Embracing Life (3 page)

M
elanie’
s
world has been consumed by Katie. Although I am grateful that Melanie has found someone to show her the ropes, I can’t help but feel a little jealous. I have tried and tried to engage her in conversation, but nothing seems to spike her interest. She smiles. She nods. She agrees. Quite frankly, it’s becoming annoying. It’s the same repetitive motions, day in and day out. Maybe I am coming on too strong, but I want to know this girl. I have stayed away the last couple of weeks with the crazy thought that distance may ease her a little. Maybe if I back off and don’t seem so insistent? Well, yeah, that worked wonders. NOT!

I am not one to chase after a girl. I have had my fair share of lady friends. The usual’s are still hanging around, making a chase unappealing. Melanie though? DAMN. It’s like every inch of me craves her. I can’t go a day without seeing her. I tried. I really did. I have tried to stay away, but my mood plummets every time. I have been told more than once to go get laid and not come back until I have. All I can see is her. All I want to feel is her.

But, today, things are going to be different. Today is the day I am going to end this, or start it. She has invaded my brain long enough. Thank all that is holy that, the day I decide to make a move, Katie is MIA. I could not have organized it better if I had tried. Approaching my locker, I spy her loading her bag for a morning of classes. I abandon the task at hand and walk straight for her, with my head up and a smile on my face. I am doing this. She still doesn’t noticed me as I get closer, and I don’t want to spook her. She seems pretty engrossed in whatever she is doing.

“Mel.”

I watch as her body goes tight, exactly the reaction I was trying to avoid.

“Hey Mel,” I say calmly. She needs to know I am not here to hurt her. Damn. If someone has, I am going to kill them. I can find no other reason for her to be this way with me. I gently touch her shoulder, a simple sign to let her know I am here.

Right then, I feel it. The electricity. The magnetism that has been drawing me to her for so long. I am dying to know whether she feels it too. One step at a time, Josh. One step at a time.

She turns to face me, her eyes fixated on the floor. Placing two fingers under her chin, I slowly lift her face. I want to see those brilliant emeralds. I want to see that sparkle of life in her eyes, the balls of flaming green that have haunted my every thought for the last six months. Man, I love her eyes.

As our eyes meet, the world falls away. It has gone silent, and I sink into the sea of green before me. The only sound I can hear is that of my heart, drumming away and my pulse beating in rapid succession. Moving my eyes down her face, I finally take in the beauty of her plump, pink lips. They appear as though they were made for slow, pleasurable kisses. Time was taken making these beauties, and time will be taken kissing them. If she will have me, I plan on doing just that. Minutes pass as we watch each other, and our silent daze is abruptly shattered when one of my teammates playfully smacks my back.

She is looking through me. Her cheeks flush like roses in the spring, and her hair glistens in the sunlight floating through the windows. I am totally captivated by her. Wrenching myself from our little trance. I clear my throat, smiling at her.

“Umm… Hi, Mel.” My voice is a little shaky.

“Hi
, Josh,” she timidly replies.

“Wanna walk to class with me?” I have to start somewhere, I guess.

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

The walk to class is short. We don’t say anything. There are glances between us, and I catch her looking at me a couple times. Each time our eyes meet, she immediately turns away.

I am convinced that by the time we reach class, she’ll feel whatever I did back at the lockers. I am feeling so positive that nothing can knock me down. I have broken the ice that stands between Melanie and me, and it feels great.

Another hour drags. I have looked over a couple of times to check on my girl. She looks so lost, stuck in the corner of classroom without Katie. Katie forced Mike to move so she could sit with Melanie in all their classes. I, knowing Katie would not be in today, should have sat with her. Damn, Josh, you are such a fool. For the last thirty minutes, I have gone over and over how I will approach her after class. I don’t want to sound too desperate, but I shocked her earlier. The reaction we shared was just a little intense, so I am going to have to come up with something different.

I lean against the door frame, waiting for her to make her way out of the room. Every few seconds, I adjust my stance, hoping to find the perfect one. I don’t want to look to cocky or too sure of myself. Instead, I need to come off relaxed, friendly, and approachable.

“Hi Mel,” I say quietly.  She looks right at me, but her eyes look different. She seems nervous, as if she is eagerly wanting to flee.

Her breathing is heightened. Her chest is moving rapidly. Her skin has turned as white as a sheet. I feel uneasy. Something is going on, and I don’t know what it is. This is not the same girl I walked to class an hour ago. It’s frightening, and her unrest encapsulates me. Damn it! It’s pissing me off. I may be young, but it’s written all over her face. She is damaged. She has been hurt.

When she does speak, her voice is soft yet withdrawn. I am trying to reel in my anger.

“Hi Josh,” she says shyly. I can see her moving away from me, but I don’t react. I watch her retreat, but I am unable to move. My fists are bound to my sides. I can feel sweat on my forehead. Snapping out of it, I run to catch up with her before I lose her in the madness of the hallway. I grab her arm just before she edges into the chaos. She freezes at my touch and becomes so tense that I can feel her bones freeze. Removing my hand from her arm, I watch as her body relaxes, but she remains frozen in place.

“Sorry, Mel. I umm…” Damn it, Josh! What the hell where you thinking?! “Mel, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” I move to face her. Her head is down, concentrating on the floor below her feet. Her breathing is fast and hesitantly labored. “Mel,” I say softly. When she looks at me, I see pain and unshed tears forming in her eyes. What did I do? “Did I hurt you? I’m sorry if I did. I really am.”

“I’m fine, Josh.” Her response is flat and to the point. There is no emotion in her voice. If I hadn’t of seen it in her eyes, I would swear my touch has no effect on her.

“We haven’t really had the chance to talk since you got here. I wanted to see how you were doing.”

“Good. Thanks for asking. I have to go though. Can we do this another time?” Before I can answer, she is moving away from me. I am shocked by her reaction. I thought that we had made some progress, even if only a minute baby step forward. I want to follow her and beg for time. I want to run to her and hold her close to my body. I want to take the pain I saw in her eyes away, but I don’t. I just stand where she left me, watching as she fades into the distance. When I do find the resolve to move, my efforts are futile. She’s gone. 

As the day went on, I looked for her. She wasn’t in any of our classes. With each passing hour and every empty seat, I became increasingly worried. I even went as far as getting a pass to head to the nurse’s office, complaining of a headache. With my excuse to be out and about, I went in search of her. I canvased the library several times, but she wasn’t there. Something is up with this girl, and I have made it my mission to find out.

By the end of the day, my concern has turned into anger. I am angry at myself mainly. Why didn’t I move sooner? Why didn’t I look harder? Walking to my truck at the end of the day, I decide to call Katie. I know it’s a long shot, but she may have called. Pulling my phone from my back pocket, I dial Katie’s number. It rings and rings. I prepare to leave a message on the voicemail that will surely click on the next ring. Instead, s breathless Katie answers.

“Josh...What’s up?” she sounds irritated.

“Hey Katie. Sorry to bother you, but have you heard from Mel?” I am no longer disguising the concern in my head, and it flows through my words.

“Mel? Um… no. why? Oh crap, Josh. What did you do?” Her voice quickly turns to one of concern.

Annoyed that she would think I would have done anything, I reply as short as I can, “Me, Katie? I didn’t do anything.”

“Then, why do you want to know where she is?”

“I spoke with her after class today. She seemed spooked. I tried to talk to her, but she took off. I haven’t seen her at all since,” I say, my voice laced with concern. I can hear Katie take a deep breath. Although I know she won’t tell me, I can guarantee Katie knows something.

“Look, don’t take it personally. She is shy. She doesn’t like to be touched. She barely knows you.”

I am getting unnecessarily frustrated by this conversation. I know the facts. If it wasn’t for Katie and her selfish ways keeping me from her, I would know her by now.

“Ok, well, yeah. Thanks Katie for stating the fucking obvious.”

“Hey, don’t get snippy with me. What made you think it was ok to corner her outside of Algebra anyway?” I begin to say something, but Katie’s last comment stops me. She fucking lied to me. She has spoken with her. Damn you Katie.

“Katie?”

“Damn it! Yes, Josh, I have spoken to her. You scared her. End of story.” I can hear her sigh at the end of that statement.

“Katie!” I am pleading with her now. I need to know what’s going on. Something is going on with Melanie, and I will be damned if I am the last to know. Katie isn’t here. Who the hell is going to watch out for her if something happens? I am getting more and more worked up with the silence that has fallen over the conversation.

“Katie, you’re not here. What if something happened? How could you leave her? Damn it Katie! You’re so bloody selfish”

“Fuck you, Josh!” is all I hear before the line goes dea
d
.

T
h
e
end of the year is fast approaching. To say that I am grateful is an understatement. Things have been very awkward since I confronted Katie. Melanie hasn’t spoken with me. My friendship with Mike has been strained. He was mad as hell when he found out I yelled at his girl. I apologized, of course, and explained the situation. He understood and went in to the whole “If it was Katie…” speech, but he follows Katie’s lead. He always has, and he always will.

Melanie hasn’t so much as looked in my direction, but I can’t help but watch out for her. She doesn’t see me. I don’t make my surveillance noticeable. I haven’t said a word to her. Over the past few months, she has lightened up a lot. I’m never too far away. The feeling, the desire, the need to protect her has never faded, so I find myself, in one way or another, being around her. 

She and Katie and have become best friends, and she’s come to consider Mike her honorary big brother, a role he takes very seriously. After our strange first encounter, I talked to Mike, and he explained what he knew of Melanie, which wasn’t a whole hell of a lot. Melanie kept things really close, and very few people knew about her; however, as the months went by, Melanie started to let Katie in. Katie, of course, told Mike, so he was able to give me updates here and there. Nothing more, nothing less. He wanted to respect Melanie’s privacy, which I totally understood regardless of my growing need to know more. I took all I could get and made do.

Her father is a naval commander, and she moved here from Kentucky to be with him before she graduated high school.  Apparently, she didn’t have great relationship with her mother and thought this would be something to try. She isn’t overly keen on living here, but it is what it is. She works at a local frozen yogurt store by the naval base, and she just saved up to buy her first car. To be honest, I had to laugh when I saw what she bought. It looked worse than the truck did when I got it from the scrap yard, and that’s saying something. The putrid yellow beetle has more rust on it than an Atlantic oil tanker. I am pretty sure if she takes it over a speed bump too fast the bottom will fall out. But she loves it, and to me, that’s all that matters. No one in their right mind would ride in it though, and I don’t think Melanie cares. She’s proud of her bug, and I admire that about her.

I’m not a creepy stalker or anything. I just feel a real connection to her, and I thought learning more about her would make it easier for us to talk to each other. Mike is getting more and more hesitant about keeping me in the loop. He understands why I ask, and I think he appreciates me looking out for Melanie in any way I can. I often wonder if there’s more to Melanie’s story than Katie is willing to share.

Sitting in the lunch room, I am surprised when Katie, with an intense look on her face, comes and sits at the same table. She has given me a wide berth for weeks. Mentally preparing myself for another ear chewing, I look at her and smile, trying to soften the blow. She always says the only thing she likes about me is my smile. So, what the hell I am going to use it to my advantage? One beaming smile coming right up.

“Josh.” She nods when she says my name.

“Katie.”

“Ok, so Mike is pestering me to come and talk to you.” Well, that’s news to me. “He says I am being too hard on you. I disagree, but I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, so I am going to ask you one question.”

Oh great! I know where this is going. She is going to harass me to find out how much information her loving boyfriend has passed on. I’m game. I can play dumb.

“Ok, Katie,” I deadpan, a little sharper than necessary.

“Do you like Melanie?” Her tone is flat but inquiring.

Is she serious? She has kept me away from Melanie for nearly nine months, and now she wants to know if I like her. Didn’t I make is obvious enough for her? That’s the whole reason I have been exiled.

“Really, Katie? Come on. Are you serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious, Josh. Answer the question.”

I look at her, pleading. She should already know the answer to this question. Why is she asking me now? What has changed? I want to make her sweat a little for the answer, but I can see she is not playing a game. A few minutes pass, and I still haven’t given her the answer. I am trying to work out her motive. I am trying to reel my frustration.

“Well?” She has no patience for me.

Although hesitant, as I still don’t understand her reasoning, I resolve to answer her.

“Yes, Katie. I thought I had made that clear already. So why do you ask now?”

“Oh no, Buddy. I am asking the questions here. The deal is I ask, you answer. Got it? If I don’t like an answer, I get up and leave, and you can stay in your own little world of self-pity.”

Holy hell.  Where did that come from? I refrain from arguing with her. Katie is up to something, and apparently, it is going in my favor. I will answer all her damn questions. All of them, if it gets me close to Melanie.

“What do you want from her?”

That questions catches me off guard. I have the strange feeling I am being watched, so I look up. No one is paying any attention to anything that is going on over here. As I scan the room, I come to the realization that Melanie is not here. She is not sitting with Mike, who is grinning like a Cheshire cat right now. She is not in the lunch line. She’s not even at the vending machines.

“Where’s Mel, Katie?” I inquire

“In the library,” she says, completely oblivious to our apparent deal.

“Answer me, Josh. She is like a sister to me, and I don’t want her to be another notch in your bed post.”

“What the fuck Katie?! Really?” Low blow, Katie, low blow.

“You know what I mean Josh. She is not a Jessica. She is shy. She needs to be treated right.” She takes a deep breath and grabs my hand.

“I love you Josh. You know that. I know you would never intentionally hurt her. She likes you, but I don’t want to see her get hurt.”

She likes me. She fucking likes me. I am so taken by those last few words from Katie that, the next thing I know, I am out of my seat and headed straight for the library. I have to see her. I have pretty much been given the green light by Katie. I am going to take it and never look back. But, first, I have to find my girl.

I smash through the library doors. I get the usual, “SHHH” from the librarian. I nod and go in search. I don’t see her. I am getting frantic now. Katie said she was here, so I must have missed her. I bolt out of the building and straight back towards the cafeteria, when I see her. She is talking to an older women and a rough looking guy. I don’t recognize any of them as staff. Instantly, my hackles go up. Something is wrong. The way that guy is holding her arm is all wrong. Why is he touching her? Mel’s head is down. Her shoulders shake. She is crying. Damn it.

“Mel!” I yell.

The older guy looks up and snarls at me. With that, he yanks her arm, trying to pull her from where she stands. The older women is bent, talking into her ear. That’s when I hear an almighty sob come from Melanie. Every molecule in my body goes into overdrive. I run as fast as I can to her, yelling her name.

“MEL! MEL! MELANIE!”

“Stay out of this, you little punk,” the man says. As I get closer, I can see his face is drawn and pale. He has an evil look about his eyes. He must have about five days’ worth of growth on his lower jaw. The hand that he has tightened around Melanie’s elbow is tattooed but covered in hair. His shirt is wrinkled. His Jeans are torn and dirty. The women doesn’t look any better. Her hair is mangled up at the top of her head, and she is wearing a pair of shorts that do not fit.

I stop only a couple of feet from Mel as the guy drops his hand. He starts to walk toward me. He has about a foot on me and probably a hundred pounds.

“I said back off,” he growls.

“No!” I snap. “Get away from her!”

My stomach curls from the stench coming from the guy in front of me. I hear commotion over my shoulder.

“Sir, Ma’am, you will have to leave. You are not allowed on school property.”

“She’s my daughter,” the older women crocks.

“If that’s correct ma’am, we will discuss this in my office.”

My eyes are locked with the man who held my girl captive. He has not moved from his spot. I don’t even realize that the principal has come up behind me. I heard the words, but the voice did not register. The commotion has drawn a crowd behind me. I can see them piling through the doors to get a glimpse of the unfolding drama.

He scoffs in my face before he is led away towards the main building. I am so wound up that I don’t even notice Katie and Mike. They are huddled on the floor, looking down at the crumpled body on the ground.

Mel.

I run the few feet that are between me and her. As I bend to reach her, Katie grabs my arm. 

“Josh, we are taking her to the nurse. She passed out.”

“I will carry her, Mike.”

“I have her, Josh. Don’t worry. She will be fine. I will come get you when she is up and about ok?”

“No! Mike, it’s not OK!” I yell at him.

“Josh, please let Mike take her. She needs a familiar face when she wakes up. We will come get you. I promise,” Katie pleads.

I take a step back, traumatized by what I just witnessed. That was her fucking mother? How could she let him hold her that way? Why would she allow him to hurt her? The questions go around and around in my head. I am so wrapped up in my thoughts that I don’t see them emerge from the nurse’s office. Melanie’s head is down. Katie has her arm wrapped around her shoulder.

I approach, but I am stopped dead in my tracks by Mike.

“Is she ok?” I ask

He turns to follow my eyes as they land on the weak form walking down the hallway.

“No, Josh” he sighs. “I am taking her to Katie’s. She doesn’t want to go home right now.”

Damn right she isn’t going home to that witch of a woman and that, oh god, I don’t even have a word for him.

“Can I talk to her Mike?”

He places a hand on my shoulder, and replies, “Not right now. Give her time, buddy. I’m sorry. ”

I am speechless. No words come to me. As she passes, I notice her skin is white as snow, her body is shaking and weak. As they leave the building, I swear I hear my heart break.