Don't Read in the Closet volume one (90 page)

Then the guilt came. For the first time since their
relationship started, Jonah regretted inventing “Dirk.” Regretted the story
he’d told to gain Laurie’s sympathy. What would have happened if he’d just been
honest and laid his cards on the table instead? There was no way of knowing.
But he owed it to Laurie to come clean. The idea of maintaining the lie didn’t
sit right with him anymore. He knew he probably should’ve admitted the truth to
Laurie at the very beginning, before they’d gotten sexually involved.

What will he
think of me?
Jonah hoped Laurie would
be understanding
, maybe even think it was funny.
God, I hope so. I can’t lose him now.
But he couldn’t just let it go either. It wouldn’t be right. On top of that,
there was a fair chance Laurie would eventually find out anyway. If Laurie ever
mentioned “Dirk” to Jonah’s parents, the jig would be up. Jonah had a close
enough relationship with them that they would’ve known about any boyfriends…or
lack thereof. And if Laurie found out the truth from someone else? Well, Jonah
didn’t even want to think about that.

Jonah sighed and shifted in his chair, wincing
slightly when some of his tender muscles protested the action. The shop had
been dead so far, and the book he’d brought with couldn’t hold his attention.
He’d woken up sore, and the shower had helped somewhat, but he could still feel
it when he moved, a subtle ache that reminded him he’d been taken the night
before. Maybe it was a bit sentimental, but the physical reminder made him
happy. It was like a secret only he and Laurie shared.

The sound of his grandparents’ voices drew his
attention to the back office. They were discussing sending a couple of the
guides
home early. It made sense—there weren’t very many
kayak tours on the schedule—but Jonah figured they probably wouldn’t let him go
any time soon, no matter how slow it’d been. Someone had to be around to ring
up customers and answer phones. Normally, he didn’t mind much, but his body was
hurting and all he really wanted to do was talk to Laurie. And maybe sneak in a
few cuddles, too.

Jonah glanced at the clock. The next tour wasn’t set
to start for another hour and a half, which meant Laurie would probably be free
for nearly as long. Maybe they could head into town for lunch or something, and
Jonah could bring the whole ex-boyfriend thing up sort of casually, in a
“you’re gonna laugh when I tell you this” kind of way. They could have a good
chuckle about it (hopefully), and then it would be over and done with.

“Hey, MawMaw?” Jonah called.

His grandmother, Eleanor, appeared in the doorway of
the office and smiled at him. “What is it, sugar?”

“It’s a little early, but can I take my lunch right
now?”

Eleanor looked over her shoulder when Jonah’s
grandfather said something he didn’t quite catch. “Yes, I remember,” she
murmured, then glanced back at Jonah. “We have to leave for an appointment in
about fifteen minutes, love. You can go on a break if you want, but we’ll need
you to cover the shop while we’re gone.”

Well, that was disappointing. But Jonah could work
with fifteen minutes. Laurie had to be somewhere nearby. His last tour had come
in only twenty minutes ago. The boathouse would be the best bet. “All right,
MawMaw. I’ll be back.”

Jonah left the shop and headed toward the boathouse.
He eyed the parking lot next door, searching for Travis’s car, but didn’t see
it. Good. Maybe the guy was in the hospital having his nose readjusted. That or
he was too embarrassed to show his face. Either way, Jonah didn’t care. He
didn’t think he could stand to see Travis any time soon without hitting him
again.

When he reached the entrance to the boathouse, both
Laurie and Marc were just stepping out.

“Hey, kiddo,” Marc said. “What’s up?”

“Oh, um…MawMaw was asking for Laurie.”

Marc arched a brow and gave Laurie a look Jonah
couldn’t read. “I see. Well, I’m going to get some food. Catch you guys later.”

As Marc wandered off, Laurie smiled slightly. “Very
subtle, Jo.”

“Sorry.” Jonah laughed. “I should’ve guessed he’d be
with you.”

“So, what’s really up?”

Nerves made Jonah’s stomach clench. “Can we go
somewhere and talk?”

Laurie’s eyes searched his face for a moment. “Sure.”

“Come on.” Jonah started down the path that led toward
the docks. He stopped a few feet out onto the first one and dropped down to sit
on the edge.

Laurie sat beside him, but didn’t speak, obviously
waiting for Jonah to say something. When Jonah cleared his throat for the second
time, Laurie glanced at him in amusement. “You got something stuck in there or
what?”

That startled a laugh out of Jonah. “No, I…I’m a
little nervous, but, you know, it’s actually kind of a funny story…”

“What’s kind of a funny story?” Laurie prodded,
nudging Jonah with his shoulder. “How are you feeling, by the way?”

“I’m good.” Jonah smiled briefly. “I wish I could kiss
you right now.”

Laurie reached out and squeezed his hand. “Later.”

“Yeah.” Jonah cleared his throat again, and tried to
ignore Laurie’s chuckle. “But, anyway, you know when I told you about Dirk a
couple of weeks ago?”

“Yeah?” Laurie said. The hesitancy in his voice made
Jonah cringe.

“So, the thing is…I sort of made him up.”

“Sort of?”

“I
did
make
him up. I…there is no Dirk.” Jonah risked a glance at Laurie. The
expression—or, rather,
non
-expression—on
his face was worse than anger would have been. “I just…I wanted—”

“Jonah!”

Jonah jerked at the sound of his name being shouted
from the direction of the shop.
Shit. Has
it been fifteen minutes already?

“You should go,” Laurie said flatly when Jonah’s name
was called again.

Jonah bit his lip as the nervousness in his belly
changed to queasiness. “Are you mad?”

“We’ll talk about it later, Jo.”

Jonah stared at him for a moment, but Laurie didn’t
say anything else. Laurie’s silence, and the sound of his name being yelled for
a third time, prompted him into getting up.

“I’m sorry, Laurie.” He turned and made his way back
to the shop. By the time he got there, Jonah had fought off the feeling of
nausea. Mostly. He apologized to his grandparents, and watched them walk out
the door with a sense of relief. Trying to talk to Laurie when he had so little
time had probably been a mistake. He’d have the rest of the day to agonize
about whether Laurie was actually pissed or just disappointed. Worrying about
it was going to drive him crazy. But, then, he had no one to blame but himself.

****

Oh, God, where
is he? Is he
that
mad at me?
Jonah looked out the window again, searching for a
glimpse of headlights in the distance. Marc and Laurie had gone somewhere
directly from Beckett’s, but he had no idea where. Jonah hadn’t spoken to
Laurie since the few minutes they’d spent on the docks earlier. He didn’t have
a clue what Laurie thought about the entire situation, and the constant anxiety
had started to make him feel sick.
 

At first he waited in his own bedroom, but three hours
later he found himself in Laurie’s room without any real memory of how it’d
happened. They needed to talk. As soon as Laurie got back. There was no way
Jonah could withstand an entire night of this. The very thought made him want
to puke.

The appearance of headlights at the end of the long
driveway half an hour later was as much a stress as a comfort.
What if he breaks up with me?
Not that
they’d ever actually put a label on their relationship. But they were together.
It wasn’t just about the sex. Jonah knew it.

In the time it took for Marc and Laurie to enter the
house, Jonah had worked
himself
into such a state he
thought he might just fall to pieces when Laurie opened the door. It didn’t
happen, though. Laurie stepped into the room, and he didn’t look at all
surprised to see Jonah standing there. He shut the door behind him and crossed
his arms over his chest. Neither his posture nor his expression was encouraging
in the slightest, but Jonah moved to stand in front of him anyway.

“Please don’t be mad!” he blurted before Laurie could
say anything. “I’m really sorry, Laurie. I just…I wanted you to notice me. It
was like you never
saw
me. You saw
Jonah, Marc’s little brother, but not
me.
I thought if I told you I’d had a boyfriend, maybe you would be jealous, and
then maybe…” Jonah’s throat felt tight. He swallowed to try to alleviate the
pressure, but it got even worse as Laurie stared at him in silence. “It was a
bad idea, I know. Really, I know that now. Please forgive me. I—”

“Jo,” Laurie interrupted quietly, “I already knew.”

Jonah blinked, his mouth falling open in shock.
“You…you did?”

“Well, I suspected at least,” Laurie amended. “But
this morning, when you confirmed it…I was more upset than I thought I’d be to
find out you actually
had
lied about
it all. That was kind of shitty of you, Jonah.”

“I know.
I know.
It was a dick move, and I’m—”

“But I understand why you did it.”

Jonah’s very brain seemed to freeze at those words.
Laurie understood. So did that mean…? “You’re not going to break up with me?”

Laurie looked surprised. “No, of course not.”

Jonah kissed him. He couldn’t help it. Laurie wasn’t
angry. They were still going to be together. The relief was so intense it
almost made him giddy. He trembled when Laurie’s arms uncrossed and curled
around his waist.

“I love you,” he murmured against Laurie’s mouth. His
hand slipped between their bodies and pressed to the hard length he could feel
under Laurie’s fly. “Let me show you how much.”

Laurie groaned. “Jonah, not here. I told you—”

“Just this once.” Jonah’s fingers undid the button on
Laurie’s jeans and started to tug the zipper down. “Just this one time…”

Jonah knew he’d get his way when Laurie dipped his
head and pressed a kiss to his collarbone. “
Once
,”
Laurie said, his lips brushing over the soft skin there.

The exasperation in Laurie’s voice made Jonah laugh.
It was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay.

Or so he thought. Until the door flew open behind
Laurie and his brother walked in. Marc was in the middle of saying something
about condoms, but broke off when he spotted Jonah and Laurie locked in an
embrace.

“Oh.” Marc’s eyes were huge. As Jonah watched, a slow
flush crept up his neck. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t…fuck, Laurie, I thought you
weren’t going to do this in the house!”

Jonah felt his own eyes widen. “You knew?” He glanced
at Laurie for reassurance, but the obvious guilt on Laurie’s face spoke volumes.
“You
talked
to him about it?”

“Jo—”

Jonah pulled out of Laurie’s arms and looked between
him and his brother. “You guys…were you guys laughing at me?”

“No.” Laurie shook his head and reached for Jonah
again.

Jonah stepped back, putting more distance between
them. “Did you tell him about everything we’ve done?”

“
No.
”

“But you guys talked about me. You—”

“Jonah,” Marc interrupted in what Jonah assumed he
thought was a placating tone. “Yeah, Laurie and I did talk after you asked him
to…well, you know. But it’s cool.
 
I told
him I was okay with it. I told him to give you what you wanted.”

“Give me what I wanted?” Jonah echoed blankly. “You
mean, you
told
Laurie to fuck me?”

“Well, not in those—” Marc started, but Laurie’s voice
overrode his.

“It wasn’t like that, Jonah!”

“Oh, I’m sure. You guys must have
really
laughed it up, huh?” Jonah met Laurie’s gaze. He couldn’t
even attempt to hide the pain he was feeling. “What was all this then? Pity?
And you even told me you lo—”

Jonah broke off and bit his lip so hard the coppery
taste of blood filled his mouth. No, he wasn’t about to say that. It would be
like throwing another stick on the fire of his humiliation, and how pathetic
would that be?