Authors: Amber Garza
I shook my head. “No, I was just going to take some pictures.”
Relief swept over his features. He beamed at me. “Here, let me.” He grabbed the phone from my hand. Holding it out in front of us, he pressed his cheek to mine and snapped a shot. He was so close I could smell his aftershave lotion, and the sweat on his skin. My pulse quickened. My heart pounded in my chest. He turned to me, his face inches from mine.
I froze, unable to move or even breathe. His face came closer and somewhere in the back of my mind, alarm bells went off. I knew I should step back, or push him away. But my feet stayed rooted to the ground, like I was a tree on the mountain, a permanent fixture. I could hear the blood rushing through my ears, feel the beating of my heart. The world around us stopped. It was like we were the only people up there. Tanner’s eyes stared into mine. I swallowed hard, and kept my gaze even.
A scream sounded behind us. We both jumped back. It was Janna.
“Snake! Snake!” She hopped up and down on one foot. It would have been comical if she hadn’t been so frightened.
I scoured the ground and saw what made her scream. A large reptile peeked out of a nearby bush. It’s head turned in my direction, and it stuck out it’s serrated tongue. Fear coursed through me. My body trembled, but I stood my ground. I would not back down. I’d fought a snake before and won. With more courage than I felt, I glared at the creature and took a step forward, stomping my foot in an effort to scare it away.
It hissed and slithered the other direction.
“Oh my gosh,” Janna gushed. “It’s like it was scared of you or something.”
“Yeah, that was wild,” Rick offered.
Tanner came up beside me, clamped his hand down on my shoulder. “From now on, we’ll call you the snake whisperer.”
They all burst out in laughter. My skin burned where Tanner’s hand had touched it. I wiggled away from him, desperate to get as far from the mountain as possible.
That night Mom came home late from work, a bag of Chinese food in her hand. The scent of fried food and spices made my stomach growl. I realized I hadn’t eaten since lunch. The events of the day had left me so conflicted that my stomach was tied in knots. My guilt increased when I talked to Isaac on the phone earlier in the evening. He was genuinely excited about my hike and wanted to see pictures. Unfortunately, the only pictures I had were of my face pressed against another guy’s. I lied to Isaac and said I didn’t take any, which made me feel even worse. Now, not only had I deceived Isaac, I had sinned. Man, I was the worst Christian ever.
After I hung up shame descended on me like a thick blanket. I was so angry with myself.
You can’t do anything right. You make a mess of everything. You’re not even worthy of him. You’re trash
. The whisper was back. I wanted to tell him to go away but in some ways it was a comfort to me in its familiarity. Plus, it was right. I shivered and ended up in a place I never thought I would again – in the bathroom with a razor to my arm.
After Mom got home, I made sure my long sleeved shirt was pulled down low over my new cut so she wouldn’t see it. The last thing I needed was her breathing down my neck about it. I felt bad enough myself.
As we sat down at the small pub table in the kitchen, I grabbed a paper plate and piled it high with orange chicken and pot-stickers.
“How was your date with Mr. Hot Stuff?” Mom asked, spewing rice out of her mouth.
Irritated, I said, “Can you please not call him that?”
“Sure, when you stop calling Drake, my boy-toy.” She raised her eyebrows.
“Fine.” I stuffed a forkful of chicken into my mouth. The dim kitchen light flickered. Man, that thing was always going out. We knew the wiring was bad but our Slumlord didn’t care.
“Are you going to tell me what’s really going on with that boy, Kenzie?” Mom wiped the edge of her lips with a napkin. Sauce coated the side of her finger, but she didn’t even notice.
“Nothing, Mom. We’re just friends.”
“Right. And I’m the Queen of Egypt.”
“Nice to meet you, Queen. Do I need to bow or something in your presence?”
“Very funny, Miss Sass-mouth,” Mom said with an amused smile on her lips. “I know what I see, Kenzie. I’m not as clueless as you think I am.”
“Well, you are about this.”
“I don’t think so.”
I slammed down my fork. “I’m in love with Isaac. Not Tanner. Why doesn’t anyone
believe me?”
Mom held up her hands in surrender, her long painted nails shimmering. “Wow. Sounds like someone’s a little defensive.”
I rolled my eyes, anger rising in me. “I’m not defensive. I just don’t understand why I keep having to explain my feelings for Isaac to everyone.”
“Everyone? Or just yourself?”
Even though it was pretty cold, the quad was still crowded with students. Some sat on the concrete, some on the grass, while others threw a ball back and forth. Rick, Janna, Tanner and I huddled together on the concrete with our lunches spread out by our feet. The grass was a little damp from the sprinklers. I knew that pretty soon it would be too cold to sit out here and we’d have to go back into the cafeteria. Tanner and I weren’t looking forward to having to sit in close proximity to Caleb and his group, so we continued sitting outside as long as we could.
Janna took a bite of her carrot, and it snapped loudly. “That was so fun this weekend.” Flecks of orange spotted her teeth.
“Yeah, it was,” I responded, trying not to look at Tanner. I knew I had acted strange when we left. In fact, everyone wanted to stop and eat on the way home, but I didn’t want to. I’m sure Tanner could tell I wanted to get away from him. He hadn’t mentioned anything but all day I had noticed him giving me speculative looks.
As I chomped down on my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a funny feeling landed in the pit of my stomach. Chills snaked down my spine. I felt like I was being watched; like a sinister presence surrounded me. Swallowing hard, I glanced around the quad. Walking in a speedy gait only a few feet away, were Haley and Ian. Even though everyone else was shrouded in muted grays, darkness seemed to surround them like a black cloud. I blinked, wondering if I was just seeing things.
As if sensing my eyes on them, Ian turned to me. On his face he wore a grotesque smile. His eyes were black, his pupils large. Gasping, I latched on to Tanner’s arm.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s him. He’s Ian. I mean, he’s Wesley.”
“What are you talking about? Who is Wesley?”
That’s right. Tanner didn’t know about Wesley. Trembling with fear, I wished that Isaac was there. He would know what to do. Ian turned to me one more time before he and Haley disappeared into the cafeteria, but this time he looked like the same old Ian. However, I knew that what I saw was no figment of my imagination.
“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” Janna commented.
“She’s right. Are you okay?” Tanner asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, I just need to call Isaac.”
Janna bit her lip. Rick looked away. Tanner nodded, a terse look on his face.
“Yeah, okay,” Tanner said. “You go ahead and call your boyfriend. I’m sure he’ll be able to help you with whatever has you so upset, even though he’s all the way in California.”
I was too terrified to deal with Tanner’s outburst. Clutching my phone, I turned from the table to find a quiet spot. Unfortunately, Isaac didn’t answer so I left a rambling message and then returned to my friends.
“So, did your boyfriend solve everything?” Tanner asked, his voice laced with sarcasm.
Janna and Rick looked thoroughly uncomfortable.
I forced a lighthearted smile. “No, but it’s fine. I was just over reacting. Sometimes I can be a little dramatic.” I sat down next to them and picked back up my sandwich, even though I was no longer hungry.
“I know why you were so upset,” Janna said, “and I totally don’t blame you.”
“Really?”
Had she seen it too?
“Yeah, I know that you and Haley were like bff’s for a long time.”
I nodded, wanting her to continue.
“And I heard that she’s turned into a total party girl. Everyone was talking about how wasted she got at a party over the weekend. Apparently she made a total fool of herself and then threw up all over Caleb’s house.”
My stomach twisted into knots. That didn’t sound at all like Haley. I was convinced more than ever that Ian was evil and he was destroying my best friend. Since I had already defeated a demon once, it was my responsibility to save my friend.
No matter what the cost.
“Hey.” Tanner grabbed my arm as I walked to class after lunch. I turned to him in the crowded hallway, as several shoulders and backpacks bumped me. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
I swallowed hard, and nodded.
“So, you know, if you need to talk to someone about what freaked you out at lunch you can come to me.”
“I know.”
“I mean, I’m sure your boyfriend’s a great guy, but he is really far away. I just want you to know that there’s someone here who cares about you.” His eyes pierced into mine with an intensity so strong I had to look away.
I knew he meant well but his words made me nervous. Squirming out from under his touch and intense stare, I nodded one last time and then joined the crowd hurrying to class.
All through the afternoon, I thought about Tanner and what he said. I did need someone here whom I could trust and talk to about things. Judging by how quickly I turned back to my old habits, I was falling apart without the support of Isaac or Haley. I really had no one. And Tanner did care about me. That was clear. The issue was how much he cared. It was becoming obvious that his feelings were more than just friendship. After our trip to the falls there was no denying that. But even though I knew I should stay away from him, I just couldn’t. He was the only friend I had right now.
If Haley refused to take my calls or talk to me at school, then she left me no choice but to go to her house. It wasn’t like I didn’t know how to get there. I’d practically lived there since seventh grade. When I pulled into her street, with it’s perfectly manicured lawns and tract homes that all resembled each other, I felt a pang of longing. I had always been jealous of Haley for living in such a nice neighborhood. All the houses on my street had overgrown lawns that resembled the dump more than front yards. When I parked my car along the curb, I wished I was here by invitation. I longed to run up to Haley’s room and hang out like we’d done so many times before.
Her parent’s cars weren’t there, but Haley’s blue Honda civic sat idly in the driveway. I hoped she was home and not out with Ian. As I walked up to the house, memories of Haley and I surfaced. I pictured us at twelve, having a water balloon fight on the front lawn. I envisioned us at fourteen, sitting on the front porch lamenting about our first weeks of high school. Glancing up at her window, I remembered being fifteen and trying on dress after dress in her room before we went to our first dance.
I knocked on the door, praying my Haley would answer; not the mean girl she’d turned in to lately. The door swung open a second later. Haley wore a smile on her face and my heart leapt from my chest. Her grin disappeared upon registering who stood on the porch. My stomach dropped. She must have been expecting someone else.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. Behind her I could see the entryway with its shiny wood floors and the sweeping staircase to her left.
“Remember when we used to try to slide down the banister?” I asked now.
“How could I forget? I almost bust my head open.” Haley giggled. The familiar sound cut to my heart.
“I miss you, Hales.”
She stopped smiling, and leaned against the doorway. “I miss you too, Kenzie.”
I scarcely breathed from excitement.
“The old Kenzie, that is, not the new holier-than-thou one. Let me know when she returns.”
I exhaled. It was too good to be true, anyway. A lady walked along the sidewalk, pushing a baby in a stroller. I wished Haley would let me inside, instead of making me stand on the porch like a salesperson. But judging by the way she stood like a bouncer in the doorway, I could tell that wasn’t going to happen.
“I can’t believe this is coming from you of all people,” I said. “You have always been the good girl and now you’re upset because I am?”
“The difference between you and me is that I never judged you. I always loved you no matter what.”
Wind that brushed the hair from my face, kicked up a leaf near my foot. I caught a whiff of the flowers that lined the porch. “I love you no matter what too.”
Haley crossed her arms over her chest. I noticed her fingernails were short and painted black. Before, she always had them pink. It reminded me how little I knew of her now. Even her eyeliner was darker, her lipstick more bold. “And I accepted all your boyfriends. Speaking of which, what does Mr. Perfect think of you spending all your time with Tanner?”
My cheeks warmed and I stared at my feet, unable to answer the question.
“You’re such a hypocrite,” she said. “You used to hate that about religious people and now you’re exactly like them.”
“I am not.” Anger surfaced.
“No, I’m sure the Bible encourages cheating on your boyfriend.”
“I’m not cheating on Isaac!”
Haley’s eyes widened at my outburst.
A couple jogged on the sidewalk. I lowered my voice. “Tanner and I are just friends.”
Haley chuckled. “Everyone knows you two are together.”
I shook my head. It didn’t matter what she thought. I came here for a purpose and it wasn’t to fight about my relationship with Tanner. Let her think what she wanted.
“Look, I know this isn’t you talking. I understand what’s going on, because I’ve been where you are. That’s why I came here, to help you.” A car rumbled down the quiet street.
Haley pursed her lips. “What are you talking about?”
“I know about Ian. And I know the hold he has on you is strong. I don’t judge you for that. But let me help you. I know how to get rid of him.”
Narrowing her eyes, Haley said, “I don’t want to get rid of Ian.”