Ellie's Advice (sweet romance) (10 page)

He realized he'd been so taken up
with his own thoughts that he hadn't noticed the subtle tension in her shoulders and face. Was she worrying about something, or had his anxiety rubbed off on her? Or, worse, was she guessing what he wanted to ask and dreading it?

Gulping, heart in his throat, he knew he couldn't put it off any longer or he
'd lose his nerve altogether. Shel had never been a particularly outgoing, well-spoken man. All his energy had gone into becoming good at his job, and he'd often felt like he had to work twice as hard to get there as the naturally confident people he seemed to be surrounded by. Loud-mouthed, pushy men seemed to make natural reporters. He'd had to learn other ways to work, to overcome his quietness or use it to his advantage when possible. It turned out many people preferred talking to a soft-spoken reporter who listened carefully to their replies, waiting till they were finished speaking to ask for clarification. And so he had gone far after all. But now he felt himself longing for the confidence other men seemed to possess naturally. Perhaps he could have asked his question without so much effort, without feeling as though it was one of the hardest things he'd ever done.

"Ellie," he said quietly
, turning to her, taking his hat off and raking fingers back nervously through his hair. His breathing was ragged, felt too fast, and yet he felt as if he was holding his breath, tensed all through his body, all through his soul. Nothing would ever be the same again, no matter what happened next.

She looked up at his hand moving throu
gh his hair. She often watched when he gave in to this nervous or thoughtful gesture; he couldn't tell what she thought about it though. And he hadn't managed to break himself of the habit, because he never could stand on ceremony with Ellie. That was one of the best things about her; he could simply be himself without trying to figure out who she wanted him to pretend to be. He could simply be Shel.

And that was all he could do now, too.

"I'm sorry," said Shel quietly. "I hope you won't take offense. But I need to ask you something. I've grown… very fond of you, Ellie. Actually, I've been fond of you from the first, and my feelings for you have only increased. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if you would have said yes. I don't want to regret not asking on my deathbed." At these words, she startled, and her already round gaze grew rounder, her mouth opening in a surprised O.

He dropped to one knee, right in the middle of the path, regardless
of anyone watching or any foot traffic he might be holding up. "Ellie, will you marry me?"

Ellie's hands flew to cover her mouth
. Her eyes were large in her pale face. She didn't seem to be able to speak.

He
waited, heart thumping, face heated, wishing he'd been able to summon more eloquent words. For a man who worked with them every day, he ought to be able to. But then, he had never been a poet or a wordsmith; he was simply a reporter, reporting things as they were. And now he'd reported his feelings to her, with one important question as well. The most important question in the world.

He waited for her response.

She
gestured for him to get up. They moved together toward a small bench beside the path and sat down next to one another. She stared straight ahead, her expression torn, her face pale. He sat with his body twisted toward her, his heart wrenched by the look on her face.

He rea
ched for one of her hands, daring to take it between his own. It was cool, smooth, and soft. He stroked the back of it lightly with his fingers. "Ellie, it's all right if you'd rather not. I understand. We… aren't exactly equal in station, and I — I have presumed a lot by asking this. I can be happy with your friendship, if you'll still be my friend. I'm sorry if my question distressed you."

T
he words cost him pain, but he couldn't stand to let Ellie suffer for his selfishness. He added quietly, "If you wish I hadn't spoken, we need never talk of this again."

"No." She looked at him suddenly and squeezed his hand, putting her other
one over top and gripping tightly. "
No.
" Her eyes seemed burned in her head, her gaze fierce and damp, hungry and aching with such a longing as he'd never seen from her before. "No. I know I shouldn't marry you. But I can't say no. I'm not that strong. I love you, Shel. I love you at least as much as you love me. And if I love you more, I don't care. I'd have been happy with your friendship if that was all you ever wanted, but I… I would love to be your wife more than anything in the world. It would be — the happiest day of my life." She choked on the words, and then tore her hands away and buried her face in them.

Her soft,
choked sob yanked at his heart. He put his arms around her, for the first time drawing her close, as he'd longed to do since that day they'd met in his office, the most beautiful woman in the world coming in to see him unexpectedly. "Then what's wrong, my — my dear? We can be so happy together, I know we can."

Her shoulders shook
, but her tears were silent after that first quiet, jagged sound. He handed her his handkerchief, and she fumbled with it. After a moment, she lowered her hands from her face and looked at him, serious and sad. "I'd love to be your wife. But you need to know I can never give you children. My doctors said—" She looked away, swallowing hard, her eyes filling. "I won't say no to you. I'd love to marry you. But… if… if you wish to change your mind, I'll certainly understand," she finished in a brave, choked little voice.

"Oh Ellie, no."
He squeezed her hands, his heart filled with compassion. "Do you think that matters to me? It doesn't. I've often thought, since there are so many children in the world who don't have homes and parents of their own, if one was to have children, surely adoption would be a wonderful option. Being able to have our own naturally isn't a factor for me." He gave her hands another tender squeeze. "I'm happy with our puppies, and knowing the option to adopt is there if we both want to. Most of all, I just want to marry you, my dear Ellie."

She
gazed at him, astonishment and relief blooming on her face, along with a huge smile, the biggest smile he'd ever seen. "Oh, Shel! Do you mean it? Really? We'll get married and you don't mind that I can't—?"

He shook his head, his own eyes growing damp. "
I don't mind in the least. So is that a yes? You'll marry me?" He held her hands in his own, and they faced each other, sitting on the bench, gazing into one another's eyes as they had not been able to stop doing since that first day.

"Yes!" she squeaked, throwing her arms around his neck. "
Yes!
"

And then, for the
first time in his life, but by no means the last, Shel Silverberg kissed the woman he loved, slowly, softly, and with a heart overflowing with warmth. And she kissed him back.

*

"Sheldon,
no
! My own son!" Shel's mother buried her face in her hands and wept.

"I don't know what you're upset about,
Mama." He faced her calmly. His heart sank at the sight of her distress, but he wasn't surprised; he'd known she'd object. "Mama," he repeated when she continue to weep. "Eleanor is a good woman. She's Jewish, and she loves me. I don't know what more you could possibly want."

His m
other raised her tearstained face from her hands. "Someone who goes to my synagogue! A good girl — not — not a…" Her face twisted with a look of dislike and irritation. "Not one of these girls who wishes she was a gentile, parading around in her fancy clothes. Turning my son's head with her big ways!" She looked angry now. "I won't have it! No son of mine is marrying a — a loose, modern, working woman!"

"M
ama," he said firmly but quietly. "The woman I love is not 'loose.' I won't have you saying anything bad about her, not if you wish to stay in our lives. I love you, and I will always love you. But I am marrying Eleanor. I married for you once, and that didn't work out. I'm marrying Ellie because I love her. Nothing will convince me to do otherwise."

Mother gasped. She looked at him with large, shocked eyes
, her lower lip quivering.

"And
as for attending your synagogue, I hardly think it's an issue. If we have children, we'll raise them in the faith. But I'm not going to go back to being orthodox, Mama. I'm living my life as I think it's right. I'll do my best. I'm still your son, and I will always be Jewish. I'm not ashamed of that. But I go to a more liberal synagogue now, and I'm happy there, and I think Ellie will be, too.

"Even if you convinced me to marry a
n orthodox woman instead, I would never go back to your synagogue permanently. But I'll never stop being Jewish, even if I am not Jewish in the way you want me to be." To soften his words, he leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek.

And then he waited for her objections.
Because they would come. And more tears. And he would talk with her patiently through both, talk to her until he was weary of talking. But he would not give in.

And next time he visited, she would have accepted it a little more, and the next time after that, a litt
le more. In the end, she would, he hoped, be very happy to have Ellie in her life and would cry happy tears at his wedding, as he very much suspected he would have trouble not doing himself.

*

Ellie twirled in front of the full-length mirror at the dress shop, admiring the wedding gown she wore.

Her family's objections had been mercifully brief. After they accep
ted she was going to marry, at her age, with her health, and 'below her station,' her sister-in-law had been eager to help her get the perfect, most seasonably fashionable dress.

"I
think I might be too mature for this style," said Ellie with a regretful sigh. The dress seemed to have miles of lace and acres of snowy white cloth flowing like a waterfall. And yet it made her look slim and tall and elegant as a movie star. Her!

"Nonsense," said Grace. "It's perfect! It's not as though this was your second wedding. Then I'd
have suggested something more quiet and sober. But this proclaims your virginity and the height of your beauty on the best day of your life!" And then she blushed, as if realizing what she'd said. Apparently she wasn't certain her sister-in-law actually was a virgin, and wondered if she'd made an embarrassing verbal blunder.

Ellie schooled a smile.
"Yes, very accurate, Gracie. But perhaps better for a young bride than one who's nearly thirty?"

"Thirty
's not so old," said Grace, reaching up to plump up her hair. She was thirty-two, Ellie remembered.

Grace
sighed, eying the dress wistfully. "I wish I had your figure."

Ellie had been
a string bean all through school, anxious about her nearly-flat chest and self-conscious about every single part of her body. Now she twisted and twirled in front of the mirrors once more, and had to admit that the dress made her look more elegant than she'd have guessed was possible.

"I think everyone wishes they had a slightly different figure than they did," she said in a
quiet conversational tone. "You'll never believe how I envied you when you married my brother. Not for marrying him, of course, but for how you looked. Such a womanly figure. I never thought I would look half as good!"

These words made Grace's cheeks heat with pleasure.
Ellie felt good knowing she'd caused it, but it was also the truth. Grace may have grown slightly stouter after having two children, but she was still a lovely woman. A few years ago she'd been unable to walk down the street without turning heads at every step. Even today, people noticed her more quickly than they noticed her sister-in-law. Quiet, pale Ellie had never had that effect, and while she didn't particularly want to turn heads, it would be so nice to look beautiful on her wedding day. And it was a great, steadying source of wonder to her that she could and had turned one head in particular — the only one she truly cared about.

Suffice it to say, Shel had stopped coming to her apartment so much, because now that they were engaged and
had started kissing, he could hardly keep his hands off her, or she him. It was as though a dam had burst and neither of them could resist. As their long looks had grown from their every meeting, now their kisses did. Long, delicious kisses — far better than any kisses in the movies, as far as she was concerned.

He seemed to feel
self-consciously that he needed to remain a gentleman before the wedding. Which was a good thing, because as soon as they started kissing, all thoughts went out of Ellie's head, and Shel filled her heart and soul and mind with world-spinning passion. She hadn't known one could feel this way, especially an 'old maid' who'd been more or less on the shelf for years.

But oh, she was finding out!

And after we're married, I'll find out even more.
Now it was her turn to watch her cheeks color, gazing in the mirror as she turned gently from side to side, admiring her expensive dress. This dress, at least, she must keep from the puppies. At least until after the wedding.

After the wedding…

Oh my, but it was growing warm in here! She fanned her cheeks lightly and desperately tried to turn her mind elsewhere.
I'm worse than a teenager!