Eternal War Rising to the South: The Beynok Vampire Series (18 page)

I had hurt his feelings, but what did he expect? Now I had permanent holes on the side of my neck. He had to realize I was not a vampire, and I didn’t wish to live by their rules or whatever they wanted to call this bonding thing.

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. It’s just that I already have a connection to you that is unexplainable. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s almost as if you were my…” I couldn’t say it because it was completely crazy and not possible.

“Almost as if I were your what? Finish the sentence, Anya.” He was being direct, so I needed to do the same, but I didn’t want to hear any of it come out of my mouth.

His eyes were returning to their beautiful amethyst color, but he was still way to close to my face. I felt his body release from the tense posture it was in, but he was still waiting for a response from me.

I couldn’t believe I was going to have this disillusioned conversation. The way he made me feel the first time I felt him in the field after the werewolf fight was as if … I couldn’t even say it in my head. I felt so safe and whole when he was near. We just were not supposed to connect like this.

“Say it, Anya.” Sorin’s fangs were extended just a little. He was relentless.

“Fine, but you will laugh because I laugh at the thought myself. What I feel for you is the way I should feel about my partner. I feel that you are the balance to my soul.” He took a step back. I knew he would think I was crazy. “Beynoks have partners written for them to help balance their soul as they fall and rise in each direction. You must know I am only on my second rise, so I only have half my soul. My partner is out there … somewhere. We balance each other until we receive our full soul.” I guessed I was boring him with the ways and beliefs of Beynoks because he turned his back and walked away.

“Go on, Anya. I want to hear the rest,” he said. Okay, so maybe he was interested. Hard to tell.

“I can’t be bonded to you in your vampire ways because I have a partner somewhere in this world that I am bonded to in the Beynok way. So you see, we can’t be together, no matter what I feel for you. That is what I was trying to tell you earlier before you … you know. You took complete advantage of me with your marble hands and liquefying tongue. You do things to me that I never thought imaginable.” I paused, “Someday I will find my partner, and no matter how hard it will be, I’ll have to leave you.”

“Are you saying you know where your partner is? Have you ever met him?” He walked further away from me and sat on the edge of the bed. His face was tilted toward the floor, so I couldn’t see his facial expression.

“No to both of those questions.”
Go ahead,
I thought,
throw your last dagger.
“I have never felt a connection to any Beynok. To be honest, the first time I felt you in the field the night of the werewolf fight…Do you remember that night?”

Sorin just nodded his head in a yes direction. He kept his face tilted down towards the floor and never made eye contact with me.

“The way you made me feel that night was the way I had always imagined it would feel the first time I felt my partner … the power … the surge of energy traveling my body. But when I realized you were a vampire, I knew I was wrong. This is all my fault. I’m sorry to have led you on the way I have.”
Why is he refusing to look at me?
“We can’t continue on the way we do. It’s not right. You can’t be bonded to me because I belong to a Beynok, not a vampire. It’s inevitable … one day my partner and I will find each other, and you’ll be completely broken when we do. We need to end this now before it goes any further.”

“Why?” I heard his voice say in a low growl.

“Why what? I thought I made myself pretty clear.” I noticed red drops falling from his chin onto the slate floor. I hadn’t notice before, but a small red puddle was forming between his feet. Was this warrior of a vampire hurt or crying? No. Something must be wrong.

“What’s wrong with you? Are you okay?” I wanted to go to him, but fear of touching him and what that might make me feel kept me in the opening of the bathroom doorway.

“Why can’t we be bonded? Why can’t I be your partner in your Beynok ways? Have you ever thought beyond what you have been taught?” His voice was not humble. It was coarse and directive. His tone hit me hard.

“Thought beyond what they have taught me?”
What does he think I’ve been doing lately, playing house?
“Well, now that I’m on both sides of the war, their side and yours, I guess I’m pretty open. What kind of question is that anyway?” He was clearly holding on to any hope possible.

“The one who holds the soul of her enemy in her hands shall lead her followers down a long and perilous journey to a time of union…I memorized you scroll.” Sorin finally lifted his head up to face me. Yes, he was crying blood. My warrior vampire was crying. He continued, “The one who holds the soul … of her enemy … in her hands, have you ever wondered what that meant?” He didn’t even bother wiping the blood from his face. “I have wondered all these years, and after finding you, I wondered no more. Do you want me to tell you what it means? I was sure you would have figured it out, if you wanted to. Answer wisely, for you might not like the truth.”

He was definitely reaching far, trying to tangle my Beynok beliefs, my love for him, and the prophecy together. He was so not playing fair. Of course, I wanted to hear his story, and it was going to be just a story, too. “Yes,” I said. “I want to hear what you think it means.”

Sorin waited for an excruciating few seconds before he answered. It was almost as if he didn’t want to answer me himself. “I could hardly sleep all these years. I would lay awake wondering what it would be like when I first found you. Would you lash out at me? Would you run from me? Would you wrap your arms around me and tell me you loved me? Would you kill me? Would you fight me until I broke you down?” He smirked showing one of his perfectly placed dimples. “I would say you did a little bit of all that. All those years, I imagined what our first meeting would be like, but I never allowed myself to get to this part. The right now part. How foolish of me. I guess I was too scared to allow myself to think this far into the future.” His stare never broke away from mine as another blood drop seeped out of his eye and ran down his chin before it fell to the floor.

“Sorin, what are you talking about? You’re scaring me.” He was making me nervous. He was taking his story in a much different direction than I thought he would. He looked distressed about what he wanted to say. I wanted to console him, but I couldn’t. I wanted to take in everything he had to say.

“You hold me in your hands, Anya. You hold a part of my soul in your hands when you hold your swords to fight. You hold the part of me I will never have the opportunity to receive.”

I looked over at my most valued companions setting on the table. Then I looked back at Sorin. “What are you saying?”

“Anya, they had to find a place to keep my soul once it had risen with yours.” There was a long silent pause. “They were my swords once. I know you can’t remember, but I remember everything. I remember every detail about the day I was taken from you…every detail, and every agonizing day it took for me to find you.”

I studied my swords from a distance. I had spent many nights looking at them and memorizing each curve and color hidden in each stone. The stones … the blade. The colors on my swords are a replica of those in Sorin’s eyes. The blade, the part that did the killing, was black, just like Sorin’s eyes when he is filled with hatred and destruction and becomes true vampire. The stones are the most beautiful range of amethyst colors possible, just like Sorin’s eyes when he looks at me with love.

“Anya, have you ever asked yourself what I might have been before I was turned into a vampire? Have you?”

“No. Why would I? You’re what you are now, and you can’t change that nor can I.” I wanted to leave. I was hearing something I wasn’t ready to hear.

“I am your Beynok partner…or at least I was.”

His words softly lifted from his mouth and echoed through the air. I stood there in silence. I searched myself for the truth. In my heart I knew this was true, but I didn’t want to believe it. I thought back to the visions I had of my first rise, the way Sorin makes me feel, my swords and the power they give me. I know that I have found my partner.

“What happened to you?” I didn’t know what to say or ask. I felt helplessly in awe.

“Gallagher took me from you while we were in a battle in Russia. He meant to capture and kill you, but I intervened instead.” He was telling the truth. I could tell from what I was feeling from him. “Gallagher turned me thinking I would later turn against you and help track you down and kill you.”

“No, this can’t be true.” It couldn’t be true. But I knew it was. Everything was falling into place. I replayed everything in my head. The connection I have with my swords … the flashes I had of the black silhouette, which was Sorin … The way he made me feel when we were together … the prophecy.

“I often wondered where they were going to place my soul once it was on earth. I never imaged that they would have kept it so close to you … fools. They will not kill me, you know that?”

“Are you talking about the Beynoks? They will not kill you, why?”

“They fear what would happen to the part of my soul I hold if they ever succeeded in killing me. How would it affect you? You need me on this earth until you receive your full soul. Remember you’re in their prophecy, too. The only question is which prophecy is right, theirs or ours? Which prophecy will you believe in?”

“What does all this mean for us? What’s going to happen when I fall again? Are you going to come find me? Risk everything again? It’s almost as if you did all this for nothing. I will remember nothing when I rise to the west. It will be as if all your efforts were erased.”

I needed some air, and I mean real air. This underground shit wasn’t doing it. I felt claustrophobic, and the room wasn’t small by any means. I felt as if all this information was swarming around me and attacking me from all sides. Everyone had lied to me in depths I never thought possible.

Sorin was speaking, but it wasn’t until he said, “I came back for you,” that I snapped out of it. “I came back for you after I turned. I knew you would come back to our favorite spot in the Altay at some point. You told me we could no longer be together. Vladimir was there. After that, I knew I had no choice but to wait for you, wait for the right moment on your next rise.”

“Stop!” He was describing one of my flashes I’d had of my first rise. “I remember. I remember how my heart felt broken. How everything felt broken. You have to know Vladimir was only doing what he thought was best.”

“No, Vladimir was being ignorant and looking out for the interest of his own kind. He wasn’t looking out for your interest or what was best for you. What was and still is best for you is me. You should be with me. We belong to one another, and no one can do anything about that.”

I knew he was right. My heart had had a never-ending hole in it until I had met Sorin. He had filled the hole I thought I was destined to have forever. But a Beynok and a vampire … how was that supposed to work?

“I love you … I knew I loved you the moment I felt you. When you were gone these past few days, I was out of sorts. I was lost. I don’t ever want to be without you again. I thought being with you was wrong, but now I understand. Do you understand what I am saying?” I hoped one of us did because I was ready to give myself to this vampire fully, but I wasn’t so sure what that meant in his way.

“I love you, Anya. I have only been with you and no one else. If I can’t be with you, I would rather walk this earth alone until I reach my end. Do you know what you’re asking for?” He wiped his dried blood streaks from his face and came to stand in front of me once again.

“I want to give in and stop fighting the way I feel for you. I know I love you. Our souls are bonded in my Beynok ways, and I want our blood to be bonded in your vampire ways. That’s all I think I really need to know.”

He brushed the strands of hair from my face and looked deep into me with his brilliant amethyst eyes. “You are mine,” he said right before his pupils turned black and his fangs extended from his mouth.

Sorin sank his electrifying fangs perfectly into the holes in my neck. I screeched with pleasure right before he lifted me off the floor with such ease and carried me to the bed. I felt his erection slide into the place it belonged, so I wrapped my legs around him to make sure he couldn’t remove himself and to show him I wanted this as much as he did.

Finally, I could be free of the guilt I’d carried knowing I loved a vampire and not understanding why or how. Once my enemy … once a being I had sworn to track and slay … once thought of as an evil being that deserved nothing more than death. It was all lies. Lies I could fully let go of and allow myself to feel what I wanted. I was finally free to accept Sorin for what he was. He was my partner. He was my written Beynok partner, and there was nothing our enemies could do about it. We had this rise to live, love, and fight for our future, and we were going to make the best of it.

I pushed away the thought of my fall and rise to the west and released my body to my vampire partner, the one true connection that held me to this earth. All of the questioning, second guessing, and holding back vanished. I allowed myself to fully accept the idea of bonding with a vampire.