Divine Liaisons (20 page)

Chapter 30

No longer able to resist, I hold his face with my hands, his strong jaw fitting into my palms as if I really was made to fit him. Leaning, I give him a gentle kiss on fevered lips.

Instantly his skin glows, the tinkles growing louder, running harps of pleasure down my spine.

“
I am yours for a night, and if you need a week, I'll give you a week. Thank you. Thank you for understanding I don't control who I love. A heart and soul have their own agenda. They are independent.”

His face is radiant with joy when he smiles. Graceful fingers squeeze my legs, “You are the angel I aspire to be. Never let my ugliness enter you again. You aren't violent. It must have hurt you more than me to tan my hide.”

My laugh hitches with a sob, “I've never felt so sick and ashamed.”

“
You are the mother, Lili. You mend, you draw the hurt to your breast to hold and soothe. You are not pain. I really did put the best of me into you. Don't aspire to be vengeful. It will murder your untainted beauty.”

Nodding, smiling, agreeing heart and soul, I ask a question unrelated to the past.

“So how come god likes rock music?”

His laugh is wild and free, roaring louder than the fire.

“I have quite a reputation. I've been called everything from Hermes to Thor. I gave mankind fire, and I gave them music. This god made music, because he loves to watch his woman dance. You have surely noticed few men like to dance, but a woman cannot resist it? We love to watch you, when you're free, alone with celestial music in your veins, wrapping its spell around you and showing us you in a light which is pure and unfiltered. When a woman dances, no man can keep his eyes to himself.”

“
Are you saying you made music just so you can perv at me?”

“
Yes ma'am. I own it. And I will not apologize for it. It strums not just the soul, but every sense. It draws us together like nothing else in creation.”

“
And god likes rock music?”

“
Isn't it strange the way your kind has assigned music to Satan? Satan has no body, he cannot make music. But because music awakens lust in mankind, it was labeled evil. There is nothing shameful about lust. It is a natural essence between a man and woman. I created you as my mate, it is natural that mates are drawn together with lust. And if I found something to put you in the mood, how can it be evil?”

His laughter curls warmth around me again, shrugging, and standing at the same time.

“I don't know how to fix that problem. I'll find a way, eventually.”

Pulling me off my chair, the library is embalmed with music from somewhere. Not his music, this is all drums and guitar, my favorite.

Speaking deeply into my ear, moving with me to the primal drumbeat and singing guitar, he says, “I cannot die. And I wish I could. I'd rather die than live with this never ending heartache. My choice in music, Lili, is a mirror of my ache. Bands called Art of Dying, and Theory of a Deadman, they're chosen simply because I love the names. And the second you heard this type of music, I knew we were onto something special. I wish you could have seen your rapturous expression the first time you heard a singing guitar, and lyrics which resounded in you.”

Kissing my forehead, his smile bathes me with pleasure.

“Princess, you are the stairway. The rainbows you make when we're making love, they have a sound. Each sound is a vibration of consciousness. The second you heard music, you knew where it could take us. You knew if we could just hit the right notes, we could climb the consciousness staircase out of these bindings of fear, and each step, vibrating livid with bright unearthly color, each note awakens our dormant holiness. Music frees the soul, and sends the Spirit reaching for heaven. And it will get there, in time. And a powerful fool knew this truth, and labeled it evil. Calling music sinful, because when you hear music, you glow, and no male with blood in his veins can ignore the pull of the untainted pure Spirit shining bright in a woman enraptured with music. It plays her body into a state where she can transfer that love into her mate. Music is the get out of jail key. It's the skeleton key. If I could make this world again, I would have started with music.”

“
And rock stars have been thanking you ever since, I'm sure. No wonder women line up to ride them.”

His laugh is husky, holding me tight in his arms, dancing with me in a fire-lit library.

“Music is made with keys. Musical notes are called keys for a reason. Those keys unlock us. By labeling music evil, and assigning the music which frees the Spirit to an evil deity, it has been a means to control mankind. Keeping you locked in the darkness and never allowing you to reach naturally for Love's domain. Music makes people happy. How can anything which inspires joy, be wrong? Mankind fucked up so badly with that one. Only one thing incites joy, and his name is God. Where do you think I get my inspiration from? The big Spirit himself inspired me in ways mankind can never imagine.”

I'm dancing with god. I think this day goes down in history.

“I love you, Lili. I'm so sorry.”

“
No more apologizing. I forgave you, you forgave me, now lets just move on.”

His hug speaks more than words. Offering each other redemption, I hug him back, tight. Maybe it's true. If god and his first creation can learn to love each other and move forward as friends, then maybe the rest of humanity can too?

“Is that also why you smell like a piano?”

I'm vibrated with his chuckle, “Harp strings smell like horsehair. I was trying to appeal to your love of music.”

“Try a metal guitar string. I love the smell of hot metal.”

When he pulls away, my nostrils are immediately saturated in melting syrup, desert wind, and powdery hot metal.

“Shameless. Utterly shameless!” Slapping his huge arm, I can't help but laugh.

“
What would you like for dinner, my queen? Hot and spicy no doubt? I can just make my penis look and taste like chili if it'll get you down on your knees in front of me.”

“
Now you're teasing.”

“
Love, begins and ends, with you and me. Lovers must be friends, and be able to tease. Smiling is a balm, a balm we don't employ enough.”

“
Chili con carne. With margarita. And tortilla chips.”

“
Your wish is my command.”

Sweeping his hand across the room as if in announcement, the table in front of the bookshelves is laden, waiting, lily's draping the linen, showing me the truth. A lily has a long hard golden stamen penetrating the cup. Wow. So I guess god has it really bad for me, huh? He had to create something as a symbol of how he felt, about us, about me.

It's a living love letter. A gift from a lover to the Lili he loves. A gesture of devotion.

And right then, with the twilight room morphing behind my tears, blinded with his adoration, his lovesick pining for me, I feel it. I do love him. I always have. And that's why his behavior in the past hurt me so much. He created Dustin too. The poet's soul, is so deeply ingrained in god, it touches everything beautiful he ever made. Me included. God is a romantic sap. All we are, we get from him. He just hides it so well. He reserved it, for me. He is tender, loving, and precious. All wrapped up in heavenly splendor and physical beauty.

Swallowing hard, his arm imbues comfort onto my shoulders.

“
Lili? What did I do?”

His tone is tinged with anxiety.

“I love you. I know it now. All you had to do was be vulnerable, and show me you when you're not shielded by abrasive power. When you let me in, you touch my soul so deep.”

The room bursts into light.

Hugging me tight to his chest, if fills me with euphoric joy.

“
I have waited so long to hear those words. You love me!”

It's true.

I do.

Now what? This minefield is sticky, and no matter where I step, something's going to blow up and cause hurt.

Chapter 31

“Is it true?” I finally have the guts to ask him.

Lazed before the fire, I'm tired, and he feels safe and comfortable with his heart beating its lulling strength under my ear, while he absently plays with my hair.

“Is what true?”

“
Enchanted Rock is a holy portal?”

“
Yes, it is true.”

His voice weaves its magic. He is my soul whisperer. He's hard to ignore, and very hard to resist.

“What did you really inject into me?”

“
Memories. And a little bit of manipulation. I only gave myself a week. And you weren't in any mood to give me three minutes, let alone a week. When you lost your power, you sharpened your tongue. A woman has the ability to slice right through a man with her words. Those cuts never heal. When you cut, you slice deep, in a place which doesn't bruise, it just bleeds for the rest of your life.”

“
It's true. I've been so horrid to him. Cruel even.”

“
What's the deal with Ruth?”

Holding me so close, wrapped in adoration, I am at peace.

“Ruth lived on charity. And I was desperate for yours. It seemed fitting. Charity delivered you back into my life. God finally intervened. I do not ignore God when he tells me to fix my wrongs. He unveiled your hiding away, leading me straight to you. And then my own fear came back. I couldn't rush in, I had to go slow. It was a lesson in itself, for me. When all I wanted was to run up to a woman who refused to remember me, give her a huge hug, and kiss her until she suffocated. To hold you again burned such pain inside me.”

“
What do we do now? How do we go forward?”

His chest lifts with his deep inhalation and sigh.

“You go off with your magic man. Love him, enjoy him. I know he will keep you safe and treat you well. Now he has a Spirit, your love will be whole, and it won't hurt you again. And he'll never again feel the urge to try to take his soul from a woman forcefully. That's all rape is you know. A desperate action by the empty trying to get something from heaven. I might have said I was god, but I'm not perfect. Only the God who is pure Love and Spirit, is perfect.”

“
And what will you do?”

“
I will stay here, living next door to my true love. Watching over her; and saving her and her kind from the world. I am here now. I will never forsake you again. You are free to make your choices. But I need to be here for you; to ask questions, to confront when need be, to be the friend I forgot to be.”

It fists a harsh ache in my throat. God grew up. He's a being with such integrity, finally ready to spread a mantle of love and forgiveness over this world. Here to encourage us to all move forward as equals, who love and respect each other, free to make our own choices without discipline or fear.

“Thank you, Erra. Thank you for showing me unconditional love.”

His expression is tainted with heartache, but he's being strong, glowing his adoration and hormones at me.

“The road of reconciliation is long. I am patient.”

Pulling me onto him, wrapping powerful arms around me, he gives me a kiss that seeps warmth all the way to my toes, tickling my wings, making them want to burst out in ecstatic shimmering.

It's a last kiss. A goodbye. Something to put away safely, and remember with tenderness.

Tears are running down his face when he releases his arms, patting my tush.

“Call Dustin. It's time he took you home.”

Nodding, trying to breathe past the lump in my throat, I know he's asking me to leave, before we cross a line again.

Wiping his tears, I kiss him again. Then standing, disoriented by the darkness behind where we were lying, I step into the void, withdrawing my phone, and dialing Dusty.

Wrapped in his warmth, staring up at a sky freckled with light, I wonder how many of us are out there. Heaven's halflings, spread out, making mistakes, learning from them, sharing love, and righting wrongs.

The campfire burns low, barely a blue glow. It's cold in the desert at night, and I'm grateful for his warmth, and the comfort of the blankets around us.

“
You'll do.”

It makes me laugh. That's what he said that first night, when he said we'd go camping. And here we are, alone, as if we are the only two beings left on earth. This must have been the way it once was. The world an ocean of pregnant possibilities. Wild, free, clean, when nighttime was intimate, and close enough to reach up your hand and stroke the frown off the moon's face.

“Are you happy, Dusty?”

“
More than you will ever know.”

This is his home. It's in his skin. He smells like desert. A warrior of the land, belonging to the land, but belonging to no people.

“What is it, Ohpitsa?”

“
I'm sad. I'm sad that life is this hard.”

“
It's not hard. It's real easy. All you do is close your eyes and look in your heart. It's called the chest for a reason. You keep what's important to you in there. When you feel lost, you open your chest and examine your heart. The things in your heart are the only things you need to protect and keep safe. That's where you make your choices.”

He's right. My heart led me straight to him at the Holy Portal. The portal Erra feared he'd take me through. I wish I knew how these cosmic doors worked. He's in my heart. Right there, next to a white lily. My first love note. It's the most precious thing I have in my heart. I'll treasure it forever.

“You're crying. It seems wrong that someone should look so incredibly beautiful when they're crying.”

“
I love you, Dusty. Thank you for helping me when I had no one.”

“
I couldn't have made any other choice. There comes a time when a man must face the rest of his life with a decision facing him right now. My heart made the choice, when my brain was telling me I'd live to regret it.”

“
You understand I love him too, right?”

“
You always will. But whose arms are you lying in tonight? Mine. He promised he'd never hurt you again, and he meant it. And I think he proved it to you. And I promised to cherish you. And I will, forever.”

Wrapped against his superhero body, the fire lights his irises with a fairy's pen, showing me love. Sky-boy is now one with the Gan, and he's in the temple so quiet, made of sand and sky, and unexpected wildflowers. Cradled against the rock that will not be moved, the most powerful man ever created, Girl-Without-Parents has come home. She has a family now.

Bursting into tears, it hits me. I'll never be alone again. I'm finally loved. And God not only found me, loved me, forgave me; but is my best friend on earth.

I'm loved, I'm cherished, and I'm protected.

A strong thumb traces my tears away.

“
You feel for the world. It's overpowering when you finally stop to feel for yourself. It's tough putting yourself first. But I'm glad you're doing it. It hurts a little, but you have me to lean on, I'll keep you safe when you're vulnerable.”

Cradled, rocked, I bury my face in his neck, smelling the wild in his hair.

“Have you ever felt unworthy? When love knocks, you are afraid to let it in, because it's so much bigger than you. I am in this place.”

“
Shh...”

And though I am terrified, I'm also so free. Feeling the hurt, the fear, and the strange strength of love that can last an eternity, I kiss his neck, holding tight.

Ready to be swept away in the storm of love, like Erra's wings and storms, now here, to wash away the pain, and hold us safely in his strong arms.

I'm setting you free world. It starts and ends with me. I forgive him. I love him. And now we're living each day as it comes, with only love in the chest holding our hearts, with only love guiding us forward.

I refuse to fear any man, or god, again.

My soul sisters, I love you. It's time you knew what love feels like.

Opening my eyes, staring at the darkest night sprinkled with a cosmos of stars, I smile.
Man
kind, the only thing protecting you from him, is me. That woman in your arms right this second, she keeps you safer than you will ever know.

Shutting my eyes on the responsibility of being the first light, I curl my fingers into the nape of my lover. Closing my wings around us, it's time for me to experiment with creating music, with light.

The truth has set us free. Now it's time to embrace the skeleton key.

~ The End ~