Erotic Refugees (28 page)

“
I should bloody well
hope not.”

They turned to watch the people
passing by. It wasn't exactly the usual Östermalm crowd. There were
people in platform heels and Mardi Gras outfits, power-suits and
police uniforms, angel wings and chaps, all heading for the park.
The crowds had started to gather along the sides of the street, and
they were already two deep in places.

“
I suppose we follow
them,” Eoin said. “Onward to the park!”

“
Yeah,” Rob muttered.
“The park. Bloody great.”

The noble elms of Humlegården
has been stirred from their slumber for the day and were now
surrounded by a fantastic sea of colour and sound. Rob wondered
what the stodgy old ones who'd planted them long ago would have
made of today's festivities, as he and Eoin edged through the
masses, looking for tree number twenty-seven.

They found it, and at the tree
was Milly, just as she'd promised.

“
It's my boys!” she
yelled in delight. She was already in costume, done up in a pale
leather corset edged with rivets and hung with tassels. Her ropy
hair was wound around a complicated metal headpiece and her
earrings of wire and glass sparkled in the sunlight. With her black
eye make-up and plastic sword she looked quite the warrior goddess
as she swept her arm in a majestic arc.

“
Behold the army of
queens I have gathered for you on this day!”

“
Yeah, they're great,”
Rob said, edging out of Eoin's photographic line of fire. “Look
Milly, is there a place, you know…”

She pointed with the sword.
“Sure, over there's an area for changing purposes. Pretty unisex,
but nobody cares much about what organs you're packing today. Just
have to make the best of it.”

“
Great,” Rob said
darkly.

“
No, it is great,” Eoin
said as he fiddled with the camera settings. “We'll get to see
backstage! And they won't mind if I snap a few shots?”

Milly stared at him. “Would the
queens mind if you took photos? Eoin, my guess is you'll be beating
them off with the camera strap. Go on then, hop to it! And be back
in fifteen or we might leave without you!”

Eoin was already on the move so
Rob, with his head down, stumbled after him. “Leave without us,” he
muttered to nobody but himself. “The chance would be a bloody fine
thing.”

The noise was tremendous as the
parade got underway. Eoin and Rob were suddenly surrounded by
whistles, drums and hooting, as well as music blaring from the
speakers on the floats. Rob adjusted his mask again, making
completely sure the thing couldn't fall off or be ripped away by
some enthusiastic reveller. The last thing he needed was a photo of
him in Dagens Nyheter wearing a look of twisted horror.

They hauled the chariot forward
at a crawl. The straps around their shoulders were mostly for show
although they helped to keep the actually weight-bearing part, the
long yoke, in its correct position at hip-level. Milly stood
proudly on the chariot, one hand on the frame and the other
applying her whip to her two mounts with obvious glee.

“
Go easy with that
thing!” Rob yelled over his shoulder. “There's laws about
over-usin' the whip ye know!”

Milly's four guards (two women
and two men, all in Pharaoh get-up) followed after the chariot.
They were dour-faced and totally in character. Eoin, on the other
hand, was very much out of character. He was enthusiastically
photographing everything that would stand still long enough to be
photographed. And that, as they wound their way through town, was
rather a lot.

Directly ahead of them was a
truck with a few topless women and a gang of muscled guys, all
kitted out in angel's wings. Rob kept his gaze on them, not daring
to glance sideways in case somebody in the crowd recognised
him.

The crowd was held back by the
barriers, and the occasional policeman. There was always a chance
of an attack by skinheads or similar malcontents. It had happened
before and Rob shivered at the thought. How would he ever live that
down, to be found in a crumpled heap, battered and bleeding in
skin-tight latex? His mother would kill the whole family and burn
down the house just to avoid the shame.

They pushed on. Milly by now
was having a royal time and never left her post, or her role. When
she wasn't whipping her beasts of burden she was posing or babbling
in made-up Egyptian or tossing handfuls of rose petals into the
adoring crowd.

And so it went on, until ninety
minutes in when Eoin suddenly pointed enthusiastically. “Look,
there they are!”

Rob looked where he'd been
instructed, and his heart sank. Just up ahead, leaning out over the
barrier, were Alice and her two kids. And that was fine except that
Alice was holding a big sign with “Go Eoin + Rob!” painted on it,
and she was also waving it around in a way that made it far too
visible to everybody.

Eoin waved back and pointed his
camera at them, causing the kids to squeal even more and wave like
chimps moving in fast forward.

“
Jaysus,” Rob said.
“Don't encourage them, Eoin!” But it was too late for that. The
kids were now jumping up and down in time to the Samba music that
had broken out from a float up ahead, and Alice was beaming so
broadly it looked like she had twice as many teeth as
usual.

As they passed by, Alice blew a
kiss at them and Rob managed a surly nod in reply. He tried to
repress the urge to smack Eoin across the head with his huge
camera, or with his big fat mouth, whichever would do the most
lasting damage.

“
Ye didn't, like, tell
anybody else, right? Like Andy or Eamonn or someone? Because if ye
did, Eoin…”

“
No, nobody. Doesn't stop
them from turning up if they feel like it though. Wow, look at
that!” He swung his camera towards a pair of stilt-walkers as they
ambled past in outrageous giraffe drag, complete with tails and
little velvet horns. They'd even painted their stilts orange and
yellow to match.

Rob looked away from them and
adjusted his shoulder strap. He'd just have to push on, and wave at
the people, and try to make the best of it all. He'd put up with
the cheers and the pointing, and ignore the ache in his shoulders
and the sweat running down the cleft of his arse. He'd do all that
and not utter a single bloody word of complaint (well okay, not
many) because that's what he'd promised Milly.

But the second anybody tried to
remove his hood, or even joked about removing his hood, he knew
he'd have no choice but to kill them.

And that was all there was to
it.

Chapter
29

“
So Karen it's like,
what, a week or two until ye tell the mother?”

“
Bro, it's four weeks.
Four! And she can't really be stressing you out since you've not
even talked to her since you came to see me. She told me
so!”

Rob grunted as he stirred his takeaway
cappuccino with the wooden stick provided for that purpose. He was
keeping only part of his attention on the call with his sister. The
larger part was on the petite woman with spiky orange hair and huge
sunglasses who was sitting cross-legged on the grass a short
distance away.

The reason she was a short
distance away was that Rob had arranged it so. His choice of
seating in parks, cafés and bars was determined almost entirely by
the existence, number and distribution of attractive women. As
systems went, at least it was honest and simple.

“
Yeah,” Rob said, “but
it's still a constant worry. Lies weigh on a man's
soul.”

“
Look,” Karen said. “If
it's such a big pain for you I can tell her I found a room to rent
or something. So you won't have to make things up about where I
am.”

“
Nah, it's fine, just
thought I'd guilt ye out a bit to keep up the pace on the graphics.
And to break the news about the party.”

Karen's voice perked up.
“Party?”

Rob was doing his best to scoop
out the foam with the stick but admitted failure and used his
fingers instead. “The launch party. I mean, it won't be a big deal,
but Alice has a few friends who work in newspapers so we thought
we'd have some kind of event to bring them to. We'll invite all the
beta testers as well, give 'em a reason to feel special. Plus
anyone else useful. Or good-looking. Or loaded.”

“
Deadly! I meant to get
to Stockholm anyway so that's a brilliant reason! So keep me in the
loop. I have to head now, some people in this family have to work
for a living. Talk to you soon bro!”

Rob slipped the phone into his
shirt pocket and glanced over at Spiky Girl. He lit a cigarette,
hoping she'd heard him speaking English. Intellectual girls who
read books in parks generally liked guys who spoke English. It was
kind of a rule. But she didn't even glance his way, not once. It
must have been a damn good book.

He waited a while longer but
totally failed to catch her eye. Oh well, time to admit defeat. He
needed to hit the shop, and then head back home to work. There
might even be pints to drink later, if the work went well.

He shoved his hands in his
pockets and sauntered down the slope, giving it maximum swagger as
he passed Spiky Girl. He climbed the steps and glanced back, but no
reaction. With a shrug he crossed the street and strolled into the
cool confines of the shop, where he swept up a basket and began his
circuit.

He wandered for a bit, looking
for the few things he wanted, but failed to locate any of them.
Clearly the shop intentionally put things in illogical places just
to make people like him wander around and around until they'd seen
every single item and had dropped half of them in their basket out
of sheer boredom. It was probably done by specialists, all out
there arranging shops to cause maximum confusion.

He turned a corner with a tin
of beans in his hand and a tangle of thoughts on his mind when he
came to an abrupt halt. At the other end of the vegetable section,
weighing up an avocado, was none other than Kajsa. And with Kajsa
was a guy.

Rob slid ever so slowly behind
a display of pasta and peered out between the boxes. It had never
occurred to him that Kajsa might actually know other guys. So who
was this fella, and what did he want? And why was Kajsa apparently
enjoying his company way too much?

Some Guy picked up a potato
that looked like something amusing—it was hard to be sure from
behind the pasta display exactly what it looked like—and showed it
to her. She burst into snorting laughter and put a hand over her
mouth to stifle it. Rob's head began to hurt as he glared at
them.

This was all wrong! Kajsa
shouldn't be here, all dressed up in clothes and hair and nice
summer shoes, laughing at Some Guy's stupid jokes. No, she should
be at home with the curtains drawn, being a bit mopy, maybe even
pining for Rob. The very last thing she should be was out shopping
for sexual vegetables with strangers.

And what were they buying
anyway? Tomatoes, avocados, and that big one that looked like a
human heart that Rob could never remember the name of. For salsa,
maybe? Or salad? And to be eaten in a park with friends, or to be
eaten in Kajsa's cosy place with the fridge that never stopped
buzzing and that wooden angel from Africa in the window that looked
like it had six tits?

Rob crouched lower, hoping the
staff wouldn't notice and start whispering into hidden radios for
backup. Maybe he should just go talk to her? He hadn't seen her in
ages, and wasn't that what adults did, just wander up and chat?
What was stopping him?

Nothing really. Nothing at all.
So he slid the tin of beans back on the nearest shelf and headed
for the door, giving the vegetable section a wide berth. He hurried
home and didn't entirely relax until he'd stepped into the cool of
his building. He paused there for a minute, and tried to breathe
normally and get the blood to stop roaring in his ears. Then he
smoothed down his shirt and climbed the stairs.

As he was unlocking the door to
his apartment, he heard a voice. He turned and saw his neighbour
Annika coming down the corridor, wearing cut-off jeans and a baggy
green t-shirt. She was carrying two heavy-looking paper bags.

“
Great, Rob,” she said,
out of breath. “Just the man I wanted. Can you help me a bit? I
just put up some shelves and I'm moving some books up from the
basement. There's rats there, did you know? I don't want them to
eat things.”

“
Um,” Rob said with a
shrug. “Fine, yeah.”

“
Great!” she said. “Let's
go!”

They heaved four boxes up from
the basement, each one packed with so many books that it required
both of them to lift them. When they were all safely inside the
flat, Rob accepted a glass of water with a nod and leaned against
the wall while Annika started to unpack.

His blood was still running hot
from the encounter with Kajsa and the box lifting had only made the
rest of him flush too. He watched as Annika plucked some books from
the box. She leaned over in his direction and her t-shirt was
strained out of shape by the bulk of the breasts inside. Rob found
himself staring at them in a lecherous daze, unable to pull his
eyes away.

“
Thanks Rob,” Annika
said, looking up with a flicker of a grin. “It's hot work you know,
to move these things by yourself.” She bent down again, and removed
a couple of granite bookends. They were heavy, judging from the way
she was straining to lift them.

“
Let me help ye with
that,” Rob mumbled and moved up behind her, trying to find a place
to stand that didn't reveal the unexpected erection straining the
fabric of his jeans. She mumbled “okay” and Rob positioned himself
behind her, and together they hoisted a bookend onto the high
shelf.