Dragon Gate (31 page)

Finally I looked up and met her eyes. “What I want and what I can have tend to be very different things.”

She reached out and placed her hand on mine. “What are you afraid of here?”

“I’m worried that I won’t be able to protect you. And I’m worried that protecting you means too much to me right now.”

“We’re safe tonight,” she said.

“We should be. There’s no way the Marshall Clan can track you here. Even if they could, they don’t have fast transportation. The smart thing would be to get you as far from Boulder as possible. The world is a mighty big place, and they don’t know their way around.”

She nodded. “You’re thinking that because I have money, I can easily start over somewhere else. Belize maybe.”

“That would be nice.”

“But Boulder is my home.”

I nodded but my expression said more than I intended.

“You don’t see it that way?” she asked.

“In your position, I’d make a new home elsewhere. Of course, I’d be happy to leave Denver. Too many bad memories.”

“So you’d run away from a battle?”

“If I thought it was a battle I’d lose.”

“Liar.” She shook her head. “If you were in my position, you’d attack the Marshall Clan with everything you could. If they’d killed your family, you wouldn’t stop until every last one of them was dead or at least unable to ever harm you again. In fact, that’s what you were trying to do for me.”

“Your uncle messed that up,” I said. “If not for him and his sons, I’d have either solved your problem or I’d have died trying.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re alive. And I want you to stay that way.”

“That would be nice.”

Rayna looked deep into my eyes. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Of course.”

“What are you hiding from your friends?”

I didn’t like where she was heading. “What do you mean?”

She held my gaze, searching my eyes for honesty. “Your friends know you’re hiding something. They know there’s something different about you.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Maybe you should talk to Kelly.”

“No way!” I said with more force than I intended.

“Whatever load you’re carrying is clearly weighing you down, and it has your friends worried about you.”

There was no way I could talk to Kelly about what had happened. I couldn’t go there. Brand wouldn’t understand. He’d think I was being an idiot. Esther wouldn’t get it either. “It doesn’t matter,” I finally said. “It’s my problem and I can carry it fine.”

“But you don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do.”

“You can set it down, Jonathan. Kelly loves you for who you are at your core, so whatever you’re hiding from her won’t change how she feels. You don’t have to tell her, of course, but you need to deal with it.”

I pulled my hand away from her and stared at the table.

“I am dealing with it.”

“Oh yeah, you’re fit as a fiddle.”

I looked at her, but something in her eyes showed me that she actually cared about me, and she was pushing for that very reason. “Cute,” I said.

“You’re good at hiding things from people who don’t know you, but Kelly knows something is wrong. So does Brand. You should talk to someone.”

“Right. It’s not something anyone will understand.”

“Try me. I’m a good listener.”

“You barely know me.”

“I’m trying to get to know you. Talk to me. Whatever you tell me will stay right here.”

Somehow I felt I could trust her. Or maybe I really did need to talk about it. I’d been carrying it for months, and she was right. It was too heavy. And she was right that Kelly knew something was wrong.

I drew a deep breath and spit it out. “Kelly died late last year, and it was my fault.”

“That will need an explanation,” she said.

So I told her about Persephone on the Royal Gorge bridge and how everyone died and how it was my fault for thinking I could stop someone who ruled the Underworld for centuries with a piss-poor plan that wouldn’t have worked on a low-level wizard, let alone a goddess. I told her that Brand and Kelly had died honorable deaths in battle, and they would have been proud of those deaths.

And I told her that I’d taken those deaths away from them.

My failure had cost them their lives.

My selfishness had brought them back.

And I didn’t want Kelly to know how badly I’d failed her.

Once I started talking, I couldn’t stop. Rayna placed her hand on mine as I talked. She listened and did not judge me. As I finished, she simply nodded.

“I can’t tell her because if she knows she died and that I found a way to go back and change that, to take away a death she’d have been proud of, she’ll never look at me the same way. She’ll lose all respect for me.”

When I finally finished, Rayna shook her head. “I think she’d be impressed at the lengths you went to in order to save her and to set things right. You may have grieved for her, but you also saved her. She lives to help people now. You gave her a purpose. Without you, she’d be like a Ronin.”

“She’s Chinese, not Japanese.”

“Same difference. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”

I looked up at her, and she had a gentle smile on her face that lit up her eyes. I didn’t speak. I’d said too much as it stood.

She filled the silence. “What I see is a man who will do anything to right a wrong, to save his friends and loved ones. A man who needs to forgive himself for perceived shortcomings. You didn’t fail anyone on that bridge, Jonathan. You found a way to save everyone. The problem is that you spent five years getting to that point, and you tortured yourself every single day, thinking of yourself as a failure when, in reality, you refused to accept failure.”

“That’s how you see it?”

“That’s how it is.”

“But—”

She shook her head. “You don’t have to tell Kelly. She wouldn’t be upset with you if you did, though. But you do need to stop beating yourself up over a win.”

“I’m trying.”

“You’ll succeed. I have faith in you.”

There was no judgment in her eyes, or if there was, she judged me as worthy. I let out a deep sigh and felt like a massive burden had been lifted off my chest and I could breathe for the first time in five long years.

She still had her hand on mine. She squeezed a bit then said, “Let’s get out of here.”

oOo

When we entered the dojo, I clicked on the lights, pulled the shades, and locked the door. I turned to tell her about the classes Kelly taught, but as soon as I turned, Rayna was in my arms. She kissed me gently, tentative, but I couldn’t resist her, so I kissed her back. Our kisses grew in intensity. Our hands wandered and our need for each other was overpowering.

She pulled my shirt over my head, and we left a trail of clothing from the door to the mats. I wanted her, needed her. She guided me inside. I entered her with gentle strokes, slowly then faster. We made love on the floor in front of the wall-to-wall mirrors, with our writhing bodies reflected back to us.

We transcended the physical, and I felt as if she made me whole for the first time in more years than I cared to remember. I could roll out the clichés about how we fit together and how the experience was spiritual, and those are certainly true, but mostly it was so nice to hold someone and to be held, to be accepted for all my faults, and to not be judged for my failures whether they were real or imagined. I held her tightly then gently. We moved together, joining, then separating, but never losing each other.

I felt tears running down my cheeks, and Rayna kissed them away. All the pain and anguish I’d felt for oh so many years seemed to melt away, replaced by a joy and inner peace that we shared. I felt her fears and loneliness mingle with mine. It was as if we truly knew each other, accepted each other, loved each other.

They say you can never achieve perfection, and perhaps they’re right, whoever
they
are. But I can tell you that making love with Rayna, if not perfect, was certainly right next door to it.

Later, we lay in each other’s arms, spent but relaxed. If I’d died right then, I’d have died a happy man.

We didn’t speak. We simply held one another. When I drifted off to sleep in her arms, I felt loved for the first time in my life.

RAYNA NOBLE

When Jonathan fell asleep, Rayna stroked his hair. She felt as if they shared an emotional link that could never be shattered. It was as if every road she’d ever walked down had been leading to this night and to this man.

She wanted to stay right where she was for all eternity, just holding him and loving him. His skill as a lover was terrific, but far more important was the honest sharing and the truly intimate connection. She’d found him attractive before, but now she felt she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She knew she could trust him, that he would always be there for her, just as she would be there for him. That certainty surprised, amazed, and excited her.

Most of the men she’d been with had been more interested in impressing her with their bedroom skills, and many had been so nervous that they couldn’t perform. They told her she was too beautiful or too perfect. A few tried to get violent but only a few because she was normally an excellent judge of character.

Jonathan, however, had been all about living in the moment with her, sharing the experience. He wasn’t trying to impress her. Instead, he worked with her to—

Her cell phone rang, interrupting her thoughts.

She didn’t want to wake Jonathan, so she eased him over and went in search of her purse. The phone kept ringing as she dug it out of the center pocket. The caller ID read,
Lucas.

“Hello?” she whispered.

“Rayna? Where are you?” His voice sounded distant and weak.

“Safe,” she whispered. “You sound strange, Lucas. Are you all right?”

“For now,” he said.

“Am I on speaker?” she asked.

“Run, Rayna! Don’t ever look back! Just run!”

She heard a
thwack
sound. “Beat him down!” a voice said; she recognized it as Thomas Marshall.

Evidently he’d eluded the police.

“Lucas?”

“He’s still alive,” Thomas said. “For now.”

“She’s in Denver,” another familiar voice said.

“Wesley? Is that you?” Rayna said.

“You won’t hurt my brother anymore, right?” Wesley said. He wasn’t speaking to Rayna.

“That depends,” Thomas said.

“You promised,” Wesley said. “You swore that if I could locate Rayna, you’d let us live.”

“Wesley?” Rayna said. “What are you doing?”

“I’ll disconnect the call,” Wesley said. “She can’t hear us now.”

Of course, he hadn’t disconnected the call, and Rayna realized he’d done it on purpose. He was doing what Thomas wanted, but he was making sure she had adequate warning.

“You say this device will lead me to Rayna?” Thomas asked.

“Yes. I activated the GPS in her phone.”

“What does that mean?”

“You know how destroyers can track anything if they’ve caught its scent? This phone will lead you right to Rayna. It’s tuned in to her location. The destroyers can find her, of course, but this is faster.”

Rayna remained silent.

“I don’t know how this works,” Thomas said.

“If you let us live, I’ll take you to her.”

“Very well, I’ll allow you and Lucas Junior to live. Your father, however, is going to die tonight.”

“You promised he would die last. You can leave Kent, Mark, or Nathan here to guard him and Junior.”

“We’ll bring everyone with us.”

“Why? You have two more destroyers. Why put your sons in more danger?”

“We live for danger. Once Rayna is gone, Lucas will kneel and accept an honorable death, or all of you will die.”

“Please don’t hurt my sons,” Lucas said.

“You’re pathetic,” Thomas said.

The call disconnected. She put the phone in her purse.

Rayna looked over at Jonathan. She so wanted to let him sleep, but now she needed him to be her protector. Without him, she would be dead by morning. Then again, perhaps that would be best. She didn’t want to be the cause of his death. She closed her eyes and considered her options. She could tell him the truth about the GPS and try to help him with the Marshalls or she could lie and protect him from them. If they killed her, he would be safe.

She moved to his side and watched him sleeping peacefully for a few more moments. Then she touched his shoulder. “Jonathan? I need you,” she lied.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

JONATHAN SHADE

Thomas Marshall was on his way. If Rayna was correct, he had two destroyers and three sons with him. Wesley, one of Lucas’s sons, would certainly be with them, but he wouldn’t necessarily be on their side. Of course, we couldn’t count on him to be on our side either, so it was best if I counted him as being on their team. Same thing held for Lucas Senior and Junior.