Ever Present Danger (28 page)

The first Bible verse Ivy had ever memorized rang in her mind.
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness
.

“Bill, if right and wrong is relative and there’s no such thing as sin, then why did God send Jesus to die on the cross so we can be forgiven?”

“I don’t believe He did. As far as I can tell, Jesus was no different than dozens of other cult leaders who’ve professed to have secret knowledge that you have to follow or go to hell. They’re all religious fanatics. And they all end up dead.”

“But Jesus rose from the dead.”

Bill lifted his eyes, his gaze cold as steel. “According to a handful of his followers who needed to believe it to keep from feelin’ betrayed. I can’t believe you really buy all that.”

“Well, I sure can’t buy the idea that there are no moral absolutes. Everything I was ever taught tells me differently.”

“And what good’s it done you? You nearly destroyed your life with drugs—all to escape this giant guilt trip from on high. Who
needs that? Can’t you see the whole God, sin, heaven, and hell thing is a myth? You have to let go of it if you want to move forward.”

“It’s not a myth!” Ivy said, louder than she meant to.

“Okay. Okay. This doesn’t need to be an issue with us. I just want you to stop sabotagin’ your happiness. The power to change all that is right there in your heart. But you’ve gotta stop buyin’ the whole sin and guilt trip. There’s no proof any of it’s true, and it’s just gonna destroy you.”

The piercing look in Bill’s eyes caused her to shudder and look away.

“You cold?” he said.

“All of a sudden.”

“Why don’t we dance and get your blood movin’ again?”

Ivy got up, relieved to end the conversation. She walked out to the dance floor, her pulse pounding in her ears, the soprano sax suddenly grating on her like fingernails on a chalkboard. She placed one hand on Bill’s shoulder and the other hand in his and willed her feet to move to the music, not really sure which of them was leading.

NO STARS WERE VISIBLE through the thick shroud that clothed the night sky as Ivy Griffith got out of Bill Ziwicki’s van and hurried up the steps to her parents’ front porch.

She didn’t see any lights on inside and assumed her mom and dad had gone to bed already. “Thanks for everything, Bill. I enjoyed the band. Good night.” She turned and grabbed the doorknob, aware of Bill taking her gently by the arm.

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong?” Bill turned her around and pulled her into his arms.

Ivy stiffened. “I don’t see the point. We’re never going to agree.”

“Just because we don’t see eye to eye on religious stuff, you give me the silent treatment all the way home, and now you can’t stand for me to touch you? What am I missin’?”

“It’s not you. I’m just more confused right now than I realized. I think it might be good if we don’t see each other for a while.”

“What?” Bill dropped his hands to his side.

“I have a lot to work through,” Ivy said. “My life has changed dramatically in the past month, and I don’t think I’m ready to pursue a relationship. I just don’t have the emotional energy.”

Bill threw up his hands. “Since when? Five hours ago you couldn’t wait to see me. Why don’t you just admit you’re mad about the sin and guilt issue?”

“I’m not mad, Bill. I’m scared. There, I said it. Are you happy?”

“Scared of what?”

“You’ll never understand so there’s no point in getting into it.”

“I’m not stupid, Ivy.”

She looked into his eyes and saw that same icy look he got when Pete, Reg, and Denny had denied knowing him. “Of course you’re not.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“You’re never going to accept it.”

“Try me.”

“I’d rather not tonight. I need to go.” She tried to wiggle out of his arms and couldn’t.

“Ivy, please. Just say it. I doubt if either of us is gonna sleep tonight unless we clear the air. What’d I say wrong?”

“It’s not what you said. It’s what I
did
. No matter how I try to pass off the responsibility for Joe’s death, I made choices that played into it. No matter how much I want to clean up the truth, the guilt won’t go away.”

“So I’ll help you overcome it.”

“I can’t
overcome
it! I have to deal with it! There’s a difference.”

“The last thing you need right now is to try to handle this by yourself.”

“I think I have to. It’s obvious we’re coming from two entirely different perspectives. I’m just not comfortable with yours.” Ivy looked away. “I wouldn’t hurt you for anything. But I don’t think we’re going to see eye to eye on this—ever.”

Bill stood silent for what seemed an eternity, and then said: “So this is it? We’re done? Just like that?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? You’re
sorry
? Do you have any idea how I feel about you? I hardly think of anything else. You’re everything to me. I can’t believe you’re walkin’ away just because I wanna rid you of this absurd guilt that’s practically destroyed your life.”

“You can’t
rid
me of it! Nobody can. I have to face it. Wrestle with it. And make my own decision about what to do.”

Bill shook his head from side to side and let out a loud sigh. “This is insane.”

“No, what’s insane was thinking I could be free any other way than God’s way.”

“Ivy, wake up and smell the coffee! You’ve been deceived! There’s nothin’ anybody can do to help you as long as you wallow in guilt that’s self-inflicted and cling to a God who doesn’t exist.”

Once-familiar words resounded in her head.
Come near to God and he will come near to you
.

Ivy’s eyes locked on to Bill’s, and she shuddered again, the way she had at the Blue Moon. “I need to go in now.”

“Wait, we can work this out—”

Ivy pushed open the door and hurried inside, relieved that Bill didn’t try to stop her. She fumbled to set the dead bolt, then ran up the stairs to her room, fell on the bed, and hugged her pillow.

She heard Bill’s van drive away, but the fear did not leave her and seemed even more intense. She clutched her pillow tighter, her heart hammering wildly, her eyes searching the darkness for glistening eyes or a sinister grin or some evidence of this evil presence that didn’t have a voice but seemed to have breath.

She flipped over on her stomach and buried her face in the pillow, too afraid to move. Why wasn’t it leaving?

Come near to God and he will come near to you
.

The words of her youth rang true and promising in Ivy’s mind, and she forced her trembling body off the bed and onto her knees, her eyes clamped shut, her hands folded.

“Okay, I’m here, God,” she whispered. “Please make it go away!”

The pounding of her heart filled the room and seemed to bounce off the walls, and every fear she had ever known seemed less terrifying than whatever it was she had brought home with her.

Brandon Jones opened his eyes, sensing that Kelsey’s side of the bed was empty. He glanced at the clock and saw it was only 10:40.

He threw off the covers and slipped into his bathrobe, then went out to the living room where Kelsey lay on the couch, her
eyes closed, her Bible set on the floor beside her.

He went over and shook her gently. “Honey, you need to come to bed.”

“I’m not asleep,” Kelsey Jones said. “I can’t get Ivy off my mind. I’ve been praying for her for the past twenty minutes.”

“How weird. That’s the second time this has happened.”

“Yes, but this time there’s an urgency to it. I’m half tempted to call the house and see if everything’s all right.”

Brandon sat on the edge of the couch. “What do you suppose this is all about?”

“I don’t know. But the kinds of prayers I’m feeling led to pray make me think there’s some serious spiritual warfare going on. I’m thinking I should invite Ivy to come over sooner rather than later. I know she’s not working Monday. I think I’ll see if she’ll come then.”

“You think you’re equipped to deal with Ivy’s problems?”

Kelsey’s hazel eyes drooped with sleepiness. “I must be since the Lord’s opened that door. There’s no way I would do it otherwise.”

“I’m kind of surprised about this,” Brandon said. “Ivy seems so much happier. I got the impression that she and Bill were hitting it off pretty good.”

“Yeah, I know. I don’t understand it either, but I promise you, the Lord’s prodding me to pray was unmistakable.”

Ivy was suddenly aware of how hard the wood floor felt beneath her knees—and that she was shaking, not from fear, but because she was cold. She slowly opened her eyes, relieved that whatever had been there—real or imagined—was gone now.

She got up, kicked off her shoes, and crawled under the covers, hoping that she would stop shivering soon and wondering what it was that had scared her so. She thought back over the events of the evening and tried to remember when she started to feel afraid. The memory of it made her skin crawl.

“
Come on, Ivy
,” Bill had said. “
Can’t you see the whole God, sin,
heaven, and hell thing is a myth? You have to let go of it if you want to move forward
.”

Ivy tucked the covers around her neck. Bill had no idea how deceived he was. God was real, all right. And so was sin—and hell.

What she feared more than anything was that she could never be forgiven for her indifference that contributed to the murders of four people. Or for destroying her body with drugs. Or for prostituting herself. Or for neglecting her son while she lived in a drug-induced stupor and trying to forget what an awful person she really was.

And what about the lying? Stealing? The agony she had put her parents through? Ivy cringed at the thought of admitting to her mom and dad—or worse yet, Montana—that she had sat in the car and done nothing while her best friends murdered Joe Hadley.

On the other hand, if Mr. Hadley had exacted his revenge on Pete, Reg, and Denny, would Ivy’s dumping her guilt in the sheriff’s office benefit anyone, least of all poor Mrs. Hadley, who would have to face the future without her son
and
her husband?

It was hard to believe how repulsive Bill seemed now, when just hours ago her heart was aflutter with the hope that she might be falling in love with him. Was it hypocritical to reject him because he didn’t accept moral absolutes when she, despite her upbringing, had lived a more sinful life than he had?

If she was so sure that God was real and moral absolutes essential, then why couldn’t she bring herself to tell Montana about Jesus? About salvation? About heaven? Or even about the Ten Commandments?

Ivy felt a tear run down the side of her face. Lu had been gone barely two weeks, and already Ivy was back in the old pattern of confusion, doubt, and indecision. Why was it so hard to just go forward with the plan she and Lu had discussed many times? Why was she less sure than ever that confessing the truth to the sheriff was the right thing to do? Or that God would be with her if she did?

Ivy picked up the extra pillow and clutched it to her chest. One thing she
was
sure of: Bill Ziwicki wasn’t the man of her dreams.

THE NEXT MORNING, Ivy Griffith slid out of her father’s Suburban at exactly 5:50, then mumbled a weak thank-you and walked in the back door of Jewel’s Café.

Jewel Sadler was sitting at her desk, reading the Sunday paper. “Morning, doll.”

“Good morning.”

Ivy walked over and timed in, then picked up her name tag and put it on.

“You don’t look like you’re awake yet,” Jewel said. “Maybe you’d better have a cup of coffee. I made a pot for myself, and there’s still some over there.”

“Okay, thanks. That sounds good.”

“Everything okay?”

Other than my whole world is spiraling out of control?
“I just haven’t gotten cranked up yet. Nothing a little caffeine won’t fix.”

“Did you see the front page of the
Courier
?”

Ivy poured herself a cup of coffee. “No, what’s up?”

“Joe Hadley’s parents are upset their son’s murder is taking a backseat to the triple homicide. They told reporters that they believe his murder and the shooting of those guys at the reunion are related—maybe even done by the same person. And they don’t think the sheriff and the feds are doing enough.”

What a smoke screen!
Ivy thought.
Mr. Hadley is just trying
to throw off the investigation to cover his tail
.

Jewel took off her reading glasses, then folded the newspaper and pushed it aside. “You knew all four of these guys. What’s your take on it?”

“Joe’s death happened so long ago that I don’t see how the killings could be related.” Ivy blew on her coffee, chagrined that she had just lied to Jewel. “But the shooter must’ve been one of the classmates who was there that night. I don’t see why any employee of the lodge would have it in for three strangers.”

“Darned if I know. Sheriff Carter told the press that they’re considering the idea that the killer might’ve been targeting just one of those young men, and the others got in the way.”

Oh, brother. Mr. Hadley must be eating this up
.

Jewel rose to her feet. “Well, I’ll tell you one thing—Sheriff Carter and the feds sure do have their work cut out for them. Couldn’t pay me enough to do their job…You sure you’re all right? You look a little down.”

“I’m fine. I just didn’t sleep very well, that’s all. I’ll go check everything out front and get the door open. Once this place fills up, my adrenaline will kick in.”