Don't Look Behind You (12 page)

“These are yours,” he said as he placed them on the bureau top. “Tom came over tonight to bring us money. He also came to tell us that Loftin was killed today.”

“Loftin was killed!” I repeated in shocked bewilderment. “How can that be? I thought he was locked up in prison!”

“He was released on bail when his lawyer filed for an appeal,” Dad said. “According to Tom, he was mowing his lawn this morning when a car drove by and somebody leaned out and shot him. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.”

“I don't understand,” I said. “Why would anybody kill him? It's not as though he had been working as a spy for the government.”

“I can only guess that the dealers he serviced were afraid the appeal would go through and there would be a retrial,” said Dad. “Given a second chance to turn state's evidence, Loftin might have been more receptive to the idea of plea bargaining.”

“Then it's over!” The statement sounded so wonderful, I said it again. “It's over! Does that mean we can go home now?”

My father didn't respond to that question directly. Instead, he said, “Loftin wasn't the one who hired Vamp. At the time Jim Peterson was killed, he was still in prison. Loftin supplied a nationwide network of dealers, and they were the ones responsible for hiring a hit man. People like that don't think twice about disposing of snitches, and they're sure to consider me as great a threat as Loftin.”

“But you aren't,” I said, and then reconsidered the statement as something I'd heard Max say leapt into my mind. He's knocking over the first in a line of dominoes. “Could you really expose these people and testify against them?”

“No,” Dad said. “I was never given their names, but the dealers have no way of knowing that, so I'm high on their hit list.”

I motioned toward the pile of bills on the dresser. “What's all this for? Why are you giving me money?”

“It's reimbursement for your bedroom furniture,” Dad told me. “Everything sold for a fraction of what it was worth, but I guess we ought to be grateful to end up with this much. I'm sure Max did his best with the sale of the house, but with real estate values down, we took a loss on that too.”

“The house!” I exclaimed. “Max sold our house out from under us? Where are we going to live when we go back?”

“We'll play it by ear,” Dad said. “We'll see how it goes. Right now we need the money more than the house. There's no way I'll ever be able to make a living from Zip-Pic, and I don't know how long the program will continue to pick up the tab for us.”

“You're making it sound like we're going to be stuck here forever!” Breathlessly I waited to hear a denial. When that didn't come, I regarded him with horror. “Are you trying to tell me we're not going back at all?”

“We'll have to play it by ear,” Dad said again.

“You made me believe we were going to be back by Christmas!”

“I never told you that. You just wanted to believe it. It's possible we may be able to go back someday. There's no way of knowing what the situation will be like a few years from now. Right now, what's important is that we're safe and together. As long as we have each other, we can get along anywhere.”

“But this is the year I have to apply to Duke!”

“Duke's out,” Dad said. “Too many of your classmates are going there, and they'll know you as April Corrigan, not Valerie Weber. There's a nice little college in Sarasota. I'm sure you won't have any trouble getting accepted there.”

I opened my mouth to object, but he wouldn't listen.

“Don't say it,” he told me brusquely. “I don't want to hear it. I've just finished having this same conversation with your Mom. She's taking it hard and is putting the blame on Max. I just can't deal with another hysterical scene right now.”

He left the room, and I lay there, trembling with fury and feeling as though the world had fallen out from under me. It was so unfair! I hadn't done anything to deserve this! And all this time I'd believed our exile was temporary! Dad said the important thing was the fact that our family was together and safe, but I didn't even feel that I had a family anymore. All the warmth and solidity was gone from our lives, and my parents had changed so much that I hardly knew them. The only thing in the world I wanted was to go home. There had to be some way out of this nightmare!

CHAPTER 13

I awoke the next morning knowing what I
was going to do. It was as if somehow during the night the plan had materialized of its own accord. I'd known Mom to say that at times that happened to her when she was having a difficult time with one of her novels. She would go to bed with the problem churning in her brain and when she woke up in the morning she would know instinctively how to solve it.

That was how it was with me that morning in August when I awoke to see the money lying on the bureau. Despite its having sold for less than it was worth, I knew the antique furniture had been valuable. Now, when I counted the money, I found there was over four hundred dollars, far more than I needed for a one-way plane ticket to Norwood.

My preference, of course, would have been to approach my parents directly and tell them I wanted to go home and live with my grandmother. I knew, though, that this was something they would not sanction. From what Dad had said, he was determined to keep us together no matter how miserable the circumstances, and Mom, for her part, would not want me living with Lorelei, even if it were just for my final year of high school. She and her mother had different opinions about everything. Mom thought Lorelei's lifestyle was superficial and shallow, while Lorelei couldn't understand why Mom was so reclusive. My mom had always felt threatened by my relationship with my grandmother, as though she were afraid her value system might rub off on me. So, although I would have liked to act more honorably, I knew I would have to put my plan into effect without my parents' consent and trust that they loved me enough to understand and forgive me.

I lay in bed for an hour, working out the details, as the early morning sunlight slowly lifted, moving the leaf shadows into new positions on the cracked surface of the wall across from the window. Getting to Norwood would not be a problem in itself. The risk was in having my parents get wind of what I was planning and intercept me at the Sarasota Airport before my plane took off. Ideally, it would be best if they didn't find out I had left until I was at Lorelei's condo. I decided the best thing to do would be to set myself up with an alibi, not just for the day I was leaving, but for the next day as well.

I accomplished that by asking Mom if I could spend the weekend at Kim's while her parents were visiting relatives in Miami.

“Kim doesn't want to go with them, but her parents aren't willing to leave her at home by herself,” I said.

There had been a time when I could not have lied to my mom; in fact, I had never been comfortable lying to anyone. But in the past three months I had become practiced in deception, and the words slipped out of my mouth sounding easy and natural.

As I had expected, Mom was agreeable.

“It's nice you're finding some girlfriends here,” she told me. The second half of the statement remained unspoken:
because we're going to be here for a very long time
. The rest of the arrangements fell into place with equal ease. Since Mom was home all day, I couldn't call the airport from the house, so I walked to town and checked on flight availability from a pay phone. It was a relief to find fate was working in my favor, and I would be able to book a seat at the airport the next afternoon. That night I had a difficult time eating dinner. Despite the scene they'd been through the previous evening, my parents were making an effort to be pleasant and communicative.

Somehow that made it harder than if they had been cold to each other, because the lack of hostility reminded me of happier times. As I sat there, listening to their familiar voices making everyday conversation, a core of loneliness twisted deep inside me, and I knew I was going to miss my family terribly. Still, I reminded myself, it wouldn't be forever. The time would have to come when they would return to Virginia, and meanwhile I would know where they were and could write to them, even though they couldn't respond to my letters.

Although I was no longer rising at dawn to play tennis, I was up the next morning in time to have breakfast with my father and to give him a good-bye hug as he left for work.

He seemed pleased and surprised at the unaccustomed display of affection.

“Have a nice day, honey,” he said warmly. “I'll see you tonight.”

“I'm going to be spending the weekend at Kim's,” I reminded him.

“That's right, I forgot,” Dad said. “Well, you girls behave yourselves. Don't throw any wild parties just because Kim's parents are gone.” He smiled to let me know he was only joking, and I was glad he didn't know about the past weekend.

After breakfast I went to my room and packed my bag, cramming it as full as I could with clothes and possessions. I had left a closetful of clothes behind in Norwood, but I didn't know whether or not they would still be there. It was painful to think that the gorgeous formal dress I'd never worn might have been given to a thrift shop or consignment store, but since our house and furniture had been sold, it was possible our personal possessions had been also.

It was midmorning when I finally came into the kitchen to find Mom, as usual, seated at the table, typing.

“I thought you told Dad you wouldn't submit that,” I said.

“I won't, but I have to finish it anyway,” Mom said. “I can't seem to make myself stop in the middle and leave it hanging. My identity is all tied up with writing. I guess I'm not a very adaptable person.” She gestured toward my carry-on. “You don't want to carry that all the way to Kim's house. Why don't you leave it for Dad to bring over later?”

“It's not heavy,” I said, “and I have my tennis stuff in it. If it doesn't rain, we might want to bat some balls around.”

“In the afternoon heat?” exclaimed Mom. “You kids must be crazy! At least wear a hat so you won't keel over from sunstroke.”

How could I deceive somebody who trusted me so totally? For a moment I didn't think I'd be able to go through with it. Then I thought about what she'd said about needing her own identity and realized the statement applied to me as well. I was April Corrigan, Steve's girlfriend, the “princess” of Springside Academy, the star of their tennis team, a girl who was guaranteed acceptance by Duke because her mom and grandmother both had gone there. I was not Valerie Weber, whose hobby it was to “bat balls around,” and whose only opportunity for higher education was at a school no one had ever heard of.

So I swallowed my guilt, kissed Mom good-bye, and left. Jason and his two friends were out in the yard, attempting to get a basketball through a hoop that Dad had attached to a beam at the front of the carport. When he saw me come out with my suitcase, he paused with the ball in his hands and regarded me with inquiring brown eyes.

“Looks like you're going on a mini-vay,” he speculated.

“I'm going to spend the weekend at Kim's,” I told him.

“I forgot to tell you, your boyfriend called,” Jason said. “It was yesterday while you were out, and he said he'd call back.”

“Larry Bushnell is not my boyfriend,” I said firmly. “He's a self-centered creep, and, I never want to see him again.”

I continued on down the driveway to the point where it curved away from the trees, and then I stopped and turned to look back at the house. A boy jumped into the air and sank a basket, and I realized with a sense of shock that it was Jason. In the short time since we'd left Norwood my brother had changed. He'd lost his baby look and become taller and rangier. What would he be like the next time I saw him?

Impulsively, I set down the suitcase and ran back up the length of the driveway to catch him up in a tight, fierce hug.

“What's that for?” Jason demanded in embarrassment.

“Just because,” I said.

“Because why?”

“Because I like you!”

“My sister's in a weird mood. She's not usually this goofy,” he explained to his friends as he struggled manfully to squirm out of my embrace.

The hike into town was one I had become accustomed to, but I wasn't used to being weighed down by a suitcase. The overnight bag was heavier than I had been willing to admit to Mom, and I had to keep stopping to switch it from one hand to the other to give my arms alternating rest periods. Even so, I reached the filling station on Main Street in plenty of time to intercept the cross-state bus. An hour later I arrived at the Sarasota bus terminal, where I was able to get a taxi to the airport.

I checked in at the Eastern desk to buy the ticket and get my seat assignment, and then I headed for the line of telephones along the far wall. I'd not made any out-of-state calls from Grove City for fear there might be some way they could be traced back to us. Now I found my hand shaking as I dialed Steve's number and stood waiting impatiently as the phone rang.

The voice that answered was not the one I had hoped for.

“Hello, Billy,” I said. “May I speak to Steve, please?”

“He's not here right now,” Steve's little brother informed me. “He's going to be back for dinner though. Is this Sherry?”

“No,” I said. “This isn't Sherry, it's April.”

“April?” Billy exclaimed excitedly. “Where are you calling from? Steve said you moved and he didn't know where you went.”

“I did move, but I'm on my way back,” I told him. “I'm getting in at the airport at six tonight, and if he can, I'd like Steve to meet my plane. Do you have something to write with so I can give you the flight number?”

“I'll go find a pencil,” said Billy, dropping the receiver.

His search for a pencil seemed to take an eternity, and I had to keep depositing coins to keep the line open. Finally he was back again, and I gave him the information and had him repeat it back to me to make sure he had written it down correctly.

I pressed the hook, released it, put in another coin and dialed again. This time the phone rang for such an extended period that I was beginning to think my grandmother wasn't home. This wouldn't have been surprising, since it was a Saturday afternoon, a time when she often played bridge with friends or attended some social function at the Norwood Country Club.

I was just getting ready to hang up when the phone was answered, but instead of a friendly voice there was silence.

“Hello?” I ventured tentatively. “Hello, Lorelei?”

“April?” My grandmother's voice sounded strained and unnatural. “Why are you calling here? Has something happened?” It was far from the enthusiastic greeting I had expected.

“No, everything's fine,” I said. “Nothing's happened to anybody.”

“Then what are you calling here for?” Lorelei asked accusingly. “Even your mother isn't allowed to phone me. Whatever you do, don't tell me where you are. There's always a chance there may be a tap on the line.”

“I won't tell you anything,” I said, “and I'm calling from a pay phone. Lorelei, I'm coming home. I'm flying in this evening. I want to live with you until I finish high school and then go on to Duke like we always planned I would.”

“That's a bad idea,” Lorelei said. “What do your parents say? I can't believe your mother would let you come here.”

“It's my idea, not theirs,” I confessed reluctantly. “In fact, they haven't even discovered I've left yet. There's a boy, Larry Bushnell, that I play tennis with, and I've told my parents I'm spending the weekend at his cousin's house.”

“Turn straight around and go back to your parents,” Lorelei told me. “I don't want you coming here, and I don't want you calling again. It isn't safe. Some terrible things have happened. You probably don't know this, but Richard Loftin has been murdered.”

“Dad told me,” I said. “That has nothing to do with me, though. Mr. Loftin knew the identities of some drug dealers, and they were afraid his testimony was going to incriminate them. I'm not a threat to anybody, I'm just a teenager. All I want is to come home to finish high school, and after that—”

I was interrupted by the voice of the long distance operator saying my time was up and asking me to deposit more coins. Since my call to Billy Chandler had depleted my supply of change, I knew I had to end the conversation quickly.

“I am coming home,” I said. “You can't talk me out of it. Ihope you'll let me live with you, but if you won't, then maybe I can stay with one of my school friends.”

Without waiting for a response, I hung up the phone. I spent the rest of the time before my flight was called writing a letter to my parents. In it I explained what I was doing and told them that I loved them and was going to miss them but couldn't continue living like a criminal in hiding. I bought a stamp in the airport gift shop and dropped the envelope into a mailbox in the lobby before going out to the gate to board the plane.

On this flight I was lucky enough to have a silent seatmate. I sat next to the window, and the man next to me was dressed in a business suit and carried a briefcase. He spent the whole flight engrossed in paperwork, while I sat looking out the window at clouds that billowed beneath the plane like quilted padding on a mattress and tried to imagine my parents' reaction to my letter. If I'd timed things right, it would arrive on Monday morning at approximately the time I was expected to return from Kim's house. My mom would receive it and would callmy father. I pictured the two of them running the gamut of emotions from shock, to anger, to disappointment, and finally—I hoped—to understanding and acceptance.

The flight attendant brought around snack packs, and I took one and ate some of the chips. My throat felt so constricted it was difficult to swallow. The closer we got to Norwood, the more keyed-up I became.

Lorelei's reaction to my phone call had been an unpleasant shock to me. Her condo was plenty large enough for two people, and she had always encouraged me to come and spend the night with her. Why had she sounded so inhospitable on the phone? Didn't she want her granddaughter back in her life? And what about Steve, did he still consider me his girlfriend? What if I got off the plane and he wasn't there to meet me?