Don't Break My Heart (Straight from the Heart #3) (3 page)

Lucy: You’re up this early? Oh wait… you must’ve kicked a girl out of your bed this morning…

Pauly: Spare me, you dork. We’re leaving Damon’s place in like an hour so you can follow us there or just be the first ones dunked into the lake when you two get there.

Lucy: You wouldn’t…

Pauly: Yes, I would. Get you all wet and have you pissed at me? Sounds like a blast to me!

Lucy: Shut up Paul. *Yeah I used your REAL name* we’ll be there, don’t you worry.

To my luck, Emily was already awake, in the spare bathroom using my straightener and applying makeup to her face.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” she said, giving me a hug as I stumbled into the doorway. “I already got you a cup of coffee from your Keurig thing. I need to get me one of those; it works like a charm!” She tried getting me to laugh, and I displayed a lazy smile.

“Thanks, best friend, I need that since I’ll be driving.” When I was off tour, I always liked to drive. Whether I was with family, the guys, or Emily, I had a control freak thing going on where I didn’t like to sit in the passenger seat. I’ve seen way too many crazy drivers out there, and I didn’t care if I drove the actual speed limit. As long as I got to my destination, I was good.

“What time are we leaving?” Emily shouted at me as I walked out to the kitchen. I picked up the black coffee waiting for me on the counter and sipped.

“Pauly texted me and said they were leaving in less than an hour.”

“Shit, do those guys like to get up early? The guys I know sleep in until the damn afternoon…” Emily rolled her eyes as she headed to the kitchen.

“They’re different all right.” I laughed, finishing my coffee, while I contemplated on what to wear for the trek up north. It wasn’t as if I was dressing up for a show with my tutu’s and my ripped pants and shirts so I eased up a little bit. I knew the moment I got there, I would want to go swimming in the lake, so I made sure I’d packed every bathing suit that I owned.

I finally decided on a plain pink T-shirt and a pair of my Bermuda shorts. I used the straightener Emily left on for me and finished getting ready while she was packing our suitcases into my Ford Edge. I gave myself another once over, adding a touch of eyeliner as my only make-up, and I was ready to go.

Score! Only took me 20 minutes to get ready!
I praised myself, slipping a pair of slip-on shoes onto my feet and surveying the apartment, making sure I had everything I needed for the weeks we’d be up there.
Shit, my bass!

I almost forgot my prized Nikki Sixx possession, signed by the man himself, so I ran back to my bedroom at lighting speed, and made sure it was tucked neatly and safely in its case. I locked the door to the apartment for the last time for a few weeks and sighed. It felt like I just left and here I was, leaving again.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and playing music for an audience that likes our music. I love everything that comes along with it, too; I’ve gotten used to the routine by now. But a part of me wishes I had my WHOLE family there to support me.

My dad has come to a few shows over the years and has been fairly supportive. He swears he doesn’t shoot himself up anymore with heroin, but the last time I saw him, I knew he was lying. My mom and I are still pretty close now. Even though I can’t talk to her about my music, we still have our occasional mother/daughter nights that started when I was eleven and how happen whenever I get a free night back home.

At least my other siblings were smart. They had sensible careers with young kids, nice white picket fenced houses. They never really got into music like I did, so I was sort of the black sheep of the family.

“About time!” Emily grinned at me as I walked out into the sunshine and put the bass on the floor in front of the back seat. “Damon’s blowing up my phone asking where we are.”

I scoffed. “Well,” I said, placing a hand on my hip. “You just tell your bossy cousin that he needs to not get his big boy panties in a bunch because we’re on our way.” It wasn’t even like his house was that far from my apartment. It was a few miles away toward the outskirt of Muskegon.

Emily shook her head laughing as she quickly texted Damon back and we strapped in. Once I started the car up, I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road toward Damon’s place. Emily was looking through my cases of CD’s that I had in the glove compartment and slid her pick into the CD player.

“Hinder?” I looked over at her and gave her a questionable look as Hinder’s
Extreme
Behavior
album started blaring through the speakers.

“Why
not
Hinder is the question?” Emily smirked. “Totally gets us in the mood for a fun road trip just you and I. Besties for life.” All I could do was shake my head at Emily. She was my best friend for a reason; we were both crazy.

“Very true though. I mean we could totally stick our heads out our windows while we’re on US-131 and sing at the top of our lungs.” I suggested, just as we arrived at Damon’s mansion. The driveway to his place was at least a half-mile long, with a loop around at the front of the house. Next to the loop was a huge garden he had been adamant about putting in his yard himself last year.

“I forgot how huge this fucker is,” Emily gasped as we took in the view before us. We parked behind Pauly’s Mustang and I heard music even louder than ours blaring from Damon’s white van.

I honked the horn, and the guys turned around and waved.

“Were you worried we would beat you up there or something?” Emily stuck her head out of the window and shouted.

“Considering how Lucy drives, I know
I
wasn’t worried about beating you two there,” Pauly shouted back, winking in my direction. How could he act like we were perfectly fine when not that long ago, we’d had a night of unforgettable sex… only to have him reject me.

I wasn’t going to let it get to me anymore. Pauly was still my best friend and part of me would love him no matter what. Letting his words get under my skin only made me feel worse and I couldn’t let happen, especially when it was crunch time for our next album. I’d find someone or maybe while on our little vacation. I’ve always dated someone that’s been involved with music one way or another so it’d be a breath of fresh air to go on a date with someone who isn’t in the scene. Someone normal.

“Very funny, smart ass.” I flipped him the middle finger. The guys started howling with laughter and slapping Pauly on the back. “Are you guys done stuffing in your luggage? We’re ready to go.”

Alex walked over to the car, opened the door to my side, and gave me a hug.

“Had to do it,” He grinned, kissing me on the cheek before winking at Emily. “You look good, Em.”

I watched Emily practically melt into nothing as her face flushed a deep shade of red. Hide it all she wants, she definitely still had a thing for Alex.

“So do you,” she half whispered.

“Hey, Alex, come on! Everything’s loaded!” Damon shouted, and Alex mouthed a ‘See ya, later’ to us, walking back toward the guys.

We turned up the music and pulled out of the driveway, and we started following them toward US-131. I left the windows down since it already felt like it was 70 degrees outside. For mid-June, it wasn’t surprising around here, but you never knew what to expect. Hell, it could’ve been May and might still be snowing.

Once we got onto US-131, Emily and I started bopping our heads along to Hinder and
Lips of an Angel
, holding up our imaginary lighters as the lead singer started up the chorus and the two of us joined in. We stayed behind the guys most of the way up, but we stopped once to get some iced coffees and take a bathroom break.

“Did you see how fast those fuckers were going?” Emily pointed out as we walked out of Dunkin’ Donuts with our large vanilla coconut iced coffees in our hands. “I am surprised they haven’t been pulled over yet for going like 30 over the dang limit.”

It didn’t surprise me. I knew Damon had some kind of radar detector in his car. Even when the guys have been pulled over, they just offered the cops free tickets to one of our shows and it usually worked.

Keyword
usually.

I rolled my eyes as I started the car and said “Now, let’s enjoy the rest of our drive.”

“Wow. We stop for coffee and a bathroom break and you already have the food and drinks lined up?” We stood with our hands on our hips as we lugged all of our suitcases into the cabin. Or as we call it, The Manor.

I still get the chills knowing that I split a fifth of this cabin, and when I look at it from the road, it looks like a huge house instead. Spanning over 100 acres, this force to be reckoned with had 6 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms, and had a direct view of the lake that we could see from the backside of the house. Nothing beat hearing the water crash along the shore; it calmed me down. Closer to the lake, there was an outdoor pavilion where the past couple of times we’ve been here that’s where we’ve practiced our music instead of the studio.

“You know it, tommy girl.” Pauly strolled up beside me, draping an arm around my shoulder. I felt his warm, bulging muscles against my neck and I felt a shiver run down my spine.
Shake it off, Lucy,
I told myself,
Pauly is obviously still wants to be friendly.
“But first, I’m going out to the lake for a swim. You wanna join me?”

“Let me unpack first and I might join you.” My eyes trailed over to where Emily was on Alex’s heels as he took her luggage to her bedroom upstairs. She had a look in her eyes that said ‘Fuck me, now!’ and, knowing Alex, I’m sure he’d happily oblige. “Have you been out to the end of the dock yet?”

“Not yet. We’ve gotta clean out the pavilion, too; all the furniture and shit is dusty and we’re already planning a huge bash for the 4
th
of July so it’s got to get done.” Pauly lightly squeezed my shoulder. “So I haven’t seen you in a few days…”

“What… I can’t take a break from seeing you? We practically live together 90% of the time?” 

Pauly laughed. “You know what I mean. You’ve been avoiding me ever since that morning…”

I lifted his arm off my shoulders and stepped away, noticing we were alone and the others were off somewhere else. “It is what it is, Pauly. I get it. I do. You can have all these one night stands with these sluts that come to our shows wearing practically
nothing
but when it comes to me, you push me away and treat me like one of your sluts!”

“I didn’t push you away, Lucy. Dammit.” I could tell Pauly was about to punch the wall next to him. His fists curled up tight and his mouth tightened up in frustration.

“Whatever. I’m not up here to fight with you, Pauly. We have new music to write and record.” I hissed, inching closer to his face. “Don’t ever try to kiss me again. That ship has sailed.” I patted his chest and snatched the last of my bags that needed to go upstairs. “I’ll be down at the lake in a half hour for that swim.”

I think my assertiveness surprised him because he didn’t have any smartass remarks to say as I walked away.
Good.

After finishing unpacking, I slipped into the only one-piece bathing suit I owned. It was all black with the sides cut out from the bottom of my breasts to my hip bones. It made me feel incredibly sexy and showed off the spots where I had lost the most weight in the past few years. I admired myself in the mirror while putting on a pair of plain white flip-flops and making sure my butt didn’t look huge in the bathing suit. I had a huge bubble butt throughout Middle School into early High School and people would make fun of me for it. I still didn’t like showing it off so whenever I wore my usual tutu’s I’d pair it with leggings or tights.

Looking over my shoulder again at my reflection, I finally decided to head downstairs, putting on my sunglasses as I walked down the steps.

I saw Emily, Damon, and Alex in the main living area where the huge 60 inch TV was playing Baseball. I didn’t pay attention to what teams were duking it out, but once I reached the door to the patio, I heard Em whistle out to get my attention.

“Damn girl, you look hot.” She winked at me, and the guys gave her a funny look. “What? She’s my best friend. You can’t pretend like she’s not hot in that bathing suit and you know it.”

The guys chuckled and looked my way briefly, then turned their attention back to the game. “You don’t want to come down and swim, too, Emily?”

She shook her head, reaching for the beer in front of her. “I’m good in here for now. I think Mike is down there with Pauly though, haven’t seen him around.”

“Not surprising.” I chuckled, stepping onto the patio and walking down the dock toward the water. I felt the breeze from the lake hit me as I got closer. I couldn’t wait to get into the water, get my hair wet, and let all of my nerves and frustration wash away.

At the end of the dock, I could see Pauly and Mike a little bit farther down toward the rocky part of the property. I took my sunglasses off and set them down in the grass, along with my flip-flops, feeling the grass between my toes.

Sticking one toe into the water, my other foot followed. It was surprisingly cool on my legs as I continued to lower my body until the water was at my chin. I swam out as far as I could go and let myself float on top of the water. I don’t know how long I stayed there but eventually, I heard voices coming toward me and knew it was Pauly.

“You know you’ve been out here for at least an hour, tommy girl.” Pauly spoke, standing right next to my side. I swam back a bit towards shore so I could stand in the water, taking out the hair tie that was holding my hair, and shook my hair out, splashing Pauly with droplets of water.

He smirked as I replied, “I couldn’t help myself. It’s so calm and peaceful out here.” I felt his eyes staring me down, from my now messed up wet hair, to the top of my bathing suit which was visible through the water, which was clear as glass. I had the sudden urge to cover myself. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Whoa, I wasn’t staring, Lucy.” He was grinning like a possum. “I was just taking in the view.” Yeah, I was taking in a certain view myself, his bare chest wet from the water, showing off that tattoo I’ve had dreams about.
Key word HAD,
as in, I shouldn’t think about him that way anymore.

I turned away, climbing out of the water as we reached the shore. Writing in the pavilion would do the trick. “I know what you were talking about Pauly.” I teased him. “And now you know how it feels to want.”

Once I got back to the shore and put my flip-flops back on, the breeze gave me a slight chill. I grabbed a towel from the ledge of the porch to dry off before I headed inside to grab a pen and paper. I didn’t want to be worried about being wet and cold while I had an idea for a song.

Wrapping the towel around my waist, I trudged inside, where everyone, minus Pauly, was inside eating nachos and cheese. “You want to take a plate out there, Luce?” Damon asked me as I grabbed a pen and paper from under the coffee table in the living room. I ran a hand through my wet hair, giving him a small smile.

“That sounds amazing,” I replied, my stomach growling afterwards. I made myself a plate, grabbed a can of beer. “Is the stereo system still out there?”

“Mhmm. It’s ready, and I took some new cd’s out there if you want to look.” Alex said, standing awfully close to Emily as she took one last bite of her food. “Are you gonna write our next big hit?”

Pressure much?

That was always in the back of my mind. Between Damon, Pauly and I, we did most of the writing in the group, but Mike and Alex have written stuff, too. But they give me most of the credit because I wrote our biggest hit to date:
Freakshow
. So yeah, the pressure was on me to think of something even greater than
Freakshow,
lyric wise. I needed to find some sort of inspiration.

Pauly was right when he said the furniture in the pavilion was dusty. I walked in and the small couch beside the stereo system was covered in dust. I used the towel around my waist to wipe a spot off for me to sit on, but first I turned the stereo and picked out Linkin Park’s
Hybrid
Theory
album, which was sitting on top of the stack of music. I pressed play and let the music consume me as I grabbed the pen and paper and started writing down the first thought that came to mind.

Untitled

Friday night and I’m at the bar

Watching your every move

You consume my every thought

Mind, body, and soul

I need to have you in my bed tonight

I heard a tap on one of the wooden beams supporting the pavillion and I spun around, nearly jumping out of my seat.

“How’s it going?” Pauly asked, now fully clothed in basketball shorts and a T-shirt, leaning against a beam. “Good song choice, by the way.”

“You scared the shit out of me.” I tried to study his body language. His bulging arms were crossed in front of his chest and his head nearly hit the ceiling. “Come see what I have so far.” I gestured toward my notebook and he walked over and plopped down beside me. I heard him hum the melody to
Crawling
by Linkin Park as he studied the lyrics I had just written.

“Damn, girl, I think you’re off to a good start,” Pauly replied, gently patting my knee. “All I see in my head right now is that
Freakshow
vibe, and it needs to be different than that.”

“I haven’t thought of a melody yet, Donovan.” I stuck my tongue out at him. He was pretty critical of the lyrics I’ve written, either telling me this sounds to fake, or a chorus is too cheesy. I didn’t mind his opinion though. He pushed me to write better songs.

“No, I know. What you need is some help from the king of guitar.” I couldn’t help but cackle. “I meant that in all seriousness Lucy. We’re a team here; you could use my help if we’re going to make this next song our biggest hit to date.”

“Whatever you say, mister know it all,” I retorted, writing down some more lyrics that came to mind. From the look on Pauly’s face, he must not have liked what I wrote. “Is something wrong with my lyrics?”

“Why must you think that way, tommy girl? It needs more fire and spunk. And you know that’s exactly what Damon is going to say. This is just song one and we need to write like another dozen.” He was starting to get on my nerves, despite the fact that he looked extra handsome with his wet hair slicked back.

“Well, what do you suggest I do then since you seem to have an opinion? Should I just go out to a bar and actually fuck a guy so I can get decent lyrics like you’ve done before with other girls?” I was intrigued by my own idea. One time, and maybe that’d get Pauly out of my system so we could go back to normal again.

As if we ever really were normal.

Pauly had a sour look on his face, his body stiffening up next to me just thinking about my suggestion. “That’s just trouble Lucy. You’re not the one-time kind of girl so please don’t go do that…”

I got up, turned off the music, and snatched up the pen and notebook. I gave him my pissed off stare and said, “You’re a walking contradiction, Paul Donovan. You tell me not to have a one-night stand with a random guy, yet you have the freedom to do that shit on a daily basis. You did it to me too asshole. Except we have to be around each other. You make no sense at all.”

Storming past him, walking back toward the cabin, I could hear him behind me.

“Lucy, come on,” he yelled, but I sure as hell wasn’t stopping. “Lucy Rae Tomlinson, stop your fine ass right there.”

I stayed put, not bothering to turn around. He was so close to me, I could feel him breathing on the back of my neck. As I stood there, I told myself that maybe I was overreacting to this whole situation. To him. Not once over the years I was with Cale did we get into spats like this, except when we argued over his addiction. What was it about Pauly that made me act this way?

Slowly turning, I tipped my head back so I could look him in the eyes. “I’m sorry, I snapped at you,” I caved in. “I shouldn’t have said that stuff.”

Pauly looked surprised. “Are you actually apologizing to me?
The
Lucy Tomlinson apologizing to me?” He chuckled and pulled me into a hug. Squeezing me tightly around the waist, he sighed. “Apology accepted by the way.”

I enjoyed his friendly embrace, resting my head on his shoulder. “But I’m open for other suggestions because I feel like I have an early case of writers block coming on.”

Letting go, Pauly winked at me, and linked his arm with mine as we walked back inside the cabin. “Don’t worry, babe. We’re going to write our best record to date and you’ll become queen of the bass once more.”

I nudged his side hard. “I’m not your babe, you ass,” I scolded him. “That’s saved for my next boyfriend.” Pauly rolled his eyes at that comment.

“Oh, spare me,” he pretended to gag.

We spent the rest of the night hanging inside with everyone, playing a couple of games of Cards against Humanity and enjoying each other’s company. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life, but part of it was the alcohol in my system. Reading those dirty sayings on the cards wasn’t helping either.

Around midnight, we all called it a night, heading up to our bedrooms. I changed into a thin black nightgown that fit loosely on me and brushed my hair so it draped over my shoulders. Before I got underneath the covers with my Kindle, there was a knock on the door.

“Hey girl, can I come in?” I turned my head around and saw Emily standing in the doorway. It looked like she hadn’t changed yet; she was still wearing the same shorts and shirt from earlier.