Dust to Dust: A Broken Fairy Tale (12 page)

“Thanks Dave, but I really just need to talk to Camryn privately. There’s nothing in my car to get. I was just trying to be discreet. But since you and your lovely wife have an uncanny knack for interrupting Camryn and me at the absolute worst times, I am just going to tell it to you straight.”

Holden doesn’t wait for them to respond and pulls me out the front door. I can hear Jess start laughing at Holden’s blunt statement before the door slams behind us. The cool air is a shock to my system when a cold blast of wind smacks me in the face, mirroring how I feel right now. Holden still has a firm grip on my hand and leads me around the side of the restaurant and over to a bench hidden under willow trees.

“Holden, not now. Please, let’s not have this conversation now. I have to make this day perfect for the girls, you know that.” I speak before he can try to use his lawyer superpowers on me and persuade me to spill my guts. Even the thought of having this conversation right now makes me sick to my stomach. It feels as if a noose is tightening around my throat when I have visions of the attack, and talking about it right now is not something I want to experience.

Holden wraps his arm around me. “I know, Cam, and I’m here to help make sure they don’t have a moment when they don’t feel loved today. But you need to talk about this with me. You’ve avoided it too long. If Jake shows up here tonight, I can’t be responsible for what I do to him. If you only knew the thoughts that have been ripping me apart since that day…” He turns towards me and sweeps the back of his fingers down my cheek to my chin in a way that sends chills through me. He always makes me feel so safe, so cared for. “It was hard enough to work with Jake that last month of the campaign, not knowing why you are so scared of him. I have to know why you reacted that way. I can’t let him near you, or the girls for that matter, knowing he makes you feel that way. What the hell happened between you two? Did he hurt you?” The pain in his eyes makes it hard to lie.

“Holden, I don’t want to talk about something that happened in high school, for God’s sake. I am fine, better now. I’ve had a lot of time to get past this and talking about it only brings up feelings that I locked away long ago.”

His eyes narrow and seem to be burning with rage. I have to cut him off before he pushes me any further into this conversation. “Holden, you’re my best friend. You always have been. But there are some things better left in the past, and this is one of those things. I don’t want any trouble. Not for me, not for you, and especially not for the girls. The Waters are a powerful family and not the type of people to mess with.”

“I fucking knew it, Camryn. I think I even knew it back then. It was Jake, wasn’t it? He’s the one who hurt you. He’s the one who fucking turned you into stone and took you away from me.” Holden pulls me into his arms. I can hear his heart pounding like a bass drum.

Terrified, I deny everything, just like I always have. If I have to hurt him to get him to drop the topic, then I will. Too much is at stake. “No, Holden. It’s not about
us
. You left me because I wasn’t good enough for you. You left me not once, but twice. No one took me away from you—you
left.
Jake nor his parents will be here tonight, so like I asked before, just drop it.”

My heart breaks a little seeing the hurt my words caused in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Holden. I don’t mean to say anything to hurt you. You’ve been nothing but supportive of me and the girls since you came back home. I just want to make this day special and happy. Can we do that…please, Holden…for me?”

He takes a deep breath and kisses my forehead, leaving his soft lips pressed to my temple. “I’d do anything for you, Cam. ANYTHING.” His touch affects me so much. Too much. “I’m sorry I left you when you needed me most.” He leans back and looks me square in the eyes. “I will never leave you again, Cam. I promise.”
Five points, Holden.

My heart goes between racing and stopping within an instant. In the short time we have been together today, he has said and done more to make me think he truly cares for me again than in the entire time he’s been back. Holden’s eyes are smoldering with desire as he pulls me closer to him so I can feel his ragged breaths on my lips.
Kiss me—please, Holden, kiss me.

The second the thought crosses my mind, I push it away. I can’t let myself feel this way about Holden. My heart can’t take it. The love I felt for him long ago is something I never want to feel again, because when it was gone, it almost killed me.

“Can I kiss you?” Holden husks, stroking my face like he heard my thoughts. “I need to kiss you, Cam. I’ve needed to kiss you for a long time.”
Now my heart really does stop. Six points, Holden.

My body deceives me, and I nod my head yes without realizing it. Holden’s lips lightly brush against mine, making me let out a soft groan.
Get a hold of yourself, Camryn!
That seems to be all the encouragement he needs because Holden grabs the back of my neck, pulling me in deeper to his kiss. It was as if all the years in between disappears with this one kiss. Our lips move in perfect unison as his tongue dances with mine, making my insides tingle and flutter with desire. It is as if I can feel Holden starting to burn down a layer of the wall I have so diligently and intently placed around my heart long ago with each kiss.

I pull back, afraid of what this is going to mean for us. I still don’t want anything to change. I can’t let anything change. I need Holden, but I can’t let myself get swept up in him again. Not now and probably not ever. He’s always said we couldn’t be together, so why is he doing this to me…now, here, with everything crashing down around me?

“Holden…”

“Don’t say it, Camryn. Don’t. I’ve wanted to do that for too long.”

“Holden…”

He softly takes my face in his hands with a playful smile. “Camryn Dade, shut the hell up. If you’re not going to tell me about Jake, I at least want you to know I mean what I say. I’m not a fucking kid anymore. I’m not going to run out on you again. I know you don’t want this…
us
right now. But you need to know
I do.
I’ll wait as long as I have to for you to be ready, but I’m never going to let anyone hurt you again. Not Marcus, not Jake, fuck…not me. I lo—”

“Mommy, Uncle Holden, there you are!” Ellie and Sophie come running over with Marcus and Jess close behind.

What was Holden about to say? How can he be feeling this way about me again? He left me. He’s always pushed me away. Why now?

Sophie leaps into Holden’s lap and begins telling him all about her Thanksgiving morning with Marcus. It is sweet to watch how lovingly and attentively he listens to her story, making it even harder to ignore what he has just admitted to me.
I don’t need to count anymore.

I stand up and give Ellie a big hug, remembering today is about my girls, not Holden or any man for that matter. Marcus smiles at us, walking over to Ellie and me and begins rubbing my back. “Happy Thanksgiving, Cam. Sorry we’re a little early. There was less traffic than I thought.”

I smile up at him and back away slightly so he isn’t touching me anymore. Something about it seems patronizing. “I’m glad they’re here. I’ve been waiting all day to see you two!” I say, looking back at Sophie, who wrapped up in Holden’s arms, playing with the willow tree branches.

“I hope we didn’t interrupt you and Holden.” Marcus is glaring at me as if he caught me doing something I shouldn’t be. There is no way he saw my kiss with Holden, and if he had, I don’t care. He left me. He has a girlfriend.
He will not ruin this day, he will not ruin this day.

Holden takes this opportunity to interrupt. “Happy Thanksgiving, Sophie.” He kisses her forehead and shoots Marcus a warning glance. “Marcus.”

“Hey girls, why don’t you come inside and get cleaned up. Your Grammy has lots of treats for you.” Jess is trying her best to break the tension that is building faster than a pressure cooker.

Holden and Marcus are still staring each other down like two WWE wrestlers before a match. “Good idea, Jess. I need to talk to Cam. ALONE.” Marcus’s eyes never leave Holden’s.

Holden looks to me to see if I will be alright alone with Marcus. I nod my head, agreeing to talk with Marcus alone, hoping he will understand I don’t need a babysitter. It’s Marcus, not Jake after all. Maybe I can even talk Marcus into coming inside for a bit, if not for me, then for the girls. They seem so happy today, and I know a lot of that has to do with getting to spend time with their dad. Holden knows that I want today to be happy for the girls. Fun. Not filled with reminders of their broken family.

Ellie is giggling when Holden swings her up on his shoulders, and Sophie takes Jess’s hand, eager to go find Charlotte.

“Bye Daddy. Thanks for a fun time. Happy Thanksgiving,” Sophie calls. Ellie tries her best to wave goodbye, but is laughing and holding on to Holden’s neck as he takes off, galloping away like a horse. He even makes
that
look sexy.

I turn to face Marcus, feeling a little anxious to know what he wants to talk with me about. A small part of me is still holding out hope that he has come to the realization that he doesn’t want to lose his family, and will ask for me to come back to him. “Thanks again for letting me have them today, Marcus. It means a lot to me. Are you sure you can’t stay for a drink?”

“Thanks, but no.” Marcus hands me a large manila envelope that I hadn’t noticed he was carrying. All hope that I have held onto since last Christmas is sucked away in an instant. He brushes his perfectly sculpted brown hair back off his face, showing his tear filled dark brown eyes. Eyes that I could stare into endlessly not too long ago. “I didn’t want to do this today, but my lawyer said the papers had to be filed by Monday to get this over with before the New Year.” He looks away, clearly knowing this is horrible timing. “I’m sorry to do this on Thanksgiving, Cam. I really am. But I didn’t want you to get them from a lawyer. I wanted to be able to tell you how much I am grateful for the years we had together. I really wish it didn’t have to end. I’ll always love you.”

What an ASSHOLE! Deep breaths; think before you speak.
Heartbreak and rage are mixing like a cyclone through my tense body. I take the envelope, not needing to ask what is inside. Inside this small paper envelope is the final step to ending a life that I never thought would end, a life I never wanted to end. “Why does it have to be filed before the New Year, Marcus?” I speak softly, not sure I have enough breath to speak.

He takes a deep breath, nervously running both hands through his hair, just like Holden always does. “Camryn, please don’t make this any harder than this is. Please just sign the papers and I will leave you to your Thanksgiving.”

“Right now? You want me to sign them right now, right here in the fucking parking lot, Marcus?”

“Cam, you have everything you asked for in mediation. I want us to try to stay friends. We will always be in each other’s lives and how we handle this is the first step to show the girls we are still their parents…still a united front.”

Douchebag prick!
I push back the tears that are pooling in my eyes and grit my teeth. “How dare you lecture me on how to parent…? On what’s best for our girls! I have done nothing but be supportive of you, even after you decided to abandon us,” I fume.

“Camryn, please…”

“Don’t interrupt me, Marcus. If you really did still love me, you wouldn’t keep doing this on a holiday, tying these special days to losing you forever. You wouldn’t do this at all. I need to call my lawyer and make sure I can sign this first. You at least need to give me that.”

Marcus nods and walks over to sit down on the bench that Holden and I were sitting on moments ago. I begin pacing back and forth in front of him, too pissed to sit. I can’t believe I am actually having to call my lawyer on Thanksgiving. When she picks up on the first ring, I realize that she is not surprised to get my call. After a quick five-minute phone call, I learn that Marcus is telling the truth about the divorce papers: he has agreed everything I asked for, and also agreed to shared custody. He’s even offered a lot more in child support than I requested, probably out of guilt, but I’m not going to complain, or even thank him for it. I end the call, apologizing one last time for bothering her on a holiday and solemnly slide the papers out of the thin manila envelope. Each place that needs my signature is marked with a fluorescent pink tab, as if screaming to me, “Sign here to lose your life as you know it.” I hold back a sob that is edging its way up my throat and hand the envelope back to Marcus, unable to meet his gaze.

“I really
am
sorry, Cam.”

“Just go, Marcus,” I say, feeling completely numb.

I sit back on the bench, needing a minute to gather myself. I am going to have to go back inside to my family and friends, and pretend that the nails haven’t just been hammered into the coffin, sealing the end of my marriage. The reality of all of this I have tried so hard to ignore hits me like a tidal wave, and the emotion of it all begins to make me choke up. Jess is at my side before the first tear falls.

“It’s over, Jess. Really over. I don’t think I ever really and truly thought he’d actually go through with it.” I begin sobbing. I feel like my world is crushing down around me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. “I don’t know who I am without him.”

“I’m sorry, Cam. I hate seeing you like this, but
I know
who you are. You are a strong, beautiful, independent woman. You have more strength in your pinky than that cocksucker has ever had. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but you are so much better off without him.” She stands up and begins looking around. “Do you know what? Where is that little pussy? I’m about to kick his ass for pulling this shit on you today. Better yet, I’ll have Holden and Davy do it.” I have to smile at her enthusiasm towards Marcus’s demise. She begins jumping up and down, squealing, “No, better yet, I’ll force him to watch Holden kiss you again. I bet you’ve never kissed Marcus like that!”