Doublecrossed (7 page)

“It’s fine. This is my field.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“I don’t mind a bit. Make sure you dress warmly. They’re predicting this might turn to ice.”

“Excellent. If the weather’s bad enough we’ll have the course to ourselves.”

“That’s one way to look at it,” Callie said wryly.

*

She wasn’t a snoop. Callie had quite a few qualities she was less than proud of, but she wasn’t a snoop. Hacking into Marina’s old phone was something she never would have done before. But she couldn’t let go of her suspicions, and having them made staying untenable. She didn’t want to know what Angela and Marina talked about. If she’d had the transcripts in front of her she wouldn’t have read them. But she was almost certain that Marina was lying about the length of her relationship with Angela and she wanted…needed to know the truth. She actually felt that snooping might help their relationship because if she found out Marina was telling the truth, she could finally let this all go.

She pulled the chip out of the phone and used a device she’d bought years earlier when she was working in IT that let her pull off all the instant messages stored on the phone. Even the ones that had been erased.

It didn’t take long to find what she was looking for. She went back almost two years to what looked like the beginnings of their flirtation. Her stomach was sour and there was a bitter taste in her mouth as she read random sentences from those early interactions.

She supposed there were business reasons to text someone’s personal phone, but those seemed rare. You texted with a business colleague if you wanted to become her friend, or her lover.

It looked like things stayed at the flirtation stage for a long time, probably six months. But it was clear they had slept together a year and a half ago. A year and a half ago. Right when she’d moved to Dallas. Marina started having an affair…a real affair…not just sex…just after they’d agreed on their rules.

Her heart pounded and she wondered if she might actually pass out. Colors swirled behind her tightly closed eyes, and she bent over putting her head between her knees.

Getting up, she held onto the desk for a few minutes to steady herself, then went into the kitchen and opened a beer. The tiny bubbles tickled her throat, and the sensation of the ice cold liquid distracted her for a few seconds.

She chugged the entire bottle, wishing briefly that she could tolerate Scotch. Once her nerves settled down, she steeled herself to go back into the office and finish her grim task.

She saw quite a few entreaties from Angela begging Marina to be discreet. She also saw a piece of a frantic interaction where Marina was trying to convince Angela that their affair wasn’t going to harm her relationship with Regan. Marina had been the one pushing it. This was all coming from her. Lying, cheating, scum Marina.

Her brain was racing. What to do? Leave now and be gone when she got home? Or stay and talk? The mere thought of that made her stomach turn. Putting her mind on hold was what she needed. Getting into project mode, she went about finishing the routine task of transferring information from one computer to the other by rote. It took her a few hours, and she spent much of that time trying to decide what to do, even though she was desperate to stop the mental clamor. She was so confused, so buffeted by images of Marina’s lying face that she knew she needed some time before she did anything permanent. Rash decisions were never good ones, so she packed up her computer and a few days worth of clothes, then left a brief note for Marina saying she had to go home to deal with a family matter.

Once she was out of the apartment, Callie felt a little better. The air seemed cooler and fresher, and her head cleared somewhat. While she sat in her car, she used her phone to check prices and availability of flights to Phoenix. Because it was last-minute, prices were very high, but she didn’t want to drive for fifteen hours. She made a reservation and hoped she wouldn’t be at the airport all night long because of the rain and wind. Nonetheless, the airport was a better place than her home because Marina wasn’t at the airport.

Callie waited until she was assured a seat on the last flight of the day to Phoenix before she made a call. She could have chosen her mom or either of her sisters, but she called Terri. They’d known each other for almost twenty years, and there was no one who understood her better, or judged her less. And from where she stood, nothing was more important.

*

At midnight, Terri was faithfully waiting at the arrivals level of the Phoenix airport. She reached across the car and flung the door open as Callie approached. As soon as Callie slid into the car, Terri said, “Do you want to talk about it now, or wait until we get home?”

“I guess now,” Callie said quietly. “There’s a lot I haven’t told you.”

“I figured as much.” Terri gave her a fond smile. “I know you like to keep problems to yourself until you figure them out.”

“I do. But I can’t figure this one out alone.”

*

Because of her frequently changing schedule, Terri had settled into being a night owl, so she was wide awake and ready to listen. They went to the first all-night diner they saw, and Callie ordered a burger, hoping that it would sit well in her somersaulting stomach.

While they ate, Callie went through all of the highlights and the lowlights of the past few weeks, appreciating the sympathetic comments Terri made along the way.

“What do you think you’re going to do?” Terri asked.

“I don’t see that I have any choice.” Pushing her coffee cup away, she stacked her fists on the table and rested her head on them. “How can I maintain any sense of self-respect if I let her lie to me over and over like this?”

Terri reached over and gently rubbed Callie’s back. “Why is this a deal breaker for you?”

Callie turned her head enough to be able to make eye contact. “Lying and cheating isn’t enough?”

“It would be for me, but it surprises me that it is for you.”

“I do have a little self-respect left.” Callie’s cheeks colored and her eyes showed a rare fire.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. I meant that it makes sense to me that Marina lied. She was just covering her ass and trying to make it sound like less of a big deal than it was. In a way, she was trying to make it easier for you.”

Callie sat up and looked at her friend suspiciously. “I’ve never heard you defend anything that Marina has done.”

“I’m not sure I’m defending her now. I’m just surprised that this is what makes you want to throw in the towel. This all seems like it’s part and parcel of the same crime; and if you forgive her for the crime this seems like it goes along with it.”

“But she lied, Terri.”

“She lied by cheating too. To me, that’s a much bigger issue. But that’s how I look at the world. Monogamy is the only thing that works for me.”

Callie smiled at her fondly. “I know two of your former girlfriends who’d agree that’s your rule.”

“Women are dogs,” Terri said, shaking her head. “I don’t know why you ever got mixed up with one.”

“Men are dogs too. Maybe I should just get a dog.” She tossed her head back and ran her fingers through her hair a few times. “I don’t think a dog would have me given how I must look.”

Terri reached over and pinched her cheek. “You look adorable as always. Now let’s get out of here and get some sleep. We can cut Marina up tomorrow.”

*

The next morning, Callie woke and had to spend a few moments figuring out where she was. She turned and saw Terri also just starting to wake up. “Thanks for letting me sleep with you,” she said, yawning.

“I didn’t want to make you sleep on the couch, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to.”

“You’re a good friend. And as much as I dislike Phoenix, I’m moving back here if Marina and I break up. I like you more than I dislike my hometown.”

Terri put her hands behind her head and lay there contemplatively for a few moments. “How do you decide who’s on the approved list?”

“You really want to know? You’ve always expressed a real disinterest in how we set things up.”

Turning on her side, Terri gazed at Callie in sober reflection. “I’m interested. I always have been. But you didn’t ask me for advice when you were first getting together and I didn’t want to pry.”

Callie reached across the space that separated them and ruffled Terri’s dark hair. “Why do you want to pry now?”

“I don’t want to, and if I am, tell me to butt out.”

“You’re not. I’m just curious why you want to know.”

“I think I could understand better if I knew why that skanky slut wouldn’t have been on the list.”

“I don’t think Angela’s a skanky slut. If I’m really being honest, it was probably Marina’s fault.”

Terri turned and lay on her back again. “That’s kind of an amazing thing to hear you say.” She paused a few seconds then added, “I wish you felt you deserved better.”

“Knock it off! I know you care about me, but I’m not with Marina because I’m desperate.”

“I didn’t…”

“Yes, you did.” Callie sat up and poked a finger into Terri’s side. “I deserve a great relationship, and it’s been great up until now.”

“It has? Great?”

Terri looked so unconvinced that she scrambled for examples of how great things had been. When she couldn’t think of any immediately, she shifted to what seemed more important. “I’m really into her. I’m not sure why, but I am. She turns me on more than anybody I’ve ever been with, and having good sex is very important to me.” That sounded weak. Terri would never buy it.

But Terri held her hands up in surrender. “Sorry. Sorry. I don’t mean to judge you.

Callie softened her hand and absently patted Terri. “It’s okay. I can see why you might think I’m settling. But I don’t think I am.”

Terri smirked. “So tell me how a person who goes ballistic over some pretty minor unfaithfulness with a guy winds up with a woman who refuses to be faithful—while not settling.”

Callie flopped onto her back. “It was different when Rob cheated on me. It was much worse, even though what he did wasn’t as bad.”

“I was there. You were truly brokenhearted.”

“Yeah, I was. For a long time.”

“It was a very long time. Maybe you should think about why it was so hurtful to have Rob step out of line.”

“I have thought about it. All that makes sense is that I trusted him more. I was so much more invested.”

“Really?” She peered at Callie curiously. “I thought you were invested in Marina.”

“I am. In some ways. But with her it’s more…” She knew there was a way to explain this without sounding like a user, but she wasn’t sure she had the knack. Where was Marina when she needed her—she could pull it off. “It’s more about the possibility of having something deeper. We don’t have it yet. Our relationship is really a work in progress.”

“But it’s been worth it, right?”

“Yeah. Of course. Being with Marina helped me get over Rob. She helped…put things in perspective.”

“Like how?”

“I know you don’t understand this, but it took some of the pressure off not to have monogamy be the major focus.”

“You were very successful.” Terri had an angelic look on her face that remained even when Callie pinched her.

“Wise guy.”

“Tell me about your perspective. All you’ve said so far is that you decided not to care when Marina slept around.”

“It wasn’t like that.” Letting out a sigh, Callie said, “We worked everything out ahead of time. After we met she went back to Dallas, but we talked on the phone twice a day. She came to visit a week later and we had a great time in bed. When she showed how much she wanted me, I could forget about Rob looking at those sluts on the internet.”

“Damn, Cal, I didn’t know it was that bad.” She reached over and snuck an arm around Callie and hugged her close. “You should have told me.”

Callie shook her head. “I was embarrassed. I felt so unattractive, Terri, and Marina helped a lot. She might have a lot of faults, but having someone want you like she wants me makes me feel sexy. Hot, as a matter of fact.”

“You are hot. Damn, you never had trouble finding guys and my lesbian friends were always checking you out.” She bumped her with her shoulder. “You know that.”

“That’s just talk. Marina showed me. She’s still all over me when we’re together. Somehow that matters to me. A lot.”

“Okay. Whatever works. So how did she convince you to have an open relationship?”

“When we were apart she romanced me.” An attractive blush slowly climbed up her cheeks. “She’s very, very good at getting what she wants, and she wanted me.”

“She must be good at it. I’ve never been more surprised than I was when you told me you weren’t going to be monogamous with her.”

“Yeah, it must have sounded weird. But I stood up for myself and insisted that we have limits.”

“She wanted what? To be able to do anything anytime?”

“Basically. But that was a nonstarter. So we worked out the details over time and we were both pretty happy with it. Well, I was happier with it than she was, but I think she was happy enough.”