend marry the man she loved?

“Don’t worry about all that now,” Simon said. “There’s plenty of time.”

“Spoken like a man who’s never planned a wedding.” She heard her voice rising in an oddly frantic timbre. “Well, I’d better get this little one to bed.”

“Do you mind if I stick around and help?” he asked.

She hesitated, taken aback by the request. She wanted him to leave so she could let herself fall apart for a while, maybe purge the hurt from her system once and for all. She had plans to spend the evening with a carton of ice cream and a box of tissue. But what excuse could she come up with to refuse?

“Be my guest.”

Faye eased the bedroom door closed, as Hannah gazed out at them through the bars of her crib. She rolled onto her stomach, eyes round as she observed the two heads peering in at her from the hallway.

“Night, night, Hannah,” Simon said behind Faye.

“Night, night, Da Da,” a small, soft voice called back.

Turning to Simon, Faye saw the edges of his mouth twitch upward, his eyes brimming with pride. “That’s the first time she’s said that.”

“Pretty soon you’ll be hearing it every night.” The now-familiar ache settled in Faye’s chest. “I’ll miss it so much, saying goodnight to her.”

His smile faded, a look of compassion flickering through his features. “You’ll still see her all the time.”

“What if you move up to Halfmoon Bay?” Faye countered. “I won’t see her much at all.”

“You can visit anytime. I know it’ll be hard for you, but you should see this as a positive change. You’ll have the freedom to follow your own dreams. Live your own life.”

“Hannah
was
my life.” Turning away from him, she headed back to the living room.

Simon followed close behind. “But she’s not yours, Faye.”

“I
know
.”

“With your evenings free,” he went on, “who knows, you may meet the man of your dreams and fall madly in love.”

She spun to face him, glaring at him in irritation. “That’s just what Jenna said. That’s what everyone seems to want for me. Maybe I don’t care about that.”

He eyed her speculatively, crossing his arms over his broad chest. “Faye, have you considered the fact that you might be clinging to Hannah because you’re avoiding having to live your own life?”

“
Clinging
to Hannah? How dare you? I’ve helped raise her since she was born. How could I not miss her?”

“Of course you’ll miss her,” Simon agreed, his tone maddeningly subdued. “But you should also be happy to have your freedom. Clearly you’re not. I can’t help but think that making yourself so integral to Jenna and Hannah’s lives has given you an excuse to hide from your fears, and now you’re forced to confront them.”

“What fears?” She stared at him, curiosity briefly overriding her rising anger.

“I think you’re afraid to
want
to fall in love,” he said, “and to have a family of your own. You’re afraid you might not be able to have it, and if you did have it, you might not be able to hold onto it.”

Throwing her arms up in exasperation, Faye spun away again. Her gaze fell on the toy box in the corner, overflowing with all sizes of dolls, plastic farm animals, stacking toys and musical gadgets—all of it would be gone soon, leaving only grown-up things in the apartment, stark furniture and appliances that held no precious memories for her. If losing a friend’s child was this hard, Faye didn’t want to imagine how it would be to lose one of her own—instantly her father leapt to mind, and all at once the loss he had suffered when Faye was taken from him struck her more keenly than ever before.

She shook her head, clearing it of the notion. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Your parents didn’t exactly paint a rosy picture of marriage and family life,” Simon pointed out, building on her own thoughts. “I think you feel destined to make the same mistakes they did, so you simply avoid relationships that might lead you down that path.”

I wasn’t afraid when I thought you were about to propose.
Did he even have a clue that she’d been ready and willing to become his wife? Clearly he didn’t understand how his presence tormented her, and how at once she both yearned to wrap her arms around him and push him out the door.

“What do you know about it?” she muttered testily.

“What you told me. And what Jenna has told me.”

“So the two of you have been discussing my hang-ups?” She shot him a searing look, irritated beyond words to think of Jenna and Simon together, analyzing her, discussing the necessity of cutting her loose for her own good.