Don't Put Me In, Coach (30 page)

They must have then scrambled to add me to everything, but somehow forgot to book me a hotel room or put my name on the roster. At the tryout, they saw me shoot a handful of threes, and since I hadn’t had time to work on my shot after my surgery, I missed a little too often for their liking, and they decided that I wasn’t good enough to play for them.

In my opinion, the Globetrotters’ biggest mistake was thinking that I had to actually play to be effective. What they failed to realize was that they would have been much better off assigning me the role of “team benchwarmer” since that was what I was known for anyway. They could have made my role on their team an extension of my role at Ohio State, by having me sit on the bench and either not play in the games (I could’ve interacted with the crowd
in some fashion during the game) or only play in the final minute and make a big deal about me trying to score (or both).

Meanwhile, I could have maintained my blog and given fans the same access to the Harlem Globetrotters that I had given them for the previous two years to the Ohio State Buckeyes. In fact, even if they did think I was good enough to play for them, they still should have used this strategy. Instead, they made a series of baffling moves that still have me puzzled.

By the way, since most of you probably think I came across as a whiny asshole, it should be noted that the Globetrotters were the ones who sought me out. It’s not like I’m bitter because I begged them to give me a chance and then they told me I wasn’t good enough. If anything, I’m upset that they wasted my time and failed to see the potential in a partnership between us. It’s not like I had planned for years to join the Globetrotters after college, so being rejected by them really had no impact on my life at all. It’s like being on
The Price Is Right
and never getting off of Contestants’ Row—sure it would’ve been nice to have a chance to win, but it was unexpected to be in that situation in the first place, so it’s not like my life is for the worse now.

Anyway, just so we’re clear, I’m a whiny asshole not because the Globetrotters ruined a dream of mine but because they were an unorganized cocktease and dragged me into a situation that I would’ve wanted no part of if I had known what awaited me. And as far as I’m concerned, that’s a perfectly excusable type of whiny asshole.

Even though my time with the Globetrotters ended up being a crusty turd of an experience, it’s hard to get too upset over everything. After all, if someone had told me on my first day at Ohio State that in four years I’d be drafted by the Harlem Globetrotters, I probably would have asked them why they were wasting their ability to predict the future by being my personal soothsayer and not using it to gamble or save lives like that guy from
Early Edition
. Then I would’ve tried to wrap my mind around how exactly a math major basketball manager and aspiring orthopedic surgeon was
going to get a chance to play for one of the world’s most historic basketball teams. It would’ve made absolutely no sense to me at that time, but that’s because I couldn’t have possibly known that I was about to embark on an incredible journey.

While it would’ve been nice to actually play for the Globetrotters, simply being drafted was enough because it validated just how amazing and unique this journey really was. I would have never thought I had even an inkling of a chance to someday get drafted by the Globetrotters or do any of the other cool things I got to do, but thanks to a combination of minimal skill, a few valuable relationships, and a whole lot of luck, I was able to achieve my childhood dreams and then some. I know exactly how blessed I am to have had the opportunities I did, and I’ll forever be grateful to Coach Matta, everyone at Ohio State, and the passion of the Buckeye faithful for making it all possible. I truly will cherish every second of my four years at OSU and look back on that time with the fondest of memories, because I can say these two things with absolute certainty: there’s no place on Earth like Ohio State.

And Michigan still sucks.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

MARK TITUS
is the creator of
ClubTrillion.com
, and a contributor at
Grantland.com
. He was featured several times in the
New York Times
, ESPN.com, and Bill Simmons’s podcast, among others. He graduated from Ohio State in 2010, a hero to millions.
Don’t Put Me In, Coach
is his first book.