Dust to Dust: A Broken Fairy Tale (27 page)

A cool rush goes through my body, starting with my heart, and shooting through every nerve,
thinking of her asking me to do the same about Holden.
Yes, he makes me happier than I’ve ever been.

There are very few commuters still on the train when we come to a rumbling stop in Point Pleasant. Halloween decorations are everywhere I look. Ghosts and glowing witches are hanging from the light posts lining the train station, pumpkins of all sizes and haystacks are piled in the corner by a sad-looking scarecrow. I take in the cool sea air, instantly relaxed at the sights and smell of home. For so long the shore has been a place I avoided, filled with horrible memories I wanted nothing more than to forget. Now I focus on the good here. My family, my friends, and Holden.

I look up to see Jess sitting on the roof of her car, smoking on an electronic cigarette and chatting on her phone. She has “smart ass” written all over her face as she struts over to me and turns the phone screen towards me. Holden. The smile on his face makes him look more like the fourteen-year-old I fell in love with than ever before. His deep, husky laugh instantly makes my knees go weak.

I can’t help but roll my eyes. “Really, Holden?” I look up at Jess and give her the finger. “I literally just walked off the train. You two are paranoid.” I grab the phone from Jess and point it to the clearly marked sheriff’s car parked across the street. “I’ll be totally safe while I’m here. Love you, but cut the cord and get to work!”

I press the end button and hand the phone to Jess. “Thanks for picking me up. Want to head over to Cutter Lane and have some dinner while I wait for my dad to get off?”

Jess wraps her arm around me, leading me back to her car. “Sounds perfect. Dave has Charlotte, and I have a free pass for a few hours.”

I lean my head on her shoulder and snuggle into her. “You’re the best friend a girl could hope for.”

“Shut the hell up and get in the damn car, you slutty bitch,” she says, pushing me away from her as she walks to the driver’s side.
That’s my Jess.

Cutter Lane’s parking lot is packed. My heart bursts with admiration, seeing my parents’ pride and joy back up and running in its original location. Walking up to the restaurant, one might think it is an upscale beach home. The light yellow shingles are lined with bright white trim that is sparsely covered in beautiful green ivy. Two large trees shaped like round balls stand on either side of the door and are decorated with white lights, a touch my mother always insisted on. The bell above the door gives a delicate ring when we walk inside the dark oak entry way. I am instantly greeted by the bubbly new hostess my father has hired. She is one of the few new employees to come on board after the restaurant was rebuilt. My mom often took the job of hostess on evenings. She loved greeting everyone—the regulars by name, of course.

Taylor, the bubbly, busty hostess, escorts us to a table with an ocean view that my father has reserved for us. We stop and chatted with several patrons on our way before finally sliding into the cozy leather chairs. Before Taylor can start spitting off her memorized lines, Jess holds up her hand, dismissing her. “Wine. Cakebread chardonnay, and a bucket of clams.”

Jess then directs her attention back to me. “So, Holden…you—spill it.”

I blush, thinking of all the details I can tell her that would make her inappropriate side high-five me. The FaceTime conversations…late nights alone memorizing each other’s body… the slow, hard, hypnotic way he made love to me just the other night…No, those are moments best left for Holden and me.

“We’re good. No, great,” I say simply, smiling as Taylor places wine glasses in front of us. She holds the bottle towards Jess with a nervous expression.

“You can just pour it. We know it’s good,” Jess says, once again dismissing our hostess. I am sure she is glad she is not actually our waitress. “Does his controlling behavior still bother you? Or have you finally realized it’s just because he loves you?”

I smile, thinking of my mom. He is like my mom that way. “I guess I’ve realized it’s only because he loves me.” I pause, thinking of my life with Holden. “It’s just…I am so used to Holden being emotionally distant. Remember, Jess, he was the one who had up all the walls when we were younger.”

“But now you’re the one with the walls,” she adds, taking a long drink from her glass.

Dust to dust.
“Let’s just say, I’ve been taking them down with Holden. I can finally say that I feel safe with him. I really think it is real this time. I just wish we didn’t spend the past fifteen years apart.” I take a long drink as Jess sits in silence for once. “Sometimes, though, I find myself worrying he’s going to realize he doesn’t have to be tied down to a family…a family that isn’t even his…and he’ll leave.” His words repeat in my head as if he is listening to this conversation: “
I’ll never leave you again, Cam. You’re my everything.”

“It’s natural to have doubts. You and I both know that marriage isn’t all about the passion and romance. It’s about friendship, compromise, loving each other when you hate each other…you and Holden have always had that. Always.”

“I know.” I can’t help but smile. “I don’t think that will ever change with us, Jess. I really don’t.”

It is close to nine before my dad makes his way to our table, ready to go home. Jess and I have just finished our bottle of wine, and are giggling like teenagers when he approaches us with his rosy red cheeks beaming. “My sweet girls. You haven’t been causing any trouble over here, have you?”

We both pop out of our seats, wrapping this little man in my arms. It always amazed me that I am so much taller than both of my parents. My mom always said I got my height from my grandfather, who I never had the chance to meet.

I rub his head and give him a quick kiss on the forehead. “Looks like you’re going to be doing the driving home.”

“I already told Dave I’d be dropping his lady home.” He kisses both our cheeks. “You can pick up your car in the morning, sweetie. I have to be back early tomorrow. John and I need to meet about the Sea Girt property, and I didn’t want him coming by the house since you’ll be there, sweet girl. I don’t want you worrying about Jake while you are here, either.”

“I’m not worried about anything but getting to spend some time with my daddy.” I lie. Just hearing the mention of any member of the Waters family makes my skin crawl.

My dad’s sad eyes contradict his smile. “I know, honey. I know.”

By the time we pull onto the gravelly road, my dad and I have drifted into our own thoughts. It is something we are always good at together, comfortable silence. The slowing of the rocks churning below lets me know we are pulling up to my dad’s house. I look over at Holden’s to see the front porch light on, making me fleetingly think that I can skip up the steps and be in his arms. But he is miles away, slaving over evidence with Bridgette.
Bridgette, Bridgette, Bridgette
.

It appears that my slight inebriation has made my jealous side move to the forefront because my stomach muscles tightened at the thought of them together, late into the night, slaving over paperwork…partially naked...

“Earth to Camryn.” My dad’s voice interrupts my morbid thoughts. “You want to go over and check on the house?” he asks, noticing me staring longingly in its direction.

I shake my head as if that can clear the fog that is draping over my consciousness. “I just want to make sure we didn’t leave anything on last weekend,” I say, not realizing I was even going to answer yes.

I grab my purse and walk up the steps to his house. It has become such a familiar place to me, filled with memories from as long ago as I can remember. I punch in the security code on the garage and wait for it to roll open. The creaking sound of the door creeping open sounds like it could wake the entire neighborhood on this quiet street. I pause once inside the garage, remembering the Christmas Eve that Holden came back into my life. I run my hand along the counter, remembering Holden’s smoldering eyes as he talked carefully with me. It was clear, even then, that he still loved me. I know that now.

When I walk into his dark house, I pause, hairs on my neck standing at attention, feeling uncertain of my surroundings. An overwhelming need to run starts to pulse through me. I don’t even know why I came over here, other than I wanted to feel close to Holden. I hear a soft creaking noise in the back of the house and freeze. Another one quickly follows it…that is all I need to hear. I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that only a dumbass yells out, asking who’s there. I turn and run as fast as I can back into the garage and hop over the fence to my parents’ house. Once safely inside, I send a text to Dave and ask him to go to Holden’s and check everything out. I don’t care if I’m overreacting; there is no way I am going to sleep without knowing for sure if it was the house settling, or an intruder. Dave quickly replies that the officers he has outside my house would check it out.
Oh yeah, I have my own private patrol this weekend.
I simultaneously feel relieved and completely ridiculous. I quickly send Holden a text, telling him I love him, and hoping to remind him of me while he’s working with Bridgette. Almost instantaneously, my phone begins booming “Safe and Sound” again.

“Helloooo,” I answer, sounding a little too drunk.

“Hey babe. I wanted to hear your voice. Everything okay?” he asks, sounding far too sexy to be so far away.

“What if I said things weren’t okay just to get you down here with me?” I ask, adding a sultry tone.

He clears his throat and whispers into the phone. “I want nothing more than to be with you, babe. I’ll be done here soon. Can I call you when I get in later? Just to say goodnight?”

“I’ll be waiting for you,” I answer.

“Go take two aspirin and drink a bottled water by the time I call or you’ll have a killer hangover tomorrow and be of no help to your dad,” he orders, back to his protective ways.

“Yes sir,” I reply firmly. “Love you.”

“I know.” He laughs to himself, and then goes silent for a moment. “I love you so much, Cam. I hope you’ve fucking accepted that.”

I laugh too. “I have, and love you so fucking much too.”

“Camryn Hamilton, the mouth on you,” he says in his flirty tone. Truth is, Holden loves when I curse since it almost never happens anymore. I say “oh poop” instead of “oh shit” now that I have kids.

“Call you in an hour.”

“’K,” I say and go to find my dad.

There he is standing at the stove, frying up Taylor Ham and eggs, in his pajamas and slippers. I instantly become daddy’s little girl again. He must have heard me come in because he points at the coffee pot with his egg-covered spatula. “Get some coffee, drink your water, get on your jammies, and come have a midnight snack with me. We’ve got some things to talk about.”

There’s been a whole lot of bossing around happening tonight, but it’s all been good.
I lean over and kiss his cheek; he winces, pretending I am annoying him, even though I know he loves every second of it. I grab the water that is waiting for me, opting to get the coffee when I get back in from unpacking my bag and getting in my pajamas. My dad knows that a greasy meal like this is just what I need so I don’t feel like death tomorrow.
I love my dad.

I unzip my bag and take out the picture of Holden and the girls, placing it on my nightstand. The girls are out having the time of their lives tonight at a haunted house Halloween party with Marcus and his family. I always miss them on their weekends away; it’s the worst part of my divorce and the only reason I have regrets about the dissolution of my marriage. They are both so much older now, and sometimes it seems as if they don’t even remember life when we were all a family. Time will only tell how much I’ve screwed up their lives, and Lord knows there will be many other things I do to completely fuck them up. I laugh to myself, hoping that isn’t true.

I get dressed in my cozy sweats, ready to pig out with my dad before I pass out in my bed. He is sitting in front of the TV, watching the news and yelling at the screen about something on the broadcast.

“Hey, sweetie,” he says, handing me my heaping plate of food, his eyes never leaving the television. My stomach growls so loud when I smell the steaming plate before me.

“Thanks, Dad. This smells awesome.” I begin shoveling food in my mouth, assuming we were going to drift into the silence we were both so good at.

Instead, my dad sits up in his seat and takes a long sip from his glass. Whisky, I am sure. “Cam, I need to talk to you about something. It’s been…well, it’s been slowly chewing away at me for too long now.”

“Dad, whatever it is, don’t let it get to you. Everything is starting to turn up for you now,” I say, unaware of his direction of conversation.

“Why do you think Jake would have been considered a suspect in the accident? There were lots of cars at the station that night—why did they focus on Jake? Is there something I need to know about him?” he asks, as if he already knows the answer. It is as if he can see right through me
.