Eloisa James - Duchess by Night (37 page)

What if you miss al your friends? she asked. The problem is that you shouldnt have to give up al your friends just to be with me.

And someday she wrapped her hands in her skirts so they wouldnt tremble someday youl be tired of me and youl miss the Game.

He looked at her, his eyes dark blue and clear. Do you think that I wil ever get tired of Eugenia?

A little snort escaped her.

Then why would you think Id get tired of you? He didnt sound chal enging, just interested, the way he always was when there was a question of logic involved. I love you, Harriet. Love is not something that comes easily to me.

Her smile was wobbling.

I didnt want to love you. Especial y when I thought you were a man. And even more when I knew you were a duchess. He shrugged. But there we are. I tried to cut you out of my heart, but I love you. How can I let you go? Its the same question I had with Eugenia, so be warned. I never could send her to school.

Are you going to keep me locked in the west wing?

He walked one step and looked down at her. The look in his eyes

I think the west wing is too large for you. Im thinking more about just one chamber.

Oh, she whispered. It was almost too much to take in. He did love her, plain widowed Harriet. He loved her.

And she knew Jem. He would never let her go.

He reached down to her at the precise same moment she flew to him. They kissed forHarriet didnt know how long. They were talking to each other silently. Once she broke it off, only to whisper, Youl never leave me, wil you?

He knew what she was saying, and kissed her again before murmuring, I gave up the Game and it was never that important to me. What happened to Benjamin wil never happen to me. Never. Im staying with you, wherever you are, Harriet.

When my nephew is old enough, hel take back this estate.

By that point, wel have Fonthil shaped into a perfect habitation for a duchess, he said promptly.

Not a duchess, she whispered. Lady Strange.

He started kissing her again, and only stopped to say foolish things about how theyd be together until they were both eighty-five years old, and her hair was white as snow, and she was a toothless crone She had to kiss him to make him stop.

A Chapter of Revelationsof Fathers and Brothels

T hey had tucked Eugenia into bed together, only to discover a dismal meowing noise coming from under her covers. The kitten was rescued and taken back to his mother. Then Harriet thought to lift up the cover again and discovered an unfortunate accident involving that kitten.

After the maids had come and gone, Jem whirled her against the wal in the corridor.

I cant do it without you, he said, his voice husky.

Yes, you could, and you have, she said, not bothering to pretend she didnt know what he was referring to. It felt as if she might be answering his unspoken thoughts the rest of her life. Youre a wonderful father.

But he shook his head. I need you. I dont think about rats and cat piss and fal ing towers. I didntI didnt have much of a father, and I think thats why I dont know what Im doing.

He wouldnt tel her anything more, and it wasnt until the middle of the night, when he was lying on the bed, his chest stil heaving, that Harriet propped herself up on one elbow and said, I want to know why you were so angry when you found me in the stables with Nick.

He closed his eyes, shutting her away, but she had one great fear and wanted to say it. Did someone harm you when you were a boy? she asked quietly.

His eyes snapped open. Thank God, no.

She waited.

But it could have happened. Anyone with a story and a joke was welcome to our house. Sometimes they would stay for weeks, and my father thought it was al great fun. We were the lucky ones, he would say.

Did you live at Fonthil ?

No, we lived in Lincolnshire. One of those men was a hel -hound by the name of Sattaway. My sister was thirteen. Perhaps twelve. I cant remember.

Oh no! Harriet cried.

He left after a few weeks but it was too late. She bore a child.

And then?

The child died because he had given her syphilis. A disease.

Harriet swal owed. Jem didnt say anything else. And after that she was kidnapped by a different man?

Yes.

Did she die soon after? Harriet final y ventured.

Oh, no. Shes not dead.

She put her head on his chest, but he just kept stroking her hair. You real y may not wish to marry me, he said final y. And She reared up her head. Youd let me walk away?

There was a smile in his eyes. Im a reprobate to do this to you.

She rol ed over on top of him, as if he were a mattress. You are everything to me, Jem Strange. Dont you dare try to send me away again. Ever.

My sister owns a smal , quite select brothel in Belfast, Antrim County, Ireland. Shes quite happy, or so she says in letters. Its cal ed the Ladybird, he added.

The Ladybird!

Im sorry I reacted so badly when you labeled my guests ladybirds. They are, of course.

Harriet stayed quite stil for a moment as the truth of Jems life became clear to her. How could you not include them? she said fiercely. I didnt understand. You are a wonderful man, do you know that? Im proud of you.

His mouth twisted. Whats there to be proud of?

You have never turned away a woman who reminded you of your sister, did you?

He swal owed. No.

Is your father alive?

Wouldnt it be nice to say that he died of parental guilt? The twist to his mouth made Harriets throat burn. He died four years ago, after drinking too much and deciding to prove that he could walk along the top of the stone fence that surrounded his kitchen garden in Bath. He couldnt.

She kissed him again.

But I realized after you left that I created Fonthil for himIt was he who told me, my whole childhood, that a house ful of loose women, a brothel, is a mans paradise.

You created the house, but you never took advantage of that aspect of it, Harriet said slowly.

I dont feel comfortable taking advantage of women who must trade their favors for their next meal.

Harriet put her head back down on his chest and listened to the steady beat of his heart. We can stil help women in distress, she said. In every way possible. Just perhaps not in our very house.

After you left, I realized that Fonthil had virtual y be come a brothel. I have a brothel. I who never wil ingly entered a brothel, not since my father forced me into my first one at age thirteen.

Fonthil is not a brothel, Harriet said.

Close enough. His voice was bleak.

Not, she said firmly, sitting up so she could look in his eyes. Your sister runs a brothel. You do not. You had a wonderful, exuberant house party to which you invited al sorts of people, from scientists to singers. And if some of them found friendships under your roof, you never profited from that. They did.

He was silent.

The Game was not dependent on female entertainment, she said gently.

Im a damned poor bargain, Harriet, he said. Are you sure you want to do this?

She couldnt even speak: her heart was too ful . You are she swal owed mine. At the heart Im a tedious country widow.

He rol ed over so fast that her words disappeared into his lips. You are my Harriet, the most intel igent, funny, wise soul I have ever met. And, though it hardly matters, the one person who has ever driven me utterly mad with lust for your beauty.

She couldnt help smiling up at him. Do you want a similar catalogue?

He shook his head. I dont care about any of that, if you think But he couldnt put it in words.

You are everything to me, she whispered, tears in her eyes. I love every bit of you, from the wrinkles by your eyes, to your crazed architectural plans, to your generosity and your sweetness. You are a wonderful father, who never dishonored your own father by disowning his idea of paradiseand yet you kept Eugenia warm and safe and loved. You welcome every woman with your sisters background, and yet you never took advantage of them. How could I not love you, Jem?

She was crying now, and he was kissing her. But he had something to say too, so he made her stop crying and listen to him.

Benjamin was a fool, Harriet. A fool. Ive never met another woman with your joy, your beauty, and your sensuality. But what I love most is your deep-down sense of fairness, the clear judgment that al ows you to see people as they are, whether they are criminals or fools like myself, Vil iers or Nel

There didnt real y seem to be much else to be said.

So they talked with their hands. And their lips.

And final y, with the greatest gift of al . With their bodies.

E ugenia Stranges arm was starting to tire. Her little brother was much heavier than he looked. He was lol ing back in her arm now, looking as if he were about to fal into his nap and yet he never seemed to actual y do it. It was awful y frustrating.

Sure enough, the moment she stopped walking he opened his eyes and smiled gummily at her. Colin had his mothers velvety brown eyes. Since he was wearing a little blue shirt, they had a tinge of violet.

Al the ladies are going to be in love with you, she told him.

He sighed and closed his eyes. Youre right, Eugenia said. It is a bit tiresome, al this adoration. For example, she happened to know that right now there were eight gentlemen in the drawing room. Povy kept popping his head into the nursery and holding up his fingers silently to give her the new count.

But she hadnt met a single man in London who could entice her away from Colin. Why wont you nap? she sang to him. Oh, why wont you nap?

The door opened and she turned, thinking that it would be Povy, perhaps holding up al his fingers. But it was her papa.

He looked tired but happy, bone happy. Eugenia had the feeling that her darling, adored stepmother must have made the most of the hour since they disappeared after luncheon. Not that she noticed where they were going, of course.

You never napped either, her papa remarked, stol ing into the room. You were an awful infant.

Eugenia snorted. And how would you know, Lord Strange? Since you spent my childhood racketing around a house ful of gorgeous courtesans and mongrel y men?

Mongrel y men? he said. Here, let me have that baby. Colin had stuck his head up and was making cooing, gurgling noises at the sound of his fathers voice.

I was just getting him to sleep, Eugenia complained, handing him over.

You look very fine to be in the nursery, her father said, looking her up and down. New gown? And not to be indelicate, my daughter, but you are wearing something under it, arent you?

Eugenia turned up her nose. This is Madame Carêmes very finest new creation, Papa, and Il thank you not to insult it. Or ask questions that dont concern you. But she smiled down at her gorgeous morning gown. It was made of the finest silk taffeta. It fel straight from her breasts and then frothed into an enchanting little ruffle at the bottom.

Wel , go on then, her papa said. Al those gentlemen downstairs arent here to see me, you know.

They might be, Eugenia said, checking her reflection in the nursery mirror.

Her father snorted.

They would love to snuggle up to the newest marquis in London, she said.

But her father wasnt listening to her. He was humming to Colin, and rocking his arms in a way that Eugenia almost felt she could remember in her bones. She went over to him and put her head on his shoulder. I love you, Papa.

You too, sweetheart, he said. You too.

And then she went out of the door, knowing exactly why she didnt care about al those gentlemen down in the drawing room.

Because not a one of them was a scrap on her papa, thats why.

She met Harriet coming down the corridor. Her beloved, sweet-faced stepmother didnt look nearly as tired as her papa. In fact, she had a sort of glow about her that made Eugenia secretly grin.

I think Papa is final y getting Colin to sleep, Eugenia whispered. I couldnt quite manage it. I was about to give up and cal for his nurse.

Harriet fluttered her hand toward the drawing room. Theres twelve of them in there now, she whispered back.

Eugenia groaned, but turned and sauntered down the stairs.

Harriet smiled, watching her go. Her awkward, big-nosed child had turned into the most ravishing girl to debut on the ton in years. She had al the eligible gentlemenand most of the ineligible onesat her knees, if not her feet. Not that Eugenia gave a damn.

Jem looked up from the crib where he was just putting down Colin.

Youre a miracle, Harriet said softly. Colin gave a little snore and turned over. She looked down at him. Hes so beautiful, isnt he?

Jem caught her in his arms. Not as beautiful as you. He takes after his father. I can already see the wrinkles starting by his eyes.

Lovingly Harriet pushed back the hair from his laughing eyes. Her body stil tingled from the pleasure theyd shared and she knew that he stil felt it too. Remember when I first met you? I thought you were the most beautiful man Id ever seen, and since I arrived at your house with Vil iers, that was real y saying something.

My first thought was that if Vil iers had any idea of switching sides and seducing you, Id kil him first. I should have known from that moment. Ive never given a damn where men find their pleasure, and suddenly I was like a dog with a bone.

A very strange bone, Harriet laughed.

He nuzzled her. I must say, I am glad that youve given up your breeches.

It wasnt hard once I realized that everything I learned in breeches I could simply employ in my gowns.

Stil , you never sit quietly as ladies are wont to do, during dinner conversation.

No, she said, grinning.

And youre the most bruising rider in five counties, although no one knows that the duchess goes forth at twilight scandalously clad in breeches.

Lets not forget the fact that I took you in our last two rapier matches.

No more, he whispered, his hand rounded on her bel y. No more riding and no more rapiers, Harriet.