Dream a Little Dream (33 page)

‘Yeah, it wasn’t the best time to have a relationship drama – I think she regretted ever going over there … the rest of it was good, though, and obviously Oz and New Zealand are amazing. I just know it would’ve been a very different experience with you there,’ he says, his knee knocking against mine slowly so that our legs gently bash together.

In response my foot arches in my heeled shoes, causing my shin to skim up his calf.

My head spins at another moment of having my breath
snatched from my throat as my happy endorphins send a surge of orgasmic waves to my head.

I’m given a few seconds to compose myself as the waiter arrives with a random mixture of our food – perhaps the oddest thing about the restaurant is that they just bring the food over whenever it’s ready, dish by dish. It’s nice in the sense that you don’t know what’s going to come out next – but I did once stuff my face with katsu and edamame, and then tried to squeeze in some gyoza that arrived ten minutes later, even though I was full to the brim.

‘So,’ Real Brett says, munching on a mushroom onigiri. ‘What’s new your end?’

‘What isn’t new?’ I ask with a smile.

‘Well, rumour has it you had Jonathan in quite a mess.’

‘Did he cry?’

‘I can’t confirm that.’

‘Or deny?’ I ask, raising my eyebrows at him playfully.

‘He looked quite embarrassed when he had to tell me, Lou and Siobhan about it when we got back.’

‘Good,’ I nod, hating the thought of them all in a debrief meeting with him.

‘Idiot,’ he shrugs. ‘Him. Not you.’

‘Obviously.’

‘So how’s the new job?’

‘I love it,’ I gush.

‘Brilliant. They’re lucky to have you.’

‘Thank you,’ I say, popping an edamame pod in my mouth and then feeling self-conscious as I slowly pull on it and suck out the beans. I’ve never realized how rude and suggestive the whole debacle is – definitely on par with
eating a banana (which I’ve never been able to do in public without thinking about giving head and subsequently blushing my way through the snack).

‘So, what I really want to know,’ he says, oblivious to my inner thoughts as the waiter comes out with our chicken katsu curries and a fork and spoon – correctly assuming we’re not going to faff around with the chopsticks laid out for us. ‘Yes, so, what I really want to know is … what are the plans for the wedding this weekend?’

‘You don’t need to come to that,’ I blush, shrugging as I spoon some breaded chicken and rice in my mouth and then quickly shoving in some water because it’s too hot.

‘I’m your plus one.’

‘Well, yes …’ I stammer, coughing on my food. ‘But it’s not exactly going to be – ’

‘I was invited.’

‘You said you weren’t sure if you could make it,’ I flounder, delighted that he’s remembered but panicked in case he’s only coming because he was put on the spot and not because he actually wants to.

‘I said, “We’ll see” …’ Pause. ‘I saw and I’m free.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Please don’t leave me all alone on Valentine’s Day,’ he pleads, pretending to be distressed. ‘This is my only hope of it not turning into yet another lonely affair as I eat ice-cream and sob while watching
About Time
.’

‘Oh that is sad …’

‘Exactly,’ he nods, dragging down the edges of his lips with his fingers to highlight the sad face he’s pulling. His mouth cracks into a grin and mine responds with one equally as goofy and ridiculous.

‘Well, in that case – if it’s actually a favour to you …’

‘It is. I’m a total charity case,’ he reasons.

‘Fine – you can come.’

‘Thank you – you’re a life saver,’ he winks.

‘We’re leaving tomorrow at midday,’ I smile.

‘And we’re staying … ?’

‘Ha! I’m staying in a little B&B down the road from Dan’s.’

‘I’ll squeeze in.’

‘Oh, will you now?’ I say, amused by his choice of words.

‘Oh fuck, I didn’t mean it like that,’ he moans, the tops of his cheeks pinking.

‘Are you seriously going to blush over that after all the innuendos you’ve been flying my way over the last three months?’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he laughs, innocently spooning some food into his mouth.

‘Yeah …’ I say, rolling my eyes at him before going back to talk about the weekend’s plans. ‘The wedding obviously isn’t until Sunday, so tomorrow night us lot are going to a local Indian restaurant for a buffet.’

‘Lovely,’ he comments with a minuscule frown.

‘It’s his favourite,’ I tell him, wondering if he’s not an Indian food lover, or whether he thinks Dan should be doing something more boisterous the night before his wedding.

‘Nice,’ he nods.

‘It’ll be great. I think the boys have organized a funny little quiz for him – our way to send him off into married life,’ I say, my hands flying into the air and causing my
elbows to bash into the waiter as he brings out our chilli squid – thankfully the last dish to be delivered as I’m almost fit to pop.

‘Maybe I’ll leave you guys to it tomorrow night and get the train up first thing on Sunday,’ he says, once the commotion with the waiter is over and the plate is calmly placed on the table.

‘You don’t have to do that,’ I tell him, not wanting him to feel like he’s not welcome.

‘No, no … I think I should,’ he shrugs. ‘It sounds like a special moment for your group.’

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah.’

I pull a questioning face in his direction. ‘What is it?’

‘I just don’t understand how you’re not weirded out by the whole thing,’ Real Brett says with contemplation.

‘What? With Dan?’ I ask, my eyes popping out of my head as I blow a pondering raspberry at his admission. ‘It is what it is, I guess.’

‘Really? I think if my ex was getting married in two days’ time and I had to go along and watch it I’d be pretty messed up in the head right about now.’

‘Yeah … the line has been drawn, though,’ I shrug. ‘It’s not as if I still have lingering feelings or think of Dan as anything other than an ex who’s a friend. Thinking of him in any other way just freaks me out,’ I comment, picking up a piece of squid and placing it in my mouth.

‘Glad to hear it.’

‘Actually,’ I chew. ‘I think I’d feel shittier if I knew my mates were there celebrating all together and I was missing out …’

‘Even at your ex’s wedding?’

‘Yep.’

‘Girls are strange.’

‘Couldn’t agree more,’ I smile. ‘Plus, I now have an amazing date who’s going to look after me and keep me entertained the whole day.’

‘That’s me,’ he winks, making me laugh.

‘You’d better not disappoint.’

‘Pressure’s on,’ he smiles.

I’ve missed Brett and our exchanges – something that’s been highlighted by the fact that I’ve had NO Brett for company for a whole month after weeks of having Real Brett and Dream Brett soaking up both my waking and sleeping hours. There’s been a Brett void, and I’m so thrilled, relaxed and happy to have the huge crater of emptiness filled at last.

Therefore, I’m sad when we come to the end of the meal and it’s time to say goodbye.

‘Well, I guess I’ll see you at the church,’ he smiles, putting his phone back into his pocket now that I’ve typed in the address.

‘I’ll be the one in the big white dress,’ I joke. ‘It’s huge and fluffy, you won’t be able to miss me.’

‘Nice, I’ll look out for you,’ he nods, leaning forwards and giving me a soft kiss on the cheek – pulling away slowly and stopping just a few inches from my face.

I actually feel giddy, mischievous, magical stuff oozing out of me as I look into his beautiful sparkly eyes – unable to stop myself as I glance down longingly at his lips.

He notices the look and breaks out into a grin. ‘I’ll see you Sunday,’ he whispers with a wink, standing tall and walking away.

Just as I start melting on the spot my phone starts ringing in my pocket.

Mum.

‘Hi, Mum,’ I breathe, picking up while still gazing longingly in the direction that Real Brett’s walked in. ‘How’s Dad?’

‘Oh he’s fine – they’ve really dosed him up on painkillers so he can’t feel a thing.’

‘That’s good,’ I say with a sigh, starting to make my way towards the tube.

‘And how are you? How’s your first week been?’

‘Amazing. They’re so great there.’

‘I’m so pleased,’ she says. ‘I’ve been telling everyone about Jonathan’s appalling behaviour towards you.’

‘Oh Mum …’

‘No, I have. I don’t know how you remained so loyal to him for so long.’

‘Neither do I,’ I reply – although feeling like everything’s actually fallen into place at the right time.

‘You’re a good girl,’ Mum continues, sounding like she’s on a roll. ‘It’s not easy changing jobs in the current climate but you courageously went forth and made it all happen. Such a brave move. You should be really proud of yourself.’

‘Thanks, Mum,’ I say, smiling at her words. ‘I am.’

‘Good,’ she punches. ‘Now who’s this date you’re taking to the wedding?’

‘What date?’ I laugh, surprised at the sudden switch in conversation.

‘Don’t you play that card with me, madam – Carly mentioned someone called Brett and Pat’s just confirmed that his name’s on the seating plan.’

‘Why’d you call Dan’s mum?’ I ask.

‘To show support and check how everything’s going, obviously,’ she tuts. ‘Sounds like utter chaos there. The tent is up but the flowers have been a total disaster – all still in little buds. But that’s beside the point. Who’s Brett? You didn’t tell me you were dating someone.’

‘I’m not.’

‘Then who is he?’ she demands.

I can’t help but giggle.

‘Just a guy from work,’ I answer, stopping outside the tube station and preparing myself for the Spanish Inquisition.

Two days later I’m standing behind a tree wearing a light blue Karen Millen bodycon dress (I totally self-indulged for the occasion) with the Manolo Blahniks Mum and Dad bought me (who cares if I can’t walk, at least I’ll look good), watching as the wedding congregation joyously heads into the church.

I’m hiding (actually hiding) as I see Alastair and Josh with Dan’s old school friends and extended family, all greeting each other with beaming smiles. For the first time since accepting the invite to come along, I find myself hit with nerves.

I’m totally fine with the fact that it’s Dan and Lexie’s wedding day, but what has shaken me is the thought of going into that building when I know so many of the familiar faces will be wondering why on earth I’m there. Dan’s elderly grandparents are going to be so confused when they see my face – and you can bet others will assume I’ve not been invited and have just come along to cause trouble.

I might’ve just got to grips with relationship dynamics within our group – but that doesn’t mean everyone else is going to know that we still hang out together and consider ourselves friends.

I take a deep breath and exhale slowly – hating the fact that everyone else is in the wedding party.

‘Going in?’ a low, gravelly voice asks behind me.

‘God, I can’t tell you how close I’ve come to leaving,’ I say, turning to find Real Brett in a dark grey suit, sat on a wooden bench behind me.

‘How long have you been there?’

‘Long enough to know it’s a good job I’m here,’ he says, raising his eyebrows at me.

‘You were right – this is weird,’ I sigh.

‘And you were right,’ he says, standing up, striding over and placing his warm hand on my bare arm. ‘You have an amazing date who’ll take care of you all day.’

‘Promise?’ I groan, sticking out my bottom lip like a child.

‘Absolutely,’ he says, leaning down and kissing the top of my head – a gesture that makes the butterflies that have been already going batshit crazy in my tummy go totally berserk.

‘Please don’t let me streak and ruin the first dance,’ I mumble into his jacket.

‘Such a shame, but I promise,’ he grins, spinning me around and guiding me away from the tree and up towards the church entrance. ‘Private show later?’

‘If you’re lucky.’

‘Well here’s hoping.’

‘Guys!’ Josh calls, once he stops talking to Dan’s Uncle Andy and Aunt Sally, and has ushered them inside. He gives Real Brett a man hug before wrapping his arms around me and really giving me a squeeze. This is, without doubt, the perfect occasion for such an epic hug. ‘All right?’

I wink in reply.

‘Fancy seeing you two here,’ Alastair joins in, slapping Real Brett on the back before draping an arm around my shoulder and looking down at my choice of outfit. ‘You look beautiful today, Sarah.’

‘Don’t I always?’ I ask, impressed with myself that I’ve been able to joke around, even though my body feels like it’s about to self-combust.

‘True story,’ he laughs.

I hold my breath as we walk into the church and I spot Dan at the altar – a sight I don’t mind admitting I had thought about seeing for the majority of my twenties (it’s always the romantic bit in all the great filmic wedding scenes).

I feel nothing.

Well, I feel something – I mean, it’s Dan stood at the altar on his wedding day, and I’m not made of stone – but it’s not enough to make me weep down the aisle in despair or even throw secret daggers in his direction.

Turning to the man by my side, I take hold of his hand, knowing I’m truly grateful to have him here with me on a day that could’ve been a total nightmare. I feel fine and far removed from the lost girl I was only a few months ago, knowing that I’ve moved forwards in more ways than one.

Once the service begins, I smile at Natalia and Carly walking up the aisle in their pale pink bridesmaid dresses, sigh with happiness at the sight of the gorgeous bride Lexie (who looks like a magical angel in her exquisite ivory fishtail dress with heavy-detailed beaded waistband) and her dad as they pass us by, and cheer when the bride and groom kiss for the first time as husband and wife.

All the while, my hand is in his.

Once the service is over we walk outside and linger under a huge oak tree as other guests stream out of the church and wait for further instructions – all the while bombarding the new Mr and Mrs Tipper with their best wishes. I haven’t had a chance to grab them to congratulate them yet, although we have the whole day ahead of us, so there’s no rush.

‘Did you see me trip?’ asks Carly as soon as she sees us, her hands gripping hold of the fabric of her dress and holding it up – exposing her white legs and pretty silver heels.

‘No, when?’ I ask.

‘Hello Brett,’ she puffs, dropping the material and reaching up to give him a hug before continuing with her dramatic account. ‘Just before I sat down. I tripped on my own fucking foot. Josh and Alastair saw it and then got the giggles every time they looked at me during the service.’

‘Oh babe …’ I smile, knowing she’ll be really embarrassed.

‘We didn’t see a thing,’ winks Real Brett.

‘Are you still going on about that?’ asks Natalia, coming over and putting her arm around my waist and leaning her head on my shoulder.

‘It was fucking embarrassing,’ she whispers.

‘That was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen,’ cracks up Alastair as he and Josh join us.

‘It was the look on your face. Pure fear,’ says Josh, bursting out laughing as he mimics her expression.

‘Oh shut up,’ Carly grumbles.

‘It was pure class,’ smiles Alastair. ‘I hope the videographer caught it.’

‘If you two don’t stop I’m going to cry,’ she pouts, her eyes already wet and ready to gush.

‘Don’t listen to those meanies,’ I say, taking her hand and pulling her into a huddle with me and Natalia.

‘I didn’t even notice,’ whispers Natalia, putting an arm around her.

‘Brett!’ someone calls from the gathered crowd we’re loitering on the edge of.

‘Ned!’ he replies, his face breaking out into a huge smile as he opens his arms and walks over to his long-lost mate to give him a heartfelt manly hug. ‘It’s been so long!’

‘Too long, man,’ agrees Ned, who is almost identical to Alastair – although he doesn’t have the fabulous man bun or tattoos. He’s basically Alastair without the East London vibe – more business-like and clean cut.

Having bumped into Ned at the B and B, I know he was really excited to see Brett again – it’s lovely to see the two having a good natter, especially as I know how deflated Brett was about them losing touch.

‘Dan and Lexie have asked for you guys to head round for a quick picture,’ says a young female striding over, who I’m guessing is the photographer’s assistant. Everyone else seems to already know her – no doubt from having their photos taken as they got ready earlier.

‘Great,’ says Josh. ‘Who are you after?’

‘Everyone in “Rehomed From Leicester”?’

‘Oh …’ I say. ‘You guys go – you’re in the wedding party.’

‘Don’t be daft,’ says Natalia, leading me by the elbow, totally ignoring my protest.

‘But they might want a picture of you guys without me
in it,’ I hiss, looking back at Real Brett, who is still with Ned.

‘They’ll have plenty of them,’ she whispers back. ‘This one is about us …’

We walk around to the side of the church as Dan and Lexie are having their last couple shot taken. They’re beaming with so much love and happiness that it’s almost impossible not to grin back at them and be soaked up in their joy.

There’s a lot of whooping and laughter as we all mingle together and get giddy in the moment.

‘Congratulations,’ I grin, hugging Lexie and giving Dan a kiss on the cheek.

‘Thank you so much,’ says Dan, wearing a smile to beat all the other mega-watt smiles he’s worn before.

‘I can’t believe we’re married!’ squeaks Lexie, jumping on the spot.

‘Neither can we!’ jokes Alastair, making us all laugh.

‘If you’d all like to gather around the bride and groom, that would be marvellous,’ says the male photographer, holding his camera up to his face.

We do as he says. Josh and Carly hug next to Dan, while us remaining three stand next to the bride, all grinning manically while the photographer clicks away.

‘Lovely – now everyone turn to each other and laugh.’

We all look at each other with confused expressions at being told to conjure up this fake reaction out of thin air.

‘Just think about something funny,’ he encourages further with a shrug.

‘Look, there’s “The fucking High-kick-flyers”,’ exclaims Alastair, pointing past us all towards the rest of the guests.

We all gasp in horror and turn to look with huge frowns on our faces.

‘Huh?’ asks Carly.

‘Where?’ asks Lexie.

‘Were they invited?’ gasps Natalia.

‘I’ll tell them to leave,’ frowns Dan.

‘Those fuckers,’ exclaims Josh.

We see nothing.

As Alastair starts howling we slowly realize he’s been pulling our legs and fabricated the whole thing. We all crease up with laughter – getting the giggles at how gullible we’ve all been.

As tears stream down my face I look at my bunch of crazy-arse friends and fall in love with each and every one of them a little bit more – even Dan and Lexie.

Love really does make the world go round – and that’s any type of love, not just the romantic kind.

I breathe a sigh of relief as soon as I check the seating plan and see that our bunch (minus the bride and groom, but plus Ned and his wife) are sat together – I was dreading the thought of sitting with strangers and being asked how I know the happy couple (‘Er, well I used to date Dan,’ is a bit of an icky sentence and one I’m sure would be greeted with horror).

We joke, we laugh, we get competitive over the table quiz (we win), we drink and we are very, very, very merry …

I have a lovely day.

One of the best.

Stuffed to the brim with delicious food (we had posh fish and chips and a trio of chocolate cake magic for dessert), I
head to the toilet. On the way back I take a little detour and wander up the lit garden path running alongside the marquee, finding myself perching on a wooden bench that’s been decorated with roses.

I sit there for a few moments and enjoy the stillness of my mind.

It doesn’t feel like I’m there any time at all when I hear footsteps coming towards me. I’m about to get up and join the others when I realize it’s Real Brett.

‘Hey,’ he smiles, taking off his suit jacket and placing it over my shoulders.

‘Thank you,’ I sigh, enjoying the warmth of his body as he sits down next to me.

‘You okay?’

‘Even better than that.’

‘Really?’

‘Absolutely,’ I beam, leaning my head on his shoulder and gazing at the night sky above us. ‘Tell me something, what did you think when you saw me in the office that day?’

‘What, other than being totally confused and thinking I’d been transported back into some weird alternative universe?’ he chuckles, his legs shuffling beneath us.

‘I guess …’

‘I wondered whether it was someone’s way of giving me a second chance.’

‘Second chance?’ I muse, looking up at him.

‘Yep.’ Pause. ‘With you.’

‘Oh … ? And why would you have needed one of those?’ I ask coyly.

‘Because I was too chicken when we were younger to act on whatever it was I was feeling.’

‘What?’ I ask, completely surprised by his answer.

‘What yourself,’ he chuckles, brushing a finger under my chin and lifting my jaw out of its gawping position. ‘I’m surprised Alastair never said anything.’

‘Why would he?’

‘Because I was always getting Ned to ask about you, to see if you were dating anyone. We were just talking about it actually.’

‘You were?’

He nods and pulls his bottom lip through his teeth. ‘Once I found out about you and Dan, though, I figured that was that … I even stopped heading up with Ned.’

‘Why?’ I ask, pulling a confused face as I remember his sudden absence and how Ned starting coming up on his own.

He shrugs and turns red. ‘So, in answer to your question – when I saw you on that first day I wondered if you’d ever be able to live up to the memory of you that I’d built up. You’d become like this phantom dream-like goddess in my head – ’

‘Oh shit,’ I blurt. ‘I stood no chance of living up to that.’

‘Is that what you actually think? You couldn’t be further from the truth.’

‘Oh shut up,’ I whine, slapping him playfully on the arm at his nonsense talk that’s nonetheless making me blush and winning me over. ‘As if I could live up to some dream version of myself.’

My words stop me.

I gawp at him.

Whilst I’ve been having nightly dreams about him, he’s been having daydreams about me …

‘It’s nice to think we were brought back into each other’s lives for a reason, isn’t it?’ he says. ‘Like it was meant to be.’

My mind whizzes back to the romantic stroll with Dream Brett, where he said those exact words.

I’m left in no doubt that dreams are powerful devices. Whether we believe that they are our brain’s ways of clearing out the debris polluting our brain, our imagination’s way of running free when our brain isn’t in use in our busy lives or a portal to future events – they move us. Subtly or dramatically, they cause a shift to occur – making us wake up with new thoughts and feelings.