Domestic Affairs (41 page)

Olivia thought he must have been at an alternate table or in an alternate universe. “Seriously?”

“What, baby?” he whispered, looking around. She knew he was checking to be sure no one caught her inappropriate, annoyed look. That infuriated her even more.

“Please stop calling me ‘baby'.”

He leaned toward her and slipped his arm around her shoulder. “Feisty this morning, huh?” His words fell with an annoyingly teasing tone.

“I waited an hour and a half for you between home and here. And then I listened to you spend an hour clarifying the fact that Aubrey's your wife and I work for you. I think ‘pissed' is a better word.”

“Babe—” He caught himself midword. “Liv, what could I do? They took forever getting me off the set, and then Nora and Alex were right outside the hotel! I couldn't just ignore them.”

“It really took you an hour to get out of there?”

“Scout's honor. Where else would I go?”

“Who knows where you would go.” She said the words bluntly, with a sharp edge.

He looked at her seriously. “Liv, you know you're the only person I ever want to go see. You know me, baby.”

“Yeah.” She couldn't help but let her annoyance simmer over. “Unfortunately, I know how well you lie.”

The governor sat back in his chair, looking surprised at her boldness.
She felt a pang of guilt at being mean. Who was she to talk anyway? She was lying just as much as he was.

“Let's not do this here.” He waved over to Marco for a check. “Come on, I have a dayroom.”

She bit her tongue, hating the idea of the “dayroom” more than ever.

Marco came over. “You're all set, boss. No check.”

“Thanks, Marco.” The governor pulled a twenty from his wallet and left it on the table.

“Always my pleasure, boss.” As Olivia started to get up, Marco turned to her and asked, “All okay, girly?”

She immediately plastered on a grin and picked up her tone. “Oh yeah, totally. All is good, Marco. Thanks. I'm just tired today!”

Marco smiled right back. “Good, good. Sleep after the election, right?”

“You got it!”

She and Landon walked out of the lounge to the lobby and Olivia turned to the governor, her smile still glued to her face. “I'm going to just go home. Clearly I'm not myself today.”

He furrowed his brow. “Olivia.” He sounded like a mad parent scolding a kid. “Let's not make more of a scene. Just come up and we can talk about it.”

“Fine.” She followed him into the elevator, knowing she shouldn't go, but she needed more of the conversation.

As they stepped into the room, he closed the door behind her. Olivia shook her head, not knowing which argument to go with first. “I just—”

He cut her off with a hug. “Baby, I'm so sorry.”

There were a million things she wanted to say but at first all she could do was bite her lip to prevent herself from crying. “It just sucks. You know, I mean, this is wrong. And I deserve more,” she said.

“I know you do. God.” He didn't let her go. “You deserve so much more.”

“We all do. You do. Aubrey does.
Your kids do
.”

Landon closed his eyes and shook his head but would not release his hold on her.

She hit her head into his chest. “When did I become this? When did I become the other woman?” She didn't want to be saying this to him but she had no one else to say it to.

“You're not the other woman.”

“Yes, I am.”

“You have my heart.”

Tears started to stream down her face. She wanted his heart. She wanted to stay in his embrace forever. She wanted the rest of the world, with all its complications, to just go away. “It's not enough.”

He held her tighter. “I know.”

She walked down the subway steps, recognizing it was probably not the safest idea to be taking the subway home from work at quarter to one in the morning.
Who cares
, she thought, figuring she had enough pent-up anger to fight off anyone trying to attack her anyway.
And I'm going from midtown to the Upper East Side
, she reminded herself.
It's not exactly the most dangerous route in the world.

When she got to the platform, she simmered in annoyance. The governor had left earlier in the day for his all-American holiday vacation to the Grand Canyon with the family. She knew she had no right to be irritated, but the jealousy brewed anyway. On top of that, they were in real trouble for the filing.

As she waited for the train, she paced, going over names of potential saviors in her head. They were $180,000 away from their goal—$180,000 that had already been spent. On staff in Iowa, on media, on things that couldn't be returned. She had insisted to everyone all day that the last dollars were a cinch, and with every affirmation, she felt as though she were digging one more level down in the ditch she was making.
Someone has to come through. They have to.

When the train finally arrived, she took a seat, thinking of the first conversation she had with Landon.
“I need you to tell me if we're going to miss our numbers,”
he had said. Maybe she should have said something back then but she hadn't.
Screw him.
He had totally abandoned her. On the other hand, this was her job. Not reaching the numbers was not an option.

She pulled out a list from her bag and started writing names of other people she could call.
I'll do this
, she told herself.

As she walked out of the subway, her BlackBerry started buzzing with loads of messages: Phil Sofia couldn't get his check in by the thirty-first; Dave and Lauren had left for Paris already; out-of-office reply from the Comanduccis; Morris Gregerson wouldn't be a host for the event; Aiden, Hailey, Riley, and Amy were all unavailable to talk today; Simon and Jonah were in London for the holiday, so they wouldn't get their contributions in before the New Year.

Olivia pressed her teeth together as hard as she could. Then the red message came through.

Hello there.

“You have to be kidding me,” she said aloud.

Another one came in a minute later.

How you doing?

How am I doing?
she thought.
I'm terrible! Thanks for checking in on the life you ruined.
She knew he'd never stop; he could be as stubborn as Ferris Bueller calling Cameron if she didn't respond. Like clockwork, her BlackBerry buzzed with a private number calling. She hit IGNORE as fast as she could, so maybe he would think she was sleeping. She definitely was in no mood to talk. Again he called. She wondered what it would take to report him as a stalker.

Sorry I missed you. Just got out of subway.
She sent it hoping a response would put a stop to his efforts, but it didn't.

The BlackBerry buzzed again. She looked down, refusing to pick up the call, knowing it would be impossible not to fall apart in either anger or sadness and knowing she would regret it in the morning.

Baby, pick up.

I'm really tired. Talk tomorrow?

Okay. Don't go on the subway by yourself so late. Thinking of you. Miss you.

Okay?
she thought.
Everything is definitely not okay.

It took everything in her not to throw the BlackBerry on the pavement.
I wouldn't have had to take the subway if I wasn't working twenty-four/seven on your campaign or if you hadn't held my last two paychecks. And don't call me baby!
She fantasized about writing that and so much more
but would not consider letting her emotions overrun her logic. Plus he was her boss. That was really the bottom line. That was why she had to end the relationship for good this time. She grabbed her mail from her tiny metal mailbox and threw it into her bag, walking up the stairs with so little energy that she had to take a breath between each step. When she got in, she dropped her bag and stared into the emptiness of her refrigerator. She knew she should have stopped downstairs for food, but the idea of walking the stairs one more time was too much to take, and her hunger wasn't enough to warrant the trip.

She splashed water on her face and swished mouthwash around in her mouth.
Good job, Olivia, not only will you be out of a job in no time, but you'll have no teeth and adult acne.

She straightened up in the mirror and got out her face wash determined to put a stop to the little pity party she was throwing herself. She would take care of herself. She washed her face thoroughly, brushed her teeth, and put on her favorite comfy blue flannel pajamas.

It will be okay
, she told herself.
You can do this.

She grabbed the mail and flopped onto her bed. Junk mail covered up a
Newsweek
magazine and the minute she saw it she wished she hadn't looked. There on the cover were Landon and Aubrey looking perfectly gorgeous together. The top read
AMERICA'S NEW PERFECT PAIR
, and the bottom had a line about their perfect family vacation.

I will not break
, Olivia told herself as she pushed the magazine onto her night table. She started opening the rest of the mail. An envelope full of coupons kept her attention for a minute as she looked through the things she would definitely do as soon as the campaign was over, as soon as she had some money. Then two notes from her grandma and her aunt, thanking her for the Christmas presents, sorry she missed so much of Christmas, and telling her how worried they were about her, how pale and tired she looked. She felt another dose of tension creep into her aching neck. The last piece of mail was an envelope from her old car insurance company. She hadn't owned a car for as long as she lived in the city.
Oh, please don't let it be another bill
, she thought.

Just a piece of paper
, she realized with a sigh of relief. Then she read down.

Dear Ms. Greenley,

We regret to inform you of the death of your insurance agent, Eugene Tesserman. Eugene will be missed and our thoughts are with his family.

We assure you service will be uninterrupted and a new agent will be in touch shortly. Should you have any questions or concerns in the meantime please don't hesitate to reach us at 212-555-1818.

Sincerely,
Dominick Satorelli

Olivia looked down at the words and a tear quickly turned into sobs. She looked over, in between sobbing breaths, to see Jacob's number buzzing on her BlackBerry. She reflexively picked up the phone.

“Yes?” She tried to sniffle in her sobs.

“Liv? You okay?”

“Yes, I'm fine.” She tried to get her voice to sound less shaky and wished her jaw would loosen a little.

“Are you crying?”

“Yes. I am. Okay. I'm crying.” She couldn't help it; the tears were flowing faster than she could catch them.

“What happened? What's wrong?”

All of a sudden she let loose a sob from her gut. “My insurance agent died,” she said through the gasps of breath.

“Oh my God. Liv, I'm so sorry. What happened?”

“I don't know.”

“So it was a surprise?”

“Yes.”

“I'm so sorry. Were you very close?”

She sniffled, more upset that she had lost control. “No, I didn't know him at all.” Saying the words out loud, combined with Jacob's silence, turned Olivia's sobs into hysterical laughter. “I never even knew his name!”

“Holy shit, Liv, you've finally totally lost it.”

“Seriously, Jacob, I think I may have.” She couldn't stop laughing. “Sorry . . . I just . . .”

“It's fine. I totally get it.”

Even though she knew he didn't
totally
get it, she appreciated knowing he came close to understanding. And even more, she appreciated not having to explain herself.

She breathed in and wiped her cheeks. “So what's up?”

“Gov wants to do a call tomorrow morning to go through the numbers.”

She laughed to herself, thinking how predictable Landon was. She wouldn't talk to him personally so he would force her to talk to him professionally.

“Did he just call you and ask for that?”

“Yeah,” Jacob said knowingly.

“That's fine. My whole day is calling and collecting so I can do any time.”

“Okay. Thanks.” He paused, sounding like he wanted to say something. Then he said, simply, “Sorry, Liv.”

She didn't want him to worry about her weariness. “It's not your fault. He can just be such an ass sometimes.”

“I'm thinking more than sometimes these days.”

Olivia was a little shocked that he was expressing this, even though they both knew it. “Yeah, I'm sorry too. I know it hasn't been so great for you lately.”

“Liv?”

“Yeah?”

“I'm thinking of leaving.”

The mail fell to the floor as Olivia sat up abruptly. “What?”

“Yeah. That senator I told you about, Morris, offered me a job.”

“You're not seriously considering it, are you?” Olivia knew the situation between Jacob and the governor had gotten bad, but the thought hadn't even crossed her mind that Jacob would quit. That was the thing in campaigns, the thing she thought she and Jacob shared completely, loyalty. Once you were part of a team you didn't drop your candidate even if he or she were going down in flames. Loyalty was Campaign Lesson #1.