Easy Way to Stop Smoking (18 page)

I could not bear to think of the disappointment this would cause my wife, so I didn't tell her. I just smoked when alone. Then gradually I started smoking in the company of friends until it got to the point where everybody knew I was smoking except my wife. I remember being quite pleased at the time. I thought, ‘Well, at least it is cutting my consumption down.' Eventually she accused me of continuing to smoke. She described the times I had caused an argument and stormed out of the house or taken two hours to go out and purchase some minor item, and the occasions when I would normally have invited her to accompany me and had made feeble excuses to go alone.

As the anti-social split between smokers and non-smokers widens, there are literally thousands of cases where the company of friends or relatives is restricted or avoided altogether because of this awful weed. The worst thing about secret smoking is that it reinforces the fallacy in the smoker's mind that he is being deprived. At the same time, it causes a major loss of self-respect as otherwise honest, decent folk are forced to deceive those whom they love the most. This happened to me on several occasions and I am sure it has also happened to you.

I remember the 1970s detective show,
Columbo
starring Peter Falk. The theme of each episode is similar. The villain, usually a wealthy and respected businessman, has committed what he thinks is the perfect murder and his confidence in remaining undetected as the perpetrator receives a boost when the shabby-looking and seemingly disorganized Columbo is assigned to the case.

Columbo has this frustrating practice of closing the door after finishing his interrogation, having assured the suspect that he is in the clear, and before the satisfied smirk has left the
murderer's face, Columbo reappears with: ‘Just one small point, sir, which I'm sure you can explain...' The suspect stammers, and from that point on we know and he knows that Columbo will gradually wear him down.

No matter how awful the crime, from that point on my sympathies were with the murderer. As a secret smoker, I felt like a criminal. The endless hours of not being able to smoke, then sneaking out into the garage for a desperation drag or two, shivering in the cold wondering where the pleasure was. The fear of being caught red-handed like a naughty schoolboy. Would Joyce discover where I had hidden the cigarettes, lighter and butts? The relief of returning to the house undiscovered only to begin to panic about whether she would smell the smoke on my breath or clothes. As I took longer and more frequent absences, the risk increased. I knew that it was only a matter of time until I was discovered. The final humiliation and shame almost came as a relief as the sheer torture of being a secret smoker was replaced by the very slightly more tolerable torture of once again becoming a chain-smoker.

OH, THE JOYS OF BEING A SMOKER!

T
he main reason there are now far more ex-smokers than smokers in the US is the social revolution that is taking place with respect to smoking.

Yes, I know: health and money are the main reasons that smokers quote as their motivation to quit, but this has always been the case and doesn't totally explain the very rapid decline in smoking rates. Smokers have lived with the health risks for decades. You don't need cancer scares or health warnings to know that cigarettes ruin your life. These bodies of ours are the most sophisticated machines on the planet and they tell us—no, they practically yell at us—from the first drag to the last that cigarettes are POISON.

The only reason we get dragged into it in the first place is because of the social pressure from our friends or siblings. Smoking was once considered to be a social lubricant and, to a degree, it still is by teenagers, mainly for the reasons explained in
Chapter 25
. But today, even most smokers acknowledge that
smoking is anti-social. When I was a smoker you could still light up in most places including offices, trains, pubs, clubs, cinemas and even friend's houses. In those days the cigarette was the proud badge of the tough guy and the sophisticated lady.

Today the situation couldn't be more different. Everyone knows that the only reason that smokers smoke is because they have failed to stop or they are too frightened to even try. Increasingly the smoker is marginalized and demonized by society. Apart from glass-walled airport ‘Smoking Rooms' designed to humiliate the smoker and put him on display like a circus attraction, there are few indoor places for smokers to smoke. Even bars are choosing or being forced to go smoke-free. Smokers are sent outside in the wind and the rain and bitter cold. A traumatized smoker called to book into our Los Angeles seminar because someone had actually spat at her when she was smoking on the sidewalk. A New York woman—a beautiful, classy and elegant woman in her fifties, called to make a reservation after she had been asked to smoke in the alley behind a restaurant where she was eating, along with the trash cans and the rats.

This revolution is changing the way society looks at smokers and the way smokers see themselves. I've recently seen situations that I remember as a boy but I haven't seen for years—like smokers flicking ash into their cupped hand or even their pocket because they are too embarrassed to ask for an ashtray.

I was in a restaurant years ago. It was midnight and everyone had long since stopped eating. At a time when the cigarettes and cigars are usually rife, not one person was smoking. I assumed that it must be a non-smoking restaurant but when I asked the waiter he said that they had no restrictions on smoking. Just as we were talking, someone lit up. That plume of smoke triggered a sequence of beacons through the restaurant. All the smokers had been sitting there thinking, ‘Surely I can't be the only smoker', suffering in silence and too ashamed to light up.

What was once a social habit has become a source of shame and embarrassment. And it's not getting better. Though it's difficult to imagine, things will continue to get worse for smokers in the US. There isn't a city or town that doesn't have draconian smoking by-laws or plans to implement them. There is even talk of legislation to attempt to ban smoking in private homes and cars if those spaces are shared with non-smokers.

Every day more and more smokers leave this sinking ship. In a 2008 Gallup poll over three-quarters of current smokers want to quit. As smokers give up in droves, those left in the trap begin to worry about being left on their own.

DON'T LET IT BE YOU!

A
part from the obvious point that as it is doing you no good, now is the right time to stop, I believe timing to be one of the most important aspects of quitting.

Our society, despite its professed hatred of smoking, doesn't take it all
that
seriously though. Society tends to treat smoking as a bad habit that has unfortunate side effects with respect to health. This is a bit like saying that Tiger Woods is a decent golfer—something of an understatement. Over 1 billion people (including over 50 million people in North America) are addicted to nicotine. Smoking kills around 5 million people every year, including an estimated 450,000 Americans. It is, by far, the leading cause of preventable death in every developed country in the world. For many smokers, their one biggest regret in life was lighting their first cigarette.

The figures quoted above provide ample demonstration, if any were needed, that the stakes are very high. Your health, happiness and freedom are at stake. If you don't get this right, you
could pay with your life, as five million smokers did last year, and five million more will next year. It is important to do everything you can to give yourself the best possible chance of success and this means getting the timing right.

First of all, identify the times when smoking appears most important to you. If you are a businessman and smoke for the illusion of stress relief, choose a relatively slack period, or perhaps your annual vacation. If you think you smoke mainly when you are bored, choose a time when you know you'll be busy.

Look a few weeks into the future and try to anticipate whether there might be an occasion or event that might cause you to fail. Occasions like weddings or Christmas need not deter you, so long as you anticipate them in advance and do not feel you will be deprived. Do NOT attempt to cut down in the meantime, as this will only create the illusion that the cigarette is enjoyable as explained in
Chapter 23
. If anything, it helps to force as many of the filthy things down you as possible. This removes even the illusion of pleasure. While you are smoking your last cigarettes be aware of the disgusting smell and taste and think how wonderful it will be when finally you allow yourself to stop doing it.

WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T FALL INTO THE TRAP OF PROCRASTINATING AND PUTTING IT OUT OF YOUR MIND. FINALIZE YOUR TIMETABLE NOW AND LOOK FORWARD TO IT. Remember you aren't giving anything up. On the contrary: you are about to receive marvelous positive gains.

For years I've been saying that I know as much about the mysteries of quitting smoking as anyone else on the planet. The problem is this: although every smoker smokes purely to relieve the chemical withdrawal created by the previous cigarette, it is not the nicotine addiction itself that hooks the smoker but the brainwashing that results from that addiction. Every individual smoker has his or her own individualized version of the
brainwashing. In most aspects of the smoking puzzle these differences don't matter but in the area of timing they can be critical.

With the benefit of the many years of feedback that I have received since the original publication of this book, and bearing in mind that each day I learn something new about smoking, I was agreeably surprised to realize that the philosophy I propounded in the first edition was still sound. I know for a fact that with the right mindset, every smoker can find it not only easy to stop but can actually enjoy the process. Unfortunately, knowing this is useless unless I can communicate it to smokers. And unless I can make them believe it, they will continue to believe that quitting has to be tough and unpleasant.

Many people have said to me, ‘You say, “Continue to smoke until you have finished the book.” This makes people read the book slowly or just not finish it at all. Therefore you should change that instruction.' This sounds logical, but I know that if the instruction were ‘Stop Immediately', some smokers wouldn't even start reading the book.

I had a smoker consult me in the early days. He said, ‘I really resent having to seek your help. I know I'm a strong-willed person. In every other area of my life I'm in control. Why is it that all these other smokers are stopping by using their own willpower, yet I have to come to you?' He continued, ‘I think I could do it on my own, if I could smoke while I was doing it.'

This may sound like a contradiction, but I know what the man meant. We think of stopping smoking as something that is very difficult and unpleasant. What do we need when we have something difficult to do? We need our ‘little friend'. So stopping smoking seems to the smoker to be a double blow. Not only do we have something we perceive to be difficult and unpleasant to do, but we also have to do without our crutch while we're doing it.

It didn't occur to me until long after that man had left that my instruction to keep smoking is the real beauty of the Easyway
method. You can continue to smoke while you go through the process of stopping. You can get rid of all your doubts and fear first, so when it comes time to extinguish that final cigarette you are already a non-smoker and enjoying being one.

The only chapter that has caused me to question my original advice seriously is this chapter on the matter of the right timing. Above I advise that if your special cigarette occasions are stress situations at the office, then pick a holiday to make an attempt, and vice versa. In fact, that isn't the easiest way to do it. The easiest way is pick what you feel to be the most
difficult
time to do it. In this way you can prove to yourself right out of the blocks that you can handle even the toughest situations as a non-smoker and the rest becomes even easier. But if I gave you that as a definite instruction, would you even make the attempt to stop?

Let me use an analogy. My wife and I plan to go swimming together. While we arrive at the pool at the same time, we are rarely in the water together. The reason for this is that my wife enters the water extremely slowly, dipping one toe in, then another, and so on. For me, even watching this is excruciating. I know that no matter how cold the water is, eventually I'm going to have to brave it. So I've learned to do it the easy way: I dive straight in. If I were in a position to insist that my wife either did as I did (i.e. dive straight in) or not swim at all, I know that she'd choose not to swim at all. You see the problem.

Feedback from readers tells me that many smokers have used the original advice I gave on timing to delay what they perceive to be the ‘evil day'.

My next thought was to use a technique like the one I used for
Chapter 21
,
The Advantages of Being a Smoker
. It would be something like, ‘Timing is very important, and in the next chapter I will advise you about the best time for you to make the attempt.' You would turn the page over and there would be a huge ‘NOW!' That is in fact the best advice, but would you take it?

In a sense, this is the most subtle aspect of the smoking trap. It's designed to hold you for life. When we have genuine stress in our lives, it's not time to stop, and if we have no stress in our lives, we have no desire to stop.

Ask yourself these following questions.

When you smoked that very first cigarette, did you really decide then that you would continue to smoke for the rest of your life?

OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T!

Do you want to be a smoker for the rest of your life?

OF COURSE NOT!