Double Threat My Bleep (23 page)

Yup. Interesting night.

“It’s nice to have you all to myself,” Alex says, between quick pecks on my neck. Oh, my weak spot. Alex can get me to do anything if he keeps nipping at my neck like this.

“Yes, it is,” I tell him, my hands wrapped up in his smooth hair. I used to think I loved his shaved head, but now that his hair is grown out, I can’t help but put my fingers through it. I tug gently as his pecks turn into more. The feel of his tongue on my neck is like dropping water in hot oil. I can sense the sizzle. My body is hot and his mouth is cool, but it doesn’t cool me down. Not one bit. I pull on his locks, and he gazes up at me. I lean in to kiss him and his lips part as my tongue enters his mouth. Ah, there’s that coolness again. But I’m too hot.

Alex leans me back until he’s on top of me on his bed.

After waking up, taking a shower, and getting ready at Steph’s this morning, I knew today was going to be a big day for us. Alex picked me up. He said his parents were gone for the day, so we decided to hang out here, at his house, in his room. But I didn’t think I’d be laying here, with my legs spread eagle, and Alex lying on top of me going back in forth between kissing me on the lips to kissing my neck and my chest. Sure, we’re fully clothed, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling the heat down there…because I can feel
him
down there too, if you know what I mean.

He’s driving me mad as the smooches on my neck turn more intense. The feel of his luscious mouth sucking, and the gentle nibbles of his teeth are making my body shiver with desire. I can’t get enough of him. Taking my fingers out of his hair, I slide my hands down his sides to his lower back. Lifting up his shirt, I reach for his bare back and caress his warm moist skin. I hear a subtle moan escape him. He refocuses on my lips. His tongue and his lips are heavier and his kisses are deeper. I clench his back in my hands, feeling the throbbing between my legs. He pushes into me. Now, a soft moan escapes me.

Leaving one hand on his back, I take the other and slide it to the front of him, resting it on the swell in his pants. I just leave it there for a moment. But then I remember what he taught me that night in my living room, and I move my hand up and down, gripping him gently. Alex’s hand trails down my side and grasps my ass, pulling me into him even more. He then takes that hand and moves it between my legs cupping my girl parts. Shivers roll through my body from head to toe, as I tighten my grip on him. Another moan comes from Alex, but this one turns into more like a roar.

Alex whirls off me and lays flat on his back on his bed, with his face in his hands.

Omigod. Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt him?

I’m lying here still as a mouse, wondering what to say or do. The words aren’t coming to me. And Alex has a death grip on his face and he’s growling. Omigosh. This is bad.

He relaxes his hands and he’s biting his lip. This isn’t a good sign.

I want to say something. Anything. But I don’t know what.

But then Alex does. “We can’t do this anymore.”

“What? We can’t do this anymore? What does that even mean?” Keesh asks, frantically giving me tissue after tissue.

I can barely speak through the sobs. “That’s what I asked him. Here we are, totally making out and he breaks up with me. What the fuck is that all about?”

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” Steph says, putting an arm around me. She takes a tissue for herself and blows her nose.

“I still don’t get it. What else did he say, Meggie?” It feels like Keesh is cross-examining me.

I take a deep breath and exhale. “Okay. He went on and on about our age difference. He said that he loved me, but it didn’t make it right. He said if I was eighteen and his was twenty-one, things would be different. But right now, we can’t be together.”

“So this is all about age. He’s eighteen and you’re fifteen. But you’ll be sixteen in a couple of weeks,” Keesh argues.

“That’s what I told him. Then he said, but then he’ll be nineteen.”

“And that’s it?” Steph asks, softly.

“Well he said he’s at a point where he wants more from a relationship. Both the physical stuff and the emotional stuff and he knows we can’t get physical. He complained about the distance, and how we never get to see each other. He said he’s staying in Berkeley this summer so it will only get tougher on us. He gave me some lame shit about not wanting to hold me back. He wants me to be a normal high school girl that can go on dates, go to dances with boys, and be able to hold hands during passing period.”

“Aww...that’s sweet,” Steph says, frowning and batting her eyes at me.

“The hell it is,” I yell. “He just broke up with me. There’s nothing sweet about that.”

“And what did you say?” Keesh questions.

I wipe the tears from my eyes, and sit up tall. “Everything he said kinda made sense, so I didn’t say much. I just kinda agreed with him. I told him I understood his feelings. I told him I was sad, but I got it.” I can’t help it, I start to cry again. Tears pour down my face like a rainstorm. “When he brought me home, he walked me to the door. He hugged me really tight. And he told me he loved me. I said I know. And I told him I loved him too. He cried, you know. He said it was hard for him but he knew it was the right thing to do. I just nodded.” I take another tissue from Keesh and try to wipe up all the tears, but it’s useless. “And then he said that just because it’s over for now, it doesn’t have to be over forever.” The sobs are making it hard for me to speak. I barely squeak out what he said next. “And then he said, ‘we’ll always have someday’, just like what we wrote in our yearbooks last year, remember? And then he kissed me one last time, with tears running down both our faces. It was like a fucking movie, it was so good. And that was it. He left.”

Keesh and Steph look at me like they’re in mourning. They both wrap their arms around me, hugging me tightly in the middle of the floor of my room. And I cry, and cry, and cry. And I think they do too.

Chapter Thirty

I’m
dragging ass to school today. Dom and Keesh wanted to pick me up but I thought the walk could do me some good. But now it’s just me and my head, and all the thoughts that are taking over my mind and won’t let me escape the pain. I really think my heart hurts. Like physically, not just emotionally. I think when you’re heartbroken, it must get bruised. And I mean literally, bruised. Because I feel a sickening throbbing in my chest every time I think of Alex. The whole time he was away at school, I never thought I could miss him anymore than I already did. Now, I know that it’s possible. To miss him more.

I’m so miserable. I don’t want to be. But I am. For the last two years, my life has revolved around Alex. Thinking of him, wanting him, imagining what it’d be like to have his arms around me, holding me, kissing me. I got a little taste of what it’s like to be loved by Alex and to love him back. And now, it’s gone.

As I cross the street to campus, my phone buzzes. I hesitate before taking it out of my pocket. I don’t really feel like a pep talk from the girls.

It’s Alex.

My heart races with excitement. Maybe he wants me back. Maybe all of this was just a dream.

“Hello,” I say, as calmly as I can manage.

“Hey, babe,” he says. He called me babe. That’s a good sign. Right? “I was up early so I thought I’d call to say hi.”

Hi. That’s all he wants to say. Hi? You don’t call the girl you just broke up with at seven thirty in the morning just to say hi. What the hell is wrong with him? That’s what I really want to say to him but of course, I don’t. “Oh, hi,” is what I finally squeak out.

“How ya doing?” he asks.

“Fine, you?”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” I say back.

“I miss you,” he tells me.

Uhhhh…he’s killing me.

“You don’t have to,” I tell him.

“This is really hard. You’re my best friend. I just can’t stop talking to you. It’s not fair.”

“No one said we have to stop talking.” Why do I have to be such a push over?

“Can we still talk?” he asks me.

“Sure.”

“You’ll be okay? If we just talk as friends?”

“I’ve been there before.” But this time it’s different. It’s going to be so much harder to just be his friend now. Before I didn’t know what it was like to hold his hand, or to feel the touch of his soft lips, or to get lost in his big green eyes. There goes my bruised heart again. Pain. Tears begin to swell in my eyes. I’m surprised I have anything left. At this rate, I’m going to be dehydrated before lunch.

“So I can still call you?”

“Anytime, Alex.” And I want him to call me. I’ll take anything I can get.

Forget math today, I have no desire to see Amy. I can picture the smug look on her face when she sees my puffy eyes. The sight of a girl with a red blotchy face and swollen eyes is always an indicator that she’s been dumped. So, no thank you. A Slurpee it is.

Halfway to Seven Eleven, I flip open my phone to make a call.

“You on your way to get a Slurpee, Meggie?” Ben asks, without even saying hello.

“Am I that predictable?” I sob into the phone.

“Sit tight, I'm on my way,” he tells me. How did he know I'd call? I bet Alex has talked to him. Or one of the girls. Most likely Steph. She probably went straight home yesterday and called Ben and Dominic to make them aware of my dreadful single status. Keesh probably told Josh and Travis. It's not like it matters. I'm not trying to keep it a secret.

I'm dragging my feet to the store when Ben drives up. He only has to drive a few blocks to get here but I didn't expect him this soon.

“Wow, that was fast,” I tell him when I open the door and slide into the passenger’s seat.

“Yeah, I've been up for awhile, killing time before class,” he says.

“Oh my gosh, I'm not making you miss class, am I?”

“No, no. I have plenty of time. Wanna go to Wendy's? I'm sure you can use a chocolate Frosty and some fries.” He smiles at me, and tears start to fall from my eyes.

“How did you know?” I tell him.

“There are few secrets in our circle of friends, Meg.”

I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. “So you think there are secrets?”

“None that I'm keeping, but probably,” he says. “So, how you holding up, little one?”

By the looks of my face, I'm sure he already knows. “What do you think?”

“Probably about as well as Alex is,” he answers, confusing the hell out of me.

“Why is he so upset? He's the one who decided to break up.” I know I'm being bitchy but I can't help it. I'm hurt.

“Meg, you know this decision was hard for him. He still loves you but he knows it can't work right now. I know you feel like shit, but you guys will be better off in the long run.”

“Glad you're so sure.” I sniffle some more. My nose is clogged and I want to blow the boogers that have taken up residency in my brain, but I can't do that in front of Ben.

“I am sure. And I think deep down in that sweet little heart of yours, you think this breaking up was a good idea too.” So what if it was a good idea, it doesn't make it hurt any less.

“You know, I get why he did it. I really do. It's hard to be with someone when you only get to see them once every other month or so. And his grades were going down because he was trying to find any chance to come and see me, or we talked on the phone a lot cause we couldn't see each other. But I'm still sad. I miss him already.” I let out a whimper, trying to catch my breath. Great, now I feel like a little kid who just skinned her knee and can’t stop sobbing long enough to breathe.

“You're gonna be sad for awhile. No one expects you guys to be normal over night. You guys can still talk, he doesn't have to completely disappear from your life.” Yeah right, like I can talk to him in this condition.

After a minute or so of concentrated inhaling and exhaling, I finally say, “Nah, I don't think I'll ever be able to move on if I talk to him all the time. It’ll be like we're still together. I need time to be by myself.” It kills me to say that because I want to talk to Alex so bad right now. I want to hear his voice and hear him tell me this was all a mistake. I want him to say that he's coming home for the summer and we can go back to the way things were. But that's not going to happen.

“Maybe you’re right. But don’t hurt him by ignoring him completely. You guys are too good of friends to treat each other like that.”

I nod in agreement. “Let’s eat,” I tell Ben. He turns off the car and we go in Wendy’s so I can drown my sorrows in about a thousand calories. So much for my new beach body that my now ex-boyfriend never had the chance to appreciate.

Alex calls me again on my way home from school. I wish I could be that same brave girl who talked to Ben just hours ago. What was it I said? I can’t just talk to Alex all the time if I’m ever going to get over him. Yeah right. I’m dying to answer his call on the first ring. And once I hear his voice, I don’t want to get off the phone.

He tells me about a test he’s studying for and how he needs to do well or he won’t pass the class. I listen, hanging on to every word hoping he will change the subject to talk about us. But he doesn’t.

A few more days of misery pass, and then things just get worse.

“Megan, Amy.” I look up from my desk to Mrs. Centeno, holding out a call slip. “You both are to report to the CRO.”

I look at Keesh who shrugs. Omigod. I’m not ready for my shrink session with Mrs. Flores and Amy. Really. This year sucks. I just can’t catch a break.

I gather my things, and tell Keesh to wish me luck. She can’t even hide the pity on her face.

“Nice to see you again, ladies,” Mrs. Flores says as I walk in.

“Hello,” I tell her.

“Where’s Amy? Aren’t you in the same class?” she asks me.

“Yeah, but she’s taking her time.” Just as I finish explaining, Amy walks in.

“Well hi there, Amy.”

“Hello, Mrs. Flores,” she says.

“Take a seat girls.” Mrs. Flores points to two chairs that are facing each other. Oh my. This is going to get interesting. Next thing you know she’s going to bust out with those spongy bats and let us hit each other with them. But I don’t think I could be satisfied hitting Amy with something soft.