Essence Of The Heart (The Royal Tutor) (28 page)

          She pondered for a long time, daydreaming of ways she could get
even. Then a thought occurred to her. She would show him she
could
be a
woman - something he could never be. She would show him she could be
graceful and beautiful. Her thoughts had stopped there. Was she beautiful?
She didn't even know. The last time she acted like a girl was when her
father was alive. She had learned so much about her father from her
grandmothers. She had even learned how much she truly was like her own
mother. But was she beautiful?
          She went and stood in front of the mirror. The image of a boy that
stared back at her made her heart fall. She didn't think her father would be
proud of her now. He had loved her as his daughter, but, at that moment,
she didn't look much like his daughter. She cried all over again. When she
stopped, she made up her mind to do two things. She would make her
father proud of her, and she would teach Jacob a lesson. But how? She
knew almost nothing about dressing the part of a young lady. She had
realized she could go to her mother, but she feared her mother's disgust
about her appearance and a possible "I told you so" attitude. She also didn't
want her mother to know she had feelings for Jacob. She could get servants
to help her, but then news would spread all over the palace, and she so hated
everyone knowing her business.
          Then she had thought of her grandmothers. They had shared the
stories of her parents with her. They had approved of her mother marrying
her father. Of course! That was the answer. They would help her.
          She found them as they were having tea. Not wanting to face her
mother and have her know she had been crying, she had sent a servant to
relay the message that she would be having tea with her grandmothers,
knowing her mother would accept her absence for that.
          She told them the whole story. They looked at each other
knowingly. Her grandmothers were excited about the prospect of helping
her. They almost skipped tea altogether. Grandmother Ellen, the old queen,
said, "We've got a lot to do before tomorrow."
          While Grandmother Ellen set about the palace to find the right dress,
Grandmother Margaret prepared a bath for Marie. She scrubbed Marie's
hair until Marie thought she would surely be bald. She was amazed that
such an old lady could have so much strength. She was just getting finished
with her bath when Grandmother Ellen came in with a beautiful dress that
had been one Marie's mother had worn while she was courting Marie's
father.
          Marie looked at the tiny waist and could hardly believe her mother
had ever been able to wear it. She tried it on, but found it snug. Since
Grandmother Margaret had been Grandmother Ellen's lady-in-waiting, she
knew just enough sewing to let it out. Marie wasn't sure she liked the
thought of having to have her mother's dress let out for her, but
Grandmother Ellen assured her, "You're just bigger boned than your
mother because your father was a good, strapping man."
          While Grandmother Margaret was working on the dress, Ellen was
busy getting the right mix of lotions and perfumes. Marie thought she
would hate the softness that came from lotions, but as she put some on
herself and felt what it did to her skin, she didn't mind it - at least not too
much.
          When dinner time came, they requested dinner in their room. Again,
she requested the servants relay a message to her mother that she was with
her grandmothers. This time, the messenger came back with a message
from Louise wondering if all was well. Duke Elnard was there, and her
mother thought she should join them.
          Grandmother Ellen had replied, "Just tell her that we are in the
middle of something important, and she needs to be with her
grandmothers."
          The messenger never returned, so they felt all was well. Marie
wanted Jacob to be the first one, besides her grandmothers, to see her look
different. She thought that would show him. If word got to him before he
saw her, it would all be ruined. Her grandmothers agreed. They talked for a
long time while Margaret worked on the dress, with Marie wearing nothing
but layers of slips. They soon fell to talking of men, laughing at their
idiosyncracies, and such.
          Finally, the dress was ready. It was still slightly snug, but it would
have to do. She would see about getting more dresses later. As she was
twirling around in the dress, enjoying how it floated around her,
Grandmother Margaret came in holding Marie's old clothes at arms length.
Marie caught the scent of horses and sweat emanating from them and felt
aghast and embarrassed. She had had no idea how they smelled. It took
getting away from them to realize. Grandmother Margaret held them up.
"What should I do with these?"
          Marie looked from one grandmother to the other. They had never
been judgmental; they had always been there for her. She realized how
foolish she must have seemed at times. She remembered grinning at them
as she said, "Burn them!"
          Shock shown in both of her grandmothers' faces. Then they both
laughed. "Gladly!" Grandmother Margaret exclaimed.
          In that instant, they all knew she had decided to change her life. She
thought of her father. She wanted him to be proud of her. But what about
Jacob? What did she want him to think? She still struggled with her
emotions as far as he was concerned.
          They worked half the night getting her ready, checking and redoing
the dress and putting her hair in rags for curls. They were back up early to
finish brushing her hair and fitting her just so. They requested breakfast in
their room. Pleased with the results, her grandmothers pronounced her
ready and led her to a mirror. Marie had almost cried as she looked at
herself. There in the mirror was an older version of the little girl that stood
confidently with her mother and father in the picture that hung in the great
hall. That picture had been painted long ago. Her reflection had showed
her how much she looked like both of her parents.
          Her grandmothers went into the hall to act as sentinels. They did not
want anyone to see her before Jacob did. They went from hall to hall,
clearing any occupants, until they finally arrived at the library. They peeked
in. Jacob had his back to the door. He was sitting on the table with a book
in his hand, but he didn't really seem to be reading. Instead, he seemed
deep in thought, as he would sigh heavily now and then. Her grandmothers
fluffed up her hair, and then Grandmother Ellen winked at her. "Go do it!"
          Marie entered quietly on her tiptoes. This was going to be perfect.
She came up within a few feet of him. She turned and looked at her
grandmothers peeking in the door. They smiled encouragingly at her and
waved her to go on. She turned back to Jacob and cleared her throat.
          He stood and turned to face her, wearing a look on his face that was
unlike anything she expected. She had planned to gloat - to really teach him
a lesson. But as he turned, she saw something in his eyes, something that
told her he was sorry for what he had said. And then, almost instantly, she
saw the shock that came over his face and a look that she could hardly
describe.
          She could hear him gasp for breath, and even if she couldn't
describe the feeling, she knew it. She had felt it when he had danced with
her and held her in his arms the day before. Her breath had rushed from her,
and her heart had raced, until the oxygen left her brain and made her dizzy.
          She still couldn't help but rub it in a little as he dropped the book.
She teased, "I see I must teach you how to treat books." She enjoyed his
dazed look. Jacob, who was always so calm and never flustered, stammered
for words. She had to rub it in just a bit more. "Do I look like a woman
now, Captain?"
          Then, as he blushed, and his voice seemed to choke with emotion,
his words had erased all the pain she had felt. He bowed. "I beg your
forgiveness, Your Highness. You are most beautiful."
          Instantly, she had almost felt like crying. She could see in his eyes
what he was going through, for she felt the same. She was falling in love
with him, and she knew it. That wasn't what she had expected, or was it?
She couldn't say she didn't want it. Deep in her heart she knew that was
why she had burned her other clothes - because she wanted to please him.
          She could sense the struggle within him. He was fighting the
turmoil that she could see in his face. It was unimaginable for a soldier to
fall in love with a princess. She swallowed hard as she realized what she
had done. She had taken away every barrier between his heart and hers.
She suddenly felt as helpless as he seemed. He continued to stare at her in
disbelief, and it didn't bother her at all. She tried to ease the awkwardness
of the moment as she looked at him questioningly. "Well?"
          "Well, what?" he'd asked.
          She held out her arms. "Aren't you going to ask me to dance?"
          As he had taken her in his arms, and they began to dance, she saw
her grandmothers give her the thumbs-up sign and quietly close the door.
Jacob couldn't seem to hum any music, so she filled the silence as they
floated around the room. Everything had felt so right - the look in his eyes
that he admired her, the feeling of his arms around her. She couldn't have
been happier. But he had slowly stopped. He dropped his arms from
around her and backed away. She sensed what the problem was, but she
was flustered because she could have danced forever. When she had
questioned him, he answered that he wasn't feeling well. His face told the
whole story. She wished he would just come out and say it, though she
knew perfectly well he really couldn't.
          As she started to express her frustration, he had lunged toward her,
yelling for her to watch out as he pulled her behind him. The suddenness of
it confused and angered her as she stumbled, and then she heard the fearful
sound of clashing steel. She turned to see Jacob recovering from a surprise
attack, only to see two more assailants move in. He yelled for her to run,
calling her by name. She had stood frozen for an instant at hearing him
utter her name. Then, fear for his safety surged through her.
          Horrified, she realized that she left her sword in her room. But
instantly she remembered the family crest. She ran to it, pulling out a
sword, and turned in time to see a fourth assailant coming up behind Jacob.
She warned him, and he turned just in time to miss the full force of the
blade. She had rushed at the fourth assailant, who turned to take her assault.
He deftly drove her back to the wall. She had felt anger building within her
- anger that they might hurt Jacob, and anger they had stolen this perfect
moment from her. She kicked her assailant hard in the shin, causing him to
stumble and drop his sword.
          Miraculously, Lord High Chamberlain appeared, as did the Royal
Guard, and it was all over. She was still seething with fear and anger and
her heart was pumping wildly. Her perfect moment was stolen from her
forever. She lashed out at Jacob and, then, instantly felt horrible as she saw
his wound, a wound he had received protecting her.
          As she began binding up his arm, she trembled from the multitude of
emotions she had experienced. She had also realized something about
herself. She truly had been falling in love with him all along, and the fear
that he might be killed had forced her to face it.
           These last few weeks since that attack had just flown by. Jacob tried
to keep that formality between them, and, for the most part, she had played
along. But she was not about to let all the magic of that day disappear.
Since that day she had insisted on taking his arm wherever they went so she
could learn the proper etiquette of being escorted. She had also informed
him that they must spend additional time together, in the evening, so she
could learn to dance with the real music of the chamber orchestra. She told
him it was to make up for the time she had lost. He was not fooled by this
ploy, but seemed more than happy to oblige.
          Now the time for her birthday ball was only hours away. But what
would happen to them after the ball? One thing was certain: she wasn't
about to let him go.
          The last weeks leading up to Marie's birthday went quickly; way too
quickly, Jacob thought. They had spent almost every waking minute of it
together. She did have her tea and dinner with her mother, but she had
insisted on going to chamber music sessions and even horse riding in the
evening. She had said she needed the extra time to make up for her "foolish
years" so that she might be ready for her Princess Ball.
          Jacob didn't complain at all, taking advantage of every chance to be
her escort. But he couldn't fool himself any longer. He knew he was in
love with her and that it was truly only an excuse to be with her. But how
did she feel? Could a princess ever truly love a soldier? He pushed the
thought from his mind. Surely not.
          Perhaps if she were not the princess, or if, somehow, he could have
been born a prince... He truly did not desire a royal station, but he knew he
was in love with her, and if she had not been of royal birth he could have
expressed that love. As it was, what he desired couldn't be, and it showed
him to be nothing more than a fool for even wishing it were possible.
          Everywhere they went, now, she linked her arm through his, saying
he needed to practice being her escort, and she needed practice being
escorted. He thought he'd soon get used to it, but he never did. Every time
she took his arm, his throat would get dry and his vocabulary would become
monosyllable idiocracy.
          Her corn, pumpkins, and sunflowers were growing quickly, and she
was proud of them. He found himself taking pride in what pleased her. If
she was pleased, he was pleased.