Embarkment 2577 (35 page)

“If I could make it undone I would. I’d
find another way. Nothing like this will ever happen again.”

My eyes brimmed with tears and he pulled
me into his arms, letting me cry it out in peace. “I’m so sorry.”

It sounded earnest, and he was the worst
liar I ever met. I believed him.

Eventually, he ran his hand over my
hair, dried my cheeks off, and kissed my forehead. He was too wise to attempt
any closer contact. “I have to go. I will be on the bridge. Please, come home.”

“Maybe.”

“I love you.”

I didn’t want to say it back. I was so
angry with him, and everything would be much easier if I could hate him. Having
him close was counterproductive; I couldn’t keep the rage burning. “I love you
too.”

When he left, I stood staring at the
skull for a few long moments. “I hate you, and I’m glad you’re dead.”

How could I best destroy it? Melting it
might be satisfying. I grabbed it and trotted towards the science laboratories.
I knew where they were, but I’d never been there before.

A young woman with orange hair and white
eyes looked up. I smiled and tried to look friendly. No one would help me with
hatred flashing on my face. “Hi.”

“Can I help you?”

“Oh I hope so. I really need to melt
this piece of junk. Some acid or something…”

She looked interested. “I’m Debana. What
is that?”

I liked her already. “I’m Alex. This is
a piece of android skull, and it needs to not be anymore.”

“
The
lady android? Can I see
that?”

I shrugged and handed over my treasure.
Turning it over in her hands, her eyes shifted colour from white to purple.

“I wish you had all of her here, so we
could melt her alive.” Turning to the skull, she added, “Bitch.”

So
that’s
what the look on her
face was: loathing. Interesting. “I like the way you’re thinking.”

Should I ask? I didn’t have to. She
seemed to have longed for a sympathetic ear and told me more than I ever wanted
to know.

“Do you know what she did? The other
android,
our
android was down here when she came. We were trying to
figure out what that cloud of nanobots did and how to counteract it. Well, she
stomped in here, shot my colleague, and said Adam had to give himself up or
she’d kill all the
meatbags.
”

She barely even stopped for breath. Did
he calculate I would take the skull, come down here, and run into someone who
would say good things about him?

“Well, there were like twenty people in
here that day and he put his weapons on the table right there. Then, she set
fire to his face.
Fire
! Can you imagine someone burning off your face,
and your hair? She allowed me to put it out in time to save one eye.”

The world swayed around me. Protective
to the last electric impulse in his neural net, Adam kept these gruesome
details to himself.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Awesome. Did you… Did you see
what happened to his arm?”

She handed the skull back. “Yes, and it
gives me nightmares. Trust me, you don’t want to know. Where did you get this
anyway?”

“He gave it to me. Thought destroying it
would help me work through some… issues.”

“Good thinking. It can help us both. Is
this Titanium?”

“I have no idea. If you say so it
probably is.”

“That’s a toughie. I think boiling
sulfuric acid might do it. Or hydrofluoric acid. Which do you want to try
first?”

“Boiling. That’s scarier.”

*****

I wanted to stay angry. Being filled
with rage was much easier than forgiving, but Debana’s words haunted me through
the rest of the day. My mind kept poking the horrors until I felt sick to my
stomach. I still stalled going home. I rationalized it, thinking it was prudent
to wait until he would be home from work, but I think a cruel part of me wanted
to make him wait and punish him just a little more.

When I stepped in through the door, he
pulled me close and held me hard. “Please don’t ever go away again.”

A sarcastic answer waited on the tip of
my tongue, but I swallowed it down. I had missed him too, more than I wanted
him to know. “I heard what happened to your face. I’m sorry. No one should have
to go through that.”

How many times had his perfect memory
replayed every second of the horror? I always saw him as invulnerable, but no
one was.

“I kept thinking of you. You kept me
sane.”

Interesting. He always appeared so
strong I thought I was the one needing him, but maybe he needed me too.

“I brought you dinner from the
promenade, are you hungry?”

“Sure.”

He led me towards the dining room. I
never used it, and almost forgot we had it. Food was the last thing on my mind,
but if he braved the crowds of the promenade to get me something, I should at
least try to eat. I nibbled a piece and realized I was starving.

“Do you remember a while ago I promised
to take some shore leave?”

It wasn’t all that long ago, but so many
things had happened it seemed like a different life. “Yeah…”

“I figured we both need to get off this
ship for a while. I’m getting new coverings tomorrow, and with any luck a new
eye.”

A new eye. He sacrificed himself for the
people in the science labs, and his poor eye had burned. He
was
an
android, but it must still have been horrible.

“Alex?”

I reached over the table to take his
hands. “Say that again?”

“We can go wherever you want. Just pick
a place.”

“I don’t know any places.”

He laughed. “Well then, pick a type of
place and I’ll find it.”

“Anywhere with peace and quiet.
Somewhere we could have some time just for us.”

I fell asleep in the sofa that night,
leaning against him, and woke from him carrying me to bed. I worried I wouldn’t
be able to stop thinking about where his body had been and what it had done,
but at least for sleeping I didn’t care. Resting in his arms was heavenly.

I dreamed of his face being on fire and
his wonderful hazel eyes melting before being consumed by flames. I woke with a
wheezing breath and Adam caressed my shoulder. “Are you still here? I thought
you’d be at work by now.”

He brushed my hair away from my face.
“No. We’ve deserved some time off.”

Good point, I couldn’t agree more. I
shuddered and curled up with my back against him. Every time I closed my eyes I
saw the imaginary fire. There was no way I was going back to sleep.

I gave up and turned on the other side,
resting my head on his shoulder.

He murmured, “I’m glad you’re home. It’s
not the same when you’re not here.”

“I’m glad I’m home too. I’m… I’m sorry I
ran out on you.”

“Why? I did something horrible and you
had every right to be angry.”

Good point. “Well, I could have stayed
to hear you out.” I trailed my hand over his chest. “Wanna make love?”

“Yes. But you really should get some
sleep. It has been a few long days, and you’re still healing.”

“I can’t. Every time I close my eyes I
see bad things happening to you, and Eve trying to turn you into someone else.”

His metal fingers held me, and he ran
the ones that still seemed human over my cheek. “You don’t know how right you
are. Won’t my face… disturb you?”

Excellent question. If I really loved
him like I thought I did, a minor detail like that shouldn’t matter. I pressed
my palm against his metal cheek. “Naah. This is who you really are. I won’t
love you more or less depending on your skin.”

*****

The next morning, I woke from Adam
taking a seat on the side of the bed. He caressed my cheek and my hair. “Good morning,
beautiful. It’s time to wake up.”

I pushed myself up to sitting and hugged
him.

“Do you want some breakfast?”

“Yes, please.” Adam’s breakfasts were
the best.

He kept me company for a few minutes. “I
have to go. Would you mind packing for us? I have some civilian clothes.”

Were we really doing it? Going away?
“We’ll come back here later, right?”

“Of course.”

“Tell Anya and John we’ll be back in
three weeks. If you can live without them for that long.”

I stuck my tongue out.

“Damn. I want to wink. I need to go get
that eye fixed.”

I nodded and watched him go, but as soon
as he was out of sight, I panicked. So much had happened. What if he didn’t
come back? I bounced out of bed and wrapped myself in the sheet. “Adam, wait!”

He stood in the living room, just inside
the door, looking puzzled. I ran up to him and threw my arms around him.

“What is it, sweetheart? Are you okay?”

I closed my eyes and pressed myself
against him. “Yes.”

I didn’t want to sound crazy, but my
mouth babbled anyway, faster and faster. “I know this isn’t the best of times,
but please don’t go. If you have to work, take me with you. I’ll sit in a
corner and you won’t even know I’m there. I won’t be in the way, I promise, but
please don’t leave me here alone.”

Way to go seeming normal. Instant mental
breakdown…

Adam changed his hold on me so he could
reach his communicator. “Adam to Commander Jia’Lyn. I will be a little delayed,
there is a personal matter I must attend to.”

“Acknowledged. Come down to Engineering
as soon as you can. We’re all set for you.”

My husband put his hands on mine and
released my death grip on him. He scooped me up in his arms and carried me like
a child to the sofa.

“You lied to me. You’re not okay.”

I buried my face against him and tried
to swallow my tears. “Just a
little
lie.”

“What can I do?”

“I don’t know.”

“You know I love you, right?”

I nodded, face still pressed against
him. “I love you too.”

“Look… I really don’t want you to see
Jia’Lyn take me apart and work on me.”

When put that way, I didn’t want me to
see that either.

“It’s amazing that you love me either
way, but you can’t want me to go around like this.”

Darned man, he was getting me with
logic.

“She’s really dead, right?”

“Yes. Do you want me to…”

I didn’t let him finish the sentence.
“No. Just hurry back.”

“Alex… I always hurry back. There’s
nowhere I’d rather be than with you.”

I believed him. This time I let him
leave without objecting, but it was hard. I got dressed, packed, and called
Anya. He was only gone a few hours, but to me an eternity passed before he came
back.

When he returned, he stood in the door,
looking exactly like he used to. I stared into his eyes for a long time and
they looked just like they had before. It was impossible to tell anything
happened to him. He smiled, and it was a relief to see the entire face.

“Is it Alex approved?”

“Yes. You look great.” I put my hands on
his shoulders and tugged him closer. “Want.”

He looked honestly happy. “I thought we
were going on vacation?”

“We are. Right after you ravage me.”

He laughed and let me pull him to the
bedroom.

When he got dressed again, he put on a
bright blue shirt and tugged at the sleeves. “I’m not used to civilian
clothes.”

I wasn’t used to
seeing
him in
anything but uniform, but it was darned sexy. I brushed my hands over his
shoulders, “Well, you look fantastic.”

“And you are beautiful as always. Let’s
get out of here.”

Strange. He wasn’t usually in such a
hurry to go anywhere. I followed without questions, and when we stood in the
elevator, he pulled me close.

“Adam, are you okay?”

“Yes.” I could hear a
but
coming.
“Everything is functioning within specified parameters. I still see fires
everywhere, like seeing
through
the fire. I feel nanobots eat the flesh
off my arm. I still feel the panic of not knowing where you were, or what was
happening to you.”

He frowned. “I wish I could take some
memory circuits out.”

Never before had I seen the ability to
forget almost anything as a good thing. We were both physically patched up and
I barely remembered the details. These memories would remain with
him
forever, just as clear as when it happened.

“I’m here. Give me a couple of days and
you’ll be so tired of me you’ll beg for someone to kidnap me, just so you can
get some peace and quiet.”

He laughed and the lift came to a soft
stop.