Don't Fear the Reaper (12 page)

Banning stood and somberly walked away. I started to go after him, but Daniel’s hand rested on my arm and I eased back into the chair.

After Banning disappeared into the darkness, I asked, “What was he
thinking
?”

I wasn’t a lawyer’s daughter for nothing, and I’d heard Dad talk about fighting against precedents before. Banning might as well try to prove the world was flat.

Daniel seemed to be struggling for words, but even his smart-ass attitude failed to come up with a single thing. I hung my head. Dread and sorrow filled me. Daniel was right—I wasn’t worth it. “He’s going to lose, isn’t he?”

Daniel nodded. “That’s why I’m here. To make sure he does.” He searched my face for whatever expression he’d expected.

Daniel had been sent as more than just a chaperone into hell for me. He knew it. Banning knew it. While I didn’t have a clue about what happened when Daniel’s life ended, what sin against his soul he’d committed to land in hell, I started to suspect that Daniel had a conscience and it was tearing him apart. Despite our differences, it occurred to me that we were beginning to see the good in each other.

“This keeps getting worse, doesn’t it?” I asked.

Daniel stared into the backyard. “I’ve been sent to ensure you don’t get to heaven. If you mess up while in purgatory, there’s no redemption.”

“And Banning goes to hell with me.”

“Two souls for the price of one,” he replied.

“Why didn’t Banning tell me straight up?” Beside the fact that I wouldn’t have listened to any of this before I’d seen my body at the morgue, there was something else. Some other reason he hadn’t told me.

“Because he’s not supposed to, and Banning usually plays by the rules. I don’t.”

I’d already guessed that much. I wasn’t much for playing by the rules either. All I wanted at this moment was to avenge my sister’s death. I could taste it, feel it. But now? Banning had put his soul on the line for mine.

Damn! What a craptastic way to keep me on the straight and narrow. I would do anything—surrender my soul to the hottest coals in hell for all eternity to get revenge. But, after my selfish act of taking my own life, I’d learned a lesson and learned it well. I wouldn’t be reckless with anyone else’s life, someone’s
soul
ever again. Banning said he had a family, and I seriously doubted they were all in hell. He deserved to be with them, not stuck in hell with me.

“So why tell me any of this? Won’t that make it harder for me to fail?” I asked.

His eyes darted my direction for a split second before diverting back to the yard. I realized he wasn’t going to answer. So, why
did
he tell me all this? Nothing I came up with made a lot of sense.

Because nothing here makes sense.

“Why did they send you?” I didn’t expect the truth, just something to go on. “I think that deep down, you probably can be a decent guy. At least when you want to.”

He paused, clearly thinking of what to say. Which meant he was either making something up or figuring a way to dodge the question entirely. He was good at that.

“Why not me?” he responded finally. “Maybe it’s my turn to do the dirty work.” He attempted a smile, hoping I’d catch onto the humor in what he’d said. He understood the same thing I did—it’s always easier to manipulate people if you can get them to laugh. It puts them at ease. In this case, it made it easier to change the subject and answer with a non-answer. If Daniel couldn’t switch the subject with sarcasm, he’d do it with humor.

“But you
didn’t
take me to find Pete. That’s what this all comes down to, isn’t it? Some sort of showdown between Pete and me?”

“Yeah,” Daniel replied. “We should go inside. Banning is probably waiting for us.”

“Are you still planning on taking me to find him?”

He smiled, halfheartedly. “Yeah, Sunshine, I will. Call it a date. After a fun evening of torturing and murdering Pete, I’ll take you to my place where things will get a little hot. Dress appropriately.”

When he stood and placed a firm hand across mine there was no tenderness in his touch.

“Oh! And about me being a decent guy? Don’t mention it.
Ever
.” Then he walked off into the night.

By the time I went back inside, Banning was asleep on the sofa and Daniel was nowhere to be found. The house was dark and I didn’t think it’d be in my best interest to go wandering off into the night to search for Jordan alone. Besides, I’d run out of ideas of where she might be. I curled up on her bed and before long, I’d drifted to sleep. I dreamed of my family.

Funny how some dreams don’t make any sense. In the dream, I fully understood I was dead. Yet, there I was, at Gram’s house with my parents. Gram and Jordan had gone for pizza. Mom, Dad, and I were sitting at the dining room table that my mother had set, complete with cloth napkins and Gram’s fine china. Dad was listening to my iPod, which struck me as really weird since we each have our own. I asked my mother why we were using the fine china when we were only eating pizza, and she told me that the occasion was special.

I didn’t want to ask,
“Hey, Mom! You know I’m dead, right?”
Mostly because I thought she did know. I suppose enjoying dinner with your dead daughters was a special occasion, all right.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

Mom simply nodded, and I thought she might cry. I started to tell her how things were here and that I was looking for Jordan. But, no matter how I tried, my mouth refused to cooperate.

“You should have told us you were going to do something like that,” Mom snapped.

Dad never acknowledged me, but Mom went on one of her rants about how I needed focus and that I’d better straighten up now that I was on the
other
side. I vaguely remember rolling my eyes, as though I’d done nothing more than miss curfew. The words seemed as if they were odd to her, too. Like she meant to say something else.

“Answers, Keely! How could you? I can’t even go in there now.” She pointed toward the stairs. I knew she meant her bathroom. The sound of dripping water carried all the way downstairs.

“We loved you so much.” She began to cry and pound her fist on the table. Her anger was like a formidable, unseen fire—a wave of crushing heat and air. And then, for a moment, the room shrank, and she and Dad seemed distant, as though in a tunnel.

“I know,” I said, reaching out for her. She reached back, and our fingers nearly touched. I stretched out farther. “I love you, too, Mom. I’ll take care of her—” The room spun out of focus before I could finish. Before we could touch.

“Mom! Don’t go! Don’t leave me here! Don’t leave me in purgatory!” The irony of my words echoed into thin air.

I stood alone in an empty house. Even the furniture was gone, the slowly dripping water from upstairs my only companion. From some sort of omniscient viewpoint, I watched myself heading slowly up the stairs toward the sound.

Ribbons, pretty ribbons.

No! Don’t go in there.

I jerked awake as if I’d stopped myself from falling. Rain beat against the window and thunder rumbled in the distance. Like some frightened child, I bolted from Jordan’s bed to my parents’ room. In the dark, I saw Dad’s form but not Mom’s. My lungs ached as though they were drowning, gasping for oxygen. I ran to my room. Mom lay on my bed, fitful, but asleep. The pain inside, the guilt, it all threatened to crush me. I knelt beside the bed and touched her arm. She frowned and shivered, then pulled the covers tightly around her. I laid my head on the edge of the bed.

“Dreaming?” Banning inquired.

Words eluded me and speaking seemed pointless.

“It’s unfair that even in death we can’t control our dreams. Did you connect?” he asked.

I glanced up at him.

Banning took a seat at my desk. “The living dream of the dead, and the dead dream of the living. It’s not uncommon to connect through those dreams. Unfortunately, the conversations get a little jumbled.”

I thought about how many nights I’d dreamed of Gram and of Jordan. While it could have simply been my subconscious, I wondered…

“I wish she knew I was here.”

The wind outside had increased, and the house creaked.

Banning leaned forward. “She does. Just not the way you want her to. She might not be able to see you, but if you’re lucky, she’ll feel a chill or believe she’s heard your voice. If she’s like most, she’ll dismiss it. Those grieving so heavily usually do. They don’t realize that so soon after our deaths, we sometimes stay by their side for days before moving on.”

“It’s not fair,” I said. “Death is when we need each other the most.”

Banning smiled that forlorn smile of his. “No, life is. We just don’t see its worth then. Unfortunately, the dead don’t have the abilities the living expect of us. Mortals are very materialistic when it comes to many things, relationships being one of them. They rely on all things
tangible
. Things they can see, smell, taste, touch. Things they can prove. You and I have left our bodies behind. Souls are
intangible
. So, the living don’t see what’s right before them. In their grief, they often fail to notice the small telltale signs we’re here. There’s an old saying that true love never dies. It just changes forms.”

Banning patted my shoulder, trying to console me, to tell me everything would be okay. I didn’t know Banning well, but I knew he didn’t like to lie unnecessarily. I looked at my mother and stroked her arm. “She’s still dreaming, isn’t she?”

Banning watched my mother’s fitful sleep. “Probably. It’s going to take some time for her to accept that you’re gone.”

“I wish I could ease her pain.”

This time, Banning didn’t even bother to pat my shoulder. Mom turned on her side, becoming even more fitful.

“It’s hard on them, Keely. If they get the slightest indication we’re here, it’s more difficult for them to move past their grief. Our mortal lives are over. They still have theirs. It’s easier on them if we move on.”

I stood, still caressing her arm. Then I bent over and kissed her cheek. Soon, I’d have to leave her. I didn’t want to know if or when I’d ever see her again. I only knew I didn’t want to hurt her any more than I already had. If leaving gave her even the smallest shred of peace… A tear slid down my cheek.

I turned and walked from the room. Banning followed me downstairs and into the kitchen. Nerves had gotten the best of me and I had a lot on my mind. I hadn’t eaten all day and although I wasn’t particularly hungry, I opened the fridge, not looking for anything specific.

“You don’t need food,” Banning said.

Of course I didn’t. It was a habit, I’m sure. I still hadn’t learned how to be dead. Sighing, I closed the fridge door. “Great way to diet.”

I took a seat at the kitchen table, resting my arms on my knees, head in my hands. Life hadn’t come with a handbook, so I suppose it was fair death didn’t either. “So, do I get sick in purgatory? Bad hair days?”

Banning burst out into an infectious laugh and I couldn’t help smiling.

“No, you won’t catch a cold, get the flu, or anything else like that. As you found out, you can get banged up pretty good. You’ll heal fast, like you did with your wrist. As for the bad hair days, I can’t offer any advice.” He ran a hand through his perfect, wavy golden hair. “Some of us guys don’t pay attention to those things, I’m afraid.”

I sniffled. “I can’t believe this. I’m sitting here thinking of how much I’m going to miss coffee, chocolate, and Mom’s lasagna.”

“Not fair, is it?” Banning said. “The one time you wouldn’t gain an ounce or clog your arteries, and you can’t eat or drink a thing.”

“Is there anything about purgatory that doesn’t suck?” I asked.

His brow furrowed in mock thought. “No. Can’t think of a thing.”

I wondered where Daniel was. Knowing him, he was hiding in open closets and scaring six-year-olds. That was probably Daniel’s job. Banning’s job when he wasn’t babysitting me? Harbinger of death, banisher of demons and wayward souls.

“Do you think Jordan hates it here as much as I do?”

“We’ll find her, Keely. We will,” Banning assured me. “Things can take longer in the afterlife. Technology doesn’t work here.” He tapped Aunt Jen’s cell phone lying on the table. “It’s not like we can text her and ask where she is.”

I smiled, mostly in an attempt to demonstrate I appreciated what he was doing. No phones. No internet. No
Lost sister
!
Reward!
posters on telephone poles. Big world. Small chance. But, I loved her with every ounce of my being. I had to try. I’d come this far. I wouldn’t fail her—or my parents—again.

“Hey,” he said. “She won’t be far. She loves you.”

“Then why hasn’t she come home?” I asked, suddenly insecure. I couldn’t understand it, but Jordan had stayed for a reason, but why? And why
hadn’t
she come home? Before Daniel took me to hell, I wanted to be sure Jordan was safely with Gram in heaven.

“She’s fairly new to all this, too, Keely.” Banning said.

Under the circumstances surrounding her death, I wondered if Jordan had a different agenda—a bit of
darker
unfinished business. Like figuring out a way to get back at Pete.

“When earthbounds stay here for a long time, before they move on—if they take in all the negative energy you said they do, do they start to think differently? Act differently?” I asked.

Banning shifted in his seat. “Some.”

“How different?”

He shrugged. “For some who don’t move on, quite a lot. They become bitter. Some become unstable.”

I listened to the rain beating against the windows. Loneliness washed over me again. My whole life had been built around the knowledge that my sister was there for me. Now that she wasn’t, I feared the worst.

Banning looked at me. “Let it go, Keely. Go ahead. Cry if you want. Scream, yell. Tell me what happened if it’ll help.”

The first silent tears spilled onto my cheeks. “I’ve got to find her,” I said. “I miss her so much. She needs me. She’s out there. Alone.”