e (36 page)

	Daniel Westbrooke – 1/6/00, 7:51 pm
to:	Simon Horne
cc:
re:	LOVE

Simon, I am delighted that you have decided to accompany us to Mauritius on our little jaunt. Naturally, I am thankful that I will have some erudite company to help while away the tropical sunsets. I am more impressed, however, that you are prepared to pass on your
Solomonian wisdom to our young creatives. I hope for their sakes that they will see the sacrifice you are making.

Incidentally, I am pleased that you have moved us to le Touessrok. Try hard as she does, I must admit to doubts about Melinda’s abilities, particularly given the fleapit she had booked us into. And do not worry about the additional expense. I did not become Head of Client Services by not knowing how to “lose” unwanted costs in the hurly-burly of billing.

	Daniel Westbrooke – 1/6/00, 7:57pm
to:	David Crutton
cc:
re:	LOVE

Delighted as I am that Simon will be adding his steady hand to the tiller on our LOVE shoot, I must say that I am a little surprised that you have decided to let him accompany us with the Coca-Cola about to go “warp factor.” I would never doubt your reasons, David, and clearly you are confident enough in the direction the pitch is taking to feel that the agency does not need his creative scholarship.

	David Crutton – 1/6/00, 8:04pm
to:	Daniel Westbrooke
cc:
re:	LOVE

News to me. For once you’ve told me something I don’t already know. Bear one thing in mind. If I ultimately choose to let Simon go on your junket, it can only be that I deem his presence at the Coke pitch as inessential as that of the Head of Client Services.

	David Crutton – 1/6/00, 8:10pm
to:	Simon Horne
cc:
re:	LOVE

So when were you planning to tell me that you’re swanning off to the Indian Ocean? Perhaps you were going to send me a fax from your
hotel. But even
you
couldn’t be fuckwitted enough to think that the other side of the world would be out of harm’s way when I found out. The only reason I’m not tearing you limb from limb is that you have given me some very good work today. An explanation wouldn’t go amiss.

	Pinki Fallon – 1/6/00, 8:38pm
to:	Studio
cc:
re:	Pizzas

Hi, Mac boys. Six lovely, hot pizzas (
). Come and get . . . 

	Liam O’Keefe – 1/6/00, 11:32pm
to:	All Departments
cc:
re:	reference

Anyone still here got a picture of Lisa from TLC? I need it desperately for a Mako ad. I think there was one in last month’s
Maxim
, but the pages of the only copy on my floor are stuck together. Ta.

	Nigel Godley – 1/6/00, 11:35pm
to:	Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re:	reference

I’m here! Sorry, but I’ve never heard of TLC. I do have an excellent shot of Olivia Newton-John (from her creative peak in
Xanadu
!) if you can live with the drawing-pin marks. – Nige

	[email protected] 1/6/00, 11:49pm
to:	[email protected]
cc:
re:	HELLO FROM YOU MOTHER

JESUS MY DEER SON. GREETING TO YOU AND TO ALL FAMMILY IN LISBOA. WHAT YOU THINK OF YOU OLD MAMA ON COMUTER EMAIL HEY? I AM START AT BIG ADVERT CUMPANY AND AM CLEAN THE BIG BOSS OFFIS. I SEE HIS COMUTER MACHINE ON SO I THINK TO PRACTIS ENGLISH AND COMUTER CORSE SKILLS IN ONE GOING. HOW IS YOU STUDYS AND YOU LOOK AFTER YOU LITTLE SISTER SARA LIKE I ASKING? THIS PLACE IS DISGUST. THIS NIGHT LAST I SEE MAN MAKE GIRL WORKER LOOS JOB AND THEN TO SHOW HOW HE DO NOT CARE HE MAKE SEX WITH MAN DRESS AS WOMAN ON OFFIS TABLE. I HAVE TO MAKE CLEAN AFTER. I PRAY TO SANTA MARIA FOR THE SOLE OF THIS PEOPLE. I SAY TO POOR GIRL WHO LOOS JOB I GO TO CORT FOR HER BEHALF AND BE WITNIS. I GO NOW AND CLEAN BIG BOSS TOILET. IT HAVE GOLD TAPS AND PERFUME THAT SMELL LIKE YOU AUNT THERESA MAY GOD FORGIVE HER. MY LOVE TO YOU AND I MISSING YOU. MAMA