“Maybe you’ll
tell me about him sometime,” Phil murmured, slipping his hand around her waist
as they strolled more slowly toward the galleries.
She shot him a
sharp look.
“I’m not blind,
you know,” he explained, giving her a little smile. “You could cut the
intensity between the two of you with a knife. But there’s no hurry. We have
lots a time.”
Her smile up at
him was genuine—made up of relief and affection. What a great guy he was.
“Maybe I’ll tell you sometime.”
She thought
she’d gotten over the worst of the hurdles in her initial encounter with Ander.
But she kept seeing him and Sarah for the rest of the evening. And Ander always
seemed to whispering intimately into her ear, or stroking her back, or
discreetly holding her hand.
And the truth
was it bugged Lori. A lot. However irrational, her encounters with Ander had
felt isolated, cocooned, cut off from the rest of the world. They’d been
special to her. Not because she thought they shared romance or a real emotional
connection. But because she’d learned so much about herself and about human
nature from her interactions with him. Plus, she’d just simply enjoyed it.
And seeing him
at his job with another woman made the whole thing feel...tawdry.
Maybe it was.
*
* *
Two days later, Lori arrived at
the familiar hotel room a little later than normal. She had just enough time to
bathe, shave, apply lotion, and dress before seven o’clock.
She’d seriously
considered canceling. All day yesterday, she’d begun to compose an apologetic
email to Ander, saying she didn’t need his services anymore. She just wasn’t
sure she could continue as they had, after being slapped in the face with
reality on Saturday night.
Plus, Phil had
asked her out again. Obviously, things were just at the beginning—casual and
non-exclusive—but she felt like they had some potential and paying for sex on
the side seemed like it might not be the best way to begin a relationship.
Lori had
finally decided to keep her engagement with Ander, mostly because she felt bad
about backing out at the last minute. She genuinely liked Ander, and it felt
kind of heartless to blow him off with an email, after they’d had such a
long-standing professional relationship. She’d give it a try. If things felt
weird or uncomfortable, she just wouldn’t schedule another appointment.
She was just
putting on the little cashmere cardigan—a weave so fine it was almost
transparent—over her dark blue silk lounge set when she heard the knock at the
door.
As she swung
open the door with a smile of greeting, she was greeted to a sight that was
like a kick in the gut.
Ander stood—as
cool and handsome as always in all black. On his face was a practiced smile.
Urbane and sensual and so fake Lori wanted to scratch it from his skin.
Definitely not
a propitious beginning.
“Hi,” she said,
stepping aside to let him into the room.
Ander murmured
a greeting, and she followed him to the table where he always left his case.
The ubiquitous envelope of cash was lying on the table as usual.
Feeling more
awkward than she had since the first couple of engagements, Lori lowered
herself into a chair. Figuring they might as well get it out in the open, she
said, “So it was kind of weird, huh?”
Ander seated
himself in the other chair and arched his eyebrows at her coolly. She wasn’t a
big fan of that expression either.
“Seeing each
other on Saturday,” she said in response to his silent question. “Wasn’t it
kind of weird?”
“I’m sorry if
it made you uncomfortable. You handled it fine.”
Lori’s jaw
dropped slightly as she stared at Ander. She hadn’t thought the discomfort had
only been on her side. He was definitely acting prickly tonight. Not at all
like his normal self. “You didn’t find it a little weird too?”
Ander’s eyes
were bland and unrevealing. “No. Not really. But I’ve had years of experience
in this. I can understand why it might be awkward for you. In fact, I wondered
if you might cancel our engagement tonight.”
She swallowed,
knowing how close she’d come to doing just that. It was a little unnerving to
learn that their encounter at the fundraiser hadn’t bothered Ander at all. She
knew it had surprised him. His expression had revealed at least that, but
apparently it hadn’t affected him otherwise.
She was
determined to not pretend anything, not add any other layer of unnaturalness to
her relationship with Ander. “I thought about it. A lot. It just seemed kind of...I
don’t know. It would have made me feel shitty.”
Ander cocked
one eyebrow, looking slightly amused, albeit not in a warm way. “Why would you
feel shitty? About my losing a client?”
She shifted
uncomfortably, wishing Ander wasn’t being so cool and standoffish tonight. If
he would just be himself, they could have gotten through this with less
awkwardness. “No. I mean, not really. But we’ve been doing this for a while
now. And it seemed kind of rude to just cancel your services over email.” She
stared down at her hands. “I don’t know.”
“Do you want to
cancel my services now? Face to face?”
“I don’t know.
I don’t think so. I don’t know.” Tired of feeling like a fool, she raised her
eyes and scowled at him. “You don’t have to be snotty about it, anyway. It’s not
that strange. I feel bad if I have to find a new hairdresser.”
Ander met her
eyes evenly. “I believe you. But if you have someone at home who can do your
hair to your satisfaction, you have no reason to pay a professional.”
Lori felt a
little flicker of amusement at the way he’d stretched the analogy, but she
understood what he was saying. “Yeah. I guess so. That’s not the case with me.
Not yet, anyway.”
“So you haven’t
yet had the chance to practice your new experience?” Despite the smooth,
indirect question, for the first time she saw something other than coolness in
his eyes. “I had assumed, from what I saw—”
“It was a first
date,” she explained. “A second date, actually. Obviously, if things become
more serious, I’ll have to...to discontinue our engagements.”
“Of course.”
“It’s nothing
personal. You know how much I respect you and your...your talents. It’s just
that...”
“There’s no
need for an explanation, Lori. We have a business arrangement, and it can be
terminated at any time. I hadn’t expected you to a long-term client anyway.”
She sucked in a
breath, feeling oddly insulted by his impersonal words. “What does that mean?”
“It wasn’t an
insult. I just meant that, of course, you would like to move on to a permanent
relationship with a man you could love.”
His words were
true. She wanted a healthy, committed relationship with a man she loved and who
loved her. But something about the way Ander had worded his comment caused her
belly to twist. “Oh. Yeah.”
Ander was
silent for a minute, sitting perfectly still in his chair. Then he cleared his
throat. “Did you want to proceed with our engagement tonight?”
She stared at
him, wondering what had happened, why he had turned into this poised, detached
stranger instead of the Ander she’d known for the last few months. He’d never
been emotional or open or vulnerable, but he’d seemed real. In a way he didn’t
tonight.
“Well?” he prompted,
raising his eyebrows again. “I would have guessed you weren’t in the mood, but
maybe my charms are simply too irresistible.”
Then he smiled
at her. That smile she couldn’t stand.
“What’s wrong
with you?” she snarled, nearly snapping her teeth with frustration.
Ander blinked,
the smile fading abruptly. “Excuse me?”
“Why are you
acting this way tonight? Totally fake.”
“I don’t know
what you’re talking about, Lori. We were having a conversation. Obviously, I
behave differently when I talk than I do when I provide other servic—”
“Don’t give me
that crap. That’s not what I’m talking about. You’re not acting like yourself.
You’re all cold and...and fake.”
“I am myself.
This is me.” He met her eyes with a look that was almost a challenge.
“No, it’s not.
I mean, this isn’t how you’ve been with me before. And I don’t like it.” She
stuck out her chin and glared at him, wishing he’d just break down and get mad
at her like a normal person.
“My apologies.”
He stood up and picked up his case. “In that case, I’ll just—”
Lori stood up
too with a gasp. “I didn’t say you should go. I just wanted you to act like
yourself again.”
Ander shook his
head and started to walk toward the door, still perfectly polite, perfectly
cool. “Obviously, this isn’t what you want anymore. I think it’s best if we
just call it off. I wish you the best.”
And then the
bastard just walked out the door.
Lori had been
expecting an argument. She’d actually kind of wanted an argument—since then at
least Ander would have been genuine. She certainly hadn’t expected him to just
leave.
She suddenly
realized that she didn’t want him to leave. She wasn’t ready for this to end
yet.
She went after
him, catching him just as he stepped onto the elevator. She made it onto the
elevator too before the doors slid shut.
“Why are you
leaving?” she demanded, glaring at him heatedly. “You’re acting like a jerk. We
were having a conversation. There’s no reason for you to walk out on me.”
He lifted the
eyebrows again. “The conversation was going nowhere. I understand that you feel
uncomfortable about seeing me when you were with your boyfriend Saturday night.
It’s perfectly natural. And you needn’t feel any guilt about discontinuing my
services.”
“He’s not my
boyfriend,” she snapped, beginning with the most irrelevant of her objections.
“And none of that is the point. You’re not acting like yourself. That’s what
all I wanted.”
“Lori, you’re
presuming too much.” He wasn’t looking at her now. He’d pressed the button for
the ground floor and was staring at the numbers light up as the elevator
started to descend. His voice was still cool and control, but his jaw and
shoulders had tensed. “We’ve never had a personal relationship.”
“I’m not saying
we did!” Her voice was loud, and she wished he would just get angry, show some
real emotion instead of the impersonal mask he put on. “I know it was
professional. But I thought we ...we worked well together. And I told you I
didn’t want to pretend anything, so I thought you were...were basically being
yourself when we talked.”
“You presume
too much.” His eyes never left the lit numbers, but she noticed that his hand
was clenched around the handle of his case.
“Stop saying
that,” she bit out. The hotel was built in the forties, and the elevator was
one of the old fashioned ones with a thick brass rail running across the middle
of the walls and an emergency stop they didn’t require a key. Afraid the
elevator would reach the bottom before they could finish this conversation, Lori
pulled the emergency stop bottom, relieved when no alarm went off. “I’m not
making this up. I’m not imagining things. I know how you normally act with me,
and I know that’s not how you’re acting now. What the hell is wrong with you?
Did I offend you somehow?”
“You didn’t
offend me.” He reached for the emergency stop, but she planted herself in front
of him to keep him from starting the elevator up again.
“Well, then why
are you acting like you’re mad?” she demanded.
“I’m not mad.”
His expression was still controlled, but a little muscle was twitching on one
side of his jaw and his voice sounded slightly impatient. “Lori, can you please
get out of the way?”
“No.” She was
starting to understand now. He
was
mad. This coolness must be some sort
of instinctive cover to mask his real feelings. She had no idea why he would be
angry with her, however, and the idea really bothered her. “If I offended you
in some way, I’d like to know how. I never wanted to. I’ve always tried to...to
be nice.”
Finally, he met
her eyes again. “Lori, you don’t have to be nice. You pay me for my services.”
She almost
sputtered in outrage. “What the hell does that mean? Of course, I have to be
nice. You’re a human being, aren’t you? What the fuck did your father do to you
to make you think you don’t deserve to be treated with dignity and humanity?”
She hadn’t
really meant to voice that last question. Her volatile feelings and confusion
got the best of her. But she
had
voiced it. Almost spit it out in his
face.
It finally
broke the iron control Ander had been using to rein in his feelings.
He turned on her
abruptly, stepping forward, pressing her back against the wall with his intense
presence rather than force. “Lori,” he began, his voice thick and low. He
planted one hand on the wall next to her head. “I
fuck
you. You
pay
me. That’s our arrangement. That doesn’t entitle you to invade my privacy, demand
to see the ‘real me,’ or pry into whatever motivations I might have for doing
what I do.”
She gulped.
She’d never seen him like this before. His blue-gray eyes held hers imprisoned.
He was almost pulsing with some sort of intense emotion, and the force of it
left her trembling and boneless. “I didn’t mean ...” She had to start over when
her voice cracked. “I didn’t mean I wanted you to spill your guts. I just
didn’t want you to act so hard and cold. You’re mad at me, and I don’t know
why.”
“I’m not mad,”
he said again, although his entire body belied his words. He was coiled so
tightly he was practically shuddering. His cheeks were slightly flushed, and
his eyes had ignited.
Absurdly, Lori
felt her body respond. She knew it was entirely inappropriate. They were in the
middle of a very bizarre argument, and sex should be the last thing on her
mind. But he looked so intense, almost passionate. For once, he seemed to be
expressing something real—with his body language if not with his words.