Breaking Unhealthy Soul Ties: Do Your Relationships Produce Bondage or Joy?
Read Breaking Unhealthy Soul Ties: Do Your Relationships Produce Bondage or Joy? Online
Authors: Bill Banks,Susan Banks
Tags: #spiritual warfare, #exorcism, #casting out demons, #deliverance, #soul ties
Breaking Unhealthy Soul-Ties
by Bill and Sue Banks
E-ISBN 10: 0-89228-255-X
E- ISBN 13: 978-089228-255-5
Copyright © 1999, 2011
Impact Christian Books
Impact Christian Books, Inc.
332 Leffingwell Ave., Suite 101
Kirkwood, MO 63122
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
All passages are from the
King James Bible
unless otherwise noted.
Contents
2 Soul-Ties: Godly and Ungodly
3 The Development of Harmful Adult Soul-Ties Through Choices We Make
4 Side-Effects of Unhealthy Soul-Ties
5 The Cure: Breaking Soul-Ties
Foreword
Unhealthy soul-ties inevitably become demonic soul-ties. Having recognized the existence of demonic soul-ties, and having, through countless deliverance situations, confronted the spirits involved, it thrilled me to read this insightful, biblical treatise on the subject. It is a methodical discussion of the facts and principles involved in both good and bad soul-ties.
This book deals with a facet of deliverance that should never be neglected. Unhealthy soul-ties are the underlying cause for many disturbed lives. Unholy ties result from perverted and ungodly relationships which hinder believers in their spiritual walk and keep them bound in spiritual chains.
Here, at last, is a thorough and theologically sound treatment of a little understood subject. Here, too, is an opportunity to inventory one’s own life as to the existence of unhealthy soul-ties, and to discover the necessary steps for breaking free into the purity and peace of deliverance.
Frank D. Hammond
(Minister and author of
Pigs in the Parlor,
and numerous other books.)
Author’s Preface
Part of the “trigger” for the study behind this book came from the closing passage in a letter that I received from Judson Cornwell in which he asked, “Is it possible that God is knitting our souls together?”
What a beautiful thought and yet that is exactly what I have come to discover should be the nature of the relationship existing between all believers. His statement started me thinking about positive soul-ties, which was basically a new area of thought
It also struck me that although we have heard a great deal in recent years concerning problems resulting from negative or evil soul-ties, I could not recall hearing that term even in deliverance circles prior to about 1980. I wondered how it was possible to suddenly be seeing so much truth regarding soul-ties if it hadn’t been seen before. So I asked several other men who have distinguished themselves in the ministry of deliverance. They agreed that they too had never heard the term used earlier than about fifteen years ago.
Perhaps it took me twenty-eight years of ministering to those with needs for deliverance to be open and willing to understand soul-ties. I must confess that I had virtually no light on the subject at all until about the last five years. Prior to that time when I encountered them, I probably lumped them all under the general heading of witchcraft control and simply broke them. It is important to note that the Lord seems to be willing to honor the power of the Name of Jesus and of the Blood which He shed, even when we don’t have a full and complete understanding of all the ways in which Satan operates.
The hour is soon coming when there will no longer be a need for anything to be kept secret... because the fullness of time is rapidly approaching.
For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.
Luke 8:17
What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops.
Matt. 10:27
Today, the Holy Spirit is training the Body of Christ and enhancing our discernment. It is apparent to me that mysteries of the Kingdom are being revealed in this hour, in order that the Body of Christ might be edified; that we might grow up unto Him – and into the full stature of the measure of Christ.
As with anything that is new or revelational, I urge you to read carefully, prayerfully, and cautiously with your own discernment on alert, for I am merely a seeker of truth, as you are: seeking answers to help
set the captives free
!
Bill Banks
Kirkwood, Missouri
January 1999
Introduction
While ministering in the field of deliverance from demonic bondage over the past twenty-eight years, we have discovered many truths concerning the enemy’s plans and wiles for God’s children. However, in recent years we have come to realize that there is a root problem underlying most demonic bondage. We describe such a root as an
unhealthy
or
ungodly
soul-tie.
A silly question often posed to theology students is: “Can God make a rock so large, He cannot lift it?” A ridiculous question. Why would God want to do such a thing? However, in essence, He has done so — in the form of freewill which He has granted to man.
Given this fact, we are presented with free will — the most powerful force in God’s creation. Its true power lies in God’s refusal to either control it, or override it. The angels have free will; man, God’s highest creation on this planet, has it; even the Godhead possesses it, as Jesus indicated:
“My food... is to do the will of him who sent me”
John 4:34a NIV
Nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.
Luke 22:42b
In certain circumstances, when one submits his will to another, incredible good or demonic evil can occur.
We will attempt to define both sides of this issue: not only the benefits of Godly soul-ties, but also, the destructiveness of the ungodly ones.
We will further attempt to offer solutions to those people experiencing pain and demonic torment due to the existence of unhealthy adult soul-links.
The remedy for deliverance from evil spirits is relatively simple by comparison with the breaking of evil soul-ties: one can readily cast out a demon, but how does one cast out a person exerting influence in his life? A person who is usually a mixture of good and evil?
It is not by accident that Jesus commanded us to forgive before we were to be delivered (as in the Lord’s Prayer) because He recognized that demonic bondages often stem from broken relationships of trust between people.
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil...
Matt. 6:12–13a
Just as no two snowflakes are alike, so no two relationships are identical. However, there can be common characteristics evidenced both in beneficial and unhealthy soul-ties.
It is our hope that by assisting the reader in clarifying both the positive and negative aspects of relationships, he or she will gain greater spiritual freedom and maturity.
1
The Soul and Its Function
Man as Triune
Man was made in the image and likeness of God his Creator. God is Trinity: a three-in-one being.
Starting with the very basics, man, made like his God, also is a triune being. He is a spirit, he has a soul, and both of these are clothed (or housed) in a body of flesh. The spirit and soul of the regenerate (born again) man will one day depart from his earthly house, called a tent, or tabernacle in Scripture, and enter a heavenly one, as the Apostle Peter said of himself: (1 Pet. 1:4; 2 Pet. 1:13–14)
...shortly I must put off this my tabernacle.
2 Pet. 1:14
Dennis Bennett, who seemed to exude more love than any man I’ve ever met, and who was trained as a theologian, expressed the concept of the trinity of man to me in the form of an ‘H’ diagram. (See figure on next page.)
Your soul is the
real you
. As an example, if you were to lose the use of your arms and legs, thus preventing you from doing or going; if you were also to lose your sight, your hearing, and the use of your tongue, you would be incapable of expressing yourself, but
you
would still exist. You would still be the same person, but you would be unable to express your
personality
.
In a normal situation your personality expresses itself through your body. In an ideal situation, as represented in the Bennett diagram, your spirit is fully attuned to God, and guides your soul, which in turn directs your body.
We are permitted to see an instance of this proper functioning of spirit-soul-body in the beautiful passage from Psalm 103. In it we find
the spirit
of David addressing and instructing
the soul
of David to properly respond to the Lord by means of his physical
body
(in this case, his tongue).
Bless the LORD, O my soul
: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases.
Ps. 103:1–3
The soul of man, as indicated, is that part of man which is uniquely him. It is what we think of as the personality of the man. We learn the nature and character of a man by observing the expression of his soul through both his words and his actions. These originate in his soul. The Scripture reveals that the soul of man is composed of the mind (intellect), the will and the emotions (and desires).
Mind
– the intellect, a capacity to know.
...marvellous are thy works; and that my
soul knoweth
right well.
Ps. 139:14
Also, that the
soul be without knowledge
, it is not good...
Prov. 19:2a
Will
– the capacity to exercise choice, make decisions, and push one towards self-preservation, self-control.
And it shall come to pass, that
every soul, which will not
hear
... shall be destroyed
Acts 3:23
...nevertheless
not my will
, but thine, be done.
Luke 22:42
Emotions
– the capacity to feel, to experience.
...my
soul is cast down
within me...
Ps. 42:6a
Tell me, O thou whom
my soul loveth
..
Song 1:7a
My
soul is exceeding sorrowful
...
Matt. 26:38a
And my
soul shall be joyful
...shall rejoice in his salvation.
Ps. 35:9
Desires
– surprisingly, souls may desire and even lust.
Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the
desires
of thine heart.
Ps. 37:4
...whatsoever thy
soul lusteth after
.
Deut. 12:20b
And the fruits that thy
soul lusted
after are departed from thee...
Rev. 18:14a
The spirit-man is intended to have dominion, to rule over, the natural or carnal man. The dysfunctional soul is carnal. In Scripture carnality refers to everything in man that is not under the control, or dominion of the Holy Spirit, via your own yielded spirit. The proper soul is a submitted will, intellect and emotional being. In Romans chapters seven and eight, Paul illustrates the problems of the carnal man, and the gloriously victorious walk awaiting the man whose Holy Spirit governed spirit rules in his soul and body.
For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
Rom. 7:19
For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.
Rom. 8:6
In a broad sense,
godly soul-ties
are those formed within or around a godly context (or centered in God);
ungodly
are those formed outside a godly context, or even against godly admonitions (such as those with a harlot). Soul-ties are rather difficult to define, in that there may be as many different variations as there are people, and any given individual may be under pressure from several of varying degrees at the same time. So the best we can do is to give a broad generic definition and then attempt to increase our understanding and to amplify our definition as we consider illustrations of the specific types of soul-ties.
What Is a Soul-Tie?
A soul-tie is a
cleaving together,
a relationship whereby two souls are joined or knitted together, and in a sense become as one.
In the Scripture, “cleave” means to be “knit together,” “bound up,” or to “cleave together.”
Thus, to be linked to another person by means of a soul-tie, is to
cling to
,
or
to be
closely attached
to, that person. It is as if one were stuck or glued to them, as being lovingly devoted to someone.
A soul-tie is a means whereby a person is brought into a relationship and becomes one (one flesh, one-mind or one-soul) with another human being. Some refer to this phenomenon, as is done in the field of psychology, as “mind control,” “mind-links” or “soul-links,” but we will continue to use the terms “godly” and “ungodly” soul-ties to describe and distinguish between those which are godly and beneficial and those which are detrimental to the well-being of the ones so united.
The word
tie
is defined by Webster as meaning “to attach, bind, fasten; a bond of kinship or affection, as to unite in marriage.” However, the definition also carries another connotation: “
to restrain from independence or freedom of action or choice: constrain by, or as if by authority, influence, agreement or obligation
.” The individual being so controlled feels obliged, and as if his independence must be sacrificed due to the influence or authority of the other party, who is controlling. An extreme example of this negative kind of soul-tie may be seen in many of those individuals in Germany during WWII, who were coerced to do things against their nature, due to the influence of Hitler and Nazi peer pressure.
How is it that Soul-Ties Exist?
Soul-ties exist because God wanted close godly bonds, or soul-ties, between His people. Soul-ties are God-designed and were intended for man’s best interests. We can see that soul-ties were in God’s plan from the very beginning. God chose to begin His earthly work with an exclusive, walking, talking relationship with His son, Adam.
There should be a two-way flow of love between the linked parties; love should flow in both directions in a healthy, Godly soul-tie. This thought is advanced in the
Umbilical Concept
which follows and is seen to relate both to Godly soul-ties or godly bonds, and also later to ungodly.
Involuntary to Voluntary
Attachment
The Umbilical Concept
In human reproduction, the mother-to-be is vitally linked to her unborn child via the connection which exists through the umbilical cord. The child draws sustenance, nourishment and life through that vital union with the earthly source of his natural life. This is a vertical umbilical relationship which provides us life, and it is
involuntary
on the child’s part.
Initially, the child is totally dependent upon the mother for life, blood, oxygen, nourishment. On the subtler, less obvious side, she passes on to the child the DNA that will direct his growth, determine his hair color, eye color, height, body type, and many other factors that will affect his personality. Oftentimes the mother also passes down curses or spirits, such as alcoholism, drug addiction, or fears. All information passes to the developing child through the umbilical cord and is carried by the blood.
Outside the womb, as time passes, attachment becomes
voluntary
and such links continue primarily as a matter of choice. In adults, relationships are voluntarily interdependent based upon trust, confidence, or love.
Three Main Categories
of Soul-Ties
There can be
intellectual
or “platonic” soul-ties of the mind, such as those formed between student and teacher, or disciple and mentor. These would normally be neutral, unless the one who has voluntarily placed himself “under the other’s tutelage” begins to be unable to assert his own will. Platonic ties are often dissolved and outgrown, when the teacher-student role is completed, or may fairly easily be broken once recognized. However, these relationships can progress from that of simple student-teacher, to dependence and bondage to the teacher and even into idolatry. Such relationships usually begin based upon shared ideas, beliefs, concepts, understandings or goals.
Soul-ties that exist on an
emotional
level are based on emotional attachments such as common feelings of love, fear or hatred. The bonds of family are included, such as the soul-ties between husband and wife or parent and child. Also included are the bonds of friendship. When imbalanced, these healthy soul-ties can become distorted or perverted.
Erotic
or physical love attachments are soul-ties formed by sin. Bonds are formed in sinful sexual encounters such as rape, molestation or incest. Any kind of illicit sex, such as adultery and harlotry, form ties between the participating parties.
Soul-ties do not usually form overnight, (except in the case of soul-ties based upon commission of sin, as that with the harlot).
