Don’t Ever Wonder (9 page)

I called Shelly to say good night but she must have been asleep because there was no answer at the house. I put on ESPN and plopped onto the bed. I was excited and nervous about going to see Nina at least once before I went home. She had to get her phone. My mind began to drift back to the summer day when Shelly told me that she was pregnant. I was truly happy that day. I couldn’t quite remember where we got off track. It dawned on me that we never really did. I got caught wondering about whether Shelly and I still had the magic. When Nina’s phone rang and I saw
home
appear on the screen, I realized once and for all that we didn’t.

Sitting through church
sermons was a new experience for Nate. Although he was extremely attentive to the messages that Reverend Lawson delivered, he sometimes caught his mind drifting. Reverend Lawson looked like a dark-skinned version of Suge Knight except that his goatee was salt and pepper and his cheeks a little chubbier. His voice echoed through the entire church as he roused the congregation with colorful analogies and inspirational scripture. Today he preached about the spirit of second chances.

The words were extremely timely for Nate. He fully recognized that he’d been given one. Through all the sinning, deceit, and abuse he’d committed he was still here. He thought about the women who would have loved to have ended his life for the heartache he’d given them. Then there were the many boyfriends and husbands who had sat up waiting for their women to come in from the clubs or girls’ night out only to have to wait until the next day or whenever Nate was done with them. His life had been filled with self-indulgence and reckless abandon when it came to the feelings of anyone else.

“Be mindful, folks, that some of you are walking around so high and mighty that you don’t feel that you don’t need to, or want to, give anyone…your husband, your wife, your children, or your friends second chances. You don’t even realize that God gives you second
second
chances daily. Shucks, sometimes you need a third
second
chance before you even make it to lunchtime. I know I do.” The church erupted in low laughter. “So make it a point to show that humility. That’s why we have erasers on pencils…we all make mistakes.” He quoted a few more scriptures, led the congregation in a closing prayer, and directed the choir to end the service with a song.

One thing that Nate loved about church was that everyone whom he came in contact with seemed so eager to fellowship and encourage him. Without noticing, it seemed as though Nate sought out forgiveness for his past from everyone he met. He’d become extremely humble and his demeanor had changed. It was as if a part of him had died right along with Kim. He was thinking of her as he exited the pew and headed up the aisle toward the doors of the church.

As he made his way down the steps he noticed a woman pointing at him. She was standing with two other women. Nate pretended not to notice and kept moving until she shouted his name. “Nate. Nate Montgomery.” He glanced over and she shouted, “I thought that was you in the church.”

He looked over and made eye contact this time and recognized her face. It was Erika. He hadn’t seen her since he had thrown her and her cousin out of his apartment after sleeping with them both. He wasn’t sure if he should stop and say hello or wave and keep moving. As he was thinking it over, he found himself right in front of her. She was still looking good and he wondered for a moment why he had never taken her seriously. “Hey, Erika. It’s nice to see you.”

She rolled her eyes. “Nice to see me?”

Nate released an uncomfortable chuckle. “Yeah. Nice to see you.” He decided to play dumb. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

Her eyes narrowed and her lips got tight. “Oh, I see you’re still a real jackass, huh?”

“Erika,” one of her friends said, trying to quell an outburst.

Nate shook his head. He wasn’t disgusted at her behavior but a little shocked that she was about to take it there in front of the church. He understood why she would still be angry. She was really digging him for a while. The last time he had seen her he’d made love to her all night long and probably promised her the world. The next morning, though, instead of breakfast in bed, he served her the shock of her life. After sleeping like a baby she was awakened by a thumping sound. When she realized she was in Nate’s bed alone she got up to find him. Moments later, she walked in on him banging her cousin, Jay, who had slept in the next room. A horrible scene unfolded and he, of course, had sent them both packing. Erika had never enjoyed a worse Thanksgiving, thanks to Nate.

“Hey listen E—”

She cut him off and pointed her finger into his face. “My name is Erika and—”

“Erika, I’m sorry,” Nate said calmly, interrupting her before she started her tirade. “I was in a really bad place then. I behaved ya’know…real foul back then. I know I hurt you and I know what I did was worse than
just
wrong. So from the bottom of my heart I want you to know that I truly apologize.” Erika was silent. An apology was the last thing she expected. It was evident that she had long awaited the chance to confront him and to blast him. Now here she was looking deep into the eyes of a sincere man. “Even if you can’t forgive me, then at least accept my apology.”

A few seconds and she nodded her head. Her friends were silent as well. One of them was looking Nate up and down. He was wearing a dark brown Helmut Lang suit and a five-hundred-dollar pair of Polo loafers. It wasn’t until he had spoken so gently that they noticed how appealing he was. “O…okay…I accept your apology.” Nate extended his hand to shake hers and was surprised when she reached out and pulled him in for a hug. He was even more surprised when during the embrace she whispered into his ear, “I have missed you soooooo much. No one ever made me feel like you did.”

When Nate pulled away he immediately felt uncomfortable. Before he had to come up with a response, he heard a welcome voice. “Nathan. Come here for a second.” He looked over and saw Reverend Lawson waving him over.

“E…I mean Erika, it was good seeing you again,” he said. She nodded in agreement.

“You too. Do you come here every week?” She asked.

“Well I just moved back in town and…”

“Nathan,” Reverend Lawson called again.

“Let me run. Maybe I’ll see you again,” he said and walked off toward his pastor, glad that he didn’t’ have to tell a lie to avoid seeing her again.

He walked up on the reverend and shook his hand. “How’d you like that message today?”

“It was great. I enjoyed it thoroughly.”

“That’s good.” He laughed. “Listen, Nate, I have someone I want you to meet.” He spun his big body and pulled a sister from a group of ladies behind him. He led her lightly by the arm and placed her in front of Nate. “Charley, this is the young man I was telling you about. Nathan Montgomery.” Then he patted Nate on the shoulder. “Nate, I present to you my lovely sister-in-law. She is single and ready to mingle, or should I say ready to meet a fine young man like yourself.” He laughed.

“Hi Nate, I’m Charlene.” She extended her hand and they shook as they exchanged pleasantries. Nate noticed that Charlene had a really firm grip. Her build was like Angela Bassett’s when she played the role of Tina Turner. His mind immediately took him back to the fluffy body of Janette in Charlotte. He had grown used to the soft curves of a larger woman and though he was focused on remaining celibate, when he had broken down and masturbated images of Janette and other full-figured women were always flooding his mind. Charlene was pretty enough and her smile was bright, but Nate felt no connection to her.

“Nate, I want you to come to the house for lunch. We’re having some people over and I would love for you to meet my wife.”

Nate knew that it was a setup. The good reverend was trying to play matchmaker and it was obvious. “Rev, I really have a lot to do this afternoon.”

“Nathan, I would take it as a personal insult if you didn’t come and join me.”

Nate shook his head and a cordial grin appeared on his face hiding the pressure he was feeling. “Well, since you put it like that I don’t see how I could refuse.”

They both laughed and Charlene smiled and winked at Nate.

The church parking
lot cleared and a half hour later Nate followed the pastor and ten carloads of church members into a gated community out in Mitchellville, Maryland. Lloyd Lawson had a seven-thousand-square-foot home in a community reserved for the area’s elite. Nate remembered coming into the community for a party at Chris Webber’s house when he played for the Wizards a few years back. It was strange to imagine that a man working for a church could afford such a house. The thought crossed his mind that a good portion of the collections must have gone into paying the mortgage on this place.

Lloyd’s Mercedes disappeared into the garage and everyone else parked in the driveway and gravel next to it. He exited his car and followed the other members of the congregation toward the front door. “Hey, Nathan,” Charlene said as she appeared.

“Hey again.”

She led him into a family room big enough for ten families and offered him a drink. As she went off to get it Nate was approached by members wanting to make his acquaintance. Some came off as nosy while a few seemed genuine.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do to make you feel more welcome.”

“So how did you find out about the Word Church and Reverend Lawson?”

“You look really familiar.”

“So what kind of work do you do?”

“Are you married?”

When Charlene failed to come back with his drink he decided to wander off. When he reached the punch bowl in the kitchen he saw an older lady sitting in a motorized wheelchair watching the Home Shopping Network. She had on an almond-colored dress with flower prints on it. Nate spoke to her and her eyes never left the screen. As he filled his cup the old lady said, “Doctor Baines, don’t you turn that channel I’m looking for something.”

“Excuse me,” Nate said as he looked around to see if she could have been speaking to anyone else.

“You heard me. Don’t make me tell my son. He will kick your ass and good. You always change the got-damned channel when something comes on that I want to buy.”

Nate was confused and before he could respond a woman entered the kitchen. “Miss Bethany, what are you in here fussing for?” She flipped back into silent mode and resumed watching the television. “You’ll have to excuse Mrs. Lawson. This is Lloyd’s grandmother. She gets a little confused at times…you understand?”

“Oh, of course. I just hope I didn’t upset her.”

“No, she’s fine. I’ve been looking after her for the past few months and she gets like that from time to time. Whatever you do, just don’t turn that shopping network off.” Then she laughed, showing a smile as bright as snow in the sunshine. Nate took a look at her as he laughed with her. As he took in the sight of her he couldn’t believe his eyes. He couldn’t believe that he was seeing the personification of perfection. She wasn’t the cliché ideal of beauty. She wasn’t fair-skinned, and her hair wasn’t straight. She didn’t have hazel eyes and she wasn’t tall. Instead her skin was the color of a Hershey bar, her eyes were slightly slanted, and the skin overlapped like a Chinese person’s. Her lips were full and she had on red lipstick, which he usually found tacky. She had a perfect face, high cheekbones, long lashes, and the whitest teeth. Her body, however, was a different level of excellent. She was shaped remarkably close to Ki Toy, the girl from the OutKast video with the prototype body. Nate tried to compose himself when she turned and opened the refrigerator. With her back to him he gazed at her and took her image in and felt the air escaping his body.

The linen cargo pants that she wore did nothing to disguise the contours of her rear end. She had on a snug-fitting Chanel T-shirt and when she reached up to the top shelf of the fridge to grab a tray of cold cuts, there was a slight jiggle in her breasts, which were the size of grapefruits, and only visible to someone staring beyond the point of reason. When she turned around she caught Nate’s stare and the smile she had worn quickly disappeared.

“So, what’s your name? I haven’t seen you around before.”

“My name is Nate and I’m new to the church.”

“Oh, okay, yeah, I’ve heard about you. Larry talked a lot about you before you moved back to D.C.”

Nate had assumed that she was either a nurse for Reverend Lawson’s mother or a housekeeper so he asked, “So how do you know Larry?”

She looked at him strangely. “Larry is my brother-in-law. I’m Anita Lawson, Lloyd’s wife.”

With her response Nate almost lost his breath. In that moment it came to him that he’d been slipping as he hadn’t in months. He was lusting for this woman. Not only in a sexual manner, though. In the few moments since she had come into the kitchen, Nate had fostered a desire to get to know this woman. Something in her energy made him want to know what was behind her beauty and her body. It was all out the window now as he realized that she belonged to his pastor, of all people. Anita couldn’t have been a day over thirty he guessed and Lloyd looked to be at least forty-five. Nate couldn’t see the matchup as hard as he tried.

They made small talk while she grabbed some plastic ware. Miss Bethany interrupted them, “Doctor Baines,” she yelled, “take a look at this pen.” She was pointing at the television. “Hurry up, they only have a hundred and fifty left. You could use this with all those prescriptions you write.”

As Nate move toward Miss Bethany, Anita smiled at him. “I’ll see you in a bit, Doctor Baines.”

As she headed out Nate mouthed. “Who is Doctor Baines?”

“Just be glad you aren’t him,” she responded in a whisper. “He’s been dead for twenty years.”

Nate sat and talked with Miss Bethany for a good half hour. Never mind that she thought he was her doctor from some years back. She just smiled and laughed and when she told him it was time for her nap she asked him to open the door to her room.

After rejoining the crowd in the family room, Nate was cornered by Charlene. It took only twenty minutes of conversation for him to realize that Charlene was looking for a husband. He quickly escaped to the deck where he found Lloyd entertaining a group of deacons. He was surprised when he saw the reverend with a glass of Rémy Martin in his hand. Nate simply never imagined that a pastor would drink hard liquor.

“Nathan, come on and join us. Don’t be shy.”

Nate walked out onto the deck and took a seat as he listened to the men talk about how bad their golf games were, how poorly their stocks were performing, and about how crooked the world of politics had become. After another half hour Nate excused himself and insisted he had to run. Had to go work out and get some shopping done. In reality he was so wound up that he was thinking of taking a ride down to Charlotte to pay his dentist a visit. He was horny as hell and thought only a moment about his commitment to celibacy.