Ethan's Song (12 page)

"This is good. Have you tried it?" She was trying her best to ignore what he was doing to her.
"You didn’t answer any of my questions, sweetheart." He continued assaulting her as the towel was pushed down by his chin.
"Did you ask something?" Putting the food down, she turned in his lap, looking into the golden flecked, brown eyes.
"You haven’t said you would, where or how long I have to wait." He closed his eyes as he teased one nipple then the other.
In an almost inaudible voice, she spoke to him. "I thought you brought this tray down so we could eat." Her breathing became quite rapid, her voice very sexy.
"I’m sorry, Jenà, I get carried away every time I’m near you." His hands put the towel back over her, holding it up. "I want to marry you, now, on this island, then send the ship home while we stay here until you are ready to go home."
"What island?" Her eyes took on a different look. "I don’t remember seeing land when I was up there worrying about you being in the kitchen.
"One of the details I had to take care of before I came down to find you." Picking up two grapes, he placed one in her mouth, the other in his. "We weren’t far away. While we were there," his eyes moved to his bed, "they were carrying out orders upstairs. We are among the Bahamas." Using just his fingers, he drew the islands on her bare shoulder as he told her their location. "Right here," he pointed to the middle of his drawing, "is where I want to get married. You haven’t answered me, Jenà." He kissed the spot where he pointed.
"Ethan, what do you know about me, and viseversa?" She knew of the love she had for him. But was it totally enough? "So quick to give up your freedom, are you, Mr. Ayers?"
"For you, Miss Wisdom, I would give up everything I have." His eyes sparkled with the words he spoke. "I realize there’s been so little time, but you know, as I do, that we were made for each other. We belong together." He accepted the food she offered him.
"I know I gave to you all that was precious to me, because of the love I feel for you. That, Mr. Ayers, I couldn’t give to any other man." Again she fed him a bite, then took one for herself. "I want to say yes, truly I do. But there’s something that won’t let me. Some doubt that I can’t shake. My mind keeps asking if it will last. Will you be happy with me the rest of our lives, and me you. I don’t want to go through a divorce like Darlene did. It’s what killed her."
Quietly he spoke then. "I didn’t know she was married." He felt compassion for all the things this woman had been through in so short a life. He wanted to take her home, protect her from everything bad in the world, but he knew that wasn’t entirely possible.
"She loved him too much. I suppose he felt something for her. Ron was in the band that traveled with her, they were married secretly and it was only a year later that she found him with someone else, but it wasn’t the first time he’d cheated on her, just the first time she saw it."
She leaned against his chest, her hands now empty. She needed his arms around her. She’d never told anyone about her sister’s death. In fact, most who knew her didn’t know she’d had a sister.
"Darlene had a problem with drugs before her marriage." She began her story, going more into depth of the things she had told him before. "We loved her enough to help. But after she found Ron with that other women, she wouldn’t accept anything from anyone. She overdosed two months later, driving down the freeway." She felt like crying, but her eyes remained dry. "She was holding the final papers of her divorce," she whispered. "She’d been crushed over it and wanted to end her life. She was willing to forgive him, try to keep the marriage going, but he wanted the divorce. He said she wasn’t much of a wife, having to be on the road all the time. She was too tired for this, too tired for that, when she was home. He had quit the band shortly after their marriage and traveled with her only when he wanted to."
Ethan let her talk, holding her until she wound down. "I wish I knew the words to say. I want to comfort you, to let you know everything between us is going to be all right. But words can’t assure you of that. We can say all we want right now, but the future has to be acted out. We have to trust one another, and let what happened between others rest in the past."
"If I weren’t so frightened of the future... But I am. What does it hold for me? For us? I’m so much like her, Ethan, it’s even more frightening." The food was all but forgotten. She no longer felt hungry for it, nor for the man who was holding her. She wanted to find a corner she could curl up in and never come out.
"I want to take care of you, Jenà. I want only the best things for you. Can’t you believe in me?" His feelings were to take her into his bed, to make passionate love to her until she could forget everything in the past, and she could only live for him and their future. But he knew he could drive her away from him if he ignored her needs for his.
"I want to," she whispered the words. "You don’t know how much I want to. But how can you take this fear from me? I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to live a complete life with it always nagging at me. I want to let it go." Her arms went around his neck tightly as he stood with her still in his arms. She didn’t fight him, because she knew he only wanted to answer her pleas. Maybe through his love, she would lose that fear.

"YOU’VE HAD two long days to think about it, Jenà." Ethan sat across from her at the head table in the diningroom. His brown eyes reflected the candle light between them. "I know you think I’m impatient. The truth of it is, I’m so much in love with you, I can’t wait any longer for you to be completely mine."

Shaking her head, her shortened hair softly moved from side to side as she put her silverware down, folding her hands in her lap. She’d felt a calm in her life the last two days that she had never experienced before and could only wish it would continue.

He reached across the table, asking silently for her hand. The way she was looking at him he knew she was going to tell him no. He couldn’t understand, but that was going to be her decision. "You need more time?" He asked as he lightly squeezed the hand she put in his.

"No. Yes." She couldn’t seem to make up her mind what she wanted. "I don’t need time to give you my answer. Yes, I’ll marry you. But it can’t be right now." She knew she would have to explain, but she waited for him to ask.

"Why not now? Why not on this island? Is it that you don’t want to stay here? The workers will take another week to complete the repairs in the kitchen. I’d settle for that long, if that’s the problem." He had ordered their dinner early, but now there were others coming in around them.

"I’ve put a lot of thought into my decision, Ethan. Since I’m their only daughter now, I feel it would be unfair to deprive my parents of attending my wedding, the way my sister did." Pushing her plate away, she nodded at the woman who came to take it. "I also have a book full of engagements. I wouldn’t want to get married and then have to be away from you. Can’t we give it six months?"

His expression showed incredible disbelief. "Six months?" The words were just above a whisper. "Six months?" He repeated a little louder. "I don’t want to wait six months, Jenà. I’ll not accept your decision."

She smiled sweetly. "I’m sorry, Ethan. You gave me a choice. I assumed you would accept whatever I decided." To her it was almost a comedy, watching him veto what she was telling him. What would he do now? "It’s my final decision."

"A Hobson’s choice, Jenà?" He asked. His hand held the one that was trying to get away.
"A what?" She’d never heard of such a thing. Knowing he wasn’t going to let go of her hand, she quit the slight struggle with him.
"Meaning that I take it or leave it. Final. There will be no negotiations." Something was gone from his eyes. Was it the triumph she had grown used to seeing? Would he decide not to try to change her mind?
"If that’s what you call it, yes. Hobson’s choice." Her smile was completely gone as she repeated his words, seeing how he took her decision. "We should have talked about it before now. But it would have come up the same way, Ethan. I have a life full of obligations." She felt anger rising in her. Why should she be angry with him? Or was it aimed at herself?
He let go of her hand, standing, walking around the table, pulling her to her feet. "I think I’d like some fresh air." Those were his only words until he was leaning on the rail, watching the life around the beautiful island. He had taken her ashore to show her around the village the day before. She had enjoyed it, he could see her joy just being with him. "You could fly home." He finally broke the silence.
Sitting in a deck chair, she watched him. Her love for him had grown fourfold in the little time since they acknowledged how they felt about each other. "What good would it do for me to fly home?" She watched as he turned toward her, his back against the rail. The look of sadness was in his eyes.
He shook his head. "Are the appointments you have iron-clad? Can’t you empty your book?" He walked to her, taking the lounge beside her. "I agree with one thing. I don’t want you out singing to someone else. At least not right away. I want you home with me for a while. I don’t want to share you with anyone, and yet, I also feel you should share your talents with everyone."
"You aren’t talking about... Because if you are, just keep it to yourself. I’ll never go public, not like Darlene." She stood, facing him. Her voice softened. "I love you, Ethan. Just give me what I ask for. Six months will be gone before you know it, and we’ll have the rest of our lives to be together.
He stayed where he was, watching her walk away. The only thing on his mind was the six months. He could make good use of that time, as he had several business deals awaiting his return. He should have a clean slate to begin a marriage on, too, his inner voice told him. How could he concentrate on important money matters when he had such a beautiful young bride sitting at home waiting for him? And then when he got home, she would be going off to sing at some nightclub to other people. No, that would never do.
"What’s wrong, Jenà?" Westley found her sitting on the steps looking as if she had lost everything in the world. Joining her, he hoped he wouldn’t get caught by his jealous boss, but she looked like she needed a friend.
"Nothing and everything." She sighed, knowing no one knew the predicament she was in, as no talk had taken place outside their suites, except over their dinner this evening, and no one had been close enough to hear. She sighed again. "There’s too much happening, that’s all."
"Want to talk about it?" he asked, taking her hand in his. "I think I can squeeze a few minutes out of my busy schedule."
"I need to talk to someone other than Ethan. He doesn’t seem to understand that I have many responsibilities in my life." She let him tease her fingers because he didn’t realize he was.
"And?" he urged her to continue.
"I asked him for six months. I don’t think it’s a lot of time, Wes. I don’t want to get married and have to spend our first months apart." She wasn’t looking at him, but rather at the hands in front of her.
"Married?" The word echoed through the stairway, into the halls above and below them. "That’s a little sudden, isn’t it?"
"Yes. That’s what I’ve been telling him the last two days. But I do love him and he returns it. Does time really have that much to do with it when you know you belong together?"
"I suppose not." Westley seemed to have caught the darkness that had gathered around the woman, rather than finding a way to cheer her up. "No, time has nothing to do with it."
"What can I do to make him understand I need this time? I can’t break my obligations because he wants me to." She stood, leaning against the wall, looking at the one across from her. "I’m sure he has things he can’t set aside."
"You’re right, Jenà." Ethan’s quiet voice came from above them. "Can we talk about this somewhere more private?" Though she’d been talking to Westley about their personal affairs, he wore a smile, showing no aggression toward the man. "I’m sure you can find something to do, Mr. Marx." His tone was pleasant.
"Yes, sir." Westley, already on his feet, excused himself and continued up the stairs as he was headed when he found Jenà sitting alone.
"Thanks for listening, Wes." She called after him, adding as an after thought, "please don’t say anything to anyone."
"It’s under my hat." The man had stopped long enough to answer at the top of the stairs. "Congratulations. To both of you."
Ethan took her arm, walking her the few steps down, then to his front room. "Want something to drink?" He had left her on the sofa, continuing to the bar.
"No, thanks," she answered, watching as he poured something for himself. "You aren’t angry with me, are you?" There had been no reason to ask, as he had shown none. But she felt guilty talking about their private problems to another man.
"Should I be angry, Jenà?" He turned toward her with a grin. "Because you were with Mr. Marx?" As he took a seat beside her, he put an arm around her shoulder. His drink was non-alcoholic. Very little did he drink liquor, it didn’t surprise her. "I think I’m being very unfair to you."
With a slight frown she looked at him. "And you’ve had some... What? Three or four minutes to think about it and change your mind?" There was sarcasm in her voice. Was he going to try physical pressure, make love to her, to get her to change her mind?
Explaining what he had thought in those short minutes and having heard what she had said to Westley, Ethan agreed that they should give it four to six months, but no longer. He wasn’t crazy about her living in Atlanta, while he was in Savannah, but couldn’t see a way around it. It was where her agent was, where her jobs were.
"I can always come up on weekends." He suggested. "Maybe some evenings, when you’re free."
"What are we talking about? Visitation rights?" Jenà’s smile caught in her eyes. "Who knows, maybe it won’t take that long to get things in order. We haven’t discussed where we’ll make our home. I can’t give much in material things to our marriage. All I have is a rented apartment with a few old pieces of furniture."
"All I want is you, sweetheart. I have a large home in Savannah, full of
things
. You’ll have a chance to visit, to see if you want to live there. If you don’t like it, I’ll sell it and we’ll go somewhere you’ll be happy." Ethan emptied his glass, hugging her to him. "I can be happy anywhere with you."
His kiss sent her into a dizzy spell. She was sure what he said was true, but she wouldn’t ask him to give up anything, as she felt the same way. She would be happy anywhere, as long as his love for her remained as it was.