Authors: Jordan Sonnenblick
Dodger and Me (12 page)
Keep reading for an excerpt from
Jordon Sonnenblickâ²s
Dodger for President,
coming soon in hardcover from Feiwel and Friends.
Dodger for President,
coming soon in hardcover from Feiwel and Friends.
“Dude!” Dodger shouted as he jumped into my arms.
“Oww!” I yelped as we tumbled together to the floor of my room. This happened pretty often, because I was a wimpy, 80-pound fifth grader and Dodger was a really strong, 125-pound chimp. With blue fur. And bright orange-and-white surfer shorts. Plus an eye patch.
Oh, and he's invisible to everyone except me and this girl named Lizzie.
It's a really long story.
But the point is, Dodger knocked me over and landed right on top of me. It's amazing how pointy a chimpanzee's elbows are. So as I was lying there, gasping for air, Dodger started talking a mile a minute. The conversation went like this:
DODGER: Dude, you missed so much while you were in Cleveland with your dad!
ME:
Gasp â¦
Gasp â¦
DODGER: Lizzie took me to school, just like we planned. And there was just one little problem.
ME:
Gasp â¦
Gasp â¦
DODGER: Like, there was this science quiz. It was totally hard. There were all these, um, questions and stuff. And you had to fill in these little bubbles with letters next to them, but I really didn't see what the letters had to do with the questions. The question would be all
What type of rock is made when a volcano erupts and then the lava cools?
But the answers would be all like
A.
Or
B.
Or
C.
Or even
D.
Dude, I don't know a whole lot about rocks, but even a chimp knows there's no kind of rock called “A Rock.” âCause that would be just completely confusing. Somebody would ask you, “What do you call that cool rock you're holding?” And you'd go, “This? It's called âA Rock.'” And they'd go, “Yeah, I know it's a rock. But what kind of rock is it?” Then you'd be all, “Buddy, the
name
of this rock is âA Rock.'” And they'd be all, “Why do you have to be such a wise guy? All I did was ask the name of a rock.” So you'd go, “Exactly!” And then they'd probably hit you or something.
What type of rock is made when a volcano erupts and then the lava cools?
But the answers would be all like
A.
Or
B.
Or
C.
Or even
D.
Dude, I don't know a whole lot about rocks, but even a chimp knows there's no kind of rock called “A Rock.” âCause that would be just completely confusing. Somebody would ask you, “What do you call that cool rock you're holding?” And you'd go, “This? It's called âA Rock.'” And they'd go, “Yeah, I know it's a rock. But what kind of rock is it?” Then you'd be all, “Buddy, the
name
of this rock is âA Rock.'” And they'd be all, “Why do you have to be such a wise guy? All I did was ask the name of a rock.” So you'd go, “Exactly!” And then they'd probably hit you or something.
But, you know, I did my best for you.
ME: What do you mean, you â¦
gasp â¦
did your “best” for me?
gasp â¦
did your “best” for me?
DODGER: Well, I didn't want you to get all behind in your work, right? So I just wrote your name on top of a quiz and tried really hard to fill in all the bubbles.
ME: Okay, so you took a test in my name, on a day when I wasn't even in school. I guess that was the problem.
DODGER: Uh, no, that wasn't the problem. I mean, I made this really great sentence out of all the letters. Do you want to hear it?
ME (
puts head in hands
):
Gasp â¦
sure.
puts head in hands
):
Gasp â¦
sure.
DODGER: Okay, here it is: “CAB! A CAB! DAD, A CAB! A ⦠A ⦠BAD CAB!” See, it's like this little story about you and your dad. Get it? You, like, see this taxicab, right? So you yell to your dad, and you try to get the driver to stop. But the cab just keeps going. Genius, huh?
ME:
Groan
â¦
Groan
â¦
DODGER: I still don't get the part about the rocks, though. Well, maybe we'll get a lot of points for creativity.
You couldn't leave this chimp alone for a minute. So apparently a whole weekend plus a school day were completely out of the
question. I got up off the floor, checked myself for broken ribs, and dusted off. Meanwhile Dodger started to tell me about the rest of his day at school. It was hard to believe there was more, but I hadn't even heard about the problem yet.
question. I got up off the floor, checked myself for broken ribs, and dusted off. Meanwhile Dodger started to tell me about the rest of his day at school. It was hard to believe there was more, but I hadn't even heard about the problem yet.
“So then in social studies, they're learning about how all these explorer guys discovered North America and discovered South America and, like, discovered Africa. I totally wanted to set the record straight, but I didn't.”
Well, that was a relief. “Uh, Dodger, what did you want to set the record straight about, exactly?”
“I wanted to tell them about how chimpanzees had already totally conquered all those places, thousands and thousands of years ago. Like before you called it South America, we called it Banana World. And before you had Europe, we had No-Monkeys-Land.”
I always get drawn in when he does this. I don't know why, but it happens every stupid time. So I said, “What about Asia?”
He smirked. “Chimptopia, of course.”
“Africa?”
“Land O'Mammals.”
“New Jersey?”
Dodger made a horrified face. “Dude, who would want to conquer New Jersey? Anyway, you would have been proud of me, Willie. I didn't say a single word. Well, okay, I kind of laughed when the cake fell on James Beeks.”
“Wait a minute, a cake fell on James Beeks? Was
that
the problem?”
that
the problem?”
“âProblem'? It was awesome. I mean, there was this huge, brown-and-orange volcano cake on the ledge over the chalkboard. And, you know, Beeks is the coolest kid in the school, right? And he always calls you Wimpy and says you're a total dork, right? So I just thought it was funny when he got ⦔
“What do you mean, a total dork?” I blurted.
Dodger looked sheepish for a moment. “Well, you know, not a dork, exactly. It's not your fault about your little dressing-funny problem, since your mom picks out all your clothes, right? Plus, who can blame you for not having any guy friends since Tim moved away? It's hard to hang out with the guys if you're not good atâoh, never mind.”
I was insulted, but I forced myself to take a deep breath. The madder I got, the more off topic Dodger got, and I had a feeling I would really need to know what the mysterious problem was. “Whatever. So how did the cake fall on James Beeks anyway?”
“Okay, you know how I was trying not to say anything about the whole social studies thing? That was totally hard for me, right? So I was just kind of hopping up and down in my seat next to Lizzie. I guess that made the ledge over the chalkboard vibrate. And the cake just slid off the ledge. Then Mrs. Starsky tried to make a jumping catch. It was pretty awesome, but she fumbled the cake. So it bounced off her hands onto James's head, upside down.”
I could just tell there had to be more to this story, so I waited. Sure enough, Dodger continued, “I don't know why he got so mad. I only laughed a little. And it's not like my laugh really sounds like Lizzie's anyway. But he thought Lizzie was laughing at himâI guess he couldn't hear that well through all the cake around his ears. So he got all mad, and Mrs. Starsky yelled at Lizzie.”
“Oh,” I said. “I guess that's the problem, huh?”
“No,” Dodger replied. “That's not the problem. So then Lizzie started yelling at James, right? And, dude, he was getting completely heated. He kept trying to wipe all this orange icing off his face and yelling back at her. Then Mrs. Starsky was standing between James and Lizzie, trying to see if James was okay, even though it was only a cake that fell on him in the first place. It was really funny, but I only laughed a little bit more. So the teacher thought it was Craig Flynn, âcause he usually laughs at everybody, right?”
This was getting better and better.
Not!
I thought I heard our doorbell ringing downstairs, but I wasn't going to go down and miss the end of this story. My mom could get the door.
Not!
I thought I heard our doorbell ringing downstairs, but I wasn't going to go down and miss the end of this story. My mom could get the door.
“Everybody was going totally bananas. I mean, you know I love bananas, butâI mean, everyone was going nutsâwell, I like nuts, too, but you know what I mean. Lizzie and James were yelling at each other; Mrs. Starsky was yelling at Craig; and Craig was just standing there totally confused and wondering
who he should blame for the whole thing so he could beat them up at lunch recess. Then somehow it wound up that Craig, Mrs. Starsky, and James were all looking right at Lizzie.”
who he should blame for the whole thing so he could beat them up at lunch recess. Then somehow it wound up that Craig, Mrs. Starsky, and James were all looking right at Lizzie.”
Wow. “So that was the problem, huh?”
“Nope,” said Dodger. Just then, I heard footsteps charging up the stairs. Dodger looked at my bedroom door and gulped. “The problemâand it's really just a teeny little problem. I mean fifth grade isn't really a very long part of your life span, when you think about it.” Dodger swallowed again and said, “The problem isâ”
Lizzie burst into the room, causing the door to bang off the wall. She was out of breath, but she immediately said, “Dodger, did you tell Willie about the class election?”
I looked at Dodger. Lizzie saw my confused face, then glared at Dodger. I said, “Election?”
Dodger looked like he was going to throw up. “Dude,” he said, “
that's
the problem!”
that's
the problem!”
An Imprint of Macmillan
DODGER AND ME. Copyright © 2008 by Jordan Sonnenblick. All rights reserved. For information, address Square Fish, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010.
eISBN 9781429984676
First eBook Edition : January 2011
Square Fish and the Square Fish logo are trademarks of Mamillan and are used by Feiwel and Friends under license from Macmillan.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Sonnenblick, Jordan.
Dodger & me / by Jordan Sonnenblick.
p. cm.
Sonnenblick, Jordan.
Dodger & me / by Jordan Sonnenblick.
p. cm.
Summary: Miserable because his only friend moved away and he has once again lost a baseball game for his team, fifth-grader Willie Ryan's life suddenly becomes a lot more interesting when he finds Dodger, a furry blue chimpanzee that only he can see, and he has to decide what he really wishes for in life.
[1. WishesâFiction. 2. GeniesâFiction. 3. FriendshipâFiction.
4. Family lifeâFiction.] I. Title. II. Title: Dodger and me.
PZ7.S69798Do 2008 [Fic]âdc22 2007032770
4. Family lifeâFiction.] I. Title. II. Title: Dodger and me.
PZ7.S69798Do 2008 [Fic]âdc22 2007032770
Originally published in the United States by Feiwel and Friends
Square Fish logo designed by Filomena Tuosto
Square Fish logo designed by Filomena Tuosto
First Square Fish Edition: 2009
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