Drowning to Breathe (25 page)

Deep satisfaction flashed across his face. “Come on…I’ve got a bunch of shit I have to take care of before we go on. Opening band’s gonna be hitting the stage soon.”

Sebastian led me down a dim, hazy corridor to a large reception room on the left. The light within was subdued but brighter than out in the hall and the areas backstage.

I peeked inside at the overstuffed, worn couches. Guys who screamed sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll lounged on them, slinging back beers and laughing loud, talking shit like all these guys seemed to love to do.

Really, the atmosphere seemed almost laid-back except for the glimmer of lust that seemed to cling to the air. Thick, dark, and ominous.

Girls who’d barely made the transition into women hung on the sidelines, chatting and clearly waiting to be noticed. Most fit in, as if they’d been drawn into the chaotic vibe, clothes as dark as the makeup painted around their eyes.

But I guess it wouldn’t be a real concert if there weren’t a few who looked as if they’d forgotten groupies went out of style in the eighties. Or maybe they were just giving it a good go to bring it back.

Sebastian introduced me to a couple of people, some of the road crew and his tour manager, and a few friends who followed them show to show.

He took it upon himself to hoist me onto a table where my boots swung a foot from the grimy floor, before he handed me a beer and sealed my mouth with a possessive, perfect kiss, then sent a look around the room at everyone who was watching us.

Off limits
.

It was cute and sweet and protective, and I couldn’t help my own buzz of excitement that rippled through me as I sat back and enjoyed my time. Even though I missed Kallie, that beneath everything was the unending fear of the fight I knew was coming, tonight I felt liberated and unrestrained. There was no question my daughter was safe, that she was having a blast, playing butterflies and princesses and living in her fairy tales.

Showered with love and care.

So I let my reservations go. Let my body sway as the opening band took to the stage, and my mind wandered to the fans I could hear screaming through the walls.

I sat by myself for a long time, every so often making idle chat with the few people who approached me, all of them men. The only attention I received from the women were a few sneers and jealous stares.

An hour later, Sebastian appeared in front of me, all smiles and child-like exuberance. “We’re getting ready to go on, baby. You ready?”

“Absolutely.”

He helped me down, and I followed his long strides back down the hall where he led me to the side of the stage.

VIP.

“This is you.”

I grinned up at him, teeth going to my lip as I tried to hide the rush of emotions I felt. I couldn’t believe I was here, experiencing this with him. All the videos I’d watched of him onstage, night after night when I’d been missing him like crazy, wondering how he was and what he was doing while out on the road.

And here I was.

“Sebastian,” Ash called from where he stood with the rest of the guys across the space. “Get your ass over here.”

“Be right back,” Sebastian promised.

I watched as he sauntered away, my stomach twisting in knots at the raw, striking beauty of the man.

I turned and peered out from behind the long curtain where I was hidden in the shadows. Energy vibrated from the crowd and another round of nerves rustled through me. It seemed insane I was here, back in the midst of music from which I’d run so far. I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to stand backstage while that fervor held fast to the air, anticipation building strong as fans waited for their beloved band to take the stage.

But this was different than anything I’d ever experienced in my days as Delaney Rhoads.

There was an underlying charge here, a furor in the crowd that spoke of lawlessness and disorder.

Kerosene just itching for a match.

Bodies were crammed into the cavernous, hollow space, the ceiling high and the slanted floor bare. It was set at an incline, the floor high on the entrance side and tapering down the entire way until it met with the elevated stage. Standing room only, a riot of youth vied for a better position closer to the stage, pushing and shoving to get closer.

Darkness covered the crowd, and the sound of the roadies testing the equipment only made the rowdy atmosphere rise.

I felt a partner to it. Fuel for it. As if
I
was more desperate to see Sebastian on that stage than every fan combined. Even though I’d binged on posted on-line videos of
Sunder
, it didn’t come close to comparing to this.

No wonder he needed this.

Thrived on this.

Loved this.

Soon I’d be returning to Savannah, and I wanted to take this experience home with me. To tuck this memory deep with the love I had for Sebastian, so I would have something to sustain me in our separation when he went back on the road.

I wanted to be able to close my eyes while he was away and picture him onstage, knowing first-hand what he would be experiencing night after night.

A roadie beat on a drum.

Adrenaline rushed, and I sucked in a breath as I reveled in it all.

My body trembled in recognition when hot, needy hands gripped my waist from behind, and the breath I’d breathed was suddenly
him
.

Sebastian buried his nose beneath my hair. He ran it along the nape of my neck and up behind my ear. My flesh prickled in the most delicious way, every nerve alight at his touch.

I shook.

“It’s time,” he whispered against the sensitive shell of my ear.

He planted a lingering kiss to my neck. “Don’t move from this spot,” he warned against the skin, then he wrapped his arms completely around my waist. “Remember every last one of the assholes hanging out back here are exactly that. Assholes. Especially those punks who opened for us. Don’t want to have to come off the stage during the show to kill someone.”

Knowing Sebastian, he was one-hundred percent serious.

I almost laughed. As if I didn’t know how this went down. The predators on the prowl, backstage their den, where they hunted and gorged and devoured.

But that was the thing with Sebastian. He never looked at me as the girl who’d been there or the one who’d seen it all—the one who’d allowed herself to become prey.

To him, I was the innocent country girl from Savannah, the one he did everything in his power to protect.

Was it wrong that fact made me love him just a little more?

“I’ll be right here waiting,” I promised, swaying in his arms.

“Good girl,” he whispered low, breathing me in, nose trailing and hands feeling.

“Mmm…why the fuck do you gotta smell so damned good?” he grumbled through a groan.

Hands went sliding down the front of my thighs, skin to skin. He pressed his face into the hollow where my neck met my shoulder, suckling and kissing and making me weak in the knees. “Feel so good,” he muttered, voice rough. “Driving me right out of my mind.”

In reality, it was him who made me lose mine.

“Wait till I get you back to that room.”

“Maybe I just want to keep you coming back to me,” I taunted a little, letting my weight fall against his pounding chest.

“I will always come back to you.”

The slap Ash landed to the back of Sebastian’s head jarred us from the little cocoon we’d created.

Blue eyes blazed with laughter. “Focus, man. We’re on and you’re over here looking like you’re about to drag your girl into a dark corner. Bros before hos. You know the code. Don’t break my heart by making me kick your ass.”

Sebastian threw an idle punch at him, as idle as the threat. “Whatever, dude. We both know I’d drop you in a second flat.”

Ash bounced around on his toes as if he were going to prove him wrong, fists throwing mock punches in Sebastian’s direction. “In your dreams, Stone. Are you gonna make me have to embarrass you in front of Beautiful Shea, here? You know the only thing that’s gonna do is make this fine woman fall in love with me. No one could blame her. I’m irresistible.”

Sebastian growled through the laughter he was holding back. “About to cross a line, asshole.”

Laughing, I pushed him off, that sweeping, free feeling racing through me again. “Go.”

On a groan, he began to follow Ash, before he seemed to think better of it, and rushed back and pecked my lips in that sweet, sweet way. He pointed at me as he walked backward toward the rest of the guys huddled just out of sight offstage. “Don’t move.”

In amusement, I shook my head, making a silent promise I would
always be right here
, wherever he was, and mouthed, “Impress me, rocker boy.”

He smiled an earth-shattering smile.

Rocking my world.

My chest squeezed.

The imposing man finally dragged himself away, turning his focus to where it should be and to the band.

Heads leaned in, they formed a circle, unheard words spoken, claps to the back as they hyped themselves up.

Together, the four of them were a force.

Bold and intimidating and beautiful in the most daunting way.

Listening to the chanting roar of the crowd, exhilaration spiraled through my belly. Zee ducked through the curtains and onto the stage. Fisting drumsticks in his hand, he thrust them over his head, looking out over the crowd that screamed like a squall beating at the ocean.

Ash and Lyrik strode out behind him.

That roar turned wild, energy billowing, threatening to spill over.

Sebastian stepped onstage.

Everything erupted.

Screams filled the air as Sebastian slipped the strap of an electric guitar over his head and shouted, “Good evening.”

He edged toward the mic and tapped his foot on a pedal on the floor before he dove right into one of their hard, reckless songs. He strummed a manic beat, skilled fingers sliding in precision up and down the neck of the guitar.

Brilliant and captivating and so talented it shook me to the core.

But it was when his mouth met the mic that his powerful voice tore through me.

Every cell in my body came alive, my heart pressing at my ribs, as I looked at the man I loved more than any other. At the man who was my baby’s father in every way. At the man who’d come with a violent force to upturn my life.

To shake it up with joy and love, with something deep and profound.

The rest of the guys were just as intent on their parts. Lyrik played another electric guitar, all that mess of black on top of his head flying as his body crashed with the beat, Ash’s head lifted toward the sky as he played the bass line, lost to the music, while Zee pounded frantically at the drums on a riser behind them.

On the floor, bodies thrashed.

Untamed.

Slamming and uncontrolled.

Free.

The four looked so much like the first time I’d witnessed them, when I’d locked myself away in the office of
Charlie’s
, in that moment when I was unsure if I could continue down a path that would lead me right back into the type of life I’d fled.

But I should have known any path I took would lead me straight to Sebastian.

It didn’t matter Sebastian screamed the lyrics, that I
felt
the words more than I understood them.

His voice still melted over me.

Sinking in and becoming one with my bones.

The words indecipherable yet so clear.

That energy surrounded me, again making me feel as if I were elevated. Riding wave after wave of Sebastian Stone.

From the side, he turned his head with his mouth still pressed to the mic. He was searching. Searching for me.

Those eyes met mine and he swept me away.

The entire show enraptured me.

Lost in his spirit.

Drowning in his presence.

Where he was my air and my hope, the one who’d breathed belief into the hollow loneliness of my heart.

The one who’d filled it.

Tears welled in my eyes as an onslaught of emotion engulfed me, stringing me out, this man devastating in the most stunning way.

When their set came to a close, Sebastian tossed his pick into the crowd, and shouted a last “Goodnight” into the mic. He sauntered offstage as if he were riding that palpitating emotion, too. That intensity went wild, just as wild as those strange grey eyes as they sought me out. A surge of his energy nearly knocked me from my feet the second they landed on me.

There was no hesitation in his step. His stride was long and confident and determined on one singular goal.

Me.

He crashed into me, pushing me up against the nearest solid surface, hands and teeth and tongue.

I grunted when my back hit the huge speaker, and he just kissed me harder, deeper, as if he were trying to climb inside, a dark halo vibrating from his spirit and desperation in his touch. With each needy caress, it was as if he were transferring it to me, lighting me up, inciting and stirring—a provocation that went so much deeper than just the surface.

“Shea,” he moaned in something that sounded like relief. My fingers wove through his hair, bringing him closer, kissing him deeper.

Falling.

As if there was no end. No beginning.

Just us, now, and forever.

“You about done?” Lyrik’s voice broke the connection.

“Not even close,” Sebastian muttered at my mouth, still clutching me tight.

A dark chuckle slid from Lyrik. “Show’s over, man.”

Obviously, he was referring to more than
Sunder
being on stage.

God, I lost myself with Sebastian, forgot where I was and who would see.

Sebastian just grumbled at him as he continued to kiss me. “Go away.”

“Not a chance, my friend. You need to shower…we have plans. Remember?”

Sebastian glared at him from over his shoulder, still holding onto me as if he were going to dive right back in. “That was before my girl showed up and altered my
plans
.”

Lyrik looked at me. “Shea’s all part of the plan, aren’t you, Shea?”

I was almost reluctant to nod, because I wanted nothing more than Sebastian to finally get me behind closed doors.