Emerge (7 page)

             
“You don’t have your script
,
” I said.  “You’re not very good at fooling the teacher.” 

             
He laughed and responded, “I’m not trying to.  He said we could do what we wanted to if we already knew our lines.
W
hat I want to do is talk to you.”

             
All I could muster up was
,
“Oh.” 

             
He looked around the room.  I didn’t know if he was bored or thinking of something to say.  All of the sudden my cowardly lion got courage. 

             
“I enjoyed talking to you last night.” He leaned his head back and mimicked me by turning his head towards mine. 

             
He agreed with a whisper.
“Yeah, me
,
too.
  Are you gonna be home tonight?” 

             
Was he still nervous around me?  Didn’t he know what I would give to talk to him again?

             
“I have to work from 4-6:30, but I should be home after that.  You go on break at 7, right?”

             
He smiled and said
,
“No
,
I’m off today and tomorrow.” 

             
I was happy about that not because he would call me but because again today he looked absolutely spent, like he was running on fumes.  I found myself caring whether or not he was working too much and glad that he was going to get to rest. 

             
“That’s good.  You…well…you look tired.” 

             
He smiled that gorgeous smile.  “Is that your way of telling me I look like crap?” 

             
I jolted up and words just started coming out of my mouth.  It probably sounded like a rabid squirrel but I couldn’t let him think that. 

             
“No, that’s not what I meant. I mean you must be tired going to school all day and working all night. And I would be exhausted and sometimes you just look like you’re tired.  You don’t
look bad, the opposite in fact
. I mean you know you’re…you know…look at you.  But I just meant that I know you must not get much sleep and
..”
 

             
I was stopped and shocked into a state of calm when his hand suddenly enveloped mine with the briefest of moments. 
I pleaded with him in my mind.
  Don’t stop.  Don’t let go. 

             
“It’s fine.  I was just kidding.  You should’ve seen your face.” 

             
I flounced back in my seat and groaned in defeat.
But he soon went back to his serious face.

             
“And yeah…I do get tired.  Sometimes it seems like I can’t go another minute
but I have to.  So, what about you? Where do you work?” 

             
We talked for the rest of the period about work, parents, school, and everything in between.  The time flew and before I knew it the rest of the class was filing out towards the door.

             
“We better go.  They lock the
theater up in the afternoons
,
”
h
e
said. 

             
He read my mind.  I was tempted to stay here all day. 

             
“Yeah…
I guess we better.
”  

             
I made my feet move after we had left the theater towards the bus and I looked back to say goodbye and he was right behind me. Our bodies brush
ed
together as I turned and every part of my body became an erogenous zone all at once.  I let out a yelp that could best be described as Minnie Mouse watching a horror movie.

He tried to mask his laughter by clearing his throat and said
,
“You forgot your bag.”

             
I rolled my eyes at my own ignorance and he stepped closer to me and placed the strap o
nto my shoulder.  He was so dang
close.  That was the first time I really noticed the
way he smelled.  The scent was all male and it was
like Aspen trees and cinnamon mixed together.
Oh
,
to camp in that forest.
That was the best description I could come up with.
  I inhaled it as deeply as I could, trying to make that smell permanently stick to the inside of my nose.  I closed my eyes momentarily and let the sensation overwhelm me. 
His face was inches from mine…Inches.  He had a peppermint in his mouth and I could smell it as he spoke to me. 

             
“Can I take you home?”
h
e asked as his eyes never left mine.

             
I panicked a little at the thought of my nut-jobs, I mean parents, being home, but then remembered they were still gone.

             
“You don’t mind?”
He grinned and tipped his head forward so that our foreheads met. 

             
“Of course not.”
  He shook his head a little as if exasperated with me. 

             
“Come on.”

             
He
took my bag back and piled it on his shoulder on top of his own and
nodded his head towards the student parking lot and I followed like my life depended on it. 

             
We arrived at his car.  It was an older model Honda Civic and it was sky blue.  I wasn’t a car person so
to me it was a Mercedes and
anything that had wheels was better than what I had. I glanced inside and to my disappointment it was a manual. 
So much for holding his hand on the way home.
 
He must’ve seen my face and came to the wrong conclusion as he unlocked and opened the passenger door for me. 

             
“I know, it’s not much, but she gets me where I want to go.”

`
             
I corrected my face and replied, “No, it’s not that, it’s just…well…ugh,
nevermind
.  It’s not that at all.  It’s great.” 

             
He
huffed
a breath of laughter out of his nose and made sure I was inside before he shut the door behind me.  He walked around the hood of the car and I took in his image as he did. He walked with confidence and humility at the same time.  He took the time to look quickly at his tires as he
carouseled
the car.  He got in the driver’s side and put our bags in the back seat before starting the car up and began to back out. 
I gave him a very general
direction as to how to get to my
house and he nodded and began our journey.
The car did his bidding dutifully and without complaint. 
I forced my gaze out of the passenger’s window not wanting to stare him down like the stalker that I was.
We drove for a few minutes in silence and at the first stop light he stopped the car slowly and then reached out to tug on my hand, but he didn’t let go. 

             
“Hey, you awake?” he said trying to provoke me.

             
“Yeah, I’m just enjoying the ride. I should be asking you how you are still awake.” 

             
I can’t believe I just said that.  What a dork. Somebody needs to tattoo Super Dork on my face.

             
He nodded and answered,
“Nah, I’m good.  I wouldn’t miss a minute of this
.”
The light changed to green and
he growled.
“I
had to have a stick shift right?
” and was forced to let go of my hand. 

             
It wasn’t just me who wanted to be touching him.  If touching me had even one eighth of the effect on him as it had on me then he felt the warmth, the craving, the need, the consumption. 
N
o
wonder he was cursing the stick shift.  I was
,
too.

             
15 minutes later I was guiding him with my poi
nter finger through Santa Monica
to get to my house.  He remarked that he came this way often
when he wasn’t working
, headed to the nearby mall and movie theater.  He pulled next to the curb by my house and
I sat there starting at the house, not wanting to leave him yet.  It was as if I was on the border of two different countries and in those countries I was two different people.  In one c
ountry was my parents, m
y oppression, my pain, my introverted self all wrapped up in poverty and worry over the Terrible Twosome and their unrelenting roller coaster of anger. 

             
In my current country I was still introverted, but there was hope.  He was my hope and it made me want to emerge from
my present self and adhere my being and my life to him; embracing the life he gave me hope that I could have.

He pulled me out of my inflection and said
,
“Looks like nobody’s home.  Are you gonna be ok?”

             
I snorted and said
,
“Yeah, I’m by myself a lot.  It’s no big deal, really.  But thanks.” 

             
He let out a breath with a little too much force and rubbed his buzz cut head
crown to forehead. 

             
“When are they coming home?”
h
e asked. 

             
I fidgeted with my jeans…
“Um, maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day.
  Who knows? They wen
t to visit my Aunt in Las Vegas
.” 

             
He looked angry now and I didn’t know where it was directed.

             
“What’s wrong?” I asked. 

             
“Parents just suck sometimes, you know? It’s dangerous for a girl to be home alone all the time.” 

             
He was wearing the vinyl off of the steering wheel
, rubbing it
in aggravation and I tried to bring him back down. 

             
“It’s ok, really.  I’ve been on m
y own a lot since I was about
twelve
or so.  I know to lock the doors and I don’t go out at night unless I have to work.
  It’s ok.  Don’t be mad, I’m a big girl.”  I laughed nervously.

             
He smiled
,
too
,
but it was just to appease me.  I understood his anger as it was shared between us but I didn’t want to spend my time with him angry at my parents.  They stole enough of my joy and my life already. 

             
He put his head on the steering wheel and looked like he was trying to reel in his frustration
. “You’re
right.  I just…
never
mind.”
 

             
He righted himself in the seat and removed his seat belt. 

             
“Come on, I’ll walk you to the door.”  I reached back and grabbed my bag from the seat and went to open my door but he was there already opening it for me. 

             
“Thanks
,
” I whispered. 

             
We walked the short distance up the corroded driveway up to those crumbling concrete steps.  I reached for my keys in the front pocket of my bag and unlocked the door, embarrassed by the force it took to get it open. 

             
I turned to him, “Thanks for bringing me home. 
Saved me from inhaling bus fumes.”
I was trying to lighten the mood again, but my jokes were lame. 

             
“It’s no problem
,
J.” His new nickname for me did not go unnoticed.

             
“Anytime I don’t work after school I would…”

             
He rocked back and forth on the heels of his Doc Martens.

             
“
I would be
happy to bring you home every day if I could.”

             
I smiled at him and reached out to tentatively touch a button on his shirt.  He quietly gasped and I said
,
“Thank you
,
” again. 

             
He cleared his throat and stepped back two steps.