Escort (The Callie Leveaux Series) (7 page)

“Don’t answer that
fucking phone, Callie.”

My cell continues to ring loudly in my hand, the combination mixed with my fear and his emotion vibrating in my veins. The pulsing of the music matches the pounding in my heart almost perfectly as I swipe my fingertip across the screen.

“Baby please,” Tommy mouths, placing his hands on my shoulders.

“This is Callie,” I say quietly into the phone
, holding his eyes and trying desperately not to hate myself for what’s about to happen.

As the voice on the other end of the line rambles off instructions, I stay silent. Tommy’s eyes are boring into mine, begging, pleading as the voice on the other end comes to a stop.

“Are you there?” the voice says when I don’t respond immediately. Hearing it, Tommy slowly begins shaking his head in a final attempt.

“Y
es,” I answer, holding the blue eyes in front of me. “I’ll be there.”

Releasing his hold on me as I disconnect the
call, I watch him as he lets out a defeated breath and leaves my bedroom to head to his own, slamming the door shut behind him.

The Used

The second I hear his
door slam, I’m filled with regret. I knew this would happen. I fucking knew it and I let it happen anyway.

I should have just left the apartment before he got home
today. I should have lied, told him that kiss didn’t mean anything. I shouldn’t have let my emotions get the best of me. I couldn’t help it though. Tommy’s right. We’re not just friends.

We’
ve never been just friends.

I think I’ve known it all along. Honestly, how could I not? I’ve always loved him, always had a part of me that wanted to belong to him and him alone. But hearing
Tommy say it,
actually
say it?

That’
s an entirely different story.

After
quickly applying my makeup, throwing on a pair of jeans and grabbing my bag, I walk into the living room, surprised to find him sitting on the couch. He’s wearing a pair of grey Miami Hurricanes sweats that hang low on his hips, but nothing else.

W
hen my eyes find his, he glances down at my bag and shakes his head in frustration and disappointment. His jaw clenches tightly as he closes his eyes and lets out a string of muffled profanity before standing.

He s
lowly stalks past me, anger and sadness rolling off of him as he makes his way to his bedroom. I’m absentmindedly mumbling our address off to the dispatcher at the cab company when he pulls the phone from my hand and hangs it up.

“What are you doing?” I ask him in surprise, my anger quickly resurfacing as I notice the white t-shirt he’s pulled on.

“Why are you calling for a fucking cab?” he grounds out.

“I have to go to work, Tommy,” I start
and he shakes his head at me as he makes his way over to the couch.

“Yeah, you
have
to go to work,” he snips sarcastically as he pulls his shoes on. “Fuck talking to me, fuck my feelings, you have to go to fuckin’ work.”

“Tom…
” I start, but he cuts me off.

“Whatever,” he says as he stands up and takes my bag from me, opening the door. “Cabs don’t fucking drive you, Callie. I do. Come on.”

“Tommy, I don’t feel right…”

“
I don’t care,” he snaps at me, his eyes burning through me as he catches my gaze. “That’s what we’re doing now right? Ignoring each other’s feelings?”

“That’s not fair!” I reply, hating the crack in my voice. “Tommy, I told you I wasn’t going to quit!”

“No, Callie!” he says, facing me fully for the first time as we enter the stairwell in front of the apartment door. The hurt in his eyes is undeniable. “You told me you were
mine
.”

“No, I
…”

“Right there in that kitchen, not even
two hours ago. I asked you if you were giving yourself to me and you said yes. You said yes and then you let me fuck you, Callie. That made you mine and you knew that when you did it, you just didn’t give a fuck.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it!”

“No. What you’re doing right now? This?” he argues, gesturing towards my work bag. “
This
is bullshit. You letting me fuck you, knowing what it would mean and then leaving less than two hours later to fuck someone else is fucking bullshit, Callie.”

“I was honest with you, Tommy. I to
ld you before anything happened…”

“Just stop talking and get in the fucking car,
” he says as he slams the door shut behind him, brushing past me and heading for the stairs.

“
Tommy!” I call out, but he just shakes his head and keeps moving.

Slowly, I follow after
him as I feel regret spreading through me. When I get to the car, he’s standing with my door open, waiting for me to get in. I touch his arm in an attempt to get him to look at me, but he pulls away harshly without meeting my eyes.

“Just
get in the car, Callie,” he says in a low voice, quiet and detached.

Doing as he says, I climb into his Audi, flinching when he slams the door shut in anger, hurt. He doesn’t say anything to me when he gets behind the wheel. He simply starts the car and drives toward the hotel, silently fuming.

He doesn’t reach for my hand, he doesn’t even turn on the radio like usual.

Once we’ve made it about halfway there, I can’t take it anymore.

“Will you please talk to me?” I say desperately.

“What do you want me to say
, Callie?” he asks, letting out a sigh.

“I don’t know!” I admit as I run my hands through my hair helplessly. “I just… I can’t take you being this mad at me, Tommy. I
can’t do this if you’re mad at me.”

“
Well, if you’re waiting for me to tell you to have fun, you’re shit outta fucking luck, babe,” he scoffs.

“That’s not what I meant, Tommy. This isn’t what I want,” I try, but the car coming to an abrupt halt in a vacant parking lot a block from the hotel stops my words.

“Then what do you want, Cal?” he says, turning to face me. “Do you want to keep this job or do you want me? Pick one because you can’t have both.”

“Why?” I ask, tears threatening. “Why can’t things just be the way they were before, Tommy? Why did today have to change anything at all?”

“Because I can’t fucking do it anymore, Callie!” he shouts. For the first time, I see the sadness cracking through his eyes. “Do you think I just woke up this morning and fell in love with you?” he asks, shaking his head in frustration before taking his eyes away, staring out the windshield in front of us. “I’ve felt this way since we were kids, baby. I’ve wanted you since we were fucking freshmen in high school and I fucked you in that nasty ass basement!”

“Then w
hy didn’t you ever say anything? Why is this just coming up now, Tommy?” I ask, his words hitting me like a tank.

“When was I supposed to tell you? Huh? When I was coked out of my mind? Or when my dad was beating th
e shit out of me?” he says, turning his head to face me again. “Did you want me to shoot you a fucking text when you were in the middle of fucking someone else, confessing my undying fucking love for you, Callie? Would that have been a good time for you, sweetheart?”

“I didn’t know, Tommy!”
I try, hating the bite in his tone.

“Bullshit,” he spits out, putting the car back into gear and peeling out of the lot. “If you didn’t fucking know, you’re more self centered than I ever thought
possible.”

“Tom
…”

“Have you ever wondered why I don’t fucking sleep when you’re at work, Callie? I don’t have insomnia,” he spits out, cutting me off. “It’s because I fucking sit in that apartme
nt trying to ignore what you’re up there in that room doing. What other men are doing to you! Do you have any idea what this shit does to me? Do you even give a fuck?”

“Of course I care, Tommy! How can you even ask me that? You know I love you!”

“No, Callie. I really don’t. Not anymore.”

I try to never cry. I haven’t
really
cried in years, but with his words, I feel it coming on full force. This hurts more than anything he could have said to me. I’m a fucked up girl, I’ll admit that, but I love Tommy like I love no one else. For him to ever doubt that, even question it once, makes me feel like shit.

“Tommy…” I choke out
, but the thick lump forming in my throat stops my words.

“
Before today,” he starts quietly as he pulls up to the entrance of the hotel. “Before now, I could tell myself, ‘She doesn’t know, Tommy. If she knew how you felt, maybe things would be different,’ but I can’t say that anymore. I told you everything. I, like always, was completely and totally honest with you. I’ve kept this one secret from you since we were fifteen years old, Callie,” he says, looking straight ahead. “You’re the only person I’ve ever loved, the only person I’ve ever really felt like I could trust. I finally get the balls to fucking tell you how I feel and it doesn’t mean shit to you. I was nothing more than just another fuck to you.”

“That’s not true,” I argue,
instantly hurt by his words. I’m about to continue, but his watery, blue gaze meets mine and I can’t speak anymore.

“Then why are we here?” he says, gesturing to the hotel in front of us. “If I mean so fucking much to you, what are we doing at this fucking hotel right now? You say you can’t lose me, you can’t live without me? If you love me so fucking much, why are we here? Why the fuck are you doing this to me, Callie?”

God, this is exactly what I didn’t want to happen
.

“
Tommy, I swear I’m not trying to hurt you!” I tell him desperately. “You may not believe me right now, but I
do
love you. I have never lied to you. I never told you I would quit this. I’m sorry if you misunderstood my intentions, but I was honest with you. I told you I wasn’t ready for that.”

“And I told you what fucking me would mean, Callie,” he snaps. “You want to talk about honesty? Fine! Let’s be honest, baby. You fucking used me.”

“No, I didn’t!”

“Yes, you did! If you’re going to fucking do it, at least have the decency to admit it. You wanted to fuck me, you got what you wanted and now you’re just going back to the same shit.
You. Used. Me. Admit it, Callie.”

“That’s not what it was,” I say, tears finally breaking free. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Bullshit,” he grounds out.

Silence falls over us again for a moment before my work phone begins sounding off in my palm. Checking the time, I realize for the first time ever, I’m late for an appointment.

“Can we talk about this later?” I ask in a low voice.

“Nothing else to talk about, babe,” he manages before biting down on his lip in frustration.

“Tommy…”

“Text me when you’re done. I’ll come get you.”

“Tommy, I love you,” I whisper desperately. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I never wanted that.”

“Just go, Cal,” he says
in a low, defeated voice, refusing to meet my eyes. “Please just get out of the car.”

Complications

As I step out
of the car, I glance back at Tommy once more before my phone sounds off again, pulling my attention from him. I put the phone to my ear, confirming that I’m on my way up.

Luckily, my appointment is with an old friend who’s easy to please and requires very little of me. As I make my way into the room, I feel his eyes on me, but like always I don’t see him.

Dropping my bag into the chair beside the door, I do my best to keep the past few hours obvious in my moves. At the end of the day, I’m a professional. I don’t bring personal shit to work with me.

Another reason I’
m the best at what I do.

Turning the television on, I make my w
ay through the room, leaving a trail of clothes along the way. I move in slow, teasing movements while still trying to maintain the illusion that I’m here alone.

As I run the water in the bat
htub, I drop in some of my favorite bubble bath before sliding in and lying back.

I sense the movement from beyond the door. I can feel his eyes all over my skin like cheap perfume that’s been rubbed on by a magazine page.

I let my hands roam freely over my body, at first just skimming the water before I slowly raise one of them above my chest. I feel the water trickling down between my breasts, creating a chill. I clamp down on my already hard nipples with my fingertips, ignoring the slight shudder from beyond the door when I pinch down on them and let out a gentle, teasing groan of pleasure.

As I run my hand down my stomach towards my sex, images of Tommy’s mouth on me flood my brain.
Slipping a finger inside my opening, I gasp in pleasure as I remember the way his blue eyes bored into mine as he took me.

Tell me you want me.

“I want you,” I whisper, almost silently as I work myself over with my fingers, the increased pace causing the water to begin to slosh slightly around my hand.

Give yourself to me, Callie
.

“I’m yours,” I whimper as I fe
el my walls beginning to tremble.

In no time at all, I feel
my hips start to buck slightly.

When I find my release, I
let out a loud moan of contentment and clench my eyes shut tightly. Behind them, I’m horrified when I see his heartbroken expression staring back at me.

You used me, Callie
.

Immediately,
my eyes snap open and I’m brought back to reality, the guilt in my chest holding me captive.

If I m
ean so fucking much to you, what are we doing at this fucking hotel right now?

Sitting up sharply, I feel the tears coming back to the surface and I’m
immediately overwhelmed with emotion.

“Get it together, Callie!” I scold myself under my breath, pulling myself from the tub and reaching for a towel.

Why are you doing this to me, Callie?

I can hear the heavy panting breath coming from behind the door, the creaking of the hinges as he misunderstands my movement.

You can’t have both
.

Usually when I finish, this is where he emerges from the shadows and takes me. He doesn’t realize I’m in the middle of a breakdown.

I fucking sit in that apartment trying to ignore what you’re in that room doing.

I can see him now. He’s less than five feet away.

What other men are doing to you!

Tommy’s eyes flash in front of me again, stealing my breath.

I was nothing more than just another fuck to you
.

Bobby’s hand skims the flesh on my stomach, turning me and as soon as I see his muddy brown eye
s instead of the blues that now own me, I know I’m done for.

Baby, please.

“
Red
!” I shout loudly, the sheer volume of my foreign words startling us both. Not surprisingly, shock enters his eyes. I’ve never used my safe word. Not just with Bobby, but with anyone. “Red,” I say softer reluctantly meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry... I don’t think… Bobby, I can’t do this.”

“What the…?”

“I’m sorry, Bobby. You have to go,” I start, covering myself with the towel and walking into the bedroom.

“Are you okay, Cal?” my old friend asks and when I face him, I know I have to lie.

“I’m fine, baby,” I say, giving him a small smile. “I’m just not feeling well and I think I need to lie down. I’m sorry, I’d just hate for you to get sick.”

“It’s okay,” he sigh
s, giving me a small smile of understanding although I know he only got half of what he called for. “How much do I owe you?”

“No charge,” I tell him apologetically.

“What about…?”

“No charge, Bobby,” I tell him again, pushing the money back into his hand.

“Callie,” he argues. “You got me off. Let me pay you
something
, darlin’.”

“Consider it a professional courtesy
for cutting our session short,” I tell him in a rush, directing him to the door and praying he’ll leave before I lose my shit. “I’ll call you.”

“Okay,” he says, still scratching his head as I open the door
, turning to face me with concern at the last minute. “You need me to call Tommy or something?”

“No,” I say too fast, his name alone causing my heart to clench and my eyes to water. “No,
Bobby. I’m fine, baby. Thank you. I’m sorry again.”

“No worries, Cal,” he offers, kissing me on the temple and making his way down the hallway.

The second I shut the door to my room, I break down into a heap on the bed, really, truly crying for the first time in years. Violent sobs rack through my body until my chest aches and nausea hits me.

I
take a few deep breaths, eventually willing myself to calm down enough to sit up and dial the number for the cab company.

I cry the whole way home, bar
ely acknowledging the driver or his incessant stares at me through the rearview mirror. When we pull up to the gated complex Tommy and I call home, I hand him the money and get out without a word.

Slowly, somehow, I
manage to make my way up the steps and to the front door of our apartment. When I push it open, I find Tommy sitting on the couch, mindlessly staring at the television screen in front of him. His strong, perfect face is slightly illuminated with a hint of blue, but even in the dark room, I can see the desperate sadness his eyes hold.

“Callie?” he says almost silently, like maybe he thinks he’s hallucinating. “Why didn’t you call me? Are you okay?”

Pushing the door shut behind me, I drop my bag to the floor and let out another wail of tears. In seconds, he’s on his feet and in front of me, gripping me at the shoulders and checking for injuries.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asks in a panic.

I try my best to answer him, but this sudden onslaught of emotion is more than I can handle. Before I can gather myself enough to tell him as much, he’s shouting in a panic.

“Callie, w
hat the fuck happened to you? Who did this to you?”

“You!”
I finally manage through my heaving sobs.

“Wait… what?” he asks
, removing his hands from me as though I’m on fire. As he takes a step back from me, a mixture of confusion and shock crossing over his features. “Baby, I wasn’t rough with you…”

“No, Tommy! That’s not what I’m talking about!”

“Then what
are
you talking about? Who did you have tonight? Why are you crying?”

“
I had to safe word Bobby!”

“What
?” Tommy asks, knowing better than anyone that this just doesn’t happen. Not with me. I’ve got a good reputation as a guaranteed fuck.

Another reason why they’ve always come back.

Fury fills his features as he misunderstands what I’m saying. He turns to pick up his keys before facing me again.

“What the fuck did he do to you, Callie? Where is he? I’m going to fucking kill him
.”

“Would you stop and listen to me? Bobby didn’t do anything,” I scream back at him, swatting his chest in anger
and pushing him away from me. “This is
your
fault!”

“How is it
my
fault?”

“I
was about to fuck him and I couldn’t fucking do it!” I admit, sobbing into my hands as I push past him and head to my bedroom. “I knew this was going to fuck everything up. Damn it, Tommy!”

He doesn’t follow me immediately. I’m not sure why, but I’m glad I’m alone when I push my door shut and
strip off my pants, lying down on my bed feeling broken.

I’ve never doubted what I was doing.

All these years, I’ve loved my job, loved the thrill that comes with it. Ever since my first time with Tommy, I’ve been addicted to sex. It’s the most primal, erotic human act there is and I savor it. The adrenaline rush I get when I make another person fall apart against me, lose all their inhibitions until they’re in their rawest, most animalistic form?

It’s something I
need, something I crave.

I’
ve done almost every sexual act you can imagine. Regardless of the stigma that comes with this kind of addiction, the kind of “services” I provide, I can’t get enough of it. I fucking live for this shit.

Or at least I did
… until tonight.

I’ve always been proud of the fact that I help people in ways most people are terrified of. Tonight though, as Bobby was about to throw me down on the bed and fuck his demons out of his system, using me as his outlet
, I froze. For the first time ever, what I was about to do felt wrong.

For the first time in my life, I
felt like I was selling something that wasn’t mine.

Tonight, I
belonged to someone else.

As another sob racks through my exhausted fram
e, the blue eyes staring into me this time are real. Climbing into the bed beside me, Tommy pulls my shirt over my head and pulls me against his equally bare body.

“Come here,” he says softly, wrapping his arms
around me and holding my naked body close to his. “Don’t cry, Cal.”

“
I can’t stop,” I admit. “You’ve completely fucked my head up, Tommy!”

“Callie, look at me babe,” he whispers, tilting my head up to face him. When he sees my eyes, his soften and he begins wiping my tears away. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Looking back into his eyes, the only eyes I’ve ever loved, ever felt anything for really, the truth smacks me in the face. Of course I’ve always known how he felt about me. I’ve known because I’ve always felt the same way about him, I was just scared.

The feeling that fills my chest is overwhelming, so intense that I have to release a shuddered breath to steady myself.

I have two choices here.

One?
Continue to ignore everything I’ve been trying to avoid and continue down the path that’s always felt right to me. Take the path that lets me keep control of my own future, my own life.

Two?
Walk away from it and face my fears, once and for all.

Taking as deep a breath as I can manage, I know immediately what I have to do.

“You were right, Tommy,” I admit, echoing his words from before as my lips hover over his. “There’s nothing else to talk about.”