Don't Make Me Beautiful (23 page)

In the room, she lies down on the bed and stares at the ceiling, trying to figure out how long she’ll have to work for Brian before she has enough to leave.
 
Car, savings, food … it seems so overwhelming.
 
She falls asleep trying to put it all together.

Chapter Thirty-Three

BRIAN IS OUT MOWING HIS lawn the next day when Agnes comes over for a chat.
 
She’s carrying an ice-cold glass of tea with mint leaves floating in it.
 
The outside of the glass is covered in condensation.

“Hello, there, neighbor,” she says, giving him a big flash of her denture-smile.
 
“You look like you could use a cold drink.”

Brian shuts off the mower and wipes his forehead with the back of his forearm.
 
“Just don’t get too close.
 
I’m sweating up a storm over here.”
 
He reaches his hand out gratefully for the tea, once again reminded of how much he loves living on this street.

“I have to admit, I’m not just here to keep you hydrated,” she says, handing him the glass.
 
“I was hoping while you were out here mowing you could run across my front lawn too.
 
Willard isn’t feeling so good these days and it’s just a little too hot for me.
 
I’d be happy to pay you.”

“Nonsense.
 
I’d be happy to do it.
 
You can pay me in tea.”
 
He raises the glass to her before taking a long pull from it.
 
“Mmmm, that’s delicious.
 
What’s your secret, Agnes?”

Agnes starts to answer him, but then she stops, staring at the house.

“Agnes?”
 
Brian waits for her to come back to Earth, smiling at her bemused look.

She shakes her head like she’s trying clear it before answering
 
“Is there someone in your house right now?
 
I thought I saw Liam getting on the bus this morning.”

It’s over eighty degrees and Brian’s been pushing the mower for a half hour, but his entire body goes cold at her question.
 
“Um, no.
 
It’s just me in there today.”

“But I just saw someone pushing the blinds to the side.”
 
She frowns for a moment and then her face goes pink.
 
“Oh my goodness, I’m sorry.
 
Look at me being so nosy!
 
I’m happy for you, Brian.
 
Truly happy for you.
 
I hate to see you alone all the time.”

“What?”

“Well, you know.
 
You’re young, employed doing beautiful work, and you’re a great father.
 
I knew it was only a matter of time before another pretty girl caught your eye.”
 
Agnes’s eyes practically sparkle at the idea.

“No, Agnes, you’ve got it all wrong.
 
It’s not like that.”

“If you say so,” she says, walking back towards her house.
 
“I’d love to meet her some day when you’re ready to introduce her.”
 
She waves over her shoulder as she crosses the property line and passes around the bushes that separate their front yards.

Brian finishes the tea and walks over to the porch, putting the glass down so he can finish the job.
 
His mind remains occupied as he finishes the work of mowing his and Agnes’s lawns and then edges them with the trimmer.

He not only has to keep Nicole hidden from John, he also has to keep the nosiest lady in town from finding out about her.
 
As Brian is sweeping up the clippings and bagging them up, he considers letting Agnes in on his big secret.
 
It’s possible she could be helpful, keeping an eye on the house when he can’t be there.

The idea of leaving Nicole alone makes him physically ill.
 
He wants to be able to watch over her every second of the day until she’s ready to stand on her own two feet, but he has deliveries to make, furniture to pick up, and groceries to buy among other things.
 
Having Agnes keeping watch might be the solution to the problem.

As if on cue, she comes out on her front porch, waving some money at him.
 
“Brian, now you’ve gone above and beyond, so I’m going to pay you.”

“No, Agnes, sorry, I can’t let you do that.”

“Nonsense.
 
You put in a hard day’s work and you should be paid for it.”

“How about a trade?” he asks, leaning on his push-broom with both hands.

Agnes lifts her eyebrow as she walks up.
 
“Well that sounds intriguing.
 
What did you have in mind?
 
I can cook a heck of a tuna casserole, you know.
 
Can I interest you in one of those, maybe?”

“That does sound delicious, but no, I had something else in mind.”

“Let’s hear it then.
 
I’m all ears.”

“I was wondering if you could just keep an eye on the house … on anyone coming over when I’m not around.”

Agnes says nothing at first.
 
She searches Brian’s face, maybe looking for an explanation, but he’s not going to give her one no matter how many casseroles she offers.

“I suppose I could do that,” she finally says.
 
“Any particular person you want me to be on the lookout for?
 
Someone you don’t want coming around?”

Brian weighs the pros and cons of giving her more information.
 
If she knew exactly who to look for, she could be more effective.
 
But then again, she could go all vigilante granny on the guy and clue him in on the fact that nobody wants him nosing around Brian’s house.
 
He’d know why.
 
John’s a predator, and Brian figures they all have that kind of sixth sense about their prey.

“No, just … people in general.
 
I like my privacy, and I have some valuable antiques in the shop these days.”

Agnes nods.
 
“Consider your house on the top of my list.”

Brian smiles.
 
“You have a list?”

“Of course I have a list. I’m a one-woman neighborhood watch.
 
I have responsibilities, and my mind’s not what it used to be.
 
I’ve invested in the company that makes those sticky notes.”

Chuckling, Brian goes back to pushing grass clippings into a pile.
 
“Thanks, Agnes.
 
I appreciate the help.”

“Likewise,” she says.

When Brian looks back over his shoulder at her, he finds her staring at his kitchen window again.
 
Following her gaze, he notices the blinds are closed but a corner section is turned back, like someone inside has been looking around them and forgot to push them back in place.
 
He wonders how long it might take to convince Nicole to come out and enjoy the world a little bit.

Chapter Thirty-Four

NICOLE FINDS HERSELF IN FRONT of the windows more and more often.
 
At first it was enough to peek through the tiny holes where the small strings are threaded through the blinds, to see pin-prick pictures of the lawn and the road outside the house.
 
But soon that felt like just a tease.
 
She needed to see more.
 
Her first attempt at really seeing anything came at night, after Brian had long fallen asleep.

Another nightmare about John finding her in the garage brings her to her feet tonight, and with no desire to drop back into the same visions, Nicole wanders out into the living room to kill some time.
 
The window beckons her.
 
There’s a whole world waiting out here
, it says.
 
Why can’t you be a part of it?

Brian’s the one who got her thinking this crazy stuff.
 
She tried to convince herself that the world isn’t for her, that there are too many monsters waiting to attack her in it; but the idea of once again being a part of society is too tempting to ignore, to force out of her head.
 
It’s alluring enough that she wants to take a peek at what’s outside.

She can no longer see the harm in looking out from the darkness into the midnight blue night.
 
So that’s what she does.
 
Several times now.
 
She even steps out into the back yard from time to time when the moon is high and the stars are sparkling in the night sky.
 
Sometimes she sits there for almost an hour, wondering where she fits into the big picture, trying to see her future.
 
And all the while, Brian and Liam sleep on with their pleasant dreams, oblivious to the voices of her inner demons.

Tonight she moves into the kitchen, thinking a glass of water might help distract her from her thoughts.
 
As she stands at the sink, the window in front of her takes on an almost human quality.
 
They can be friends, her and the window.
 
It can keep the bad people from looking in, but if she wants, it can let her peek out so she can be a voyeur of the world.

Who will know?
 
It’s too early for anyone to be awake.
 
She’s done it several times now and all she’s ever seen is a cat or a dog or the old lady next door having a cup of coffee.
 
The woman never looks over, though, allowing Nicole to be almost invisible.
 
She pictures what the inside of the woman’s house might be like. She assumes there will be a lot of crocheted doilies for some reason.

Her hand lifts almost of its own accord.
 
Before she can stop herself, she’s grabbing the bottom of the cord for the blinds and pulling it down.
 
As she brings it closer and closer to the sink, the thin metal slats rise from the bottom, stacking one on the other to reveal the glass behind.
 
One goes up against the other and then the next.
 
Slowly but surely, more and more of the front porch and lawn is revealed.

Nicole’s heart is racing and her blood is rushing through her veins.
 
John could come by any minute and see her.
 
He could drive by in his truck and glance over, or decide to take a jog on this street instead of his own and then it would be all over.
 
Her temporary reprieve from his world would end.

She talks to herself to calm down, so she can enjoy this brief moment of what feels like freedom.
 
He’s sound asleep.
 
He’s not out looking for you in the middle of the night.
 
Don’t be ridiculous.

A movement out of the corner of the window catches her eye.
 
The crashing pain of a panic attack seizes her as she realizes it’s a person standing there on the boarder of the lawn.
 
John!

She yanks on the chord to try and put the blinds back down, but they go up instead, revealing more of her face.
 
She panics, dropping down onto her knees in the kitchen. “Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod!” she whispers desperately to herself as her eyes dart around the room.
 
She spots the knife block on the counter and crawls over to grab a sharp weapon, to arm herself for a fight to the death because that’s what it’s going to take to get her to leave here alive.

A few breathless moments later, a tapping comes at the front door.

Nicole bites the meaty part of her thumb to keep from screaming.
 
The fact that her worst nightmare is coming to life just as she’s awakened from it in sleep is enough to make her go crazy.
 
Maybe she won’t be charged with murder when she stabs him in the heart.
 
Maybe they can call it temporary insanity.
 
Whatever happens, though, she cannot get Brian or Liam involved.
 
She has to end it quickly and do it herself.

The tapping comes again.
 
It’s delicate.
 
Hesitant.
 
It’s so un-John-like, it’s confusing.

“Hello?”

That’s not John’s voice.
 
Is he with someone?
 
I only saw one person.
 
Nicole slowly rises into a crouched position, moving towards the front door just on the other side of the kitchen.
 
Maybe it’s Helen.
 
But why would Helen sneak around like this?

“It’s me, Agnes.
 
Your next door neighbor.
 
I saw you in the window.
 
Just wanted to drop by and see if you’d like some coffee.
 
I have a fresh cup of French roast in the pot.”

Nicole frowns as she looks over at the clock.
 
It’s five in the morning and this lady wants to have coffee?

“I’ve seen you looking outside and sitting in the back yard,” Agnes continues in a soft voice.
 
“I’d love to share some coffee and chat.
 
I promise I don’t bite.”

Nicole’s heart aches with the desire to open the door, to act like a normal person and invite this old lady in for the coffee she so badly wants to have.
 
But there’s just no way.
 
This woman could never be prepared to deal with the nightmare that Nicole represents.
 
It would shatter her world.
 
Old people should be allowed to go to their graves without something this heavy weighing on their minds.

But Agnes is apparently a very persistent lady when it comes to sharing coffee.
 
Silence does not dissuade her in the least.
 
“You don’t need to worry about me, you know.
 
I’ve been watching the street for you and Brian.
 
Maybe if you tell me who I’m looking for, though, I can do a better job of it.”