Dying to Be Me (26 page)

Q: Is there a place where our personal will and the will of the Whole connect so that we can access that place of healing and power freely?

A: I like to think that yes, it’s possible for everyone to access that place of healing power freely. I believe that it’s our collective mythologies—the stories we’ve been telling ourselves for generations—that prevent us from doing so. I think that this accumulation of beliefs is what’s causing much of the disconnection and discord we perceive in the world, including within our own bodies.

We carry these invisible memes that keep us disconnected from our truth, causing us to believe that we’re separate from Universal energy. We remain stuck in duality, apart from our own creative center. We’re the force that’s not only forging, but also driving these myths. And as our stories shift, our physical reality reflects that shift.

In order to see this kind of healing more frequently, we need to evolve our mythologies and transform our memes to ones that let us realize that
we’re One with Universal Energy
. This will allow us to feel connected to our creative center at all times and will facilitate more positive energy all around.

Healing takes place when our personal creative intent willfully converges with the Universal life force energy and sees it as One.

Q: Have you felt any sense of freedom since your NDE, and if so, how would you describe it?

A: I do feel liberated. I feel that my NDE not only freed me from my previously held ideologies, beliefs, and concepts, but also liberated me from the need to seek out new ones.

It seems to me we look for and hold onto these doctrines because they reassure us during uncertain times. However, we’re prone to becoming dependent on them, needing them to be true in order to experience the comfort of certainty. I feel the more entrenched our beliefs about the limited nature of reality, the more we’re actually perpetuating what they say.

My experience gave me a glimpse into what it feels like to be set free from the need for both physical and psychological certainty. In other words, it was possible for me to feel perfection even amidst ambiguity. Maintaining that level of mental liberation is true freedom for me.

Q: Do you think you would have chosen to return to this life if you’d known that your ill health would persist?

A: Because of the state of clarity I was in, I suspect that I would have come back with an understanding about why I felt the pull to return and express through a sick body. Hopefully, that knowledge would have eliminated or reduced my internal suffering, even if not the physical illness. There would have been a sense of purpose in having to live with a sick body. I believe everyone has a purpose, regardless of their physical condition.

Q: Your message comes through loud and clear that we should all
Be who we are!
But what about criminals and murderers? Should they also be who they are? Plus, you said that there’s no judgment on the other side. That means we can actually get away with murder!

A: There’s absolutely no condemnation in that realm, because there’s nothing to condemn—we’re all pure consciousness.

A lot of people don’t like to hear that there’s no judgment after we die. It’s comforting to think that people will be held accountable for their wrongdoings. But punishment, rewards, judgment, condemnation, and the like are a “here” thing, not a “there” thing. That’s why we have laws, rules, and systems.

On the other side, there’s total clarity about why we are the way we are and why we did anything we did, no matter how unethical it felt in life. I believe that those who hurt others only do so out of their own pain and their feelings of limitation and separation. Perpetrators of acts such as rape and murder are far removed from even having an inkling of their own magnificence. I imagine they have to be extremely unhappy within themselves to cause so much pain to others, so in fact, they need the most compassion—not judgment and further suffering in the afterlife.

I actually don’t believe that criminals and murderers
are
“being who they are.” I think that we turn to destruction only when we’ve lost our way and drifted far from knowing the truth of who we really are. Criminals have lost their center, and what they’re doing to others is actually a reflection of how they feel inside about themselves. We like to think of perpetrators and victims as “them” and “us,” but there is no “them.” It’s
all
us!

A serial killer is diseased, similar to a person with cancer. And if we have more murderers in the world today, it means we have a sick society. Locking them away may have short-term benefits, just like treating the symptoms of cancer. However, if we don’t transform and transcend the core issues within any society, the problem will only grow, requiring us to build more prisons and straining the judicial systems. Perpetrators are more than just victims of their own circumstances. They’re the physical symptoms of underlying issues with
us as a whole.

I’m not condoning their acts. I’m just trying to say that the knowledge of my own magnificence changed me. I think that if everyone were able to get in touch with their own truth and know their greatness, they wouldn’t choose to be harmful. A happy and loved person who feels inseparable from Oneness knows that to injure another is the same as injuring the self.

Q: Are you saying that a criminal—say, a murderer—would go to the same place and feel the same nonjudgment as a saint?

A: Yes, that’s what I’m saying.

In that state, we understand that everything we’ve done—no matter how seemingly negative—has actually come from fear, pain, and limited perspectives. A lot of what we do or feel is because we know no other way. Once we’re in the other realm, however, our physical limitations become clear to us, so we’re able to understand why we did things and we feel only compassion.

It felt as though those whom we label “perpetrators” are also victims of their own limitations, pain, and fear. When we realize this, we feel only connection with everyone and everything. I understood that in the other realm, we’re all One. We’re all the same.

If everyone knew this, we wouldn’t need laws and prisons. But here, we don’t understand, so we think in terms of “us” and “them,” causing us to operate out of fear. This is why we have judgment, laws, prisons, and punishment. In this realm, at this time, we need them for our own protection. But on the other side, there’s no such thing as punishment, because once we’re there, we become aware that we’re all connected.

Q: If we create our reality, do you think people will be punished for what they do through karma?

A: As I mentioned before, there is no punishment in the NDE state. I view karma as being more a concept of balance rather than cause and effect. For example, I would never use the phrase
bad karma,
as I don’t believe there is such a thing. I simply believe all aspects of life are needed to create the whole.

Neither do I believe anymore that we live out all our lives sequentially in linear time, which is the framework that many people have for their ideas about karma. It’s what I was brought up to think as well.

In the NDE state, however, I realized that every moment in all our lives—past, present, future, known, unknown, and unknowable—exist simultaneously, as though outside of what we know as time. I became aware that I already was everything I was trying to attain, and I believe that’s true for everyone. All things that we perceive as positive, negative, good, or bad are simply parts of the perfect, balanced Whole.

Q. I’ve heard people speak of the importance of forgiveness. Did you find that you had to do a lot of forgiving in the other realm?

A: In the NDE state, the clarity is so acute that the whole concept of forgiveness takes on a very different meaning. I realized that it was
myself
I hadn’t forgiven, not other people. There was no negative judgment for anything I’d seemingly done wrong—I felt only understanding about why I’d done everything.

I also realized that within that infinite, nonjudgmental realm, there’s actually no need to forgive myself or anybody else. We’re all perfect, exquisite children of the universe, and we exist out of pure love. Unconditional love is our birthright, not judgment or condemnation, and there’s nothing we need to do to earn it. This is simply who and what we are.

The need to forgive is born out of seeing things as good and bad, but when there’s no judgment, there’s nothing for us to pardon. Within the cosmic tapestry we’re creating, all thoughts, words, and deeds are necessary for the creation of the infinite, magnificent Whole. Just as with the light spectrum I mentioned earlier, all colors are needed to give contrast and bring life into being. What’s to forgive?

At this point, I’ve replaced forgiveness with empathy, unconditional love, and compassion—for myself and for others. Rather than judge, creating a need for pardon, I now have only caring and great respect for the multifaceted role each of us plays in the Whole of creation

Q: Wouldn’t too much self-love make people selfish and egotistical?

A: Once we understand that each of us is at the heart of the infinite universe, our centrality to the Whole becomes paramount, and we see the value in loving the self. We can’t give what we don’t have.

In my culture, I was taught to put others first and myself last or not at all. I wasn’t taught to love myself or to value who and what I am. As a consequence, I had very little to offer others. Only when we fill our own cup with regard for ourselves, will we have any to give away. Only when we love ourselves unconditionally, accepting ourselves as the magnificent creatures we are with great respect and compassion, can we ever hope to offer the same to anyone else. Cherishing the self comes first, and caring for others is the inevitable outcome.

Selfishness comes from too little self-love, not too much, as we compensate for our lack. There’s no such thing as caring for the self too much, just as there’s no such thing as too much genuine affection for others. Our world suffers from too little self-love and too much judgment, insecurity, fear, and mistrust. If we all cared about ourselves more, most of these ills would disappear.

To say “I love you” when I have no matching emotion for myself is playacting. It’s not real. Affection for the self and others is the same thing. We’re all One—all interconnected. Having an awareness of our own divinity can help us to see our magnificence and worthiness for love without conditions. Once we understand this, offering the same to everyone else becomes much easier.

Q: Most people on a spiritual path believe that the ego impedes spiritual growth and that we’re supposed to shed the ego. Why aren’t you advocating this?

A: Because if you deny the ego, it will push back against you harder. The more you reject something, the more it fights back for its own survival. But when you can completely love your ego unconditionally and accept it as part of how you express in this life, you’ll no longer have a problem with it. It won’t impede your growth—on the contrary, it will be an asset.

We’re all born with an ego—it’s a natural part of who we are here. We’re only completely without it in death. Fighting against this during life only creates more self-judgment. Plus, only when we love our ego unconditionally are we able to accept everyone else’s. This is when it stops being an issue, and your humility and magnificence really shine through.

Q: What’s your opinion on service and serving others?

A: When service comes from the center of our being, it’s the highest form of self-love. We know this is the case when we feel joy while serving. It will even feel light and fun! This uplifts both us and the recipient and helps to elevate the receiver’s self worth.

But if we perform out of an obligation or sense of duty, it feels serious and heavy and can be energy draining. This really doesn’t do us any good, and it’s not that great for the recipient either—especially if they can sense that we’re acting out of obligation. This can make the receiver feel small and worthless.

In addition, when something comes from the center of our being, it’s no longer an action—it becomes who we are. We don’t need to think about it or work at it. We become an instrument for service to manifest on this planet. This is the difference between
being of service
and
performing a service.

This connected level comes with the realization that there’s no separation between the self and the Universe. It’s the knowledge that what I do for the Whole, I’m also doing for the self, and vice versa—and that’s truly a joyful and fun state to be in!

Q: As I look around, it seems to me a lot of rancor, arguments, and downright hostility come from everyone insisting that their reality or point of view is the only one. Yet your experience and those of many others who’ve had NDEs indicate that what we consider reality is no more or less real than a sort of dream. So essentially, people are arguing over whose illusion is the most valid. Can you elaborate on this?

A: I can only recount my experience. For me, it felt as though when I “died,” I woke up from a dream. It didn’t feel as if I went anywhere, but as though I’d awakened and had omni-perceptual senses—that is, 360-degree vision and complete
synesthesia,
or simultaneous perception of the senses. I could see, hear, feel, and know
everything
that pertained to me! I was living my past, present, and future simultaneously. I also knew what was going on beyond walls and space, as long as it related to me—hence the visuals of my doctors’ conversations, my brother on the plane, and so on.