Dudes Down Under (12 page)

“
Sure, I can. Are you related to the architect of this place or something?”

“
No, no. As a matter of fact, I own it.”

“
You own the Tops?”

“
I own the whole bloody lot, Charlie. The island,
Dudes Down Under
, all of it.”

“
Holy shit!”

“
Yeah, holy-shit!” Lucy broke up laughing and so did Charlie Danvers. Skeet stared at them both like they’d gone loco, and relaxed. Lucy wasn’t angry with him. Phew! It was an accidental slip. He wouldn’t betray her for the world. Thank God she knew that, without him having to say anything.

“
Can we go up, Lucy? I’d love to take a look at the view from up there.”

“
I’d love nothing better than to show it off to you, Charlie. C’mon.” Lucy ran ahead like a little girl on Christmas morning racing for the Christmas tree, Charlie close behind her.

Skeet’s presence had been forgotten and he was a happy man.
I got my fingers crossed for the both of ya. Now what the hell am I supposed to do?

“
Hey, Skeet, can you bring up the eskies, please?”

“
Well if I had a spare set of bloody arms, I could, chooky. But I can’t carry both of ‘em and hang onto the ladder at the same time.”

“
Shit, Skeet,” said Charlie, “why the hell not?”

This set the two of ‘em off laughing again.

“
Jesus, what the hell are you two on - and where’s mine? I’ll bring em up one at a time.”

“
Stay there, mate. I’ll c’mon down and give you a hand,” Charlie called.

“
Onya, mate.”

Charlie clambered back down the ladder and grabbed one of the esky coolers off Skeet. He took the opportunity to ask a question. “Skeet, mate, um, is Lucy ... is she in a relationship, mate … like a fiancé or boyfriend, anything like that?”

“
No, Charlie, not even close.”

Charlie Danvers grinned and shook his head in amazement. “What the fuck is wrong with the men around here? Are they blind or stupid, or both?”

“
It’s not the blokes, mate. Believe me, many have tried. Lucy is just not interested. Or at least she hasn’t been.”

Charlie hadn’t waited for an answer. He was already halfway back up the ladder.

Lucy looked down at the top of the dark head and tried to do a reality check.
Shit, am I buying my own publicity? Charlie Danvers, for Christ sake. He’s one of the top five in Hollywood, or any other wood. What the hell! And why the hell would he be interested in me?

Skeet was reluctant to join them but wasn’t certain Lucy would appreciate being left on her own with the actor, no matter how nice a bloke he was. So he climbed up and took a seat and a beer.

Chapter 14

Lana Peters had fallen asleep and woke with the feeling she was being watched. Jack Starr was standing there with those damned bedroom eyes and his head to the side which he did often. “Well, hey, sleeping beauty. I was just gonna wake you.”

“
The traditional way?”

“
Don’t tempt me, sweetheart.”

“
Jack, I was kidding.”

“
I wasn’t.”

“
What movie is that line from? Oceans 23?”

“
No, but hey I might suggest it for the next one.”

“
Are you ever serious?”

“
Aw, c’mon, Lana, this is my serious expression. It’s about the same as my ‘come-to-bed’ expression and my ‘what-the-fuck’ expression, and any old expression I’m asked to do.”

“
God, you are a disillusioned camper, or is it boredom?”

“
Six of one, half dozen of the other, I guess.”

“
Well then, being as you are here, why don’t you sit down and I’ll share the contents of my Eskimo with you. What the hell are you laughing about?”

“
I think, it’s supposed to be Esky, hon, not Eskimo.”

“
Seriously?”

“
Yup.”

“
Hell, I been calling it Eskimo for days, and nobody picked me up on it.”

“
Could be people don’t feel good about correcting you, Lana.”

“
Yeah,” she laughed. “Wonder why that is. Any ideas?”

“
Oh, I’m an ideas man, but right now I feel like alcohol and good company, and then a swim.”

“
Well, I can help you with the alcohol.”

“
Why do you do that?”

“
Do, what?”

“
Put yourself down to get a laugh.”

“
Do I?”

“
You know it.”

“
I guess maybe it saves other people attacking if I do it first.”

“
Yeah … I get it; we work and walk with cannibals in this business, hon. How about that drink, I even bought my own Eskimo.”

Lana Peters dissolved into laughter and smiled in appreciation at this gorgeous man. “This is the first time we’ve actually spoken without the cameras rolling, isn’t it?”

“
Yeah. Funny ... young Ginny was surprised that we weren’t all old buddies. I think most people assume that all of us hang out together all the time, although she is right about a few. Tristan and Izzy are good friends of mine, but I hadn’t met many of the others ‘til this trip.”

“
We don’t live in the real world, do we?”

“
No, honey, but right here, right now, we do. Let’s enjoy it, okay?”

“
Sounds like the man has a plan.”

“
Right now the man has a thirst. What you got hidden in that Eskimo of yours?”

*  *  *

Charlie Danvers entered the tree house and stopped in his tracks. “Holy shit, this is amazing!”

The entire place was open to the air. Screened enclosures all round gave 360 degree views of the South Pacific Ocean and the islands dotted along the reef. There were canvas drops on all sides that could be lowered against the elements or propped out to deflect the sunlight. Vines and bougainvillea grew in neighboring trees and the view of the entire sky village and wood planked walkways was surreal.

“
How many tree-huts are there, Lucy?”

“
Fifteen all up, Charlie. Enough to take everyone on the island comfortably.”

“
Are they for guest accommodation?”

“
Sure, but we don’t push it. People find it and want to stay, that’s fine. But that’s not the reason I had them designed and built.”

“
Huh? Well, why then? They are brilliant. Are they all identical to this one?”

“
One question at a time.” Lucy was enjoying herself. This was the first time she’d had a chance to show anyone apart from the staff her castles in the sky.

“
First and foremost, I had them designed and built as tsunami survival huts. Look around you. They are self-sustaining. Independent water supply, generators in each hut for light, gas Bar-B-Qs for cooking. Doc has fitted out a first aid kit that would double as a surgery in every hut. We also have a large gun cabinet in each which I hope to hell we never have to use.”

“
Gun cabinet? Why in hell would you need a gun cabinet?”

“
Think about it, Charlie. If a tsunami hits us, we are gonna end up with a huge number of dislocated crocs roaming around. There will be food sources everywhere - drowned roos, possums, fish left high and dry. Then we have the snake population which will be dumped as the wave recedes. Believe me, the guns will be necessary. All the staff have had to learn to shoot. I insist on it as part of their training. They are without exception able to handle a rifle with a 'scope. As far as our own food sources are concerned, the generators are the biggest and the best, and the freezers have everything necessary to sustain us for six weeks. After that, if no emergency rescue is set up due to the mainland being hit hard, well we have whatever we need to go hunt our own meat or fish. And fruit is abundant here.”

“
Holy shit, Lucy, that’s some planning. Is it all your idea? It’s bloody brilliant. How did you come up with it?”

Skeet watched them talking and smiled. Lucy loved nothing more than talking about her dream resort. “Okay you two, what’s to eat?”

Lucy grinned. Trust Skeet to think of his stomach. “I packed a picnic and plenty of beer. Help yourselves.”

“
I grabbed a shitload of goodies from the kitchen when Skeet asked me along. Can’t remember what exactly, but I do know there are three bottles of icy cold Champers.” Charlie was enjoying himself hugely. What a terrific holiday this was turning out to be.

*  * *

“
Cyril, Cyril, it’s Doc, mate. Where the hell are you? You’re twenty-eight feet long, ya bastard, how invisible can you be?”

Cyril grunted from behind him, his head emerging from his pool.
Well it’s about bloody time, heh-heh. What’s up, Doc? I always wanted to say that. Bugger, I always wanted to say anything. Where’s Skeet at? With my tummy-tickler again, I bet. Well I’m a hungry croc, Doc. Plus I haven’t had a beer all day. So hop to it, my friend.

“
Skeet left me with strict instructions to feed ya and give ya your afternoon ration of beer. So you climb outta there and go sun yourself, and I’ll bring it out to ya. Go on, mate.”

All right already, shit, I’m moving. I was enjoying my swim but beer is better. How the hell do you expect me to go out to my enclosure when the door's shut, ya drongo? Do I have to do everything around here? And while I’m bitching, you should get a haircut, mate. The feral look is so last week.

“
What? What are you grunting about? I’m hurrying. Oh. Oops, sorry, mate. It would help if I opened the bloody door. Keep forgetting you aren’t human.”

That’s the nicest compliment I ever had. You are definitely back on my Christmas card list.

“
Righto, that’s you sorted. Don’t stay out in the sun too long. Here, I'd better put your sun hat on. You know how those headaches make you a cranky boy.”

Not the PINK. My God, is every male human color-blind and tasteless? Heh-heh, tasteless, get it? I crack me up. Oi, what’s this caper? Skeet always cuts it up for me. No class, Doc. Small pieces are much more delicate to eat. Oh stuff it, I’m too hungry to be picky. Where the hell is my beer? What time will Skeet be home? Who created the universe? Heh-heh, just checking to see if you were paying attention. Fuck, I’m funny! Nobody knows. Now I’m depressed. Beer? C’mon Doc, you can do it. Concentrate, damn you. BEER!

“
I’ve forgotten something? What was it? Food … check, sunhat … check. Oh, yeah, beer. Do ya feel like a beer or ten, Cyril me mate? Silly bloody question. I’ll open em up and pour em into ya bowl, then I’m outta here.”

Sigh! Whatever. I’m too depressed. I’ll have a quiet drinky-poo and sit and ponder the universe a while. Skeet better not be late getting home. He knows I worry.

Chapter 15

Kylie Andrews was nervous, deservedly so. Apologizing for her behavior was not something she’d done much of in her life.

She glanced at the clock, wishing fervently that it would go backwards like everything else did in this crazy place. Then she thought about it clearly. Fuck, how would I know? I’ve been drunk continuously since we got here five days ago.

It was approaching seven o’clock and she ventured off to find the De La Cruz bungalow and get the apology to Karen done and over with.

Karen was sitting out on the wide balcony when she arrived. “C’mon up, Kylie,” she called.

Kylie felt sick to her stomach. Her nerves were making her feel ill.

“
Sit down girlfriend. My God, Kylie, you look ill. Whatever is the matter?”

Kylie looked at the sweet face. “Nerves, I guess. I wasn’t sure if I’d even get a chance to speak, to be honest.”

“
Here, I’ll pour a drink for you. Take it easy. I’m not gonna bite.” Karen walked inside and returned with a large glass of icy white wine and pineapple juice. She handed it to Kylie with a smile. “Take it slow. It may taste harmless but it packs a punch.”

Kylie was grateful for the overture. She sipped at the drink and discovered just how innocent it tasted. “Is there wine in this at all?”

“
Oh yes indeed, sister girl, heavy duty.”

“
Okay, I had better be a little careful, then. Do you want me to explain what happened the other night?”