Double Fault (11 page)

She squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated on the pinpoints of fire that began to blaze across her body as his mouth travelled lower, the rasp of his cheek against the velvet softness of her breast creating a whole new range of sensations that set her fingers exploring an achingly familiar path.

With a sound that was half anger and half despair, Pierce scooped her up and pressed her tightly to him. Then he set her down on the day bed, pulled her robe together and covered her with towels.

“I must be totally mad! Why the hell do you always have this effect on me?” His face was flushed and furious as he reached for another robe from the pile beside the door and thrust his arms into its sleeves. He was only just in time. He was still knotting the sash when Maggie burst in through the door with a smile that quickly faded into embarrassed disbelief. Pierce took command of the situation with commendable mastery although Kerry could still hear the note of frustration in his voice.

“I’ve just been practicing my life saving skills because Kerry was doing a very good imitation of drowning when I found her.”

It worked like a charm, instantly distracting Maggie from the tense atmosphere and turning her into a concerned professional. “Whatever happened? Did you faint or something?”

“I think she’s just over-tired. She’s been under a lot of strain recently,” Pierce answered for Kerry as if she were a particularly dim-witted child. He sounded bored and disinterested now that he could hand her over and by the time he’d retrieved his wet clothes from the sauna Maggie was fussing over Kerry as if she were an invalid.

* * *

Kerry drifted in and out of sleep, listening to the sounds from the next room with a detached sense of reality. She could hear the monotonous undertone of the television news, the clink of a glass as someone poured a drink, and there were muffled voices too. Was one of them Pierce? She couldn’t tell and anyway she didn’t care, all she wanted to do was to sleep again. She rolled over and shut her eyes. The next time she woke up everything was silent.

She lay still for a long time, luxuriating in the fact that the knots of tension which had gripped her body for so long had been loosened by Maggie’s massage. The darkness washed over her, tempting her to sleep again. This time she fought it, however, knowing she had to face what was happening to her while her mind was clear and she was relaxed. Turning her head towards the grey lozenge of window outlined against the blackness of the walls, she relived the moments she’d spent with Pierce in the Spa.

There was no mistake. They had been equally aroused. She blushed as she recalled her erotic reaction to his touch. It was all very well for him to excuse her by telling Maggie she was suffering from stress, but whatever he might believe, she could no longer hide the truth from herself. She still loved him. Worse, she still wanted him.

She rolled onto her side, her eyes staring into the darkness as she wondered how he really felt about her. Was it a shadow of the love they’d once shared that had prompted his passionate assault on her senses or was it just an overdose of testosterone? It had to be one or the other because she was under no illusions about her body. She had nothing left that would have turned him on. What had once been slenderness had long ago become angles as her curves diminished along with the bloom of her skin. Caring for the twins on a shoestring hadn’t given her time to take care of her body.

She reached out and snapped on the bedside light and then pushed the bedcovers away. Her body had fined down almost to boyishness and a glance in the mirror opposite showed a cropped head and huge, waif-like eyes. There was nothing of the old Kerry Farrow left, nothing that could possibly attract Pierce, nothing that could compete with the voluptuous, athletic beauty of Marissa Reynolds.

She stared despondently at her reflection as she recalled Maggie’s words. How was Marissa going to react when she found out about the twins and discovered Kerry was back in Pierce’s life? Never a good loser, she would be bitchy and vindictive. She would make things hell for all of them. The thought made Kerry shudder with despair. How could Pierce do this? How could he possibly contemplate marrying her when she looked like this and when he was all but engaged to Marissa? Perhaps he intended to have the best of both worlds: his children and his mistress, with Kerry slotted in between as a necessary inconvenience, someone to be ignored once the wedding was over.

She groaned as she swung her feet to the floor. It was madness! She wouldn’t go through with it. There had to be another way. Surely they could agree to share the children. She would promise him anything he wanted if only he would let Ben and Lauren stay with her without the travesty of a marriage. Those few moments alone with him in the Spa had shown her how painful it would be to live with him and love him while knowing all the time that deep down he resented her.

Hastily she pulled on the clothes that were folded neatly across the arm of a chair. The corduroy jeans had seen better days and the baggy sweater had once been bright pink before it faded to indeterminate beige from repeated washing. Neither of them was attractive but they had been the closest things to hand when Pierce had told her to pack sufficient clothes for a short stay at
Greenleas
.

“I’ll take you home in time to see the children on Thursday evening,” he’d promised. “But in the meantime you’re staying with me so I can keep an eye on you.”

One glance at the set expression on his face had dissuaded Kerry from argument and she had obediently fetched her clothes and then sobbed all over him in the van when they arrived at
Greenleas
. And somehow her tears and her acquiescence had had a softening effect on him, so he had restrained the worst of his impatience until that fateful moment in the Spa when an over active testosterone had got the better of him. What would have happened if Maggie hadn’t burst in on them she would never know.  She did know he was irritated with her though because he hadn’t tried to hide it when Maggie eventually delivered her to his suite. Nor had he made any reference to what had happened between them in the Spa. Instead he’d merely asked her if she was hungry, ordered a meal that she only picked at, and then left her quite alone.

She smoothed her sweater over her hips and combed her fingers through her hair. That would have to do. Nobody was going to see her anyway, not at this time of night. She collected her scuffed leather tote from the bedside table and her trainers from beneath the bed. Then she tiptoed to the door and pushed down the handle. She would go and see Mel. Trying to sort out her thoughts on her own wasn’t working but maybe talking them through with someone would. Pierce had thrown the keys to the van onto the kitchen counter when they arrived at
Greenleas
so unless he’d moved them, getting there was no longer a problem, nor was disturbing her friend in the middle of the night. Nothing fazed Mel. She was exactly the person Kerry needed and she was going to see her even if she had to walk every step of the way. 

She gave a scream of fright as the door handle jerked under her fingers and then she jumped backwards as the door crashed open revealing Pierce, clad in a loosely tied silk dressing gown and a scarlet rage.

“And where exactly do you think you’re going?” He advanced menacingly until she was backed up against the bed. “What do you want me to do Kerry? Tie you down until Saturday?”

For the first time she was frightened. She had never seen him like this before, never heard the snarl of rage in his voice. He’d often been angry, with her, with himself, with his tennis opponents, but this was something darker. She started quaking inside but it didn’t show in the lift of her chin.

“You can do what you like but I won’t marry you. It isn’t fair to either of us or to the children.”

Chapter Six

“I didn’t realize fairness had a place in your life,” Pierce’s voice cut through her explanation like a knife. “After all there was nothing very fair about bringing two children into the world and then depriving them of their inalienable right to a mother
and
a father as well as a stable home.”

“There will be nothing stable about a home continually tormented with arguments,” Kerry snapped, the edge of guilt his words prompted tipping her into an answering anger. “Leave them with me Pierce and visit us sometimes. I don’t want you disrupting our lives.”

At her words the high color faded from his face leaving it sallow and drawn and when he answered her, his voice was clipped and cold.

“I’ve already told you they belong here at
Greenleas
, with both their parents, not shut into a shabby house with a mother who is too tired to care for them properly and a father whose visits would apparently disrupt their routine. Make your choice now Kerry. Are you coming too, as my wife, or do Ben and Lauren come alone? And before you answer make no mistake about it, you come on my terms or not at all.”

“Which are?” Although her heart was pounding and her throat was dry, Kerry kept her head high.

“That we work together. As far as the children are concerned we will present a united front. We will be the parents they deserve. I don’t want to continually fight you over them. I want to give you the chance to be a proper mother, not someone who is too worn out to think straight, but I’m not going to let you do it at my expense. You owe it to me to cooperate while I catch up on the two years I’ve spent without them.”

He paused and gave her a tight little smile. “I’m under no illusions Kerry. One word from you could reduce me to a bogeyman status that would keep Lauren, at least, beyond my reach for the next five years.”

“I can’t believe you’d think I’d do that to you. I…well…it’s…” Kerry was lost for words as her anger faded to incredulity.

He sighed. “I don’t know what to think anymore. Once I thought I knew exactly who you were but you proved me wrong when you cut out on me so now I’m finding it difficult to give you a second chance, particularly when you keep throwing it back in my face. Where on earth were you going at this time of night?”

“I wasn’t running away if that’s what you think…I was going to see Mel. I…I was going to tell her everything.” She dropped her tote onto the rumpled sheets and walked across to the window so he wouldn’t see the despair in her eyes. Behind her, Pierce slumped onto the edge of the bed and ran agitated fingers through his hair; unaware she could see his reflection in the glass. His action touched her as nothing else had done, showing her his hidden vulnerability as he fought for his children.

She knew he was right too. Her decision to hide Ben and Lauren from him had been the wrong one, even though she’d made it for all the right reasons, so now she owed Ben and Lauren a chance of a real family life. That marriage was part of the deal was something she would have to accept if she wanted to keep her children. She would only do it if he would agree to her terms though.

“I have a stipulation of my own,” she turned around abruptly and leaned against the windowsill, hoping he wouldn’t notice how her hands were still shaking. “I’ll marry you and encourage the children to accept you. I accept I owe you all of that. But I’ll only do it if you agree to give me space to breath. I want to be my own person as well as Mrs Pierce Simon.”

“I thought that was a given,” he sat upright, the momentary strain banished from his face by the rigid self-discipline he’d learned early in his career. “You were there when Mel and I discussed details even if you weren’t in a fit state to join in. You know what arrangements we’ve made for
Melanie’s Kitchen
. Marrying me is not going to interfere with that part of your life Kerry. It’s going to enhance it.”

“I wasn’t referring to my job. I was referring to our…personal relationship,” she spoke slowly and deliberately, anxious he should understand now, before it was too late.

He grinned at her, a trace of the old Pierce flashing through his weariness “If you mean the one behind bedroom doors, you didn’t used to be so delicate.”

“Maybe not,” she blushed faintly and shrugged. “But it doesn’t alter the facts. I’m not going to sleep with you Pierce. I’ll be your wife…but in name only.”

She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting; anger, impatience, laughter, even ridicule, but the one thing she hadn’t anticipated was the expression of relief that washed across his face. It went as quickly as it came, leaving her unsure if she’d read him correctly as he pushed himself up from the bed with a disinterested shrug.

“As you wish, even if you do seem to have changed your tune somewhat from earlier today. As far as I’m concerned you can do whatever you like as long as Ben and Lauren don’t suffer. Now for goodness sake go back to bed so we can finish the night in peace because tomorrow’s going to be another long, busy day.”

He went then, leaving her staring after him in disbelief. Although she’d meant what she said, knowing she couldn’t ever share him with Marissa or any other woman who came into his life, and so preferring to do without him entirely, she hadn’t expected him to accept her terms so readily. What she’d wanted was to fight him, to force him to agree against his will. She had wanted to prove to herself that the brief surge of desire he’d shown in the Spa was more than just an old memory rekindled.  Well he’d very effectively destroyed that dream. It was obvious he didn’t want her at all. Worse, he was relieved she didn’t want to sleep with him.