Drama Queers! (38 page)

The last thing I wanna do is wind up all by myself for the rest of my life. I mean, I know they say high school relationships don’t last, but what about Jack’s parents? They got married when they were seventeen and fourteen, and they’re still together over eighteen years later.

Maybe this thing with Richie (whatever it is) could work out. Just because I’m graduating in six weeks doesn’t mean it has to end. Of course, it has to
begin
first.

“Promise me you’ll stop acting like a jackass,” Audrey implored. “Promise me you’ll stop worrying what other people think, and start caring about the most important person in your life…” She stabbed me in the chest with her finger. “That would be
you
.”

Massaging my sternum, I swore, “I promise.”

Audrey flashed me her gap-toothed grin. “Now go out there and get that boy.”

Back in reality…

I bow my head in prayer.

Dear God…There are lots of other people hurting who need your blessing a lot more than I do. But I’m begging you, Lord, don’t let me let Audrey down. Help me find the courage and strength to be proud of who I am…And don’t let it be too late for me and You-Know-Who. In the name of your son, amen
.

The last thing I should be thinking about right now is myself. Audrey is never coming back and it’s partially
my
fault.

If only I would’ve insisted she got a ride to Big Boy’s with me and Rakoff.

If only I would’ve told them to take another route, they would’ve never crossed that intersection.

If only I would’ve stepped outta that Party Store sooner, I would’ve seen the stolen van coming up John R and I could’ve jumped in front of it and made the asshole stop or something—I don’t know.

You can bet I been replaying the scene over and over (and over) in my head since it happened three days ago. Things
could
be different now.

If only Ava took a second longer arguing with Don Olsewski after the Band concert.

If only she waited at the yellow light on Hughes instead of turning thru it onto Woodward Heights.

If only Audrey would’ve stopped by her house to change her outfit or call Rob at work before continuing on to EB’s—I don’t know.

If only
.

When I open my eyes, I feel like Rockwell…
“Somebody’s watching me.”

I look over my shoulder and see Jack.

Our eyes meet. We hold our gaze. There’s so much I wanna say…

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Can we be Best Friends again?

Jack looks away, tears welling, as the service begins.

Speaking of…

The funeral itself is long and boring. I don’t care what you say about the Baptists, we know how to get in and get out of a church. None of that Catholic up and down, up and down, eat this, drink that, da-dah da-dah. I have to say the best part is when Liza Larson sings…

At first, I feel a tad jealous that I wasn’t asked to perform. Once Liza gets to the part about
“though it’s hard to let you go,”
and I look around and see so many of my friends all together under one roof—for the
worst
possible reason—I realize there’s no way I could sing a single note right now. I’m a mess!

Any time we sang that song in Chorale these past two years, I always imagined the lyrics would one day pertain to the fact that we all went our separate ways. Not that we’d be saying farewell forever to one of our classmates before we even graduated.

Goodbye, Audrey, my friend.

Monday evening, the phone rings…

From in my room, I hear Mom in the kitchen answering it.

“Br-a-a-dley…Telephone!”

I emerge from my cave where I been hibernating all day. To my surprise, Mom allowed me to stay home from school on account of I still didn’t have it in me to face anybody. This time we didn’t even have to go thru our “Mom, I’m sick”—“No you’re not” routine.

I find the phone face down on the counter, and pick it up.

“Hey…It’s Jack.”

“I know.” I totally recognize his voice, even though I haven’t heard it in forever. “What do
you
want?”

I don’t mean to be a dick. This way of greeting Jack stems from the first time he called me back in 7
^th
grade. The love of his life, Lynn Kelly, had just dumped his sorry ass and he started pouring his heart out to me, even though we barely knew each other. Shortly after, we became Best Friends.

In keeping with tradition, Jack starts going on and on (and on) about how sorry he is for being such a jerk this year, for dropping outta Band, and for wasting time being friends with Tom Fulton when we could’ve spent it together.

“Da-dah da-dah,” I tell him, ready to get on with it, no looking back.

“Da-dah da-dah,” he repeats, along with, “I’m sorry for being such a jerk.”

“That’s okay,” I reply. “You haven’t been that much of a jerk.”

I knew Jack would eventually come around. He just had some things he needed to figure out for himself. So long as he did, that’s all that counts. Besides, I been a tad busy dealing with my own problems these past few months, you know what I mean?

It’s funny, but neither of us says anything about Audrey or the funeral we attended together, yet separately. By the way, Max did eventually show up. I got a chance to talk to him briefly afterwards, but like me and Jack now, we talked about everything but the matter at hand: Spring Break, cap and gown reservations, Prom.

Speaking of…

After he asks me about Big Boy’s, and I tell Jack I’m no longer working there since I got a job at The Gas Station, he says, “So who are you taking to Prom?”

“To be honest,” I answer, “I don’t think I’m gonna go.”

The last thing I wanna do right now is attend some stupid dance with somebody who means nothing to me. Besides, how can I even think about making merry when one of my Best Friends is no longer living? I know how much Audrey was looking forward to the big night, four days prior to her 18
^th
birthday.

From all the way across town, I hear Jack scoff. “It’s our Senior Prom…You can’t miss it!”

I reply, “I’m not really up for it, you know what I mean?” hoping to leave it at that. Still, I don’t wanna be inconsiderate. “What about you? Have you asked anybody?”

“Well,” Jack answers hesitantly. “That’s part of the reason I called…” He pauses a moment before rambling on. “Everybody knows we’ve been Best Friends since 7
^th
grade, right?”

Chewing the spiral phone chord, I nod. “Uh-huh…”

“So it’s not like they’d
think
anything if—”

“If what?” I interrupt, getting a sense of where this conversation is going.

“If
we
went to Prom,” Jack says cheerfully. “Together, I mean.”

At first, I don’t know what to say. I mean, yes, I still consider Jack as my Best Friend in the whole wide world. We been thru too much these past six years to throw it all away. But now he’s just talking crazy!

“I don’t think that’d be such a good idea.”

“Why not?” he replies, sounding awfully optimistic for the Jack Paterno I know.

“Think about it…This is not a John Hughes film we’re living in. I am not Molly Ringwald and you are most definitely not Andrew McCarthy.”

“Thanks a lot!” he cries, totally insulted.

“Seriously,” I sigh, not meaning to be a Total Bitch. “It’s 1988…We live in Hazeltucky and we go to Hillbilly High…We’d either be the laughingstock of the school or else we’d get our asses kicked in the parking lot.” Just like in
Faded Flowers
.

Did I mention how I went to Homecoming with Luanne Kowalski during Junior year? For whatever reason, she decided to wear one of her dad’s old suits instead of a dress like all the other girls. Let’s just say, it did
not
go over well with the likes of our classmates! Even if Eden Capwell from
Santa Barbara
did wear a tux to the Emmys that exact same year.

“It’s our fucking Senior Prom,” Jack spits. He’s not about to give up trying to convince me. “We should be able to go with whomever we want.”

Now who’s being the Drama Queer?

“Whomever?” I repeat, unable to resist mocking him.

“Shut up!”

Looks like I gotta break the news to him: “You know just as well as I do…Two guys can’t go walking into the Prom together—even if they are Best Friends since 7th grade.”

While it sounds like a totally scan-ju-lous idea, I can’t see us getting away with it. Besides, if I’m gonna waste $56 on a pair of tickets, plus tux rental, chipping in for a limo and post-Prom hotel room, I wanna make sure I’m with the one I love. Or at least gonna get laid.

“So we’re still Best Friends?” Jack asks, as if he’s had a doubt.

“Would you shut up, already?”

I realize I could totally call Jack out for treating me like shit for so long. But what’s done is done. Time to move on and make a fresh start.

“Listen to me,” he sternly demands. “I’m trying to be honest with you…Instead of being grateful I had a Best Friend who would accept me for who I am, I tried lying to myself, hoping it would all just go away.”

I can’t help but think Jack is trying to tell me something serious. Something I been hoping to hear since we had that fight back on Homecoming night.

This is why I gotta ask him: “And did it all just go away?”

Silence fills my ear.

“’member when you told me you wanted a giant Barbie head for Christmas?”

On the other end of the line, I feel Jack ready to make his confession.

“Uh-huh…”

“Well, I always kinda wanted one myself.”

Not gonna cut it
.

“Why’s that?” I wonder, wanting him to lay it all on the line.

“Because…”

Try again
.

“Because why?”

Deeply, Jack inhales, letting out a huff.

“Because…” Then in one fell swoop, he spews, “I’m gay, too.”

Good boy!

Laying on my bed once I hang up and return to my room, I start thinking about what Jack said. Not about him being gay—I already knew that. (Duh!) Yet it sure made me proud to hear him
finally
say it. I mean, about how he lied to himself, hoping it would all just go away.

I can’t believe I thought I could tell myself the exact same thing.

What’s more ridiculous is the reason why I felt compelled to do this.

How could I possibly care more about wanting millions of people I don’t even know to love me, and not about the one person who matters most in the world?

Me.

I feel like Susan Lucci.

You know,
All My Children
’s resident bad girl, Erica Kane.

I don’t know how many times the Diva of Daytime has sat in the Emmy Awards audience waiting to hear the words:
“And the winner is…”
Followed by
her
name.

Beginning in 1981, she’s been nominated for Outstanding Leading Actress every season, and hasn’t taken home a single statue.

Last year, she lost to Kim Zimmer (Reva) from
Guiding Light
.

The year before that, to Erika Slezak (Viki/Nikki),
One Life to Live
.

The year before that, Kim Zimmer,
GL
’s Reva—again!

In 1984, Erika Slezak—again!

In ’83: Dorothy Lyman (Opal), her
AMC
costar, who later appeared as Naomi Harper on
Mama’s Family
with Vicki Lawrence of
Carol Burnett
fame.

In ’82: Robin Strasser,
OLTL’s
Dorian Lord, beat her out, and the year before that,
Who’s the Boss?’s
Angela (Judith Light) kicked her ass as Karen Woleck, also from
One Life
.

That’s a total of
seven
times in a row, plus her first nod in 1978, where she got whipped by some woman from
Another World
who I never even heard of, Laurie Heineman (Sharlene Frame).

Is Lady La Luce ever gonna catch a break?

Maybe 1988 will finally be the big year. Of course, she’s up against Marcy Walker (Eden Capwell) from
Santa Barbara
, who wore that tuxedo in 1985, ’member? I got a feeling Ms. Susan won’t be taking home Emmy gold anytime soon…Poor thing.

Anyways!

Tonight’s the big night…The Drama Club awards ceremony, where Mr. Dell’Olio will announce Thespian of the Year, and confer upon the winner the coveted “Thespy” award. How many times have I sat in the auditorium, palms wet with perspiration, waiting to hear
my
name called? Okay, maybe only two others (“Top 25 and “Top 5”), but this one’s the most nerve-wracking of all.

It seems like a lifetime ago that me and Audrey officially became Thespians, stepping on stage to receive our Certificate of Recognition at the end of Sophomore year. Lemme tell ya, I wish she could be here beside me right now. I mean, what’s a President without his Vice?

HAZEL PARK HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA CLUB
AWARDS CEREMONY
MAY 12, 1988
WELCOME AND INTRODUCTION OF OFFICERS
THESPIAN RECOGNITION CEREMONY
MOCK DRAMA AWARDS
1988–1989 OFFICERS ANNOUNCED
THESPIAN OF THE YEAR AWARD

So we’ve just finished the Recognition Ceremony.

Basically what happened was…The current officers: me (President), Claire Moody (Secretary), and Tuesday Gunderson (Treasurer), along with Zack Rakoff (filling in for Audrey) took to the stage, where we each read a speech from the International Thespian Society Handbook.

In mine, I talked about what the ITS is: an international organization with more than a million members, dedicated to excellence in high school Drama, the goal to make good Theatre and honor students who do so.

Claire spoke about how a bare stage can become any place you can think of: the plains of Oklahoma, the South Pacific, or Grover’s Corners, NH. How we can travel to any time: ancient Egypt, classical Greece, Elizabethan England. How we can con-jur the likes of those who have passed: Henry David Thoreau, Emily Dickinson, Mark Twain, simply by portraying their personas onstage.

Tuesday explained to our audience how people like Hamlet, King Lear, and Eliza Doolittle aren’t real people, but mere characters created from the minds of playwrights and brought to life by actors and the Magic of Theatre.

Rakoff lisped his way thru an homage to “Thethpith,” detailing the early Greek playwright’s history, and explaining how we use the masks of comedy and tragedy etched in blue and gold, bound together with a capital
T
, as the ITS emblem.

“I now ask all
new
members of Troupe #4443 to rise and recite the Thespian pledge…”

From his position at the podium, Mr. Dell’Olio made this request.

Dressed in his perennial gray plaid suit, first he announced their names, and invited them to join us on stage. Balding head nervously nodding, next he read aloud the official initiation oath.

Basically this talks about how we promise to
uphold the aims and ideals
of the ITS. How we promise to perform our part and
accept praise and criticism with grace
. How we will work with our fellow Thespians for the
good of the troupe
, sharing our love of Theatre with all.

“Congratulations!” Dell told the newbies. “Welcome to the International Thespian Society.”

Now for the mock awards…

Like greeting our guests down front of the auditorium after each show, and going to Big Boy’s on Opening Night, I don’t know how this tradition got started. Earlier this evening, ballots were passed out to Thespians old and new alike, asking us to cast our votes based on performances in both
A Christmas Carol
and
Grease
.

And now for the winners
…

DRAMA CLUB MOCK AWARDS
1987–1988

How’s that for yet another kick in the pants?

There’s no way I’m gonna be chosen Best Actor by my peers when I didn’t perform a leading part this entire year. I guess I’ll settle for Most Likely to Succeed, for whatever it’s worth. I just hope they don’t take it away once they find out about my rejection letter from Juilliard.

Believe it or not, I’m okay with Richie winning. There’s no doubt he’s a talented guy, and his turn as Scrooge was spectacular—for a Sophomore. Liza Larson’s performance as Sandy in
Grease
knocked everybody’s socks off, so I’m happy to see her honored. And how about newcomer Jamie Good getting recognized as Rizzo?

Of course, Audrey got a nod for loudest voice! That girl couldn’t keep her trap shut if she had her jaws wired. What I wouldn’t give to hear that booming bellow one more time. Yesterday marked two weeks. I keep thinking I’m gonna turn around and see her up on stage where she belongs with the rest of us Thespians.

Is it ever gonna get any easier?

Next up, Mr. Dell’Olio announces the 1988–89 Drama Club officers.

“First we have our new Treasurer, Miranda Resnick.”

Miranda takes to the stage over a spatter of applause. I was hoping maybe Alyssa would be here tonight since they’re sisters. I can’t remember the last time I seen her. Chances are she’s still up at Central.

“Our new Secretary, Ashley Lott.”

‘member our second Sophomore Student Director whose family may or may not be Mormon? She joins Miranda, taking her place next to the podium.

“Our new Vice-President, Keith Treva.”

Keith joins the girls as the Peanut Gallery goes wild—led by Will Isaacs, of course…

Audrey would have a shit-fit if she knew who was taking over her office!

“And last but not least,” says Dell with a smirk, “I present to you the new President of Thespian Troupe #4443…”

Wanna take a wild guess who it’s gonna be?

I’ll give you a hint…

He’s the totally hot Sophomore who I’m (once again) totally in love with.

If you said, “Richie Tyler,” you win the prize!

As the auditorium echoes with applause, I look over to where Richie waits with his fellow officers, arms folded low across his crotch, chest popping out even more than ever. Did I mention how hot he looks tonight? Pale pink, short-sleeved shirt, showing off his biceps, and what looks like a brand-spanking-new pair of Girbaud jeans, his white slip-on shoes, and no socks.

“Quiet, please…”

Dell does his best to calm the maddening crowd.

All it takes is a glimpse of gold.

“Allow me to introduce you to ‘Thespy’…”

Dramatic pause
.

“In all my years of teaching here at Hazel Park, I’ve never been more proud to present the Thespian of the Year award to the following individual…”

Dell takes a deep breath, sustaining the suspense a few seconds longer. He looks down at his cue cards, reading the winner’s list of credentials.

“This individual has been a member of Drama Club for the past three years…”

Check
.

“…has appeared in productions of
Little Shop of Horrors, The Miracle Worker, Oklahoma!
…”

Check
.

“…
A Christmas Carol
, and most recently
Grease
…”

Check
.

Over his shoulder, Mr. Dell’Olio turns to where I sit beside Gunderson, Moody, and Rakoff, as he continues. “This past February, he traveled to New York City to audition for the prestigious Juilliard School of Drama.”

Oh, my God
…

“And even if he doesn’t get accepted,” Dell concludes, “Brad Dayton is one of the finest actors I’ve ever had the pleasure of directing.”

Thunderous applause!

Stepping up to the podium to receive my award, I reach out to shake Dell’s hand. To my surprise, he pulls me into a big old hug, eyes glistening. From the floor below, Jack gives me the thumbs up. Then he snaps a photo of me and my mentor for the final edition of
The Hazel Parker
.

“Wow.”

It’s a good thing I actually
wrote
a speech—just in case. Otherwise, I wouldn’t know where to begin. Digging into my pants pocket, I pull out the crumpled cocktail napkin, and clear my throat.

“It’s been a privilege to be a part of Thespian Troupe #4443…”

So many familiar faces
…

“And to serve as President.”

Mr. Dell’Olio’s wife Bonnie
.

“I don’t have to tell you how important Drama is to me…”

Carrie Johnson and Ava Reese
.

“I know how important it is to all of you, too…”

My mom, my dad, my grandparents, my sisters
.

“Or else we wouldn’t be here tonight.”

All except for Janelle
.

Oh, my God…I just realized I haven’t told you: I’m an uncle!

Janelle and Ted finally had their baby (a week late) on May 10, 1988 at 9:03 PM. His name is Theodore James Baniszewski. He weighed 8 pounds, 3 ounces, and was 21 inches long. You should see him…He’s got the cutest little head, full of reddish brown peach fuzz, and the widest mouth…I swear he looks just like Charlie Brown.