Even Now (36 page)

The three of them talked in whispered tones before Angela found a box of tissues and passed them out. Lauren took one and stood. “Can Shane come in now? He wants to see you.”

Angela felt like the worst person in the world. He was really there, the charming young man who had loved her daughter with such devotion, the kid who had purchased a wedding ring and asked Lauren to marry him so they wouldn’t be torn apart. He had come, even though she and Bill had acted to keep them separate from each other.

“Yes, Lauren. Bring him in.”

She left the room, and Angela turned to Bill. “Can you believe it? She’s really home.”

“She’s beautiful.” He sat up a little and pulled the blankets higher on his lap. “But her eyes aren’t what they were. Do you see it?”

Angela hadn’t wanted to admit that. To do some ant taking blame for even more damage. But Bill was right. “I see it. I think it has to do with her faith.”

“Does she . . . have faith?” He winced, as if the pain of thinking such a thing was worse than anything the cancer was doing to him.

“I don’t know.” She took hold of his shoulder. “I can only believe that with the miracles God has brought about in the last few weeks, He won’t stop short of that one.”

Bill nodded, and as he did, they heard footsteps in the entry again. This time all three of them filed into the family room, with Shane leading the way.

He smiled and came to them, giving Bill a firm handshake. “Mr. Anderson, it’s good to see you.” Then he turned to her. “Mrs. Anderson.” He released Bill’s hand and hugged her. It wasn’t the hug they’d received from Lauren, but it was one that spoke forgiveness. Whatever Shane Galanter had once held against them, those feelings were no longer a part of him.

“Shane.” Bill coughed and held his hand out to Shane once more.

“Yes, sir?” The handshake held.

“My wife and I owe you an apology.” Bill’s eyes had been dry until now. But here, with Lauren and Emily standing a few feet away arm in arm, and all of them gathered together for the first time, tears welled up and trickled down his leathery cheeks.

“It’s over with, sir.” Shane kept hold of Bill’s hand. “God made it clear to me a long time ago that we can’t go back.” He looked over his shoulder at Lauren and Emily, and then at Bill once more. “We can only be glad for today.”

“Something else.” He rubbed at his throat, his voice raspy. “I understand you’re a captain in the navy, a fighter pilot, is that right?”

Angela watched Lauren’s expression change. She looked down at the floor, but only for a minute.

“Yes, sir. I train fighter pilots at the Top Gun facility in Reno, Nevada.”

“Well, then, I have to tell you — ” Bill gripped Shane’s hand harder than before — “I couldn’t be prouder of you if you were my own son.”

Again a shadow passed over Lauren’s eyes, and Angela felt a strong prompting to pray.
What is it
,
God? Does she disapprove of Shane’s job?
With Shane and Bill discussing the navy, and Emily grinning, talking about how her dad was going to take her up in an F – 16, it hit Angela. Of course Lauren had a problem with Shane’s job.

She’d been covering the war for
Time
magazine for the past two years. Her political views and Shane’s would be at polar ends of the spectrum by now. What if Lauren found all of them too conservative, their faith too upfront? What if she stayed for only a few days and then ran away again, certain she could never belong? Fear wanted a place in the midst of their group, but Angela wouldn’t allow it.

God
,
this is Your territory. The years might’ve changed Lauren
,
but that’s okay. She’s entitled to her opinion — whatever that opinion is.
She settled her gaze on Lauren, aching to go to her and hold her again, her only daughter. Instead she finished her prayer.
Father
,
let her feel Your love this week. I know I’m asking for a lot
,
God
,
but please use this time to stir in her the faith we share with Emily and Shane. Please . . .

Even as her prayer ended, she felt a deep uneasiness, a sorrow that their decisions twenty years ago had pushed Lauren far away, not only from them, but from God. The Lord had been so good to them in the years since Lauren left. The tragedy of losing her, of raising Emily without her parents had turned them to a deep, life-sustaining faith. From what Emily told them, in his pain and loneliness, Shane had found a relationship with Christ also.

Now she would pray with every breath that one day soon the same would be true for Lauren.

L
auren had been waiting for this moment all day. Waiting for it and dreading it all at the same time. She and Shane were about to be alone for the first time in two decades.

The night had been amazing. All five of them had talked and cried and told funny stories about the years they’d missed until finally her dad was too tired to last another minute. Her mother walked him to their room, and Emily stayed up talking with Lauren and Shane until just a few minutes ago. After so many years, none of them could get enough of each other.

Now it was after midnight, and she and Shane and Emily were heading upstairs to tell Emily good night.

“Can I ask you something?” A smile played on Emily’s lips, as they reached the top of the stairs and she looked at the two of them standing together. “I always used to wonder what it would be like to have my parents tuck me in. You know, like other kids.” Her eyes were dry, but her tone rang with sincerity. “Would you do that? Please?”

Lauren’s heart sang. She felt honored her daughter would even ask. Emily was no longer a child, after all. How wonderful that she didn’t feel too old to still be a kid around them. She tugged on Emily’s sweater sleeve. “You lead the way.”

And so the three of them trucked down the hall to Emily’s room, Lauren and Shane a few steps behind. Shane held her hand, and the sensation stirred countless emotions in her. How often had she dreamed of this, the normalcy of such a moment? That she and Shane might be heading upstairs to bid their daughter good night, the way real families did.

Emily slipped into her bathroom to put on her pajamas, leaving Lauren and Shane standing near the doorway. He slid his arms around her waist, and she let him draw her close. No matter how long she looked at him, she couldn’t get enough. It was as though they’d never been apart. All evening they’d sat close together, and she could hardly think for the way Shane’s fingers felt linked with hers.

It was the same way now, in his arms. She came to him willingly. Time had done nothing to dim the desire between them, that much was certain. “Can you believe we’re here?” His voice was low, his breath soft against her cheek. He nuzzled his face against hers. “You feel so good, Lauren.”

“I used to fall asleep each night wishing . . . ” She traced her finger along his collarbone. “Wishing I’d wake up in the morning and you’d be there beside me. That we were married and together.” She dragged her hand through the air beside them. “Like all this would just be a terrible nightmare.”

“Mmm.” He breathed in near the nape of her neck and then drew back enough to meet her eyes again. “We should’ve had a lifetime of that by now.” He lifted his hands to her face and worked his fingers into her hairline. A low groan came from him. “It kills me to think of all we missed.”

The bathroom door opened, and Shane pulled back. He took hold of Lauren’s hand, but he hit the light switch and Lauren could see him grinning at both of them in the dark. “Okay, young lady, time for bed.”

Emily giggled and padded past them in her socks. Then she climbed in between the covers and pulled them up near her chin. “Can you pray with me? That’s part of tucking in.”

Lauren shifted, but tried not to show her discomfort. She’d considered God an enemy since she got the news that Emily was dead, since she’d driven away from Chicago that terrible day. Faith belonged to the rest of them, not her. It wasn’t something she wanted, either. If there
was
a God, He had let them lose a lifetime together. Why Emily and Shane cared for such a God, she didn’t understand.

Still she wasn’t about to resist. This wasn’t a debate on theology. She let Shane lead her to the side of Emily’s bed. Suddenly the full extent of what was happening hit her square in the heart. She was saying good night to her daughter — the baby girl she’d thought was dead! She was sitting next to her in a dark room, getting one of her first chances to be Emily’s mom. She sat on the edge of the mattress and ran her fingers through Emily’s bangs. Next to her Shane’s quiet voice rang out clear and confident, full of a faith Lauren had stopped believing in years ago.

“Dear God, we’re here tonight because You allow edit.” He drew a deep breath. “I thought I’d live my life never finding either of these two, but You — You brought us together. We pray Emily will sleep well, and that tomorrow we’ll all wake up and find that it’s really happening, that it’s not just a wonderful dream.” He hesitated, and his tone grew heavier. “Help us not to be angry or sad over all we’ve lost. But help us celebrate what You’ve given us today. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

Shane leaned down and kissed Emily on the cheek. “Good night, Emily.” He tapped the tip of her nose. “Thank you.”

She smiled, and the little girl she must’ve been shone in her eyes. “For what?”

“For letting God use you.” He stood and headed for the doorway.

It was Lauren’s turn. She looked down at Emily and once more brushed her thumb across her daughter’s forehead. “I remember the last time I did this.”

“At the hospital?” Emily rolled onto her side so they could see each other better.

“Mmm-hmm. You were so sick, so hot. I sat there next to your bed and I did this. I touched your forehead, begging God to let you live, to bring you back to me.”

Emily searched her eyes. “Don’t you see, Mom?”

“See what?”

“He answered your prayers.” She gave a little shrug. “Here we are, just like you asked.”

A lump lodged in her throat, but her words found their way around it. “I like your attitude, Miss Emily. I’m proud to be your mother.” She leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. Then she whispered, “Good night, sweet daughter. I love you.” The words felt wonderful on her lips. “I can’t say it enough.”

“Love you too.”

Shane was waiting for her out in the hallway. Without saying a word he eased his fingers between hers again and led her back down the stairs to the living room. Gentle flames danced in the fireplace, and through the oversized picture window it was snowing.

He turned out the lights, and when they reached a spot near the fireplace, he stopped and tugged her into his arms again. “Hi.” He brushed his cheek against hers, holding her with a gentle firmness.

“Hi.” Panic tried to interrupt the moment. Were they going to talk or was it just assumed that they would start up again where they’d left off?

“Here we are.” He searched her eyes . . . Was he going to kiss her? Did she want him to? She swallowed. Her knees were weak and her heart was racing hard. Of course she wanted him to kiss her. But was it right, when they hadn’t talked yet?

Before she could answer her own questions, he began humming a James Taylor song, one that had been their favorite the year she got pregnant. Slowly, and with his eyes still locked on hers, he swayed her in a dance that made her head spin. She felt herself being sucked in, pulled to a place where she wouldn’t ever want anything but the feeling of his arms around her.

What little resistance she’d brought with her to Chicago melted like the snowflakes hitting the window outside. Maybe they didn’t have to talk, not yet. This was what she’d wanted all those years, wasn’t it? A chance to be in Shane Galanter’s arms again, alone in a dark room with just the sound of a fire crackling in the background.

Their swaying slowed and he brought his hands to her face. In an unhurried, barely controlled way, he worked his fingers into her hair again and brushed his lips against her cheek. “I never stopped loving you.”

“Me neither.” She breathed in the scent of him — his warm breath, his fresh shampoo and cologne. He smelled wonderful. The day had already been so emotional, and now this. Their eyes held, and she knew. It was going to happen.

His lips found hers first, and he left the lightest kiss there. “Lauren . . . don’t ever let go.”

“I won’t.” Her heart was talking now. This time she found his lips and kissed him the way she was dying to. Full and slow and with a lifetime of bottled-up passion. His arms tightened around her, and they swayed every now and then, and after a few minutes they made their way up against the wall closest to the window.

The air between them changed, and she felt the same trembling in his body that was moving over her. Shane pulled back first, pursing his lips and exhaling hard. His eyes blazed with desire, mirroring the feelings that had to show in her face as well.

“Okay.” He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. He let her go and crossed the living room where he sat at one end of the sofa. “Looks like some things haven’t changed.”

She let her arms hang at her sides and she shook them. No one made her feel the way Shane did. She grinned at him through the dim light of the fire. “No, some things definitely haven’t changed.” He was waiting for her, so she crossed the room and sat afoot away from him. A little space would be good right now.

Something he’d said made her wonder. Maybe she wasn’t the only one afraid of sorting through the years and taking a harder look at who they’d become. She ran her finger down his forearm. “Did you mean — ” her voice was kind — “that some things
have
changed?”

His expression gave him away. He looked down but only for an instant. When his eyes found hers again, he gave her a sad smile. “I know who you are, Lauren Gibbs.”

“Lauren Gibbs?” She lowered her chin. How much did he know? She kept her tone light, not wanting to lose what they’d found in the past hour. “Does my fighter pilot read
Time
magazine?”

The sorrow in his face deepened. “He does.”