Doublecrossed (22 page)

*

Callie walked out of the bedroom a few minutes later, dressed in her usual grungy running clothes. “Where’s the khakis?” Regan asked.

“Khakis?”

“Yeah. We need the khakis to get to Hopkinton.”

“What do my pants have to do with anything?” Callie asked, completely puzzled.

“Just teasing.” Regan picked up her keys and dangled them. “If you find someone with a thick enough accent, that’s how they ask for their keys. “Where’s my khakis?” she repeated, grinning.

Callie pinched her cheek. “Let’s go see Bah-ston.”

*

Regan had devised an ingenious way to see the highlights of the marathon course. It involved short runs of four or five miles, then a short car ride to the next spot. By the time they’d finished they’d been to the start, up and down Heartbreak Hill and cruised to the Hancock Building where they’d playfully waved to the imaginary crowds.

*

Afterwards, they headed out to one of Regan’s favorite restaurants for dinner, and Callie was surprised that she’d chosen to return to Cambridge. “Aren’t you afraid of running into Angela?”

“No. I’m not going to lose Cambridge. I like it and I’ve lost enough.” She smiled thinly. “Besides, she’s not the type to go out to dinner alone, and she’s not dating anyone. She’s probably living on Lean Cuisine.”

“Uhm, how do you know for sure she’s not dating anyone?”

They were riding on the T, Boston’s subway, and it was noisy and fairly crowded. Regan leaned over and spoke right into Callie’s ear. “I believe her. She’s not generally a liar.”

Callie nodded, not asking any more questions. When they exited the station, Regan said, “I believe everything she told me the other night.”

Callie slipped her hand around Regan’s arm, holding it close. “But…”

“It’s like I told you. I believe she’s sincere about wanting me back. I believe she’s working hard in therapy, something she swore she’d never do, to figure out why she was unfaithful. I even believe she’s serious about going to couples counseling to figure out why we had such a bad sex life.”

“But…” Callie led again when Regan stopped talking.

“But…it’s too late. It shouldn’t have taken my breaking up with her to motivate her to do something that I truly believed would have helped us be happier.” She looked so earnest and hurt that Callie felt her eyes well up with tears. “If I’m important to her now, I should have been important to her then.”

Squeezing her arm, Callie said, “I’m sure you were always important to her. Maybe she didn’t realize how bad things were. Some people aren’t very psychologically aware.”

“Yeah, I know that.” Regan had her hands in her pockets, and she was walking with her head down, an unusual posture for her. “I might have been able to forgive her for a one time slip, even though that would have been very hard. But to know she was cheating for over a year?” She made a slicing motion across her throat. “That’s the death sentence.”

“Do you think this was mostly about sex for her?”

“Yeah.” Regan nodded. “I’m sure of that. We were happy together, Callie. Really happy. The only thing we didn’t have was a good sex life.”

“Wasn’t that important to you?” Callie asked, a little afraid of the answer.

Regan thought for a moment. “Yes,” she said carefully. “Sex is important. But it’s not the top thing on my list. It’s not in the top five, to be honest.”

“Mmm.” It was in her top two, and she wasn’t even sure what its competition was. Regan couldn’t have been the one who didn’t have the goods when it came to sex. That had to have been Angela. Maybe they’d never been compatible sexually and neither one had known how to get closer. It had to be that. A woman as warm and tactile as Regan had to be a good lover. She just had to be.

Even though Regan said she was determined to reclaim Cambridge, Callie didn’t see any of her usual sparkle at dinner. Despite going to one of her favorite restaurants, Regan picked at her food and their conversation wasn’t the usual fast-paced tennis-match that Callie had grown to love.

It was after eleven when they got back to their swap and Regan immediately went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. They’d had all of the windows open as well as the window air conditioner on, and now the place smelled relatively normal. Callie closed the windows in the living room, leaving the air conditioner on since she knew Regan liked a cool room to sleep in.

They switched places when Regan was finished in the bathroom and a few minutes later Callie emerged to find Regan in bed, her hands laced behind her head, knees tenting the sheet. She didn’t seem to notice when Callie slipped into bed, but a few moments later she turned to her and said, “I’m really sad.”

The sorrow in her beautiful eyes made Callie’s heart ache. Instinctively, she opened her arms and Regan burrowed into her embrace like a child. They lay there for a long time, thoughts drifting in and out like the breeze of the air conditioner ruffling the curtains. The question had been rumbling around in her head, but it slipped out with no warning. She heard herself ask, “What’s more important than sex?”

“What?” Regan’s voice was muffled because she was pressed against Callie’s t-shirt.

It was too late to turn back. Acting like the question was just a continuation of an earlier conversation was the only thing that made sense. “You said that sex wasn’t in your top five things. What is?”

“Hmm.” Regan pulled away and rolled onto her back. She was quiet for a while, clearly thinking. “I’m not sure in general. But I can tell you what I loved best about Angela.”

“I’m interested.” And that was the truth. Right then it was immeasurably important to know what was most important to Regan.

“Okay. I…uhm…” She cleared her throat. “It’s still hard to think about her. About the good side of her.”

Callie reached over and put a hand on Regan’s arm. “You don’t have to…”

“No, it’s okay. I think it’s good to talk about her. It might help me get some stuff off my chest.”

“Okay. But don’t think you have to talk just for my sake.”

“Gotcha.” She was quiet for a time, then said, “She was generous. With her money and her time. Did you know we met when we both worked on a Habitat for Humanity project?”

“No. You’ve never said how you met.”

Callie could see Regan’s thin smile by the light of the moon. “We both volunteered on a project about halfway between my house and hers. She has a tough job and she travels a lot, but she still volunteers for things.” She took a breath. “Not just doing stuff to make the company look good, either. None of that community service crap a lot of people participate in because their firms make them.”

“Like Marina,” Callie quietly said.

“Oh, I’m sorry…”

Callie touched her gently. “No need to apologize. I’m just speaking the truth.”

“Okay. Well, she belonged to a church and she did a lot of stuff with them. Tutoring and things like that.”

“Interesting. Are you religious?”

“No, that was her thing. It was good for her and kept her involved in her community. It was hard for her being a black woman in a white industry. Belonging to her church centered her.”

“That’s cool. Very cool.”

“She’s a good person,” Regan said, her voice shaking again. “She was scrupulously honest—except for the cheating. The type of person who’d go back to a store if she found out they’d undercharged her.”

“Wow. Marina would have called her friends to boast.”

“No comment.”

Callie patted her. “It’s fine with me if you speak your mind about Marina. You can’t think worse of her than I do.”

“Don’t count on that.”

“Tell me more about Angela.”

“’Kay. Uhm, I guess the things I liked best about her were her honesty and her work ethic and her desire to do the right thing. She was just…someone I looked up to.”

“Do you think that had anything to do with why things didn’t work well…sexually?”

“Why would that be involved? Aren’t you supposed to respect the person you love?”

“Well, yeah, but maybe you weren’t on the same level, you know?”

“No, I don’t. No idea.”

“I’m not sure if this is nonsense, but the best sex I had was with Marina and I didn’t respect her much. Maybe hot sex goes with…I don’t know…not caring too much? Does that sound crazy?”

Regan didn’t say anything for a while, but when she did her voice was soft and low. “I’d rather love a good person I wasn’t into sexually than have great sex with a bad one. Maybe you’ve got a point, but I hope you can have sex and love and respect for someone. If you can’t, I know which one I’d give up.”

Callie didn’t say another word. She felt like she’d revealed too much. If Regan felt so strongly about being with a good person what would she think of having killer sex with a dirtbag like Marina? But after just a minute or two Regan curled up against her again. Callie held her tightly, occasionally stroking her hair or back and, after just a few minutes, she felt Regan not only relax, but fall asleep. Callie continued to touch her gently, sharing in Regan’s sorrow even as she slept. She held her for a long time, savoring this chance to caress the woman she was falling for. But she didn’t feel a sexual charge, even though their bodies were nearly entwined. Regan needed a friend tonight, and that was a role that Callie relished as much as she did the newly discovered sexual pull, and it was a role she would never violate.

*

The next morning Regan was staring at Callie when her eyes first opened. She jerked awake. “You scared me!”

“It’s because we’re about three inches apart in this little bed.” She backed up as much as she could. “Better?”

“It wasn’t how close you were. It was those big blue eyes locked on me. You look happy this morning. Are you always this alert when you wake up?”

“No. But I have something planned and I wanna get going.”

Cassie slapped at her lightly. “Then wake me up!”

“I did. By staring at you.” She adopted a dramatic, creepy tone. “The intensity of my gaze burned right through your eyelids.”

“I think it might have.” Callie sat up and rubbed her eyes. “What are we doing?”

“We’re sitting in bed, not progressing.”

“Fine.” Callie stood up and headed for the bathroom. “You could have showered first and then we’d be ready sooner.”

“Now you tell me!” Regan called out to Callie’s laughter. “Where were you when I needed you?”

*

They both hustled to get ready and were soon in line at a local coffee bar. Regan said, “I made reservations for something cool, but it’s kind of expensive.”

“Under five hundred dollars?”

Gasping, Regan said, “Of course!”

“Then I’m fine. I haven’t had to spend much money this week. I’ve got five hundred dollars left in my budget for the trip and it’s burning a hole in my pocket.”

“This will take less than twenty percent of your bankroll.” She chuckled. “Roll. That’s appropriate.”

“Are you gonna let me in on the joke?”

“Sure will. As soon as we get there, I’ll tell you where we are.”

Callie gently pulled Regan’s ponytail. “I’m glad. I like surprises.”

With a tender expression that somehow let Callie see into her soul, Regan said, “I wouldn’t do them if you didn’t like them.” Then Callie turned to look at the pastries, so that Regan wouldn’t see the longing in her eyes.

*

An hour later, they were tooling around the Freedom Trail on a Segway tour. Callie had heard of Segways, but she’d never seen one. Nevertheless, she loved the experience and she kept sidling up to Regan and saying, “Thank you for this. It’s outstanding!” before she’d dart away, giggling.

*

At 1:35 p.m. the first pitch was thrown at what Callie hoped would be the first of many games she’d see at Fenway Park. The day was warm and clear, the fans were incredibly enthusiastic, the game was a complete sellout, and the Red Sox won with a walk-off homer in the ninth inning.

As they filed out of the stadium, Regan said, “Would you like to go to the second best sports bar in the country?”

“Uhm, okay, but why don’t we go to the best one?”

“I have no idea where that is. I just know this one claims it’s the second-best. And the beers are a third the price they are in the stadium.”

“I should hope so! I don’t usually pay that much for dinner! I made that one beer last six innings. It was warm, but they weren’t gonna get that kinda money off me twice.”

The bar was just around the corner and it seemed like most of the fans were heading there. “This place gets really crowded, but it’s a lot of fun.”

“I like fun. And I like crowded bars. Remember how crowded the place in Provincetown was?”

Regan grasped her arm and pulled her to stop, making hundreds of people veer around them. "Would you rather go to a lesbian bar?”

Callie guided Regan to stand behind a light pole, giving them some breathing room from the crush of people streaming by. “A sports bar is great. It’s like a doubleheader.”