Docked (12 page)

I know in that moment I have never, ever been more satisfied than I am right then.

“Where,” I breathe, “did
that
come from?”

“I told you,” he pants. “It’s been a shitty day.”

“You’ve only been at work for a few hours,” I laugh softly, resting my forehead in the crook of his neck, working to recover. We’re still connected, him throbbing hot inside of me while I pulsate around him. My body isn’t ready to let him go. For all I care, he can stay buried there indefinitely.

“A few hours was enough, believe me.” I detect a hint of sadness in his voice. It’s unsettling, especially coming from a strong, powerful man like Tanner Christensen.

A beat of silence passes.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I feel his eyes on me. I glance up, tilting my head to stare deeply into the sapphires.

He swallows. He doesn’t look away. “Do you ever wish you could choose a different path? Make a different choice?”

“Of course. We all do from time to time.”

“Feeling trapped is my…it’s a weakness.”

“You feel trapped?”

He averts his eyes now, staring straight ahead, out the dash window. “I am trapped.”

“What? How so?” I sit up and rest my palm on his chest, watching intently.

He exhales and shakes his head, shifting beneath me. “Never mind. It’s not important.”

“Yes it is, Tanner.” I cup his cheek and pull his gaze back to me, imploring him. “Everyone needs to vent. Trust me.” I glance down, watch my fingers run over his chest. “A big reason I…have my issue with the ocean is because I suppressed a lot after the accident.”

“What accident?” His brows lower, creating a uniform crease across his forehead.

I wrestle with my thoughts for a moment. The lines are blurred now. Do I share the personal with someone who is a part of my professional life? I laugh dryly. I’ve already been screwing him. It doesn’t get more personal than that. I suddenly feel incredibly vulnerable—completely naked and exposed in broad daylight.

“A little girl almost drowned because of me.” The words come out in rush, as if by saying them out loud, they’ll somehow retaliate. But it’s the truth, and I want Tanner to tell me what’s bothering him, so I set them free anyway. “I used to babysit. I…I love kids. I’d babysit sometimes on the weekends, just for some extra cash and because I really loved being that person—the person parents trusted to spend time with, nurture, and encourage their children. It was an honor, something I was proud of.”

“You don’t do it anymore?”

“No. Not after the accident. Things haven’t been the same since. I…it did something to me. I shut down sometimes, I panic. It’s paralyzing. And then there’s my self-esteem.” I glance up at him, fidgeting in his lap. He’s frozen beneath me, eyes focused. He doesn’t even blink. “It might not make sense, might sound stupid, but the fact that I was responsible for what happened, made me feel like a failure somehow. Not just because I
did
fail—a child I cared about almost died because of my neglect—but because taking care of children was something I loved, something I was naturally good at, for as long as I can remember. Growing up, all I ever wanted was to see the world and take care of kids.” I release a soft, wistful laugh and look down, eyeing the groove of Tanner’s opened shirt.

“What is it?”

I trace my finger along the buttons. Tears threaten, but I swallow them down. My throat constricts.

“Anya,” Tanner persists, brushing his thumb along my jawline. “Tell me.”

“Even back in high school, I found a way to merge those passions. I’d race home from school to babysit and I’d always pull out the globe from my dad’s den. The kids and I would sit there and just spin the globe, talking about all of the places we wanted to go when we grew up. Their eyes would light up when I’d tell them facts about some of the countries and the different cultures. They were so…intrigued, so full of dreams. Completely in awe at the great big world that was out there, waiting for them to explore it.”

“Just like you?” A crooked smile creeps up.

“Yeah, just like me.”

Tanner shifts and lifts me off of him, setting me gently on the passenger seat while he adjusts himself and zips up. I slip a hand beneath me to retrieve my bikini but he snatches me back up and cradles me on his lap.

“Why do you get to zip up and I have to stay naked?” I grin up at him.

“Do you have a problem being naked, Miss Banks?” His tone’s playful, but as he says the words, his eyes study me carefully.

“Not when I’m on your lap, no.”

“Good. From now on, when we see one another, you belong on my lap.”

My head falls back with a deep belly laugh. “I can’t always be naked and on your lap, you caveman.”

He bends and nips at my neck. I feel his smile and it fuels my own. I like happy, playful Tanner Christensen. If it means keeping the sad, grumpy Tanner away, I’ll burn my clothes for the remainder of the cruise. Anything to keep him smiling like that.

“We’ll see about that,” he warns, pulling back. “You still haven’t seen the extent of my influence, Miss Banks.”

“You don’t have to use your powers of manipulation to get me naked, Mr. Christensen.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” He bites my earlobe.

I roll my eyes and slap his chest. The mood is so light between us now, I don’t want to back pedal, but I want to know what put him in a funk today in the first place. “Tanner?”

He closes his eyes and inhales, as if he knows it’s coming. “Finish telling me about the accident.”

“Oh.” Disappointment pulls heavily. It seems I don’t want to go to my unhappy place, either.

“If you can’t talk about it, I understand.”

“The sun was setting,” I begin, fixing my focus outside the driver’s window. “Her name was—is—Zoe. My neighbor’s daughter. I watched her all during college. I didn’t do the dorm thing. She and her mom brought me a homemade blueberry pie when I first moved in to the apartment.” I lick my lips, still able to taste the sweetness of the pastry. “I took Zoe down to the beach for a swim. We spent a few hours there, and when the sun began to set, I told her it was time to go home. She begged and begged to stay just a few minutes longer, and I caved. She was a good kid. Always did her homework, always followed the rules, never gave me any trouble. I just wanted her to have a few more minutes.”

Tanner relaxes his shoulders, letting his head fall back as he listens.

“Growing up in Florida, you hear about the rip currents all the time. When you live on the coast, the beach is just a lifestyle. You know how dangerous they can be. You know you’re supposed to swim parallel to the shore when you’re in trouble, but when you’re panicking, sometimes you just…freeze.

“Zoe was playing in waist-deep water, jumping over waves and squealing as they crashed into the shore. I wasn’t worried about her at all, just writing in my journal. I saw her dive into a wave, and I didn’t think anything of it. She was in shallow water. But when her head came back up, she was far out in the ocean—she’d been swept right out like she was on a water treadmill.” My fingers curl around Tanner’s shoulder and my breathing picks up, matching the pulsing thump of my heartbeat.

“I was in so much shock, I couldn’t think of anything else other than to stand and run toward her. I sprinted into the water, full speed, calling out to anyone who could hear me. There really wasn’t anyone around—not that I could see, anyway. All I could focus on was her face, barely visible, disappearing and reappearing above the waves. I couldn’t look away, couldn’t blink, was too terrified I’d lose track of her tiny head in the enormous, greedy sea, ready to swallow her up. And I knew I could be dragged out, too, I just…”

“Wanted to save her.” Tanner’s voice cracks. It’s raw, like sandpaper on my skin. I find his eyes. His jaw flexes, lips firm and tight.

“Yes.”

“Did someone come for you?”

“Not right away. It was only minutes, but those minutes felt like hours. Like an eternity. The water was cold. And dark. The saltwater burned my eyes, and I was shaking so badly that there was a moment there when I thought I wasn’t going to reach her. Because I was breaking down, losing grip. But I did. I made it to her. I shouted her name over the roar of the ocean. She was swimming frantically, gasping for breath. She screamed to me as her terrified eyes began to slip underwater. The rest is a blur. I just remember both of us struggling for the beach, struggling for breath. And then shouts from people, arms around us.”

“And Zoe? What happened after that?”

“Her mother didn’t blame me. Refused to. Said a current could take anyone. That it could happen to anyone. But it didn’t happen to anyone.” My throat constricts dangerously and I fight to relax it, swallowing hard and working to ease my breath. Tanner’s arms close tighter around me. His face is stone, eyes distant. “It happened to Zoe. To
her
daughter. I almost lost her.” I gulp a fresh breath and swipe at the corners of my eyes. “That was the worst part. She just….forgave me.”

Silence falls around us.

“That’s the best part,” Tanner finally says, cerulean gaze still lost somewhere past the dash window. Wherever he is, he’s not here, in this car.

“Tell me why you feel trapped,” I murmur, anxious to leave the place I’ve just delved in to.

He still doesn’t move, but his lashes draw up, bringing his eyes to mine. I watch the cogs turn, watch his thoughts churn as the silence eats up the space. I jump when a musical chime pierces the quiet. Tanner sighs and wiggles beneath me, digging into his pocket.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Anya.” I scoot over so he can reach deeper, watching as he retrieves his phone. He glances at me apologetically but moves to answer the call, and I slide off his lap, back onto the passenger seat. “Tanner Christensen,” he snaps, leaning back to scan my nakedness. The heat of his gaze sears me. I give him a few more seconds to get his fill before slipping back into my bikini. He watches the entire time, eyeing every movement, caressing each curve with his intense stare as if he’s touching me with his bare hands.

As I make the final adjustment on my bikini triangles, I quietly wish he were.

“I see.” He finally tears his eyes from my body. His fingers move deftly over the buttons of his shirt, covering the skin I exposed. A quick shrug of his shoulders sends his suit jacket springing back up, until it settles snugly in place. “I’ll take care of it. Yes. I’m on my way.” He hangs up and immediately turns the ignition.

“You have to go already?”

He casts a glance to the turquoise house. “Unfortunately, yes. I’ll pick you up again in the morning if you’re free and we can spend the day here.”

“What is this place?” I hand him his sunglasses. He slides them on and buckles his seat belt.

“It’s mine. Home away from home.”

I watch the turquoise house drift away in the rearview mirror as Tanner begins to drive away. Whatever he was about to tell me drifts away with it, and a pang of irritation pricks at me, wishing the phone hadn’t interrupted us. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” he answers curtly, keeping his gaze trained straight ahead on the long, dirt drive. “Just need to take care of some things back at the office. I’ll still see you for dinner, yes?”

“Of course.”

“Don’t forget my instructions.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” My head juts back and a defiant smile spreads.

His brow jumps at my challenge and he glances in my direction. His fist hardens around the steering wheel. “Tell me, Miss Banks. Have you been with a dominant man before?”

I feel my eyes widen. “
Hhhmmm
, I believe so. Just this morning. Oh, and last night. Oh, yes. And about fifteen minutes ago…”

“So fresh.” He reaches over and tugs at my chin, a grin threatening to shatter his suddenly stern demeanor. “Have you? Apart from me?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t know.”

“You’d know.”

“You really are very smug, aren’t you, Tanner Christensen?”

“Very much so.” He dips his head down to peek at me over his shades. “I work hard, play hard, I want it all, and I make no apologies for any of it.”

“In that case, no. I have not been with a dominant arse such as you.” I fold my arms and sigh, turning to watch the palm trees whiz by. The seat belt digs into my chest as the car screeches to a halt and then jumps, veering to the side of the road. The brakes slam again and Tanner’s seatbelt unclicks. “What the hell?”

He reaches over and unclicks mine, then swiftly steps out of the car to stroll to the passenger side. My door opens and he grabs my hand, prompting me to step out with him. Frazzled, I stumble out and step to the side as he slams the door. My body’s pushed flush against the car as he locks me against it, his hot breath bearing down on my mouth, groin pressing hard into my abdomen. The blood rushes fast through my veins and heat travels to my toes.

“Up until now, you’ve been very obedient, Anya. Do you know what that says about you?”

I swallow.

“It says you’re the perfect fit for a dominant man. You belong with one. You yield to the control. And it not only brings you pleasure,” he leans forward ever so slightly, until his lips rest on the tips of mine, “it gives me an incomparable high.” Warmth swarms my breast as his hand comes up to cup me, gripping hard and smoothing down over my torso and outward, over my hipbone. “So, when I say you’ll thank me for wearing something with easy access—when you follow my instructions—that means we’re both in for a thorough, mind-numbingly good fuck, do you understand?”