Duality: Vol 1, Melancholia (A New Adult Paranormal Romance) (2 page)

Chapter Two: Rae

I SMILED AT THE PLUMP lady standing behind the front desk.  But not too much.  I have to be careful not to smile too much.  People get very attached sometimes, and then it’s not good for anyone.

“We’re thrilled to have Rae here with us at Preston High,” said the principal, Mr. Tweeds.  He was trembling, he was so excited.  “Just thrilled.  I’ve received nothing but glowing recommendations from everyone I’ve talked to about her.”  His smile revealed capped teeth and funky-colored gums.

The receptionist’s constant, unwavering grin was putting me on edge.  I had to turn my back to her.

Facing my parents now, I watched their heads bob up and down in response to the principal’s glowing accolades.

“She’s top of her class here just like she was at her previous school, and on track to be valedictorian,” the principal continued.  “We’ve already done the conversion of her transcripts.  We’re just pleased as punch to take her on.  She’ll be a credit to the school.”

“Oh, she will,” said my mother, so absolutely sure of her words, they practically sparkled as they came out of her mouth.  “She’s been number one in her class since her very first day of kindergarten.  We’ve never had to worry a single moment about her grades.”

I gritted my teeth in frustration.  My parents. 
Ugh.
  They meant well, but
ugh
anyway
. 
They refused to accept the fact that my perfect grades weren’t the result of a brilliant mind but instead were another side effect of something else entirely.

“It’s other things that are a problem,” said my father.  He was being stern, like he always is when he talks about this part of my life.  “We have to be absolutely sure she’ll be safe here at this school.  As I mentioned in my email and over the phone, she’s had some … issues before.  And I don’t want to see those issues repeated here.”  My father frowned at the principal as if the poor rotund man was personally responsible for the incidents at my last school.

Mr. Tweeds was shaking his head vehemently and holding out his hands like two stop signs.  “You have absolutely nothing to worry about, nothing at all, I can assure you.  We have a zero tolerance policy towards stalking of any kind, and that includes social media and other types of cyber activity.”

“Good.  But you have to remain vigilant.”  My father had his finger up and was pointing it in the man’s face.

I nearly laughed at how comical he looked, all serious like that.  I knew it was a big deal, but sometimes he took it too far.  I rolled my eyes.  I couldn’t stand it anymore.  Reaching out and taking his finger, I gently pushed his hand down to his side.  “Okay, Dad, he knows.  He heard you the first twenty times you said it.”

My dad turned his concern on me, all his anger gone and replaced with fear - fear for my future.  He always worries about my future - my next year, my next week, my next five minutes.  It was suffocating at best and more like insanity in my darker hours.

“Rae, you know we have to be careful.  People get … crazy sometimes where you’re concerned.”

Anyone listening in on this conversation from a remote location would think we were all members of a looney bin, having a deluded discussion over a celebrity or something.  But I’m no celebrity.  I’m just Rae.  And for as long as I can remember, I’ve had this problem.  It follows me everywhere like a faithful dog at my heels.  People who get near me become so happy, too happy.  They become so full of joy, they eventually get to the point that they can’t
not
be around me.  And in their need to be close, they get
too
close.  They smother me.  They scare me.  They become a danger to everyone.

Or at least, that’s what my dad thinks.  The problem is, he suffers as much as the strangers do from the effects of being in my presence.  He thinks he’s just being a protective, loving father, but I know the truth.  He’s under my thrall.  He can’t be without me, just like my mom can’t.  Just like the kids at my last school and the one before it and the one before that one...

The only thing keeping my parents from homeschooling me on an island in the middle of nowhere is my threat that I’ll leave them.  It’s a threat I have to reissue every time they pull me from another school.  Eight times in the last three years, I’ve stared my parents in the face and warned,
“If you don’t enroll me in a public school somewhere, I’m going to disappear and you’ll never see me again.  Ever.”

And so they enroll me, because they have no choice.

Neither of them wants me to leave.  In fact, they both believe they’d die if I ever did.  It’s been a burden of mine that I’ve been unable to shake, try as I might, since I was old enough to understand what was going on.  I hate to say this even just to myself, but one of these days, I
am
going to leave.  I’m going to disappear forever and never look back.  I’ll go where no one can find me, where I’ll be completely alone.  Then I’ll never have to worry about people gluing themselves to me and not wanting to let go.  I’ll finally be able to think and just breathe for a change.  Maybe I’ll get a dog to keep from being completely lonely.

“Here’s your list of classes and a map,” said the receptionist behind me.

“You don’t need to give her a map,” said the student helper standing next to her.  She snatched the paper out of the older lady’s hand.  “I’ll be happy to show her where to go.”

The girl grinned at me with a thousand-watt smile.  The orange and yellow of her cheerleader uniform went perfectly with her bouncy ponytail and miniature megaphone earrings.

Uh-oh.  A Rainbow.
  That’s what I call the people who can’t get enough of me - people who want to overdose on happiness until they drown in its sweet depths.  But no one can handle that much of it at once.  It always manages to short circuit something in their brains. 
Want
changes to
need
, and then I become the drug they’re addicted to and can’t live without.  It’s not a good thing to be someone’s personal happy-crack.

I have to stay very far away from Rainbows whenever I can help it.  It was a Rainbow at my last school who I now have a restraining order against.  Jerry the Rainbow.  Captain of the basketball team with hands as big as dinner plates.  His joy was a scary thing to behold in the end.

“No, that’s okay,” I said, taking the map from her hands.  “I like to find my own way.”

“Nonsense, this is the first thing we always do,” said the principal.  “We give a tour and hands-on service for every new student or student in need.”  He grinned big at me.  His front teeth looked like they were just balanced there, like they’d fall out at any moment.  I tried not to stare.

A small snort came from across the room.

I leaned to the side so I could see around the fat principal.  A girl with hacked up and dyed green hair sat there in a chair, waiting for someone.  She was examining her fingernails, which I noticed were painted moss green to match her hair.  Her torn stockings went perfectly with her scratched-up combat boots, ratty shorts, and loose shirt that hung off her right shoulder.  Her bright red bra strap stood out in stark relief to her pale skin.

I smiled briefly.  It was possible I was looking at a Neutral, which thrilled me to the bone.  I’d only met a couple in my life, but they were like golden people to me - the few who weren’t affected by me in any way.  They either liked me or hated me on my own merits.  Usually, it ended up in hate because being around someone like me can be very annoying, with the Rainbows there all the time.  But still, for a few short moments in my life, I’ve had interactions with Neutrals, and I could recount their looks and mannerisms all detail by detail even now.  Years later.  Being me is a lonely business.  I hang on to what I can and try to forget the rest.

“I’ll get to you in a moment, Miss Butts.  You can just wait your turn.”

I lifted an eyebrow. 
Her name is Butts?  Holy bad luck
.

“Can’t wait,” she said, not looking up.

“How about if
she
shows me to my first class?” I asked.  I’m not ashamed to admit I turned on the sweetness just a little.  It doesn’t take much for me to get my way.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” asked my mom, frowning at Miss Butts.  She leaned in closer to me and whispered really loudly.  “I think maybe you’d be better off with the cheerleader, don’t you?”

I whispered back at her, putting as much admonishment into my voice as possible.  “Mom, geez, give it a rest.  Please.”

My mom got that expression on her face, like she was going to get all firm about it.

I looked at the principal. “Tell her it’s okay, would you?  She worries too much.”

The principal was nervous.  He looked from the rebel in the waiting room to the chipper cheerleader bouncing in her Keds and didn’t know what to say.

“I … um …”  Sweat beaded on his forehead.

“Please?”  I smiled at him.  “Just this once?  I’d appreciate it.  I’m sure your receptionist could use her assistant’s help, and I’m anxious to get started.” 
Lies, lies, lies.
  I just wanted to get away from all these people and out into the empty hallways.  I took my moments of peace when I could get them.  Maybe this Neutral wouldn’t hate me all the time.  Maybe we could be friends for two minutes before she got tired of the Rainbows.

“Well, if it’s all right with your parents.”  He looked to my father for guidance.

I gave my dad the look.  The one that said, “
Don’t suffocate me.” 
He’d seen it thousands of times.

“Fine.”  He turned his head to look at the girl in the chair.  “But you mind your Ps and Qs young lady.  Our daughter is very special.”

She looked up and scowled at him.  “Who the hell are you to tell me what to do?  You’re not
my
father.”  She stood.  “I’ll take this special snowflake where she needs to go, but only so I can go have a smoke on the way.”  She grabbed the map out of my hands and the schedule from the assistant without hesitating.  Looking down at it, she said, “Come on … Rae.  Let’s go find your English Lit class with Mr. Adams.”  She walked out the door without waiting for me.

I patted my mom on the shoulder.  “Bye, Mom.  Bye, Dad.  See you after school.”  My mom leaned in for a kiss, but I ignored it.  It was better not to encourage her.  She’s been known to dissolve in tears over a simple goodbye.

“We’ll pick you up!” shouted my mom.

“I’ll get a ride!” I said from out in the hallway.  I took several long steps to put some distance between us.

“That was lame,” said the girl, clearly disgusted.

“Yeah.  Sorry.  My parents are seriously overprotective.”

“Poor you,” she said, just before blowing a big bubble with her gum.  She popped it and then sucked it in, cracking the gum as she chewed it down.

“What’s  your name?” I asked.

“Jasmine.  Jasmine Butts.  Go ahead and laugh.  Like I give a shit what you think.”

“I like it.  Jasmine Butts. Jazzy Butts.”  The smile came whether I wanted it to or not.

“Call me that again, and I’ll kick you in the taco.”

I burst out laughing.  “Wow.  In the taco?  You don’t mess around, do you?”

“No.”  She blew another big bubble and sucked it back in.

“So, do you like going here?” I asked.

She looked at me briefly and frowned.  “Please hold all questions until the end of the tour.”

I bit my lip and nodded, not trusting myself not to laugh again.

She gestured to the left.  “This is the shitter on your left.  If there’s a chick on the door, you can use it.  If it’s got a man on the door, well, I don’t recommend it.”

A little farther down the hall, she gestured to the right.  “That’s the water fountain.  If you don’t mind drinking other people’s loogies, go for it.”

“Oh, sick.” 
Note to self: Bring water bottle.

A door opened in the hallway farther up ahead and a boy came out, a backpack thrown casually over his shoulder.

She spoke in a quieter tone.  “And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the elusive and mysterious Malcolm McNamara.  Late to class as usual.”

Something about the way he was walking caught my attention.  I couldn’t see his face, but the way he slouched over and slinked a little, it was as if he was sneaking down the hall, trying not to be seen.

“Who’s he?” I asked, speeding up.  I just wanted to see his face.

She put her hand on my arm to stop me from going too fast.  “He’s our resident ghost.  Just leave him alone.”

I shook her off.  “Why?”  We were stopped now, our bodies still facing down the hall, but heads turned to face each other.

She shrugged.  “I don’t know.”  She seemed mystified by her answer.  She blew another bubble and then sucked it in.  “Come on.  You’re already late.”  She started walking again.

“Why were you in the office just now?  Were you in trouble?”

“You could say that.  But then again you could say that I was in the process of actively thwarting the tyranny of the close-minded, too.  It just depends on how you look at it.”

“What’d you do?”

“I let everyone in the cafeteria know that our meatballs are tainted with horse meat.”

I laughed, a little shocked to learn that about my new school.  “Are they?”

“How do I know?  But if it pushes a few more kids towards being vegetarians or at least thinking about what they shove in their stupid mouths, then it works for me.”

“Okaaaay,” I said, nodding while at the same time wondering what her ultimate goal was.  Definitely not popularity.  Friendship probably wasn’t the plan either.  The concept was a luxury to me, to actively shun friendship for no other reason than not wanting it.  But maybe she’d change her mind after getting to know me; maybe she’d want to be friends with me.  It wouldn’t be terrible to hang out with her, even though she was obviously someone who worked pretty hard at getting people mad at her.  Anything was better than being alone.  Almost anything.