Eternal Hope (The Hope Series) (30 page)

“
What?
”

He rushed headlong into the story, leaving Farley with her mouth wide open. His eyes were closed, so he couldn’t see how stunned she was. “Kayden was pretty troubled. He was trying to deal with a whole bunch of things, and everything just seemed to get him down. He felt like he had no choices. He felt as though everything was mapped out ahead of him and he was destined to live a thousand years, watching the people of the world grow old and die around him. He didn’t want that. He said in his letter that, like everything else, his survival was predetermined. If he was meant to live, I would come and save him, and he could get on with his life. But if he wasn’t supposed to live, then I wouldn’t be able to save him and he’d be set free.”

Farley blinked. Daniel wouldn’t look at her, just kept staring at the sand with his arms wrapped around his body.

“We were living in Shoreditch at the time. I rushed down to the Thames, knowing where he’d be. It was dark. I probably would have missed him altogether if it hadn’t been for his pale hair. He was face down in the water. It took me a full minute to force myself into the river. It was freezing cold and filthy, and I couldn’t think straight. I swallowed about half a liter of water I’m pretty sure would have killed anyone else. By the time I got his body to the embankment I was half crazy with fear. I just couldn’t get over it- the memories of being locked in that box; of the point each time when I couldn’t hold my breath any longer and I gave in. When I let the water rush into my lungs. I could hardly control my body. I lay there on my back with Kayden beside me for what seemed like forever before I got myself together.”

Daniel swallowed and looked at his hands, which were shaking. “He did it on purpose. He knew I was afraid of the water. He put the decision as to whether he lived or died on me, and then he stacked the odds against me. He never thought once about the fact that I’d have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life.”

He refused to look up at her or blink, and when a large, fat tear slid silently from his eyelashes, she knew why. He was heartbroken. When Daniel spoke again, his voice cracked. “I loved him like a brother, and he did that- he stacked the odds against me. Bastard always did get what he wanted.”

Farley stared at him until she felt tears burning in her eyes too. There was nothing she could do to stop them; the hurt was just too much. He’d lost Jamie, his little brother, when he was a child. She knew how much it tormented Daniel that he hadn’t been able to save him. The time they’d travelled back to London in Aldan’s mind and seen Jamie in the street had proven that much. But this was just too terrible. Kayden, the brother he’d
chosen
for himself, had determined to end his life and in such a way that Daniel would forever feel responsible. It was cruel and heartless. She stepped forward and Daniel buried his face into her, his shoulders rising and falling stiffly.

“I can’t believe it,” she whispered. “I just can’t believe he’d do that.” She ran her hand over the back of his head and held him tight, like that would make anything better. “At least he didn’t die.”

Daniel’s body stilled instantly- went so very, very still. His face was shattered when he pulled back to look at her, and a crooked frowned warped his brow. “But he did, Farley.
Of course
he died.”

“
Kayden!
”

It felt like her throat was torn open. She could definitely taste blood. It wasn’t her own she wanted to taste, though, it was that evil blond bastard’s. “
KAYDEN!
”

He appeared about fifty feet up the beach, his shoulders slumped forwards like he knew what was coming.
Good.
So at least he knew what a monster he was. She charged off up the sand towards him with Daniel following close on her heels.

“Farley, don’t. It’s been a million years. Just leave it, okay?”

There was no way she was going to
just leave it
. She was going to tear his head off. How could he have befriended her and painted her freaking pictures after what he’d done to Daniel? When she pitched up in front of him, she shoved him so hard he toppled backwards into the sand. He didn’t even try to stop her. He sank back and looked up at her, sand dusting his face, and for the entire world it looked like he wanted her to beat him senseless. At that point, she’d have been okay with killing him if he wasn’t already dead.

“You’re sick, you know that?’ Farley spat.

He dragged his hands through his hair. “You’re right. I
was
sick.”

Daniel was closing in on them and a bunch of people had gathered on the boulevard to watch the domestic go down. “Get us out of here, Kayden,” she demanded.

Kayden hung his head for a second and then dragged himself up, brushing away the sand. Farley turned and faced Daniel. He didn’t look sad anymore, just angry. She quickly kissed him on the lips.

“Can you take Tess back to the hotel?”

“We’ll all go.”

Farley stepped back and glared at Kayden. “No. I want to talk to
him
.”

Kayden held out his hand sadly, and she closed the gap and took it. The beach disintegrated around them like it really was just so much sand, and Farley found herself standing next to Kayden on a dark street. A metallic scent filled the air. It probably had something to do with the rain, which bucketed down on them so hard it actually stung her skin.

“Where are we?” she yelled.

“This is where the Interrogator took me.” He looked around as though reminiscing over a fond memory from another lifetime, and then locked her in his sights. “This seemed like as good a place as any. I’ve already been torn apart here once before.”

“You shouldn’t have brought me here, then. You should have brought Daniel.”

He smiled a humorless smile. “I’ve let Daniel destroy me a hundred different times, in a hundred different ways. It never makes either of us feel any better.”

“Well, it’s going to make me feel better.”

“Good.” Kayden stepped towards her and produced something from behind his back. The ebony handled knife’s blade was curved and wickedly sharp. The glint of it sent a chill racing down her spine.

“Great, so you plan on carving me up now, do you?”

He looked down at the knife and turned it over in his hands, contemplating it. The last thing she expected him to do was hand it over to her, but that is exactly what he did.

“It’s a Pax blade. Take it.”

Farley flitted her gaze from the knife to Kayden. She reached out carefully and took it from him, confused. He nodded and came closer.

“You remember what I told you about the Pax blades? They’re the only things that can hurt something the Quorum has created.”

“The Quorum created you?” she seethed. “You let me think you were some kind of angel. But you’re not, are you? You were normal once.”

“I wasn’t
normal
. I was from the Quarters. I’d been alive longer than anyone had any right to be, and I couldn’t face that. And as far as humans are concerned, I
am
an angel. At least what they perceive to be, anyway. They see a human figure and a bright light, the outline of wings, and they believe what they want to believe. This was my punishment.”

The rain came down in hatchets, driving harder against the concrete. “Punishment?”

Kayden collapsed onto his knees so that the rain bounced off his back and ran in rivers down his face. “The Quorum don’t take kindly to people throwing their lives away. My status, everything I do for them, is a punishment. I heal people who are desperate to live; I save people from drowning; I lift people up out of the darkness. Every day I’m forced to do the things that I knew Daniel wouldn’t be able to do, and I pay for what I did. I have to comfort them and help them when all I want to do is burn.”

“Sounds like a fitting penance,” Farley snapped. Holding onto the knife, she used the back of the hand to scrub her hair out of her face. Kayden gave a bleak smile and nodded.

“I know you think what I did was selfish, and you’re right. It was the worst thing I could ever have done to Daniel. But it wasn’t a conscious thing. That makes it even worse, I know, but I wasn’t thinking about anyone else when I did it. I was thinking of a way out. You can glorify the idea of living for a thousand years all you like, but you know nothing about it. It isn’t some romantic teenage dream. It isn’t something to desire or covet. Living that long is unnatural. It’s a curse.” He clenched his hands into fists and pounded them into the concrete. “It’s a prison.”

His blood ebbed out into the rain, bright red and stark. The words she had been about to say caught in her throat. She’d never really considered how lonely an existence like theirs would be, but it wasn’t an excuse. He needn’t have been alone. There were hundreds of people from the Quarters.

“And what about Cassie?”

“Cassie never even knew I existed. She always loved Daniel.”

“So you thought you’d force this awful burden on his shoulders as payback?”

“No! Of course not. I wanted them to be together. I wanted them to be happy. I just…” He trailed off, finally breaking down. “I just didn’t want to be there to see it.”

Farley looked down at the knife and froze; the reflection of her own eyes stared back at her, hard as rock. She dropped it at her feet and gasped, startled by the stranger looking back at her. “I think living really is a fitting punishment for you, Kay. You shouldn’t get to die after what you did. Maybe the Quorum had that bit right at least.” She kicked the knife back towards him, and he stared down at it. The rain pummeled at the silver blade, making it rattle against the ground.

“You’re right.”

“Don’t agree with me!” She stormed over and shoved him again. He fell back onto his elbows, miserably letting the rain pour into his eyes. Farley choked back a sob. This wasn’t right. A storm raged inside her, so furious at him for what he’d done. There was another part of her, though, that felt like breaking down. He’d felt so utterly desperate once upon a time that he’d ended his own life, and now he was still suffering for it. The only reason she wasn’t helping him up and consoling him was because the fiercely protective part of her that loved Daniel so much wouldn’t let her. Such a mess.

She looked up at the blackness overhead that didn’t seem to be a sky at all, just a deep void stretching out into eternity, and felt like howling. The sound of footsteps brought her back to the abandoned street. Kayden didn’t appear to have noticed someone approaching; he still stared at her like she might change her mind and literally put him out of his misery. The footsteps grew nearer- louder. The figure that emerged out of the darkness made Farley’s heart pick up and race away like a freight train.

“Agatha?”

She stood side on in the scruffy boots and jeans she always used to wear, watching the two of them. Her hair was pulled back into that knot at the back of her head that made her look so severe. Her unnaturally dark eyes flickered over the Pax blade laying on the ground between them. “Why have you come here? This place isn’t for you.”

It was impossible to tell who she was addressing. Agatha looked equally as displeased with the both of them. Farley cleared her throat, praying that her voice wouldn’t betray her by cracking. “I needed to talk to Kayden.”

Agatha nodded, considering this for a moment. “You need to talk to someone, you take them out for coffee. You don’t come here.”

A pulse of anger ripped through Farley’s nerve endings, making her vision blur. “So very sorry, Aggie. I apologize. Next time I need to air my trivial grievances I’ll bear that in mind.”

“See that you do.” Agatha made to move towards them, and Kayden flinched. “Still so troubled, Messenger. Your penance is nearly complete.” She tilted her head in a way that reminded Farley of the old Agatha, and for a heartbeat she was back. Softened somehow. The moment passed by in a flash. “All this will be a distant memory soon enough. You will have paid your debt.”

Kayden sagged forwards, his wet hair tumbling into his face, made darker, more bronze than gold, by the rain. “My debt to the Quorum, maybe. The debts that matter will remain.”

“So it goes.” She studied him thoughtfully. “Some stains aren’t so easy to rub out, are they?”

“Impossible,” he breathed.

Agatha’s haunting smile played over her lips. “So it goes.” The way she paced around them with such indifference was like a bored predator. The reality that sweet, gentle Agatha had been swallowed by this cold creature was too much to take. How was this a calling? A service? It felt like she’d been sacrificed simply so this
thing
could utilize her body. There was no sense of fairness to that. If she were just a shell, then the Quorum could have picked anyone. They could have chosen a serial killer or a petty criminal or
anyone
else. They needn’t have chosen the one person that was a balm to all the hurt and suffering that they’d been through. It was a calculated move.