Emma vs. The Tech Guy (23 page)

“Can I ask you something without your getting mad?”

“Of course.”

“Do you think Hank is the best you can get?”

“What? No. I don’t know. Maybe.” A couple holding hands walked by, and Jayne’s eyes followed them as they left.

“God, Jaynie. That really pisses me off.” I felt my heartbeat quicken, and I had to remind myself not to make this an argument.

That got her attention, and her head snapped back to me. “Why?”

“Stop selling yourself so short. You’re smart and pretty, and you have a lot to offer.”

Jayne shrugged and examined her engagement ring. I understood how women could settle to have that security on their finger.

“I’m not saying you’re too good for Hank.” She looked up at me again. “Actually, I am saying that. You’re too good, dammit! I mean ….” I tried to think of all the things I loved about Jayne. All the things that were so different from me. “You’re the only one I know who always buys candy from those kids outside the grocery store.”

“So, I love chocolate.”

“And what about those hideous scarves that Nannette’s daughter made and sold for a fundraiser? You wore it to our Christmas party.”

“I was just being nice, Emma. Lots of people do it.”

“Not me. And who else but you would be friends with the office bitch?”

That seemed to surprise her, and her mouth flew open. “Nobody thinks you’re a bitch.”

It was my turn to shrug. I’ve always wondered what everyone thought of me, but I was always too chicken to ask her.

“Emma, you kept to yourself. You worked hard and you had high expectations. There’s nothing wrong with that.” She hooked her arm in mine. “Besides, I brought you out of your little cave. And you don’t growl quite as much.”

This conversation was heading in the wrong direction. I could have easily taken advantage of that. Told Jayne my secret and hoped she understood. But it wouldn’t be fair to her. This wasn’t about me. She needed to focus on her feelings for Hank and figure out what she was going to do.

“And I appreciate that. But the point is, just because you haven’t found your prince charming yet doesn’t mean he’s not out there looking for you. And you know he’s not going to find you behind Hank.”

We both giggled and instinctively clasped hands. The bond we shared in that moment felt strong, like that between two sisters. I sighed, knowing I’d said everything I wanted to say, and it all came so naturally.

Bill appeared in the doorway to the ballroom. “Everything okay out here?”

“Yeah, just a little girl talk,” I said.

“I could use my right-hand woman in here. People are actually starting to show some interest and ask questions.”

I held up a finger and told Bill I’d be right there. Jayne and I both stood. “Thank you, Emma,” she said and gave me a hug.

“Please think about what I said. We’ll talk more later.”

I left Jayne in the lobby and found Bill talking with two women at the main viewing station. We spent half an hour there, and by the time I left, a small crowd had gathered.

Overall the night was a complete success. Two of the media contacts we invited actually showed up, and we should be getting some great coverage. The only problem that occurred the whole night was the live feed going down. That only lasted about twenty minutes before the problem was resolved. Eleanor found her way back to being June Cleaver, and by the end of the night, she and Bill were on the dance floor looking as cozy as ever.

“Shall we join them?” Howard said. He’d been watching me watch them and must have seen my expression.

We strolled to the dance floor and stopped a few feet away from our surrogate parents. Smiles and nods were exchanged and for a moment, it all felt so right. Bill whispered in her ear and she giggled like a teenager.

“I’m so proud of you,” Howard said. He swayed me back and forth with his usual soulful luster. “You really pulled this thing off.”

“Thanks. It has been a pretty great night.”

He was quiet for a moment, watching me, seemingly trying to summon the right words. “It’s been a great few years.” He gave me one of those pitiful grins you give someone who just lost a loved one or found out they have cancer.

I gave the look right back to him. “Sure has.” Then I lowered my eyes. “I know what you’re going to say to me. What you’ve been wanting to say.”

“We’ve both learned a lot, haven’t we?”

I nodded, but let him finish.

“And no matter what, I’m always going to be there for you, Emma.”

In my heart I knew that was true, and I looked him in squarely in the eye. “I’ll always be there for you, Howard.”

“But it’s way past time. We both know it.”

“Yeah.” He was right. It was ridiculous what we’d let this come to.

“Thirteen months to be exact.”

“I know, but—”

He shook his head, stopping me. “I’m just going to say it.” He took a breath. “I think I’m in love with Kelly.”

Now that’s not exactly what I was expecting him to say. “You’re in love with Kelly? Your business partner?” I hadn’t meant to say it that loud.

“Yes, I mean, I don’t know. We’ve been spending so much time together and—”

“Howard, you’re having an affair with another woman?” Jayne was at our side before I even saw her coming. She pulled Howard’s arm away from my waist and glared at him. Hank hovered over us, confused.

“No, Jayne, it’s not what you think.” I glanced around hoping this didn’t become a scene from one of those pathetic reality shows.

“We just heard you! Right, Hank?”

“Uh, I guess.” Hank shrugged.

I shot a quick glance over my shoulder to see if Bill and Eleanor were still dancing, but they were already walking toward us. My worst nightmare was about to play out right there for everyone to see.

“I can’t believe this, Howard,” Jayne said in a high-pitched voice. Any concern about making a scene had gone out the window. “How could you do this to Emma?”

Howard squinted at me, pleading with his eyes, and then back to Jayne. “No, I’m—it’s not what you think.”

“Want me to punch him in the face, Jayne?” Hank’s words held no emotion, as if he was offering to pick up Chinese on the way home.

“No, Hank,” I said, pleading. “Please both of you listen. There IS NO other woman.”

“But I heard you. You said—”

“Kelly is a man!” I shouted.

Well, that was a party stopper if I’d ever heard one. We all sort of froze in place, our eyes ping-ponging around the circle like a weird game of hot potato. My mind raced hopelessly, searching for troubleshooting ideas. There was no plan for this. Then Jayne broke the silence.

“Howard’s cheating on you with a … man?”

I noticed Bill and Eleanor had joined our little party. So many emotions flashed across each of their faces, but mostly confusion. I couldn’t let this go on any longer. I let out a deep sigh and said, “No, he’s not cheating. Because … we’re not married.”

Chapter 24

I sat on Emilia’s back patio, hiding my eyes behind a pair of oversized sunglasses. I was next to Howard and across from his parents. Emilia was taking her time in the kitchen. Smart girl. The only thing keeping my eyes open was a headache from a massive hangover. That along with the constant replay in my head of last night’s bout of Emma versus the world. All those faces just staring at me, waiting for answers I wasn’t sure I had. The worst part of the whole thing was when I realized Guy was standing behind me. I don’t know how long he was there, but when I finally ran for cover, I literally ran right into him. The look of hurt and confusion on his face felt like a dagger to my already guilt-ridden heart.

“Well, I can’t say I didn’t see it coming,” Howard’s dad said. The permanent scowl on his face appeared softer than I remembered.

He and Mrs. Neri were dressed in golf attire, complete with white visors. They had a tee time scheduled for the afternoon.

“Glen, these kids don’t need to hear that from you right now. That’s not why we’re here.”

“Thank you, mother,” Howard said. He rested his chin on his fist like the whole thing was futile. The only reason he was there was because he felt sorry for me. I’d blurted it out last night after finishing off a newly opened pinot, and he didn’t have the heart to yell at me. He said that we both needed to put our big-girl panties on and face the music. We were in this mess together, but his big mouth at the party made it blow up in our faces at the worst time possible for me.

“Look son. I didn’t raise you to be a liar.”

“Or gay, right?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Right, but you didn’t exactly make it easy to tell the truth, did you?”

Mr. Neri opened his mouth to speak. Mrs. Neri touched his leg and he stopped. “We’ve been through all this before. And we’ve all made mistakes,” she said.

The first time I met Howard’s parents was when they came to visit him in college. After I got over the devastation that Howard and I would never be together, I found comfort in a new relationship with him. We’d become best friends, practically soul mates, and spent every spare minute together. He confided in me about his sexuality and how he’d kept it secret from his parents. And I don’t know how I would have dealt with my father’s death without him. Part of me understood that our relationship was our way of avoiding real life. When his parents arrived that first time and saw us together, they assumed I was his girlfriend. That was the beginning of a lie that became not only useful, but a necessity in both of our lives.

“Yes, we have,” I said. “And now, we are going to try and make it all right. We just need a fresh start.”

“I guess we could all use a fresh start,” Mr. Neri said.

Howard sat up straight and regarded his father. “That all sounds great on paper, Dad. But what happens when we all get together for holidays? Are you going to pretend my boyfriend is some homeless guy I brought along for a free meal?”

“Of course not,” Mr. Neri said.

“Obviously, it will take a bit of getting used to. But we are willing to try.” Mrs. Neri looked at her husband for reinforcement. When he didn’t respond, she added, “Aren’t we, dear?”

“Yes, but all this would have been much easier if you’d just told us the truth in the beginning, before ….”

Before the incident. Howard’s parents had wanted to surprise him for his birthday, so they’d showed up unannounced. But the surprise was on them when they witnessed his son in a lip-lock with another man. I told Howard that their reaction, the complete shock and horror they displayed, was more about Howard’s deception than anything else. I’m sure their feelings were hurt, as well. But Howard took the whole thing personally. Over the next few years we all worked to get past it. Then we had a major setback: our fake marriage.

“You’re right, Mr. Neri,” I said. “Howard and I, for various reasons, basically hid in our relationship. And we know what we did was wrong and no way to live our lives. For me personally, I just want to apologize to both of you.” I turned to Howard, reached out and grabbed his hands in mine. “I’m sorry I wasted so many years of your life.”

“Stop that,” Howard said. He gripped my hands firmly. “This was both of our doing. And besides, time with you could never be wasted, honey. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

When Howard and I realized his parents were still sitting there, waiting for our sappy love fest to conclude, we got the conversation back on track. Howard filled them in on his new business and even mentioned Kelly. They seemed interested, and Mrs. Neri asked if we could all have dinner so they could meet him. I could tell by the looks Howard was giving me that he wasn’t quite convinced his father was sincere, but at least everyone remained civil. I told him that he needed to let his father get to know him, the real Howard. They’d been like strangers the last few years, and that wasn’t only his parents’ fault. There was still work to be done, and I intended to do my part.

When we left, I felt hopeful that at least things would work out for Howard. He would finally be able to be himself, live the life he wanted. In the car on the way home, I told him how happy I was for him, that he’d found someone. And he wouldn’t be tied down by me. Of course, he told me I’d never tied him down. That our relationship meant the world to him. But I knew the reality would be that we’d drift apart. He was moving on to bigger and better things while I tried to pick up the pieces of my life. Then, out of nowhere he brought
him
up.

“Have you spoken to Guy?”

I looked at him like he’d just grabbed my left breast. “Why the hell would I have talked to Guy?”

He shrugged and cowered. “I don’t know. I thought maybe he’d have called you, or something.”

“Or what?” I couldn’t dissect my anger at that moment, but it seemed to scare the heck out of Howard. And I knew why he was asking, but I didn’t want to face anything that had to do with Guy. That situation couldn’t be more messed up.

“Nothing.” He smiled and patted my leg. “Everything’s going to work out for you, too. You’ll see.”

“Yeah, sure. Once I move back in with Pop, find a new job—hey, maybe I could be your waitress—and some new friends, everything will be freaking awesome.”

“Wait a minute. Who says you have to move out?”

“I just assumed.”

“What? That Kelly and I would move in together and live happily ever after?”

“Yeah.”

“Slow down there, Missy. I said I thought I was in love with him. Once step at a time.”

I didn’t know if that was the truth or if he felt sorry for me and was trying to make me feel better. Either way, I didn’t care—because it did make me feel better. I let myself smile, just a little. “Thanks.”

He took my hand and squeezed. “We may have screwed the whole thing up, but we’re still in this together.”

***

The next day I went to the office to clear my things out. No, I hadn’t officially been fired yet. I didn’t give Bill the chance. As soon as his mouth opened, I bolted as if the doors had just opened at a Black Friday sale, leaving whispered apologies in my wake. Thank God, it was at the end of the night, and it didn’t appear that many people beyond our little clan heard what went on. He’d left me a voicemail that night to call him when I was ready to talk. I knew how completely cowardly it was to avoid him, but I’d been in fight or flight mode. That was followed by self-bashing mode and feel-sorry-for-myself drunk mode.