Don't Read in the Closet volume one (59 page)

Matt grabbed
his wrist, the grip firm, painless but unbreakable. “Oh, no, you don’t. I’m
done chasing. And you’re done running away.”

Blaine probably
resembled a panicked deer, but he couldn’t help it. He stared helplessly at
Matt, mouth opening and closing a few times before words emerged. “I don’t know
what you’re talking about, man. Let me go. Now.”

“No.”

Matt ignored
the enraged glare and Blaine’s fruitless tugging. The way he figured, since
Blaine hadn’t slugged him yet, Matt was golden. He rubbed his fingers across
the smooth skin of Blaine’s wrist, using his hold to pull the bigger guy
closer. Blaine came, protesting all the way.

“Blaine?” Matt
stared, tightened his hold. “Shut up.”

Then he did
what he’d
been wanting
to do since first laying eyes
on the stocky wingback. He leaned in and mashed their lips together.

As first kisses
went, it didn’t exactly rate as the best. But Matt didn’t care. He loved it. It
was awkward and messy and Blaine kept trying to shove him off. But the lips
under his own were soft, mouth hot and moist, and it was
Blaine
, damn
it.

Blaine reached
up and clung for one brief and glorious minute. Then he put both hands on
Matt’s shoulders and shoved, hard.

Matt staggered
back a few steps. He came up against the rough, white rock retaining wall and
braced himself, licking the taste of Blaine off his lips.

“That was –“

“Since when are
you gay?” Blaine demanded.

“Since always,”
Matt said, tilting his head. “Thought you knew that.”

“Come on, man!
You’ve had a parade of girls running through this place for as long as I’ve
known you. Hell, what about Jilly? Huh?”

“All right, so
I did date Jilly. But that was ages ago. I was a freshman and still in denial.
Erickson’s aren’t homosexuals.” He couldn’t keep the mocking lilt out of the
last sentence, hearing his mother’s voice resounding in his head.

“But you’ve had
girls. Since then, I mean.”

Matt shook his
head. “They were just friends. It’s easier sometimes, being friends with girls.
They like it ‘
cause
they don’t feel pressured. I like
it ‘cause I don’t have to worry they’re going to think I’m coming on to them.”

Blaine just
stared. Matt took pity on him, the confusion written on his face and reached
out to grab Blaine’s hand.

“It’s still me,
Blaine. Swear. I haven’t changed.”

“Maybe I have,”
Blaine said softly, staring at his feet. “I can’t...I can’t do this, Matt. I’m
not like you. I’m not gay.”

“You sure about
that?” Matt kept his tone gentle and low, trying so hard not to push. It wasn’t
easy, though.

If he did say
so himself, Matt had pretty fucking accurate gaydar. Beyond that, he knew
Blaine, inside and out. Had watched the guy for years, lusted after him just as
long.

Blaine shook
his head, looking so very lost. Matt couldn’t stand it. He closed the last
remaining distance between them, draping his arms over Blaine’s broad
shoulders. He rested his forehead against Blaine’s, closing his eyes.

“It’s okay,”
Matt whispered. “Promise. You can do this.”

“I
can’t.
”.

The desperate
plea in Blaine’s declaration finally cut through Matt’s shield. He dropped his
arms to his side and stepped back, rubbing at his chest. He ached, all through.
Maybe he’d been wrong, maybe Blaine didn’t want him.

“I guess I’ll
just –“

“No, wait.”
Blaine took a deep breath, emotions flickering across his face too quickly for
Matt to follow. Then Blaine took another breath and nodded, seeming to come to a
decision.

Motioning for
Matt to stay where he was, Blaine braced his hands on the wall Matt had used
for support mere moments ago. The wall was tall and Blaine’s arms bulged,
muscles shifting and bunching, as he hopped up onto it and sat. The move put them
close, close enough that Matt could breathe in Blaine’s musky scent, the smell
of sweat lingering under soap and man.

“Do you know
why I decided to stay on campus this summer?” he asked.

Matt shook his
head.

“I don’t have
anywhere else to go, really. My parents died when I was six. I’ve been in and
out of foster homes most of my life. Getting that soccer scholarship was the
best thing to ever happen to me. I wouldn’t be here, at college, without it.
And I can’t mess this up, Matt, I just can’t. It’s all I’ve got. I don’t have a
family, nowhere else to be. I was different enough, growing up in the system.
You have no idea what it can be like, at school, at the places I’ve stayed.
You’re always on the outside. I can’t do that again.”

Shit. Matt
didn’t really know what to say, how to answer that. He wanted to promise Blaine
that everything would work out, tell Blaine nothing would change. That he could
admit to being gay and not risk ending up on the outside once more.

Matt couldn’t,
though. Hell, just look at his own situation. Matt’s mind raced as he tried to
come up with the right words.

“Do you know
why
I
stayed?” he finally asked, turning Blaine’s question back on him.
Blaine had
shared,
it was only fair, after all. “I
told my parents over spring break. That I was gay, I mean. They…didn’t take it
well. Oh, they didn’t come right out and kick me out. Hell, they’re still
paying for school. But it’s only because they worry about what everyone would
think, you know? They live in this social circle where appearance is
everything. It doesn’t look good to disown your only son. They made it quite
plain, though, that they expect me to stay as far away as possible.”

“I’m sorry,”
Blaine said. Matt cut him off with a quick shake of his head.

“I’m not. We’ve
never been that close-knit of a family. My point is
,
I
can’t promise you that nothing will change. But I can promise that, at least
for me, the benefits outweigh the risks. What I’ve gained, the freedom to be
myself, to stop living a lie day after day, it’s been worth it.”

“I don’t know
if I can be that brave,” Blaine admitted.

“
You kidding
me? You go up against guys built like football
linebackers on a regular basis. You’re a damned defender, man. You’ve got the
guts, trust me. Most of the guys aren’t going to care, you know that. They
don’t care about Jimmy and Coke, do they?”

Blaine’s eyes
widened. “They’re a couple?”

“Of course they
are. What, you haven’t caught them making out in the showers yet? ‘Cause I
thought everybody had at one point or another. Those two can hardly keep their
hands off each other.”

Blaine nibbled
a bit on his lower lip and Matt had to force himself to look away. The gesture
was just too adorable. A strange adjective to apply to a guy who looked as
tough as Blaine, but there it was. Blaine had thick, beefy shoulders, bulging
pecs and cut abs. The shaved head – a shade darker than his olive-toned skin –
and the colorful dragon tattoo winding up his left side usually only added to
the menace. And Matt found him cute as hell.

Matt saw the
slight waver in determination and he pounced, crowding close again until he
stood between Blaine’s parted legs. “The ones who truly matter won’t care,” he
said. “And the rest? Screw them. Maybe you’ll lose a few friends, but look what
you get.”

Blaine looked
up, those dark brown eyes scared, begging for reassurance and that last little
push that would send him flying into the unknown. “And what would I get?”

“Me.”

The corners of
Blaine’s lips tipped up. “Cocky much?”

“Hey, I’m worth
it, babe.”

“You know, I
think you just might be.”

Matt lifted his
arms and pressed his palms flat against smooth, heated skin, kneading the solid
muscle of Blaine’s chest. “Give it a try. We’ve got all summer.” Matt wasn’t
quite able to keep the pleading note from his voice. He was so close. So very
damn close to having everything he’d wanted for so very long. “Give me a
chance.”

Blaine closed
his eyes while endless moments of silence ticked away.

“Okay.”

It took a
minute for Matt’s brain to process the word. “Okay?” he asked. “Really?”

“Really. Just…take
it slow, huh?” A half-smile tugged up one side of Blaine’s mouth. “Don’t go
running down the streets shouting ‘Blaine’s got a boyfriend’ just yet.”

“Now, would I
do that?” Matt asked with a chuckle.

“Damn right you
would.”

“Maybe I
would.”

Matt was tired
of talking. He’d gotten his
agreement, that
was all he
needed.

Matt braced his
hands on Blaine’s shoulders and climbed up the other man’s body. He planted his
knees on either side of Blaine’s lean hips, straddling Blaine’s solid thighs.
The concrete scraped against his knees, but Matt ignored it, too busy focusing
on the handsome man in his grasp.

“Gotcha,” he
murmured, licking his lips. “And I’m not letting you go.”

Blaine had gone
insane. That was the only reason he could come up with for why he was kissing
Matt like this was their last day on earth. He couldn’t seem to stop, though.
Didn’t want to stop.

With Matt
kissing him, all the reasons for lying, to
himself
and
others, didn’t seem to matter anymore. Matt’s tongue tickled the roof of
Blaine’s mouth, twined with his own. Matt tasted like ketchup and beer and
spice. It was addictive. Highly.

“Mmm, you taste
good,” Matt murmured into Blaine’s mouth.

“You, too,” Blaine
replied, the words muffled since he wasn’t quite ready to let go of Matt’s lips
yet.

“Show you
something?”

Blaine gasped
as Matt’s finger rubbed the small of his back. God, who knew he was so
sensitive there? Those talented fingers pressed, slid down inside his jeans to
tease the top of his crack. Blaine let go of the heated kiss to drop his head
back, thought and concentration shattering into a million pieces.

“Do that
again,” he ordered.

“If you
insist.” Matt smiled at him. That finger moved again and Blaine arched into the
solid heat of his…boyfriend, lover,
friend
? Hell,
who
cared? Blaine’s brain didn’t work well enough to figure
it out right now.

Matt trailed
kisses down the side of Blaine’s neck, tongue flicking out to taste – the
hollow of his throat, the edge of his jaw, the dip of his collarbone. Matt paid
particular attention to the top of Blaine’s left pec, laving the dragon’s head
tattooed there until the greens and reds glistened with moisture. Blaine leaned
forward, returning the favor by tracing the series of stars on Matt’s shoulder.

He remembered
when they’d gotten their tats. The team was celebrating a big win and the end
of the season. They’d been drunk, the bar had been packed, and Matt and Blaine
had lost the rest of the guys. He didn’t remember whose idea it had been. He
just remembered seeing the flashing neon sign, feeling the rush of adrenaline.
Matt’s crazy, hyped-up laughter.

Now that he
thought about it, Blaine realized that most of the best moments of his life
revolved around Matt. Around them. Maybe this was the next logical step.

To his
lust-numbed brain, the thought made complete sense.

Matt’s kisses
turned to gentle nips, each one increasing in force. Blaine groaned, hands
coming up to cup Matt’s head. The short strands of his dark hair felt both soft
and bristly at the same time under his touch. Blaine ran his hands along Matt’s
head, shoving his fingers through the mass, messing it up until Matt’s hair
stood up in strange spikes.

In response,
Matt grabbed a bit of skin next to Blaine’s dragon and started sucking. He
applied pressure, teeth, and tongue until Blaine started writhing and moaning.
Then Matt pulled back with a soft sound, surveying his handiwork with evident
satisfaction.

“Marked you,”
he said. “You’re
mine
now.”