Escorted (16 page)

For some
reason, at his final words—as matter-of-fact as they were—she felt a stab of
aching knowledge shoot through her heart.

She didn’t know
about the rest of the women in the world, but for her at least his words were
true. She would rather have a man she could love and who really loved her than
just be fucked, no matter how skillful the man who was doing the fucking.

She didn’t
regret her sessions with Ander, but she finally had to admit her herself that
they couldn’t last forever. Already, it was starting to feel a little strange
to her—as if it wasn’t as impersonal and professional as it should be.

Now that she
had a potential relationship with Phil, was this thing with Ander what she
really wanted?

When she looked
back at him, she saw he’d been studying her closely. “Shall we set another
appointment?” he asked.

Put on the
spot, Lori was slammed with a wave of confusion. She had no idea what she
wanted to do. “Um, I’m not sure what my schedule will be.” That was true. She
didn’t know if Phil would ask her out again. “Why don’t I email you and let you
know?”

Ander nodded,
no expression on his face. “Sounds good.”

He showered and
dressed after that. And she gave him the cash and walked him to the door like
usual. Their goodbye seemed to be more final than usual, and Lori couldn’t help
but wonder if she’d ever see him again as he walked away from her, down the
hall.

She felt weird.
And disturbed. And upset. And kind of sad.

But she knew
she needed to face reality. She couldn’t pursue a serious relationship and fuck
a gigolo on the side. Maybe some men did it, but she couldn’t. She
wouldn’t
.

If given the
choice, she would rather have a man to love than pay a man to fuck her.

***

Two days later, Lori sent a
long, rambling, apologetic email to Ander, explaining she would no longer need
his services. Phil had asked her out again, and she was going to focus on that
for the time being.

Ander sent her
a brief, impersonal reply, saying he’d enjoyed working with her and to keep him
in mind for any referrals.

And that was
it. Lori inexplicable experiment with a male escort had come to an end.

She had another
date with Phil on Friday night, so at least she could look forward to that.

“Here’s to no more assholes,” Sabrina
said, raising her half-drunk bottle of beer in an enthusiastic toast.

They were both
slouched against the couch on the floor of Lori’s living room, an empty pizza
box between them. “Here, here!” Lori echoed, clinking her bottle loudly against
her cousin’s.

Lori was on her
third beer. She was just starting to get a pleasant buzz, but she frowned as she
took another swallow. “He
was
an asshole, wasn’t he?”

“Of course,” Sabrina
said, picking the remaining cheese off the greasy cardboard and absently
putting it in her mouth. “Don’t be stupid. Phil Rothe may be a tiny bit hot,
but he’s a world-class asshole and he needs to shave.”

“Right. I mean,
we’d only gone out five times. It wasn’t like I was holding out on him indefinitely.
I’m not some frigid bitch.”

“Of course not.
He’s clearly the one with the problem. Talk about assholes. He didn’t get what
he wanted soon enough, so he just moved on. He’s not worth worrying about.”

“I know.” Lori
nodded, firmly believing her cousin’s words. But her frown deepened into a
scowl just the same. “I was
going
to have sex with him. I really was. I
just didn’t want to rush into it. It’s not like I left him hanging for months
or something.”

“He’s the
asshole,” Sabrina said in full support mode, even if that meant repeating
herself for an entire evening. “Not you.”

Lori’s scowl
turned into a sneer. “Asshole,” she muttered, picturing Phil’s dark, rugged
face.

A few days ago,
Phil had dropped her quite abruptly and quite rudely so he could fuck a
twenty-year-old model. While she and Phil hadn’t dated long enough for her
heart to be involved, it was humiliating, disappointing, and infuriating.

With a sigh,
she said, “Maybe he thought I was a tease.”

“Lori,” Sabrina
began, an edge of warning in her voice.

“I know. I
didn’t lead him on. But last Friday, we kind of got going and then I made him
stop. Maybe he thought—”

“I don’t give a
rat’s ass what he thought. You didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t have to give
it up just because he wants you to. And you have every right to stop sex at any
point, whenever you want and for whatever reason.”

“I didn’t
change my mind in the middle of sex. We were just messing around some on the
couch. Still in our clothes and everything. But he was getting into it. And I
wasn’t. As much.”

Sabrina’s
expression changed as she set down her empty beer bottle. “Why weren’t you into
it?”

Lori shrugged
and tried to articulate her somewhat chaotic feelings. “I don’t know. I liked
him—I thought. But when got going, it just didn’t feel right.”

“What didn’t
feel right about it?”

“I don’t know.”
Lori blushed a little as she made herself admit, “It was all right, I guess.
But it wasn’t as good as I’m used to.”

Sabrina snorted
and opened her mouth to respond.

Lori spoke over
her, “I know. I know. I’m not an idiot. I’m not expecting the same level as
expertise as I get with a professional. But...I don’t know. It just seemed like
Phil was kind of selfish about stuff.”

“I was afraid
of this,” Sabrina said with a sigh. “The truth is that, when it comes to sex,
selfishness is pretty typical with guys.”

“Great. How
infinitely comforting.”

“I don’t mean
they’re all jerks. I just mean it’s more common for them to go about sex
focusing on what
they
want rather than ensuring that you get what
you
want.” Sabrina shook her head and clicked her tongue. “It’s a sad fact of the
world.”

Lori thought
about that for a minute.  Then she raised her beer bottle. “Here’s to selfish
assholes in bed. May they stay far away from us.”

Sabrina
chuckled and toasted with her empty bottle. “I’ll drink to that. Or I would if
I had any beer left.”

“I’ve got more
in the fridge.” Lori got up to get a fresh six-pack out of her refrigerator,
and as she returned she heard a familiar bing that signaled she’d received a new
email.

She ran over
and peered at her computer screen. Then exhaled in disappointment when she saw
an ad for Viagra with every other word spelled incorrectly.

She sent the
message to her junk mail and returned to Sabrina with the beer.

“Who are you
expecting a message from?” Sabrina asked. “A new guy already?”

“No. There’s no
new guy. I’m not expecting anything.”

Sabrina
narrowed her eyes. “Lori?”

Lori made a
face at her cousin, but there was no use trying to keep it a secret. “I emailed
Ander yesterday to see if he’d schedule a new appointment with me.”

“What? What?
What
?”

Embarrassed by
the confession and annoyed by Sabrina’s obvious shock, Lori scowled again.
“Well, why shouldn’t I? You just got through telling me that most guys are
selfish assholes. So why shouldn’t I take the necessary steps to make sure I
have good experiences.”

“No reason,” Sabrina
said, holding up her hands in defense at Lori’s vehement tone. “But there are good
guys out there. They’re just hard to find.”

“I know. And
eventually I want to find one. But right now I’m annoyed and frustrated and I
don’t want to mess with dating again yet. There aren’t any guys I’m interested
in at the moment. Give me one reason why I shouldn’t schedule another session
with Ander!”

“As long as
you’re not using him as a crutch or secretly hoping for some sort of
Pretty
Woman
scenario.”

“Sabrina!” Lori
snapped, “Would you give that up? I’m not an idiot. I just want to do my own
thing for a while. And this is my own thing.”

Sabrina studied
Lori’s expression soberly for a long while. But then she nodded, evidently
satisfied with what she saw. “All right. I get it. But I think you’re mostly
doing it because you’re pissed.”

Lori
was
pissed. With Phil in particular and with men in general. And, if she wasn’t so
pissed, she might not have found the courage to go back to Ander, after the way
they’d ended things.

Another bing
from her computer alerted her to a new email. This time, when Lori went over to
check, she saw Ander’s name in the “From” column.

She exhaled deeply
with relief when she saw his response. She’d emailed him yesterday on a random
impulse, but when she hadn’t heard back from him as quickly as usual, she’d
started to get worried. Maybe he was tired of putting up with her whims. Or,
even worse, maybe he was hurt or offended by her dropping his services last
month.

She’d never
wanted to hurt his feelings. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn’t have
worried, since surely he'd be pleased to get a returning client. But things had
been so intense in their last session, and she was still confused about some of
it.

“He says he’s
free on Monday.”

“This Monday?” Sabrina
asked. “I thought he was always booked for weeks in advance.”

“He is.” Lori
drew her eyebrows together as she returned to the floor next to Sabrina. It was
very strange that he had an available evening so quickly. “He must have had a
cancellation.”

As she opened
another beer, planning to get significantly tipsier by the end of the night, Lori
felt a twitter in her belly.

She was excited
about seeing Ander again. She’d missed him more than she’d expected, and she
kept getting the unprovoked urge to tell him things and hear his response. But
she was also nervous.

For a while,
she’d thought she’d gotten to know Ander pretty well. She’d thought she had a
handle on his personality.

But their last
couple of encounters had taught her that there were depths to Ander she’d never
plunged. There were truths hidden in his soul she’d not yet begun to explore.

And she had no
idea what to expect from him on Monday night.

***

Lori pulled on her lavender
cashmere set after her bath on Monday—the same thing she’d worn to her first
engagement with Ander several months ago. The outfit was familiar, and the soft
tank and pajama pants were cozy and comfortable.

But it didn’t
soothe the nervous jitters in her belly.

She was on her
second glass of wine when she heard the knock at the hotel room door. She took
three deep breaths as she walked over. But then, when she swung the door open,
she felt an unexpected flare of warmth at the sight of Ander standing in the
doorway. Just as he always had.

This evening,
he wore a charcoal gray suit and a black shirt without a tie. He was smooth, handsome,
and sophisticated. To her infinite relief, he wasn’t smiling that horrible fake
smile.

He wasn’t
smiling at all. He just looked at her with an expression of quizzical scrutiny.
He was fully composed, though. Whatever deep emotion had been eating at him the
last time they’d met had been fully reined in and controlled.

All of which
was very reassuring.

Lori gave him a
sheepish smile. “Hi. I changed my mind.”

The corner of Ander’s
mouth gave a tiny twitch. So slight she almost didn’t catch it. “So I see.”

She let him
into the room, and they walked over to the round table next to the window. “I
hope that’s all right,” Lori said, perching on the edge of one of the chairs.

“It’s not a
problem for me.” His blue-gray eyes were still scanning her face, as if he were
trying to dig something out of her expression.

“I just feel
kind of bad about it. Going back and forth like this.”

Ander shook his
head, his lips giving another twitch. “Do you really think I expect a
commitment from my clients? That’s the whole point of using my services.”

He seemed
sincere. There was no trace of angst in his eyes or his expression. In fact,
she thought she saw a glint of amusement. It was something she never would have
expected.

She frowned.
“Are you laughing at me?”

“Of course
not.”

“I’m not really
wishy-washy,” she explained. “My circumstances have changed.”

“I suppose that
means you dumped your boyfriend.”

Lori gave a
little sniff. “He wasn’t my boyfriend. But I would have dumped him, I’m sure.”

Ander’s eyes
widened. “He dumped
you
?”

She couldn’t
help but experience a quiver of pleasure at the faint astonishment in his
voice. It was nice that someone thought she was capable of holding onto a man.
“He was an asshole.”

“Clearly. It
was very wise of you to get rid of him as quickly as you did.”

“Exactly,” Lori
said with a resolute nod.

Ander’s mouth
twitched again.

So did Lori’s.

As simple as
that, they fell back into their comfortable, companionable interaction. She’d
been horribly afraid that tonight would be awkward or uncomfortable. Or tense
and confrontational like their conversation in the elevator.

But it was like
nothing had happened between them at all.

Contrarily, a
tiny part of Lori missed the intensity coiled inside of Ander after the
fundraiser last month. Missed the urgency with which he’d looked at her,
touched her, fucked her.

But that was
absurd. This laidback sociability was much easier to deal with. And she was
pretty sure she would have chickened out if she’d been confronted with any
uncomfortable urgency or bewildering angst this evening.

Remembering her
manners, she stood up and poured Ander a glass of wine. He accepted it with
thanks and sat down in the second chair.