Dr. Carbles Is Losing His Marbles! (5 page)

“Watch out!” somebody screamed.

It was the day before Thanksgiving. Some crazy lunatic dressed like a Pilgrim was tearing down the sidewalk on a skateboard. He must have built up too much speed. The guy was weaving around kids, totally out of control.

“Run for your lives!” somebody shouted.

The skateboard must have hit a crack in the sidewalk, because the next thing anybody knew, the Pilgrim went flying through the air like a superhero. Kids were diving out of the way. Dogs were running as fast as they could.

The skateboarding Pilgrim crash-landed in the bushes in front of the school. You'll never believe in a million hundred years who it was.

It was Mr. Klutz!

“Good morning, Mr. Klutz,” said Mrs. Cooney as she walked past.

“Good morning, Mrs. Cooney,” he replied. “Beautiful day, isn't it?”

“Lovely.”

Mr. Klutz got up, brushed himself off, and walked up the front steps, like it was totally normal to skateboard to school dressed as a Pilgrim and crash headfirst into the bushes.

Everybody clapped and cheered when
we realized Mr. Klutz had been hired to be our principal again. No more marching. No more uniforms. No more Dr. Carbles. It was the best day in the history of the world.

In the afternoon we were called down to the all-purpose room for an assembly. Mr. Klutz went up on the stage, and everybody gave him a standing ovation.

“Well, I have good news and bad news,” Mr. Klutz told us. “The bad news is that even though you all made beautiful Thanksgiving displays, I can't marry a turkey like I promised.”

“What happened to Gobbles?” Emily asked.

“I'm having her for dinner tomorrow,” Mr. Klutz said.

“What's the good news?” I shouted.

“You'll see.” Mr. Klutz went behind the curtain. You'll never believe in a million hundred years what he brought out with him.

A live pig!

“I'm going to marry this pig instead,” he told us.

Everybody started cheering and stamping their feet.

“Where did you get a pig?” yelled Ryan.

“From Rent-a-Pig,” Mr. Klutz said. “You can rent anything, you know.”

Mrs. Roopy came out onstage with a
book. She was wearing a man's suit and tie.

“It's Mrs. Roopy!” everybody yelled.

“I'm not Mrs. Roopy,” said Mrs. Roopy. “I'm the justice of the peace. Mr. Klutz, do you take this pig to be your wife—to love, honor, and cherish till death do you part?”

“I do,” said Mr. Klutz.

“Pig, do you take Mr. Klutz to be your husband—in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”

“Oink,” said the pig.

“This is so romantic!” Andrea whispered.

“I now pronounce you man and wife,” said Mrs. Roopy. “Mr. Klutz, you may kiss the pig.”

Mr. Klutz bent down and kissed the
pig, right on the lips! Ew, disgusting! That was the second time I saw Mr. Klutz kiss a pig. He must really love pigs.

After the assembly we went back to
Miss Daisy's class to get ready for dismissal. She wished us a Happy Thanksgiving and made us go around in a circle to say what we were thankful for.

“I'm thankful that Mr. Klutz is back,” said Andrea.

“I'm thankful that Dr. Carbles is gone,” said Michael.

The three-o'clock bell rang.

“What are you thankful for, A.J.?” asked Miss Daisy.

“I'm thankful that we don't have school for four more days,” I said. Then I ran out of there.

 

Maybe Dr. Carbles will take a chill pill
and get his job back. Maybe we'll be allowed to keep the half-pipe and go skateboarding in fizz ed. Maybe Mr. Klutz and the pig will go on a honeymoon and live happily ever after. Maybe Mr. and Mrs. Klutz will get divorced because Mr. Klutz is always kissing pigs and marrying them. Maybe hair will stop growing out of Mr. Klutz's nose and back on the top of his head, where it belongs. Maybe my weird school will become more like a normal school.

But it won't be easy!

Cover art © 2007 by Jim Paillot