Don’t Ever Wonder (13 page)

I had no
idea if Brendan could hear a word we were saying or sense what was happening around him. They say that it’s possible for someone in a coma to hear and yet not process sounds and voices. Often, people who come out of them say that they could hear voices or feel the presence of loved ones. If that was the case, I had a theory on Brendan’s state. He was up and down as far as his healing was going. But what I noticed over the course of the week was that every time Renée came to visit he seemed to smile. It was hard to make out since he had a tube running into his stomach feeding him and a mask over his mouth and nose helping him breath, but I saw it.

At the end of the week Renée was telling me that she was going to have to go back to Houston. She was preparing for a wedding. She was getting married to a New Orleans businessman named Tamarick Ledaye. We had a chance to talk about a lot of things, especially her and Brendan’s friendship slash relationship gone bad.

We’d decided to ride over to Levi’s, a soul food spot up in Mitchellville. As we ate a late lunch she confided how devastated she’d been when she found Brendan in bed with Laney after what they’d been through. “You know, Cory, even though we had kind of called it quits or tried to go back to being just friends, it was still a shock for me to see him screwing her in my house.”

“Yeah, but you weren’t supposed to see that. You were supposed to be out of town, and you did tell him to make himself at home.” I smiled, hoping that she could take me making light of it.

She laughed back. “I guess I did, didn’t I?” Renée was a different type of woman. She was kind and had a bubbly spirit. She was the type who lived just to show love to those around her. She’d give the shirt off her back to you if you needed it, but at the same time she’d try to motivate you to go out and get your own. The Texas sun had roasted her skin and she was darker than I had ever remembered seeing her. With the cinnamon streaks in her hair she looked beautiful. I could also tell that she’d spent a lot of time in the gym, her stomach was flat as a board and she’d even bragged that she had gotten her belly button pierced.

“So you’re really gonna get married?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I? I have the man of my dreams,” she shot back.

My eyebrows arched at her comment. “Okay,” I muttered.

“What the hell is all that for?” she asked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking ’bout.”

“Oh, yeah, you do,” she pointed out “All that squirming and sarcasm.”

“All I said was okay.”

“It’s the way you said it…like okay whatever.” She seemed a little heated. “If you have something to say, brother, go ahead and say it.”

I thought for a second about the picture that she had shown me of her and Tamarick. “Well, I guess I just found it a little weird that your fiancé looks so much like Brendan.” She was quiet. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m sure he’s a wonderful guy, but don’t tell me you never noticed how much they look alike.”

Renée took a deep breath. I knew her well. Although she was Brendan’s best female friend, she and I had basically grown up together as well and I knew that I’d just struck a nerve. “I find that funny, Cory. Funny that you of all people would have the gumption to speak on picking a fiancé look-alike. Aren’t you the one engaged, married, or fucking the Sanchez twins?”

“Ouch. Hold on sistah. First, this isn’t about me. Second, they aren’t twins.” I smiled to let her know that I wasn’t trying to take it there. “I know I’m a little confused and can admit that I was dead wrong, but it’s never too late to straighten things out.”

“Whose life are we talking about right now, yours or mine?”

“Just speaking in general,” I answered.

We finished lunch
and I told her about what I felt her presence was doing for Brendan. “Why would you think that I am making such a big difference?” she asked.

“Probably because he still loves, wants, and needs you.”

“Negro, isn’t that a damn Patti LaBelle song?” She punched me in the arm.

“I’m serious, though.”

“What makes you so sure?”

I looked her in the eyes and told her a lie. Not to hurt her or to lead her on, but because I believed in my heart that she was making a difference and because Brendan couldn’t speak for himself right now. “He told me so not too long ago.”

She bit her bottom lip and stared into my eyes. She didn’t say a word and I could tell that she was moved. A minute later she said, “It’s a little late for that now.”

“It’s never too late.” I put in my Raheem DeVaughn CD and rolled the windows down and headed back to the hospital to spend the rest of the day with Brendan.

“Nate has been
a Godsend at the church,” Reverend Lawson stated to his wife and the board of deacons.

Every day he was there after his workout. He did everything from repair work to cooking for the homeless. Even more impressive was that he often used his own money. He had purchased fifteen new cribs for the nursery and asked that the church donate the remaining ones to teenage mothers. He had bought the materials and installed new floors in two of the bathrooms. He even paid some young members to make a hundred sandwiches a day to give out to the homeless.

What the reverend and his staff didn’t know was that lately he was spending so much time there because he was looking for something. He was trying to find a deeper connection with the Master. He was a troubled soul and feeling weak. Nate was wondering if God was so good, why was his friend clinging to life in a coma. He was wondering why after all that he had done to change his life God had allowed him to still be tormented by occasional nightmares of Kim and why he had money but still felt empty. He’d given up the things he loved most in life, sex and women, but the loneliness he’d felt lately had begun to consume him. In fact the only moments of joy came for him during church and his visits to the Lawson house.

He had gone by to visit Miss Bethany several times since the first. She loved Nate and had even stopped calling him Dr. Baines. She’d heard Anita and Lloyd call him Nathan so much that she began to do the same. After leaving the hospital, he found himself headed unannounced to the Lawsons’ home. He arrived to see Anita place a suitcase into her car.

She smiled when she saw him pull up. He climbed out and headed toward her. “Going somewhere?”

She brushed her hair from her face. “Yeah, actually I am. I’m headed to New Jersey to see my oldest sister and get away for a minute.” Her body language and rushed speech gave the impression that she was running away from something. “Did you visit your friend today?” she asked nervously.

“Yeah, I just left.”

“How’s he doing?”

“Not much of a change, but thanks for asking.”

She nodded. The front door opened and Lloyd appeared. He glanced out and turned and went back inside, slamming the door behind him.

“Whatever,” Anita mumbled under her breath.

Nate was confused. “Is everything all right?” he asked.

She didn’t answer but instead hit a button in her X5 and closed the garage door. Anita reached into her purse and grabbed a pen. She scribbled something on the paper. “Listen, Nate, I don’t want to drag you into the middle of anything, but this is where I will be staying. My sister doesn’t even know I’m coming. I may call her and I may not, but at least you will know where I am in case something happens.”

Nate was concerned. “Nita, if there’s something you need to talk about, why don’t—” He was interrupted by tears welling up in her eyes. “Hey, c’mon now, what’s wrong?”

Anita shook her head, “I just can’t talk about it right now. How about I call you…I’ll call you later maybe.” The tears began to run down her cheeks and she turned and climbed into her car.

Nate was still trying to get his bearings together as she backed out of the driveway. Her tires kicked back gravel as she tore out of the court and up the street. After careful thought he decided to head into the house. He rang the bell and Lloyd answered it. He held what Nate considered to be his signature glass of Rémy in his hand. “Well, well, Nathan, come on in. You’re here to see Nana, huh? I got to tell you, man, we all really appreciate this. You don’t find many men of your caliber taking time out of their schedules to visit old folks and to volunteer their time and money to the church the way you do.” Lloyd was rambling. Nate attributed it to the liquor or that he had walked in on a family argument.

“Reverend, if I came at a bad time I can leave and come back another time.”

“Awww, don’t be foolish. There’s no bad time for you. You are doing the Lord’s work. I don’t know what she told you but she’s just a little upset right now. She’ll be fine.”

“Okay, but it’s none of my business, either way.”

Lloyd nodded. He invited Nate into the family room and offered him a beverage. Nate declined the offer and when he asked for Miss Bethany, he was shocked when Lloyd yelled out, “Okay, cut the shit. What did she tell you?”

Nate was shocked and replied, “Huh?”

“Ya heard me, nigga. What did she tell you?”

When Nate looked at Lloyd his stare asked the question that he didn’t come out with. “Negro, are you crazy?”

Lloyd went on, “Are you the police?”

Nate got up and headed toward the front door. He realized that this time Lloyd was actually drunk, not merely having a nightcap. “Man, I think you’ve had enough of that.” He pointed to Lloyd’s glass. “I’ll see you around.”

“What? How dare you say that bull to me? You know who I am. You would still be holed up in North Carolina hiding out if it weren’t for me. I know the whole story about you man. I’ve had three or four members of the congregation tell me about you. They told me to watch you, nigga.”

Nate was stunned at how Lloyd sounded like a street thug.

“Yeah, that’s right. I know what you did…how you made that girl kill herself over you. I’ve heard that you’ll fuck anything moving and don’t think I don’t see the way you’ve been looking at my wife, brother.”

With that, Nate balled up his fist and headed toward Lloyd. “Reverend, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll control your mouth and put the liquor down.”

“Oorrrrrr what,” he said. “You gonna fight me? Shiiiit. C’mon, nigga, I was Golden Gloves back in the day. You don’t want a piece of me.”

Nate thought for a second about hitting him with a two piece, but decided that it wouldn’t be worth it. He moved toward the door and reached for the knob when Lloyd grabbed him by the shoulder. “Man, I warned you,” Nate yelled.

Lloyd jumped back for a second and then pointed his finger into Nate’s face, “You stay out of my church and away from my wife. We’re going to work this out,” he said.

Without thinking, Nate grabbed Lloyd by the finger and bent it backward. Lloyd’s finger broke with a loud
pop
. Nate’s mouth twisted with disgust. He was angry with himself for having gotten physical with Lloyd. “I told you,” Nate said, then repeated, “I warned you.”

As soon as Lloyd realized his finger was broken he dropped to the floor as the pain rushed through his body. “Awwwwwww you crazy, nigga. You broke my finger. God is gonna punish you. Awwwwww.” Lloyd was holding his finger and rocking back and forth. “I’m gonna call the police.”

“Call ’em,” Nate replied.

“I’m gonna sue you for every dime you got.” Lloyd was groaning in pain; he paused and then continued, “What the hell do you do for a living anyway?”

Nate slammed the door shut behind him as he headed for his car.

After the incident
with Lloyd, Nate decided to go for a drive to clear his mind. The roof was back and he was listening to
Marvin Gaye’s Greatest Hits
. He pushed the Porsche to the limit while Marvin and Tammi sang “Your Precious Love.” He enjoyed the ride and feel of the truck. The cool May air and the music kept his mind off all the drama. He still was dumbstruck at the behavior of the reverend and wondered what could have happened between him and his wife.

An hour, then two, and finally three before Nate had worked up the nerve to check on Anita. There was no denying his interest in her any longer. He thought long and hard about all the changes that he had made in his life. While he felt that most of them were for the better, he couldn’t stop wondering if things weren’t easier for him when he was the player of all players. He never had a chance to feel the loneliness that was strangling him at present. A big part of him was saying “Nate, you can’t go back to living like that” but another part was winning out.

Two knocks and Anita came to the door. “Nate, what in the world are you doing here?”

“I think you know.” She stood there for a second. Her eyes were puffy from sleep or from crying. They stared into one another’s eyes for a moment and then she backed away from the hotel door allowing him to enter.

Renée was spending
some time in the room with Brendan alone. She was heading back to Houston in the morning. I sat in the lobby with Shue, Brendan’s cousin. I asked Shue why he had come to the hospital wearing makeup. “You know that is going to upset the family if they see you looking like that.”

“All I have on is a little foundation and liner on my eyebrows. What’s the big friggin’ deal?”

I exhaled in disbelief. We all accepted Shue coming out of the closet a couple years back but he was taking it too far on occasion. I let him know that he could never hang out with me with any makeup on. To look at him now, it would be hard to imagine that a couple of years earlier he was dating women as well.

“You look ridiculous. I wouldn’t be surprised if Brendan doesn’t come out of that coma just to smack you upside your head when you go in to visit him.” We both laughed.

“Okay, okay. You’ve made your point.” He took out a baby wipe and rubbed his face off until there was no trace of makeup.

Seconds later Renée appeared from her visit. When she saw Shue she gave him a huge hug. Renée and I said our goodbyes and I promised to keep her updated on his progress daily. I left her out in the lobby with Shue so that they could catch up for a quick minute.

Ten minutes later I left so that the nurses could do their thing with Brendan. When I returned to the lobby Shue was sitting in the corner trying to look occupied with a magazine.