Eternity (36 page)

I do a quick run through of the important things, my laptop, camera, passport and tickets are all in my hand luggage; there are a few bits of my clothes and some shoes downstairs, but other than that I just need to add my toiletries after I've used them.

“Hey, do you fancy taking a shower with me?” I ask as I'm folding the last top from in the bedroom and placing into my suitcase.

“There's nothing I'd like more” he smiles, dragging himself out of bed.

He's putting on a cheerful face, but he moves slower and his words are not full of their usual boyish excitement. I know how exactly how he's feeling, happy that we're still together now, but depressed that every passing minute brings us closer to being apart.

In the shower we just cling to each other, absorbing every last sensation of being this close, trying to memorise every curve of each others bodies and the placement of every freckle. We make love under the flow of water, holding on tight together, our kisses deep allowing us to convey more than we could ever put into words.

Even when it's over we just stand, locked together, hands and lips desperately skimming over silken skin, needing to caress each part of the other just one more time. It's only when our fingers are wrinkled that we finally relent and step out of our steamy cocoon.

We dress quickly, not wanting to waste a second and once I've chucked my bathroom stuff into my suitcase, Carlos carries it downstairs, placing it next to the front door, while I scurry around grabbing the last few bits of mine from the lounge area and shove them in.

“There, all packed” I sigh, dumping my hand luggage bag next to it.

We both stand in silence, staring at my bags, feeling the full gravity of what they mean, eighteen and a half hours until I walk out of here for good.

“Shall we go out?” Carlos speaks, breaking us from our trance, he's plastered on his fake smile for me and I know he is doing what he can to hold me together.

“Yeah, that would be great” I say back, as happily as I can, although I'm nowhere near as good at hiding my emotions as he is.

The morning sun does however go along way towards improving my mood, even in sad times, its so much easier to become happy again when you're bathed in sun and surrounded by a beautiful paradise; England however does not offer this kind of support.

We meander around for a bit, just walking and talking, as we weave through the resort I become more and more aware of how much I want to stay; it seems so unbelievable that people actually have this life, living in a stunning place with amazing weather, with activities you would never do at home available on the doorstep whenever you want. It's heaven and it makes my life at home seem so mundane, so grey and uneventful. I love my friends and family and I thought I loved my new house, but it has nothing compared to this. This is the life I crave, if my parents and Caz were here with me, my life would be complete.

But that's just a dream that will never materialise, so what's the point in even thinking about it? If, in the future Carlos decides to move to England could he ever be happy, or will he always resent what he's had to give up? And on the other hand, could I ever be truly happy here long term, if I have to leave everyone else I love behind?

I just can't fathom a way this would work, without one of us feeling resentful.

“What are you thinking about?” Carlos's words interrupt my thoughts.

“Oh nothing much” I lie, not wanting to bring him in on my realisation if he hasn't worked it out himself just yet.

“I've got an idea about what we can do this morning” he says, back to his usual excited self.

“Yeah? What's that?” I ask, his mood starting to rub off on me and lift my spirits.

“Come on” he says dragging me off towards the beach, I love that nothing is simple with him, it's always a mystery.

We get to the beach and he speaks to one of the staff, he's not stood by any sign indicating what he is there to help you with, so I'm still none the wiser. Scanning the area, the only thing even vaguely close by are the Kayaks, I hope to God that's not what he has in mind, I never told him about my experience with them when I first arrived and to save on my embarrassment, I never planned to either.

The man he spoke to disappears off round the corner, leaving Carlos looking pleased with himself.

“What are you plotting?” I ask suspiciously.

“Never you mind, it will all become clear in about ten minutes” he replies cryptically, I know better than to think I'm going to get an ounce of information from him now, so instead I just wait in anticipation.

It's exactly ten minutes later when the man reappears round the corner, in his hands  he has two ropes which lead off behind him. It takes a few more steps before I see what is attached to them; two horses obediently follow him.

“We're going horse riding?” I squeal jumping up and down.

“Horse riding on the beach” Carlos corrects me. It's something I've always wanted to do, the type of thing you see in romantic movies, but never actually do in real life! I'm ecstatic and to top it off, they are magnificent beasts; both white, with a grey dappling across their backs, with long perfectly manicured manes and tails.

I'm still jumping up and down when they are bought to us, Carlos puts his hand on my arm to calm me, “Careful, you'll spook them if you keep doing that” he warns.

I change tact, moving slowly towards the smaller of the two and extending my hand carefully until it touches her soft nose, she rears her head back at first, but after a few attempts she allows me to stroke her.

“Do we need to get helmets or something?” I ask Carlos.

“Nah, just jump on” he replies confidently, I forget this is Mexico, they are so laid back they are practically horizontal.

“Do you need a leg up?” Carlos asks, I eye the horse, it may be smaller than the other, but it's back is still in line with my head.

“Yes I think I do” I manage to get one foot into a stirrup, then Carlos grasps my other knee and hauls it up until it rests on the saddle. Even with his help it's still a struggle to get it over, but I just about manage to get on.

It's been years since I've ridden and now I'm up so high I'm a little frightened, the horse seems to know this too, shifting it's weight back and forth beneath me, as if trying to unbalance me.

Carlos, unsurprisingly, mounts his steed with ease, “Right are you ready to go?”

“As ready as I'll ever be” I say with shaky confidence.

“Just give her a little kick with your heels” he says, demonstrating on his and setting off towards the shore. I copy him, but my horse has none of it, instead choosing to hold it's ground. Before I know it the man who lead them out gives her a sharp slap on the behind, which sets her off in pursuit of Carlos, slightly too fast for my liking. Luckily, once we catch up, she slows to fall into pace with her friend, it looks like she will be taking me for a ride, rather than the other way around.

We weren't given names for them, so I call mine Dobin, in the hope that naming her might might help us to bond and give me back some of the control.

On the soft dry sand leading down the beach both horses struggle a bit with their footing, Dobin's hooves seem to slip a little on every other step, but once we make it to the firmer wet sand in the shallows she finds her feet and plods on happily.

The sea is on my left, while Carlos is on my right, he steers his horse towards me and Dobin, forcing us deeper into the waves, until the water is about half a foot deep, causing every step to splash the water up onto my legs.

It's actually a lovely feeling, having a cool spray of water on you, when every thing else is so hot.

I just start to feel comfortable enough to lean forward and give Dobin a pat on the neck, when Carlos suggests trotting.

“I've only just got this one to agree to move, let alone trott” I remind him.

“You just need to kick harder, don't worry you won't hurt her, she'll probably just follow mine anyway” he has a point there and it would be nice to get some speed up and really experience the movie cliché in it's full glory.

Carlos takes the lead, his horse obeys his command in a second and takes off through the edge of the water.

Dobin however is reluctant to follow yet again, “Come on Dobin, you can do it” I give her some encouragement before jabbing my heel in harder, eventually she agrees and gets a move on, but Carlos's head start means he is still some way ahead of us.

I up the anti, giving her another kick before pushing up on my feet so I'm half standing. She accepts my challenge and ups our speed, not only reaching, but overtaking Carlos in no time. As soon as he see's us thunder past he is right on our tail, but now we have made it to the front, both me and Dobin are desperate to win our undue race.

There is a flag on the far side of the beach, which signals the end of the swimming area and that becomes the finish line. I can hear Carlos just slightly behind me, but I daren't look, for fear of falling off. I am enjoying the ride, but I am all too aware that I'm way out of my comfort zone.

We fly past the flag, creating a photo finish, although I will always maintain I won. I pull back on the reins gently bringing Dobin back to walking pace, Carlos falling in line with us.

“That was great” he pants, grinning.

“Even though you lost?” I tease him.

“I think it was too close to call, a draw. But as it's your last day I'll let you say you won” he is such a sore loser!

“Oh I won, me and Dobin are an unbeatable team”

“Oh really? Well care to race back for the decider?” Carlos wagers, ever the competitive type. Normally I would agree, but one look at Dobin, sweating and wheezing, tells me, she is not used to exerting herself, so I politely decline.

“I think we will retire unbeaten actually, we have nothing to prove” Carlos just laughs, obviously thinking we are just chicken, but not about to be so rude as to say such a thing.

We lead the horses back into the sea to cool off, this time going deep enough for the waves to lap at our feet, which they seem to appreciate. Holding on to the saddle I lean over and scoop handfuls of water up and pour them over Dobin's back, I'm just on the third one when Carlos frees his foot from his stirrup and kicks a wave of water right over me. It's freezing, but refreshing and it certainly cooled the horse down in the process, so I'm actually quite relieved, but it's the principle of the matter.

“Oh so that's how it is?” I ask, kicking water back at him before he has a chance of coming back with a smart-alec response.

I quickly steer Dobin back to the shallows while he wipes the salty water out of his eyes.

“Come on slow coach” I shout back to him, just to really wind him up.

I wait for him to join us, before we head back to where we started.

“Just you wait, I'm going to get you back for that” he threatens, jokingly.

“Get me back? You started it, if anything I still owe you one!” I retort.

“How do you figure that out?” he has me, I don't owe him one at all, but I can't admit I just made it up for something to say back to him.

“I just do” I settle with facetiously.

“Alright, I'll take my punishment like a gentleman” he laughs.

We return the horses just after 12.30, and head for lunch. We decide to be a little social and take lunch in one of the restaurants, but seeing as the only people I know here are Blair and John and the only people Carlos knows are staff and family, it's still unlikely we will be disturbed.

We are proven right when we spend two hours on the veranda of the restaurant, in full view of all passing guests and yet speak to no-one but each-other the whole time; and frankly I wouldn't want it any other way.

We talk of the future, where we want to be in years to come, how big a family we want, what pets we'd like. We agree we both want three children, one boy and two girls, I'm more of a dog person, where-as Carlos likes cats more, so we compromise on one of each. I want to work, but when I have kids, I want to be there with them, so would give up work. Carlos suggests that we save enough money to both be able to stay at home with them as one big close family, which I agree sounds like a dream. When you think of these things you always assume one or the other, if not both of you will have to keep working, but I guess with Carlos it's entirely possible that we won't, we can just have our cake and eat it too!

In one way it might seem wrong to be talking about things like this so soon, even if we are doing it more in a way of how we see our future rather than actually planning our future together, but as the discussion goes on it just feels so right. It may be those rose tinted glasses fogging my vision, but we seem to be on the same page about everything, it's like pieces of a jigsaw just falling seamlessly into place.

After lunch we move back to the beach, the wind has got up, so we huddle together under a palm tree and watch the waves roll in.

“Hey guys” Blair and John appear, popping our private little bubble. They don't hang about, instead just agreeing to be at ours by seven tonight, before making their excuses to leave us to our romance.

We spend the rest of the day inseparable, as usual, but our embraces are tinged with even more longing than normal. I feel a certain desperation to envelop him, as if I need to absorb a part of him into me, so that when I leave I can take it with me.